Baby doesn't always want to take formula and I hate pumping.

October 16, 2016 12:23 PM

6-month-old babyminda is in daycare five days a week while I work and is sometimes fussy about eating formula. How much extra time should I be putting into addressing this problem?

Baby has been at daycare for a couple of months and has basically adjusted to eating out of the bottle regularly. We started introducing formula because I don't pump enough at work to keep up with her, and sometimes she takes it no problem, sometimes she gets upset and doesn't want it. Maybe 1-2 days a week she is fussy about eating, often right after we have been away from the daycare for awhile.

My husband seems to feel that I should pump as much as possible so that feeding the baby will be easier on her and her daycare provider. He gets very stressed out that she is not eating enough and is unhappy.

I hate pumping like poison and would rather do only as much as I need in order to avoid boob explosion. If I pump enough so that the baby can be EBF, I need to pump at least three times a day, which is an hour of pumping + time washing parts. I'd rather be doing just about anything else.

Daycare provider seems game for whatever but she is a very agreeable woman and I don't want to take advantage of her. She has her own two children with her along with my baby.

I'd love to hear the opinions of other parents and child carers--what is reasonable for me to do here? Is it reasonable to expect a baby to take a bottle happily 100% of the time? What could I be doing to make all of this easier on us?

posted by chaiminda to Human Relations (28 answers total)

Your husband is stressed because baby isn't eating and is unhappy? Tell him to try feeling stressed because you're doing something you don't enjoy and are unhappy.

You aren't a dairy cow- you are under no moral obligation to pump any more than you want. Baby will adapt to being 100% bottle fed. Tell your husband to get a grip.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 12:39 PM on October 16, 2016 [26 favorites]

Not really answering the question, but for what it's worth, you can keep milky pump parts in the fridge between pumps and wash them at the end of the day.
posted by chiquitita at 12:43 PM on October 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

Can you clarify if the baby is only fussy about the bottle when it's formula? Or just sometimes fussy about the bottle in general.

You could try different formulas. You could try different nipples or bottles. Another option is using donated milk (and you can still do mixed feeding). Look for FB group called Human Milk 4 Human Babies.

I agree that pumping sucks. (No pun intended! Sorry!) I think if your baby is not suffering adverse effects from formula, an adjustment to formula is totally fine to expect. And 6 months is a good run for nursing.

Also, how is introduction of solids going? Because that will reduce the number of bottle feeds. You can also start on sippy cups: we like the Munchkin 360.
posted by vunder at 12:44 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, another question: does she bottle feed when not at daycare? Because that might help with the readjustment.
posted by vunder at 12:50 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

If she's taking the formula sometimes and not taking it other times, the problem isn't the formula. There might not even be a problem. For instance, just today, my toddler was absolutely enraged that I would dare to give her Cheerios, but was mollified by my offering her Cheerios.

Yeah, you read that right. Babies are goofy.
posted by Etrigan at 12:59 PM on October 16, 2016 [8 favorites]

Response by poster: Clarifications: I want to keep breastfeeding as long as possible, but have her take formula when I'm not around so every time I leave the house isn't proceeded by pumping. She'll take a bottle pretty readily at this point but not always formula, though our daycare provider has been pretty successful at getting her to eat it--my husband hasn't. I just tried to give her some and she definitely resisted. She's tried a few solid foods and is very interested in them but I don't see them becoming a major part of her intake just yet.
posted by chaiminda at 1:01 PM on October 16, 2016

Will she drink it better out of a cup? Mine was a total bottle refuser, but would grudgingly accept a sippy cup.
posted by Catseye at 1:16 PM on October 16, 2016

What happens if you mix breast milk and formula? That could be a way to extend your pumped stash and make the formula more palatable. That's what I did when we transitioned to formula.
posted by whitewall at 1:28 PM on October 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

Ways to get through pumping:
* refrigerate the parts during the day between pumping sessions
* make your husband wash them at the end of the day, since he feels so strongly about it
* read a good book or watch videos while pumping, don't bring work - make it a pleasant break

(I pumped at work until my kid was 20 months old due to his health issue. He never took a bottle of formula ever, due to health stuff, and even when we found a formula that he could take, he refused to swallow it. It was a stressful couple years, but I miss the built in breaks during the workday when I could slack off a bit)
posted by Maarika at 1:33 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

We had a somewhat similar issue and mixed breast milk and formula. We had to start with about 1 oz formula to 5 oz breast milk to get him to take it and have slowly made it to half breast milk half formula. I can keep up with this in terms of pumping and not worry that he's going hungry. Our pediatrician also told us that we could add a TINY amount of chocolate syrup (just enough to make the slightest color change) to formula to sweeten it. It never came to that for us, but I was prepared to try it. I would see what suggestions your ped has for this (not uncommon) situation.
posted by curie at 2:15 PM on October 16, 2016

Just know that mixed feeding and not replacing feeding with pumping could (but won't necessarily) affect your supply and cause you to start weaning faster than you anticipated.

Also, if her father is less successful with bottle feeds, maybe he should start with purée/cereal feeds.
posted by vunder at 2:19 PM on October 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

Agree about the sippy cup - my kid only took a bottle grudgingly for the absolute minimum length of time (a couple months when I was first back at work, so 5-7mo old) and immediately went to water in a cup and food ASAP. It sounds like mine was maybe more keen on food (?) but when faced with a choice of a bottle or a bowl of applesauce he'd never pick the bottle. We also let him eat a metric ton of plain Greek yogurt.

He would just rather wait for fresh milk straight from the boob, so we have a big nursing session as soon as I'm home from work. We've been nursing mornings, evenings (and overnight/early morning), and weekends for over a year now. My boobs figured it out in a few days, and boy I do not miss pumping AT ALL (it made me irrationally angry). I never had a huge supply, but there were no weaning/supply issues - he'll be 25mo in a few days and we're still nursing. This is a YMMV, depending on your supply and your kid, but could be worth a try.
posted by jrobin276 at 2:24 PM on October 16, 2016

Another way to make pumping a little more bearable is to buy a few more sets of pump parts, then just throw all of them in the dishwasher every night.
posted by kat518 at 3:29 PM on October 16, 2016

Is baby gaining weight appropriately? If so, baby is getting enough to eat, regardless of fussy or not fussy days. If not, then there are many things to try aside from pumping. But making decisions with your husband will be easier if you can start by figuring out for sure if this is actually causing a health issue or not.
posted by Ausamor at 4:10 PM on October 16, 2016 [5 favorites]

Can you visit baby at lunch time for a nursing session? I did that through 22 months. It was a really nice break in the middle of the day to see my beloved baby.
posted by jillithd at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2016

Sometimes baby is fussy for teething reasons or general stomach reasons and not because of breastmilk/formula. I agree if baby is gaining weight and growing then don't worry about it.

Sometimes it's as simple as a change of angle in how she is held when feeding. Does your husband experiment?
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:37 PM on October 16, 2016

How about you pump one bottle/day and have daycare provider mix it with formula?

I yielded next to nothing when I pumped. Like 4 to 6 oz/day when I pumped three to five times/day. My daughter got one full bottle of breast milk as her first bottle at daycare and then the little left over would be mixed with formula in the next bottle. Then any more botitles she needed were formula only.

Also starting solids helped a ton.
posted by zizzle at 4:38 PM on October 16, 2016

Pumping didn't work for us either and he didn't want anything else when mom wasn't there. He wouldn't take the formula from me and then I tasted it and convulsively spat in the sink. My bad, I'm supposed to be looking out for you. It was revolting and it seemed we had an understanding after he witnessed that. We went to the store and I looked at every liquid and bought a small bottle of kefir, several smoothies, juices, chai, ensure, soups and we went back home and did spoonfuls. I'd try some and then give him some and assess. He wouldn't try anything unless I did first and I didn't blame him. He was cool with the kefir and really pulpy strawberry-banana juice in a sippy and he still got boob morning and night and grew and prospered. He was up to about 40 ounces of the kefir a day before he got into solids. His innards dealt with it just fine.

Pro tip: Pedialite is condensed foulness. Taste it. Your baby dares you. Who comes up with this stuff? Babies need a union.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:42 PM on October 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

I absolutely hear you on the hating plumping and give you permission to pump as much or little as you can. You mention pumping lasts an hour and I just want to say that when I started using a good breast pump, it cut the pumping time in half. It was a medala pump, I can look up the exact type if you're interested. Just thought I'd mention it in case you happen to have a junky pump, as I initially did and I had no idea the pump could make such a difference. Good luck! I also think introducing solids is going to help your little one's feeding schedule too.
posted by areaperson at 4:49 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The question of "what's reasonable" involves lots of variables including the fact that you hate pumping. I personally try to pump as much as possible so that our little one has milk from me, but that's not your thing, so here are a few other thoughts. She's likely going to rapidly start eating other food, so see if getting more adult food helps her. I saw you say that she doesn't eat much now, but it may change fairly quickly, at least it has for us. Could you somehow breastfeed her directly more, e.g., by swinging by the daycare once during the day, feeding her right before you leave, or shifting your times somewhat? 3, I went from having to pump, like 10 oz (v. hard for me) to keep him fed, to just needing about 6 oz. by shifting my drop-off time later by half an hour and my pickup time by half an hour. Apparently, that obviated the need for a big breakfast bottle and a 4 pm snack.
posted by slidell at 4:58 PM on October 16, 2016

Buy more pump parts. Also, at my old office, we had a room for pumping and I think some people went in there and pumped while working. I don't know if you can do that. I imagine you would be allowed to pump anywhere nowadays, but I don't know. Throw all the pump stuff in the fridge, bring home in a bag (insulated Trader Joe's bag if you want it to stay fresh), and have your husband wash it all. I would also look at what else he can do to take things off your load, since 3 hours of stressful pumping during a workday should be addressed. Hire in more help for house cleaning and whatever too.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 5:25 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sometimes breast fed babies just hate formula - I had to delay my deployment for three months in order to freeze enough breast milk to take kidlet all the way to solid foodland.

If you don't want to pump, you don't have to pump. HOWEVER, there is no way pumping should be taking an hour. No wonder you hate it! That sounds like torture! What kind of pump are you using? For me, it took about fifteen minutes to get....I want to say nine or ten ounces but I could be misremembering. I had a mechanical pump, one of the big ones, a Medela, rather than the hand ones. It was amazing - I just put the thing on, flicked the switch, and read for fifteen minutes, then flicked them off and tossed them in the dishwasher at home. (top rack)
posted by corb at 8:06 PM on October 16, 2016

Another option to consider is donor milk. Human milk for human babies is one place to look at for milksharing.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:14 PM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

so that feeding the baby will be easier on her and her daycare provider.

Daycare provider seems game for whatever but she is a very agreeable woman and I don't want to take advantage of her.

I think everyone else has the baby angle covered, so I just wanted to chime in and say that although you two are wonderfully thoughtful to take into consideration the daycare provider's experience here, it's completely fine to ask her to deal with your baby's slight fussiness around eating formula if that's what works for your family & your body. Take her at her word -- she's got this.

Things would be different if, say, your baby actually seemed not to tolerate one of the ingredients of the formula, and was horribly fussy for a few hours afterwards, and you and your husband wouldn't want to deal with that yourselves but didn't care if it happened with the sitter. But what's actually happening is a completely normal transition that is just part of taking care of any baby. There will also be times when your baby stops napping as well, or separation anxiety gets worse, or people with glasses are terrifying, or whatever.
posted by cogitron at 7:42 AM on October 17, 2016

1) I didn’t use formula, but my daughter still had days where she was fussy about taking a bottle at daycare, especially after having been away for a while.

2) I decided early on that I couldn’t be pumping 3 times a day. I pushed my first pumping session until noon, and discovered that I could get as much milk in 15-20 minutes at that time as I used to pumping at 9am AND noon (then I’d do a short afternoon session and get about half as much). So playing with the timing of the pumping session(s) might help as you drop the number.

3) If you’re up for co sleeping, you can encourage “reverse cycling,” where the baby nurses more at night. We did this inadvertently… not sure I’d actually recommend it, but we got used to it.

4) Definitely buy two sets of pump parts so you don’t have to wash at work, and make your husband wash them at home since he’s so concerned.

5) You are probably super close to the time when milk intake goes down as real food consumption increases. You won’t be doing this indefinitely.

6) I stopped pumping at all at one year and still nurse successfully when we’re together. No guarantees, but it’s not a given that your supply would tank if you stopped pumping all together and went to ALL formula at daycare.
posted by Kriesa at 7:44 AM on October 17, 2016

I hated pumping as well and one of the things I hated the most was the constant washing and drying and assembling of the pump pieces. (Those goddamn things NEVER air-dry in a timely fashion!) So, if your husband feels so strongly about you pumping, he should be the one to wash, sterilize, assemble and pack your breast pump. He washes and dries the parts, puts it in the little travel bag, packs up the bottles in the insulated case and puts it all with your coat and purse for work. He does this every night/morning. If he doesn't do it, no pumping. If he wants you to pump more than you want to pump, he does all the associated work that isn't the actual pumping.
posted by Aquifer at 10:15 AM on October 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

I agree that it is your body and really your decision. Pumping is not a fun thing to do, especially depending on where you are when you are pumping. I was fortunate enough to work from home so I could feel at least marginally comfortable, but I am sure I would not have lasted as long had I had to pump anywhere in an office building. However, all that being said, if you want to EBF while you are available at home (assuming you don't work seven days a week), if you're going to pump, I think that "just enough to not have my boobs explode" might actually be counterproductive. Eventually, your supply will lessen and it will be harder to make pumping do anything and you may not produce enough when you are with the baby, or at least that is my experience.

Are you starting solid foods with her soon? That may help a bit, if she really takes to them.

Additionally, on the "make pumping as painless as possible" side of things: 1) Are you sure that the flange you are using is the right size? 2) Are the membranes for your pump fairly new? Those do wear out. 3) These Medela Steam and Clean bags make washing pump parts sooooo much better (and, you're not trying to wash out the tubing, right? You don't need to wash the tubing nightly)!
posted by freezer cake at 4:27 PM on October 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

Pumping could definitely take an hour if you were doing it 3 times per day and washing the parts as well (I think the OP meant 1 hour total for the 3 sessions). For me it would take even longer - not everyone's boobs are cooperative with that sort of thing, I usually would take 30 minutes to get about 4 ounces. Low supply. It's biological. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this is a problem for you, OP, which is great, and I salute you for continuing all this work to feed your baby. I know how hard it is! Definitely do the parts in the fridge thing. It saves so much time.

The other thing I recommend is get a set of Freemies and pump in the car to and from work as two of the three sessions. This is what I did and maybe the output was a little bit less than with traditional flanges but since I was driving and singing along to the radio and whatnot it took my mind off the annoyingness that is pumping (and drowned out that annoying noise the pump made). Not to mention the fact that my job doesn't really allow for more than one break, or even one break in a day in most cases, pumping in the car was the best. You just need the car adapter for the pump. The Freemies aren't necessary but they allow you to wear your normal clothing with it and it's much easier to start and finish the session. They're pricey but worth it. I have a pair, PM me if you want them!
posted by treehorn+bunny at 7:38 PM on October 17, 2016 [2 favorites]