I feel conflicted about asking a girl out.
October 14, 2016 4:08 PM Subscribe
I feel conflicted about asking a girl (A) out. I've been trying to get over a crush over another girl (B) for a month now. B was everything I've wanted, but it didn't work out. I don't want to hurt A by asking her out and nothing happening in the long run.
I feel conflicted about asking a girl (A) out. I've been trying to get over a crush over another girl (B) for a month now. B was everything I've wanted, but it didn't work out.
I also like A a little, but I don't see anything longterm coming out of it. I know she really really likes me. However, we don't have much in common. We don't really bond emotionally or intellectually. So I'm a bit reluctant to ask her out. I feel it's not fair to her when I know it won't work out longterm and don't want to lead her on and hurt her.
On the other hand, I want to ask someone out to get over B. I feel it would take my mind off of B and boost my confidence.
What should I do? Ask A out and just have fun? Or don't ask A out and work on myself for now until I'm over B?
I feel conflicted about asking a girl (A) out. I've been trying to get over a crush over another girl (B) for a month now. B was everything I've wanted, but it didn't work out.
I also like A a little, but I don't see anything longterm coming out of it. I know she really really likes me. However, we don't have much in common. We don't really bond emotionally or intellectually. So I'm a bit reluctant to ask her out. I feel it's not fair to her when I know it won't work out longterm and don't want to lead her on and hurt her.
On the other hand, I want to ask someone out to get over B. I feel it would take my mind off of B and boost my confidence.
What should I do? Ask A out and just have fun? Or don't ask A out and work on myself for now until I'm over B?
Best answer: Based on what you have written here - No.
Don't use someone who seems to have feelings on you to get over someone else.
Getting over someone needs to come from inside yourself.
I think you should only ask someone out if you have genuine feelings and good intentions.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 4:13 PM on October 14, 2016 [17 favorites]
Don't use someone who seems to have feelings on you to get over someone else.
Getting over someone needs to come from inside yourself.
I think you should only ask someone out if you have genuine feelings and good intentions.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 4:13 PM on October 14, 2016 [17 favorites]
This would be mean. Please don't do it.
posted by jbenben at 4:14 PM on October 14, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by jbenben at 4:14 PM on October 14, 2016 [8 favorites]
If you're just not that into her, don't bother. You'll just end up wasting your time and her time and hurt her in the process.
posted by DoubleLune at 4:15 PM on October 14, 2016
posted by DoubleLune at 4:15 PM on October 14, 2016
Response by poster: Thanks you. It's good to see you guys confirming my reason for not doing it.
posted by Thisisbuffalo at 4:15 PM on October 14, 2016
posted by Thisisbuffalo at 4:15 PM on October 14, 2016
Response by poster: I just want to say you guys are really awesome. You guys made something so clear that I've been hesitant about. I had no one else to ask in real life.
posted by Thisisbuffalo at 4:26 PM on October 14, 2016 [24 favorites]
posted by Thisisbuffalo at 4:26 PM on October 14, 2016 [24 favorites]
I also like A a little, but I don't see anything longterm coming out of it. I know she really really likes me. However, we don't have much in common. We don't really bond emotionally or intellectually. So I'm a bit reluctant to ask her out. I feel it's not fair to her when I know it won't work out longterm and don't want to lead her on and hurt her.
Sounds like you made the right decision, but reading that paragraph swung it for me. It's not fair, and yes, you probably would hurt her. I'm also a little confused why you were even considering asking her out in the first place, and that's maybe worth you unpacking a little.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:57 PM on October 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
Sounds like you made the right decision, but reading that paragraph swung it for me. It's not fair, and yes, you probably would hurt her. I'm also a little confused why you were even considering asking her out in the first place, and that's maybe worth you unpacking a little.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:57 PM on October 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yeah. I think you can ask someone else out while you're still hung up on that chick. But not someone you're clearly not into.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:59 PM on October 14, 2016
posted by J. Wilson at 6:59 PM on October 14, 2016
What should I do? Ask A out and just have fun? Or don't ask A out and work on myself for now until I'm over B?
Neither of these. Ask out C, who does not have a mad crush on you but is wiling to go on a date and see what happens.
posted by bunderful at 7:52 PM on October 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
Neither of these. Ask out C, who does not have a mad crush on you but is wiling to go on a date and see what happens.
posted by bunderful at 7:52 PM on October 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
Yeah, you can go ahead and date casually for a bit if you think it'll help you get over B, but leave A alllll the way out of it. If you know you're not feeling it with A, and you know she has a thing for you, using her for a rebound fling would be a seriously awful thing to do to someone that it sounds like you consider a friend.
Online dating, dude! Meet new people and get some of that dating confidence back! But I agree completely with kinddieserzeit: getting over someone is a process, and it's something you have to do yourself. No amount of external validation is going to move you on before you're ready.
Good luck!
posted by helloimjennsco at 7:32 AM on October 17, 2016
Online dating, dude! Meet new people and get some of that dating confidence back! But I agree completely with kinddieserzeit: getting over someone is a process, and it's something you have to do yourself. No amount of external validation is going to move you on before you're ready.
Good luck!
posted by helloimjennsco at 7:32 AM on October 17, 2016
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posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 4:12 PM on October 14, 2016 [9 favorites]