If I were going to die next week...I'd________________.

October 14, 2016 8:50 PM

I have a terminal illness, a husband, 2 children (boys, ages 8 and 14), and a very risky surgery scheduled next week...what affairs should I make a priority?

Facts: I have a terminal illness. I'm going in for a very risky surgery on Wednesday. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row. (although...I really think there are no ducks, there is no row, I have squirrels and they are at a rave) I'm hoping this isn't the end but I need to prepare like it is. I've written each of my boys a letter...but I'm having trouble deciding what else I can do JUST IN CASE I don't make it out of the hospital this time. What lasting momentos would be good to leave my children and my husband? Please give me some easy, creative ideas. I just want to cover my bases. Thanks MeFites.

posted by Amalie-Suzette to Human Relations (60 answers total)

Response by poster: More snowflakes, it's an unavoidable, emergency surgery. It's not something that can wait.
posted by Amalie-Suzette at 8:52 PM on October 14, 2016

I'm so sorry you are going through this. A video might be nice, and of course I am sure you have thought of all the legal things. And I think just time together might be good.

A few more ideas would be:
- do plaster casts of everyone's palms or feet, yours included
- a family tree
- a playlist of favourite songs

All strength and wishes to you.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:55 PM on October 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'd record videos for your husband and your sons. Record them at the highest quality and in the best lighting you possibly can. Lots and lots of videos, and spend the next few weeks really working on and refining them. Maybe videos that they'll only see at certain ages or at certain times of their life (graduation, marriage, first child and so on) that your husband keeps for them. It would be a little way to have their mom with them in later years.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm rooting for you to get a little more time with your loved ones.
posted by cnc at 8:56 PM on October 14, 2016 [37 favorites]

Video, keeping in mind that they're likely to be weeping when watching.
posted by aramaic at 9:02 PM on October 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

If you do any cooking, maybe write down their favorite recipes (and the standards). You can make it as simple or dolled up as you like (we treasure the handwritten family recipe cards), possibly a group activity if you want to do a scrapbook version. Make notes if you use a certain brand of anything.
posted by ghost phoneme at 9:07 PM on October 14, 2016 [23 favorites]

Mementos and the stories that go with them. Rings, photos, best loved tshirts, favorite books. Touchstones like this have been really valuable to friends of mine.

(And sort of out of scope, but a living will, power of attorney, and frank dissussions with you husband so he, and later your kids, can feel confidant about what you would have wanted done.)

Good luck and Godspeed.
posted by mercredi at 9:11 PM on October 14, 2016 [17 favorites]

The ideas above are good, and the recipes struck me as an especially good idea.

When I think about what I wish I had more of, from someone I loved who is now gone, I always think more recordings, more video, more photos, more words, more things she made, more things written in her hand... the things made by hand, especially, carry the historicity and have a piece of the person inside them.

None of it is quite more time, of course, so definitely spend as much of that with them as you possibly can... but it all helps.
posted by rokusan at 9:12 PM on October 14, 2016 [16 favorites]

Write down some of your happiest memories. The story of your wedding, and the day that each of your sons was born. I see you went on a belated honeymoon with your husband--memories of that. Perhaps memories of your own parents, stories that would be lost with you.

If you do any other kind of art, make something for them. Record a song. Do some sketches.

Maybe this is too obvious, but the highest priority of all should be just spending as much time with them as you possibly can. Nothing could be more valuable.

I'm very sorry you're in this situation.
posted by praemunire at 9:12 PM on October 14, 2016 [9 favorites]

Family stories. The important moments between you and your husband, stories from when they were babies, stories about when you were a kid, stories about your parents, sibs etc. That is what I wish I'd had more of from my grandparents.

Family recipes, and stories to go with. Maybe a special stuffed toy. (Yes, I know, they're older, but. I still treasure the stuffed cat my Dad gave me as a kid, and I'm 28.)

Also seconding getting all the legal ducks in a row.
posted by Tamanna at 9:14 PM on October 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

A recording would be really nice. Maybe have someone ask questions so you can tell some stories that are important to you. Or if there's a story or book you really like and read to your kids, maybe you could read that.
posted by sacchan at 9:15 PM on October 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Are you artistically inclined? Could you create a piece of art for your husband and kids? It could be a poem, a painting, handmade jewelry, a knitted scarf, something like that?

And of course, spending time with them doing fun things you love.
posted by a strong female character at 9:17 PM on October 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

maybe a few letters with stories/advice for important days in their life (graduation, wedding, first kid) that your husband holds onto until the appropriate moment?
posted by noloveforned at 9:17 PM on October 14, 2016 [7 favorites]

This may seem weird, but you could spend a day doing what you love to do with your family, but have a professional videographer and/or photographer tag along. Maybe it's a day in the park, a nice meal with your family and friends. That way your family doesn't feel the pressure to take photos / videos.
posted by ellerhodes at 9:22 PM on October 14, 2016 [43 favorites]

....Ask my children what information they might want, maybe phrased as, "What's the most important piece of information I could give you right now, that I haven't given you already?" For me, the gap would have been recipes, but that seems fairly situation-specific.

I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*
posted by lazuli at 9:23 PM on October 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm sorry you are going through this :(

will, especially if you have any specific bequests

Basic power of attorney, how far you want the hospital staff to go to try to save you/keep you alive if things go wrong,

Logins for any bank/bills/important online accounts

insurance and life insurance info,

what you want done for burial in the worst case scenario,

any financial info your husband needs but doesn't have

That is all I can think of on the legal side right now. It's not fun, but having some of those ducks can make things smoother. Otherwise, I think all the above suggestions are good
posted by Jacen at 9:35 PM on October 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Photos: preferably together, even better if they're candid. Even just some photo booth style goofiness will do.

Stories: record them, even if just audio, so you're not held back by the speed at which you can write and craft your prose. Your voice is better than your perfectly chosen words, and they'll be able to use speech transcription software if they choose. Stories about your childhood, parents, and grandparents. Also cherished memories about your family that the kids may remember now but may fade later or which they may find interesting to revisit when they're parents and see things anew from your side.
posted by chimpsonfilm at 9:35 PM on October 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

You have written the letters, and I’m assuming that the basic legal issues are taken care of. Many of the above suggestions (videos, recordings, art projects) are fine in themselves and great if you have time for them, but you only have a few days so I don’t think you need to do anything at this point. This is not the time to be too busy at the expense of being present.

Spend whatever time you can with them, together and singly; tell them you love them and give them a chance to speak or ask questions or just be present with you to share the moment.

My thoughts are with you all.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 9:42 PM on October 14, 2016 [13 favorites]

Recordings! Video or even just audio.
If you're stuck for ideas, talk about what a typical day was like for you at various ages. What you dreamed or hoped your life would become when you were 8, 14, 18. Talk about what they were like as babies and toddlers. Share your perspective on the moments you know make them sad, or funny, or embarrassing. The times you put them to bed angry but secretly laughed about with your husband later.
posted by Coffeemate at 9:46 PM on October 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

If you are feeling well enough, can you just go out and have a day together doing something enjoyable? Right before my dad passed on, we went out and had a very nice, lingering breakfast (he had his coffee and bacon and loved it) and we just sat and enjoyed each other's company. My mother and I still go have breakfast there several times a year and sit at the same table to spend time and remember him and talk about him. Feels like yesterday.

You are in my thoughts...
posted by mochapickle at 9:50 PM on October 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

Videos are a good thing-- but I wanted to say, you're already doing a lot; the letters you wrote for your sons are going to be so, so important. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sending you love and strength.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 9:56 PM on October 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry you're having to think about this. I hope this does not sound trite, but honestly I would clear my browser history and anything that you would feel funny about someone seeing. I'd leave information for various accounts that your husband could need, whether it's online accounts, bank accounts, IRAs, whatever.

I think there are a lot of good ideas in this thread. I do think recipes, if you have any you've made a staple, would be great to leave behind. If you had any creative endeavors, like music or painting, I'd leave this with a recording of your songs or some art work, or even just poems or whatever. I would also consider sharing some lasting memories and things about your family and where you came from. I regret not asking my grandparents more about my great grandparents and the origin of my family before they passed. On one side of the family, I really don't know much about where my we came from and who made up my family. I've thought that if I could go back in time, that's what I would ask them about.

Wishing you the best for the surgery.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:02 PM on October 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Just spend time with them, collectively and individually. Leave them good memories.
posted by tavegyl at 10:12 PM on October 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

One other thing to share, either in writing, video, or now, are stories behind your family quirks. Like, why Son A gets the blue Christmas stocking and Son 1 always gets X in his. Or the things that your family does that they don't realize is quirky: weird food combos, bedtime rituals, the real reason why they could never watch X TV show (you hate one of the voice actors).

Don't feel like you have to think of everything, just one or two things that they can go to and have you tell them that story one more time.
posted by ghost phoneme at 11:15 PM on October 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Milestone cards (graduation, wedding, etc.) for your kids are nice. Maybe write some memories from your life that your family would want to read.
posted by toomanycurls at 11:33 PM on October 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I agree with all of the suggestions above for videos, photos, recipes, quality time, and getting the legal aspects in line. On the legal side of things, an advanced healthcare directive would be really helpful to your family, if you don't have one already. There are lots of templates available online so you can do it yourself this weekend.

On the non-legal side, there was recently a New York Times Modern Love written by a mom in a situation--she had a husband, two young boys, and a terminal illness. She had always enjoyed furniture shopping, so she wanted to choose a new couch for the family. I think it would serve as a memory of her, she could incorporate the family's decisions into the choice of something pleasant and comforting, and they could spend some time together on the couch, and have memories of comfort of her and their time together, and her smell. I'm not sure if this would work for family, but it seemed like she was happy to do that for herself and her family.
posted by stillmoving at 11:42 PM on October 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I had a boyfriend whose mother left Thanksgiving scrapbooks for each of her kids. Her sister helped her make them. They were so special and even though he and I are no longer together I copied some of the recipes and still make them every year and think of her.
posted by sockermom at 11:43 PM on October 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

For your children, a book of family recipes. Meals that you have made that they would like.

For your husband, and I don't know what your physical condition is, but if you are up to it, nude photos for him.
posted by AugustWest at 12:31 AM on October 15, 2016

Sweaters. Make or get some nice big sweaters for your boys for Christmas - oversized so they'all fit for years to come, and with a nice Christmas card. That way they can really wrap themselves up and feel hugged a bit.

Write down what lotion, soap, deodorant, etc you've been using. Then when they catch a whiff of something that smells like you, they can figure out what it is. Scent is a strong trigger of memory.

Godspeed indeed.
posted by jrobin276 at 12:46 AM on October 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

hand written letter, audio tape, videos — some for the family, some for each person.
notes for the boys to be opened at age 18, 24, 30 and 50.
record an hour or two of conversation just you and your husband, and another with the kids!
tell the stories only you know <3
a file of treasured photos, scraps, memorabilia.
posted by fritillary at 1:13 AM on October 15, 2016

I sure wish I had a recording of my mother's voice. Her laughter in particular.
posted by munchingzombie at 1:15 AM on October 15, 2016 [13 favorites]

A video with you all together doing something really lovely. If you are bed-ridden, perhaps where you and your family all together on the bed opening gifts you are giving each other. Or just clowning around (you obviously still have your sense of humour!).

The things I envision of my father and brother are where we are together, having fun. Unfortunately, I have no material images of those, they are just in my head.
posted by Thella at 2:37 AM on October 15, 2016

I'd do a big brunch out in the backyard (weather permitting) and just talk with the kids about who they wanna be or what kind of stuff they wanna do in the future, countries to travel, bands to see ..rollercoasters to do..skills to be learned and..like make a small scrap book about it? maybe some hopes you have for them or little stories that you've never told. whats your favorite type of jelly. Little and big stuff. When i think of people that have gone ahead its just their stories, thoughts and advice i miss the most. Maybe have them do a mini interview on video (you can take turns)? photos and things are dandy, but its mostly their voices that i wish i could hear again. Big hugs to you and your family

ooh..and i'd also stash little notes around the house telling them how much i love them (and pick dem socks off the floor).
posted by speakeasy at 3:31 AM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Make sure a family member has the email account password you'd use to reset all the others.

Best of luck with the surgery.
posted by flabdablet at 4:44 AM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

I wrote this the day my friend passed.

Met two tiny, perfectly formed little girls on the tram today. Their mum was with them, and just as perfect in the sense of what an idilic family might look like.

I was playing scrabble on the iPad, and the two of them plopped onto the seat across from me and just stared, impishly at me. Maybe 3 and 5 years old, 4 and 6? Mum followed and sat next to me and then the girls just started chatting with me. Seriously, they started it.

We played with the sunshade and decided it was better down on such a bright spring day. Passing by the Como at Toorak and Chapel street, they pushed the sunshade up and said "hi" to Dad. He own a series of Hotels. He just works.

So, they'd just returned from a holiday. The town next to Maroochydore on the Sunshine Coast. It was too hot for them, but just right for Mum. They'd also seen Turbo. Snails are fast.

They were going shopping. Time to stock the fridge after the trip. Shopping at the Woolies in Toorak Village. Even had the "Shopping Utility Vehicle" in tow. They wanted to know where I was going. "To the end of the line to visit a friend" and shortly after shopping at Woolies myself. There was no point in saying she'd died that day.

The two girls were chatting as they left the tram, something about the lady they'd met. I raised the sunshade, they looked back and gave me a big wave and a smile.

I was hyper aware and feeling during that ride.

A year or so earlier, my friend faced a similar surgery. I'd been friends with them at the time for 15 years. Three boys, late teens, early twenties at the time. I took care of the family on the day of her emergency surgery (heart, liver, lungs. High risk, but life extending.) She made it through.

She always absolutely lived in the moment. Kept being a possessive, loving and assertive Mom. Her three boys are great young adults. She and I shared a lot. I'd become an extended family member, cooking most nights and having them over.

I don't know whether she did anything special before that particular surgery (she'd been told not to expect to make it through). But in her own way, and again just being in the moment, stayed on top of what her boys were involved with, how school was going and plans for the weekend.

We got the call late in the afternoon that the surgery had gone well.

A second thought not quite in line with your question, but closer for me. My last moment with my Father was as perfect as I could have hoped. He was in hospital, angry as all shit at the staff for no reason, but improving. The Nurses on ward were happy to have him take a walk to the canteen. So he, my Mom and I strolled to the next building and had morning tea. He had a hot chocolate and a small pastry. We made small talk. Leaving the cafeteria, we stopped for a few minutes to hug, I was leaving the next day to head home. He and I hugged and shared our love together and said goodbye.

He left the hospital a few days later only to have a major episode a month or so later.

There is nothing I could imagine better as a goodbye and a wish for the future than the hug he gave me after that morning tea.

Sarah and James. In the moment.

There are always going to be legal and practical stuff to close off. I'd humbly suggest the thing is to be yourself and make sure every interaction is genuine.

I really hope you have a second life after this surgery.
posted by michswiss at 4:50 AM on October 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

^ Agree. I think it is too little time for anything but personal closeness to loved ones, the time for many of the suggestions above is after your surgery. Make sure they know you love them, and give them the opportunity to say things to you that they may later regret not saying. For the children, have your husband explain to the children that this is an opportunity to say what might be in their hearts, and be sure to have one-on-one time with each, individually.

I applaud your courage and clear thinking in this time of stress and uncertainty. I wish you all the best for the op, and for time afterwards. Godspeed.
posted by GeeEmm at 5:07 AM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I was recently talking to a dear friend who lost her mother at 4 and she said that she has heard so much about her mother but it's all GOOD. The way she played piano well, how much she loved her children, what a great cook she was, how she volunteered for the homeless, etc. She said she wanted to know other things, things that may be bad -- like she lost her temper sometimes, or she picked her nose, or she once burned down the kitchen, or she got fired from her job for smoking in the bathroom, or whatever. Things that made her a real person, not just a hologram of perfection.
posted by EtTuHealy at 5:11 AM on October 15, 2016 [8 favorites]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

For my partner, the videos of his mother and grandmother talking about their family histories, and stories he wouldn't have ever known otherwise, are the most precious and valuable things that we have in our home. And notes for your kids to open many years from now.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:19 AM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

You might check out the Life Review Letter template -- it was developed at Stanford for situations like this, and it may contain a few things you hadn't considered. Best of luck to you with your surgery.
posted by ourobouros at 6:53 AM on October 15, 2016 [9 favorites]

My heart goes out to you and yours.

Are there a few things that you could wear over the next few days that you could imbue with your scent? Your favourite sweaters, a scarf, a coat? Something they can hold and breathe in.

To this day, when my husband wears my grandfather's cashmere coat, and I hug him, I imagine I still get a whiff of his cologne.
posted by peagood at 7:05 AM on October 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

If you decide to go with the audio/video recording and need some help/ideas, you might look at downloading the StoryCorp app. It might help you with ideas for questions to answer, and provide an easy format to use.

I am so very sorry for you. How kind and thoughtful that you want to leave something for your husband and kids. I hope your surgery is an overwhelming success!
posted by pjsky at 7:29 AM on October 15, 2016

My mother passed 10 years ago. I was in my early 30s and it still felt too soon. Here is what I'm glad I have and what I wish I had:

* Recordings of her singing songs she sang to me (or with me) when I was a child - especially recordings of her before she got sick

* Recordings of her telling stories - about her childhood, her life before me, and about me when I was small

* Recordings of her laughing, humming, making the usual noises of Mum that will always be her in my heart

* Letters, especially ones with clear signatures that can be used to make wearable mementos

* So many photos and videos, from her whole life

* Her favorite albums, movies, etc

* Jewelry she wore, so I can wear it and feel connected to her

Love to you and your family.
posted by pammeke at 7:35 AM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

Oh, and recordings or transcriptions of her jokes! Especially the ones she learned from her own mother. In your family this might be recipes - whatever it is that makes you *you*.
posted by pammeke at 7:41 AM on October 15, 2016

The information I most treasure and pass on to my kids are actually details that were mostly said in an offhand way, but are valuable because they are not something that could be looked up or found through research. Oh, and family dirt: we tend to talk about the distant connections to royalty or fame, but not the shameful stuff, but that is where the best life lessons come from.
posted by 445supermag at 8:22 AM on October 15, 2016

My husband's mother knew she was dying when we did not. What she did that was the most helpful/significant:

Put all her end of life legal papers in one folder, so grieving family didn't have to search hard while overwhelmed

Took down her photos and labeled a few of the most significant-but-obscure - "this is my grandmother, she is smiling like that because she is wearing pants which was scandalous at the time" "this is our old home 40 years ago". She didn't bother labeling stuff that other people were present for, only the stories she alone could tell. He still reads it sometimes.

Wrote down his three favorite recipes. We eat them regularly in our house. Don't worry about the fancy complicated ones - worry about the ones that are more comfort-food "Mom" oriented.

Good luck. I hope the surgery is successful and you get as much time as possible.
posted by corb at 8:53 AM on October 15, 2016 [6 favorites]

Write down some memories of your own family -- your parents, your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, family stories or traditions. Write down happy memories of your own childhood. The kinds of stories your kids might like to know.

Good luck to you.
posted by erst at 9:52 AM on October 15, 2016

Do you have any social media accounts, like Facebook or Instagram? Give the usernames and passwords to your husband so someone can preserve them and keep them from getting lost if something happens to those platforms. They will give a day-to-day view of you that a video can't catch and the details people may forget or have missed but that they will cherish in your absence: Mom posted a picture of her sandwich, I didn't know she loved egg salad...

Best of luck to you.
posted by unannihilated at 10:33 AM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'd share a list of my favorite places on Earth, places I loved to visit and what I liked to do when I was there.

They can be simple: a specific trail along a river, and how you liked to listen to jazz on your headphones as you walked (for example); or grander, like Shanghai, and how you enjoyed eating fish soup in a particular restaurant on The Bund.

Above all, they'll give your family a template they can use to reconnect with your memory whenever they go to those places.
posted by yellowcandy at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2016

At age 8 and especially 14, I would want to know that my mother was proud of me. I agree with all the suggestions of video, and I think it would be wonderful to list all the things you love about them. You'll probably be crying, so also write them down. If you can get hold of archival paper and a nice pen, that would be best.

Most boys don't wear jewelry, but do you have any other keepsake-type things that you could have engraved for them? I guess even if they don't wear it, they'd probably still treasure jewelry in the years to come. My mom had a plain gold wedding band when she married my dad, and she gave it to me as an adult (they're divorced). It's perfectly appropriate for a man to wear.
posted by AFABulous at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

My sister unearthed an audio tape of my mother and father with another couple, one of them a distant cousin of my mother's talking about their shared family. Hearing my parents' voices again is an amazing gift. My father died in 1994, my mother in 2010. The tape means the world to me.

Your boys would probably treasure a recording, audio or video, telling them what you see about them that is special and what your hopes are for them. Be your real, authentic self, the mother they see every day. If you can, talk about your dying and how you feel. Are you afraid, accepting, etc. So often we pretend that people don't die; isn't it better to acknowledge our mortality?

I am sorry you are facing this. And I hope for the best possible for each of you given your circumstances. Peace of mind, heart and self.
posted by Altomentis at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Consider making a recording with the StoryCorp app - it will be archived with the Library of Congress, so it will be available to your children, their children and generations to come. Perhaps a twenty minute conversation with both of them?
posted by Toddles at 1:27 PM on October 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

Sprinkle perfume you wear often on pretty ribbon and tie the ribbon around locks of your hair. Sending positive thoughts to you and your loved ones during this challenging time.
posted by Aha moment at 3:33 PM on October 15, 2016

A recording of your voice telling stories over a range of emotions - funny, sad, scandalous, happy.

This might sound strange but I would want a picture of my mother's hands.

Do you have a particular code by which you live your life or make decisions? Something you can describe that when they face tough choices in the future, it gives them an idea of what you might say.
posted by sallybrown at 4:42 PM on October 15, 2016

I think I would write letters for high school and college graduations, for their wedding, for the birth of their first baby. Themes might include "why you deserve to be loved by your wife/husband," "do what YOU want with your life, you're a special person," "I remember when you were born, I felt..."

Also, I'd try to have a day to remember with each of them, one where you let them pick what you do.

And I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Best wishes for a smooth surgery and recovery.
posted by salvia at 5:50 PM on October 15, 2016

I wish I had a recording of my mother telling me stories or about my childhood instead of photos. I would enjoy that more than video even. I know that your family's loss will be tremendous because I know from your question how very much you love your family. You cannot do every possible thing but you could record you and your husband reminiscing about how you and your husband met and fell in love, and tell stories about each of the children while you play cards or a game or eat dinner or something else fun. In that way you are both creating a memory with your family and also preserving it. I run around with a digital tape recorder when I visit my dad and just pull it out when we're having conversations. It might be nice for your sons to have that type of recording. Still, it's OK not to be overly ambitious. Nothing you do has to be perfect. You've written the letters and adding a little recording would be wonderful. But if you don't have the time or energy, don't worry about it. I wish I could give you a hug.
posted by Bella Donna at 9:55 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's not just about creating memories for your family. You get to collect memories for yourself right now too. I suspect your family would equally cherish a recording of you interviewing your sons, asking them what they want for the future, what they think of your cooking, how they feel about school, what are their favorite memories so far, what's the funniest joke they know, what do they think life will be like when they are married someday, etc. Stuff that will make you smile or laugh to yourself as you're waiting in the pre-op area, or as you're in the hospital after surgery, or (here's hoping) a long time from now after a successful surgery. This isn't just precious time for them to get to know you better, it's precious time for you to know them better as well. Best wishes to you and your family.
posted by vytae at 2:19 PM on October 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

When I was briefly in hospital recently I came back to find my 9yo had tied a piece of my (worn and unwashed) clothing around her pillow.

The 'mum smell' so cherished will wear off eventually, but she also likes to borrow clean things for comfort.

There are quilters and seamstresses that will make blankets out of whatever old clothing you throw at them. It would be quite a task to try to rummage through drawers and put a little Sharpie X on labels of things you thought would make for a nice soft quilt right now, but it could be an idea to mention to your husband.
posted by kmennie at 2:28 PM on October 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

Still thinking of you and your family and hoping yesterday went well. Please let us know?
posted by mochapickle at 4:33 PM on October 20, 2016 [9 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you for all of the ideas! I made it through the surgery and although I'm not out of the woods yet, things are looking good and recovery is going well. Just thought you'd like to know. :)
posted by Amalie-Suzette at 9:36 AM on November 15, 2016 [23 favorites]

I'm so glad to hear that! Best of luck to you with your recovery!
posted by ourobouros at 2:24 PM on November 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Fantastic! Really glad you are doing well. I had been keeping an eye on my Recent Activity for exactly this update.
posted by tavegyl at 9:19 PM on November 16, 2016 [1 favorite]