Biggest Loser Challenge at work gone awry. Advice to handle this??

October 10, 2016 11:04 PM

About three months ago (July 11), our nurse at the clinic wanted to start a biggest loser challenge at work with money on the line. ($1,050) It was seven people including myself that put in $150 each. Now, the nurse decided to include her boyfriend who’s not a regular employee and happened to be overweight at the time. Fast forward to today which was the final weigh-in, and some shady business took place with the boyfriend winning the pot money based on the amount of BMI (body mass index) lost.

As weeks went by, it turned out to be a two person contest between the nurse’s boyfriend and myself. Everyone else dropped out of the contest by eating unhealthy food and etc. My brother (non-employee also) whom I was able to get approval to join our contest eventually caught up with both us in terms of losing the most BMI. Before the nurse went on her two week vacation from surgery at the end of September, I asked her how we were going to do the weigh-in. She mentioned that I can just send a picture of my weight to her on October 10 (today). I worked out with my brother this weekend, and he mentioned that such a notion was ridiculous and lacks accountability. He had school from 10 to 4 today, but was willing to drive out to our clinic before or after school to weigh in. I sent a text to the nurse that my brother was planning to come in. She mentioned that her boyfriend was not coming in, we should use the original scale when we first weighed in, and everyone at work should just send her a picture of their weight. My brother was not thrilled to hear how this was going down, and ended up weighing in at his house since my work was at least 25+ miles away from school.

I went from 189 back in July to 163 lbs this morning thus losing 4.2 BMI. I sent a picture at 11:18 am to the nurse. She texted a picture of her boyfriend at 1:15 pm. He went from 205 to 173 lbs and losing 4.3 BMI. My brother asked me if it was ok for him to send a picture in the afternoon. The nurse said yes, and I sent my brother a picture of the updated weight between myself and the other guy. My brother rarely ate or drank anything this weekend and went to the sauna a lot to lose the excess water weight. He went from 179 to 151 lbs and losing 4.5 BMI. He sent the pic in the afternoon, and I forwarded it to the nurse via text. She replied back with the following text: “Mr. X said he’s gonna lose more weight before the day is over so we shall see”. About an hour and a half later, she sends me a pic of the guy on the scale at 171 lbs at 7:45 pm. Somehow, the guy lost 2 lbs between this morning and 7:45 pm. We thought the guy was working, unable to come to the clinic, and wondering what the hell did he do to lose 2 lbs in a few hours.

Straight to the point, my brother went to urgent care today due to dehydration and has no idea about how he lost because the nurse’s boyfriend got to extend his weight loss. I was the one who told him about the competition, and ashamed of myself that he went through this ordeal. I thought that the once a picture of our weight was submitted, submission was FINAL. The big mistake was NOT creating a signed contract with rules such as actually showing up on the day of weigh-in, everyone weighs in at the SAME time, and etc. Unfortunately, none of these took place and all our money was placed in the hands of the nurse at the beginning of the contest. She already transmitted $50 to me for getting second place, and I have yet to transfer it to the bank account. My other co-worker/participant heard about this and furious about it. She suggested talking to our doctor who participated in the contest. Our doctor is not aware of this and would not take lightly. At this point, I’d settle for everyone getting their money back and I would reimburse my brother the $50 co-pay he spent at Urgent Care.

I hate to start office drama, as our clinic went through a lot of changes the past few months. I haven’t told my brother yet since he’s recovering from his urgent care visit & he will most likely be livid about what took place. I don’t care about winning or losing since I developed a healthier lifestyle. It’s the principe of the item. I realized it’s a colossal mistake to start an office activity with that kind of money on the line. Any opinions or suggestions on how to go about this would be appreciated. My brother had doubts about the way we were weighing-in, and the worst-case scenario just took place.

posted by tnar23 to Human Relations (19 answers total)

Cutting 2lb. in a few hours is not hard at all.

Accept that if you start drama you will lose (perhaps your job). How do I know? Because you got hustled by a coworker. That person is going to be waaaaay better at manipulating people and dealing with drama than you are.

Just keep quiet and move on.
posted by paulcole at 11:21 PM on October 10, 2016 [19 favorites]

Oy! Short of turning back the clock, I think you can reasonably ask for a meeting of all 7 original participants where you discuss calling it a "mistrial" and hand the original money back. Many of your saner (and more senior) colleagues will jump on board, I imagine. If she doesn't agree to showing up, though---?
posted by athirstforsalt at 11:31 PM on October 10, 2016 [16 favorites]

Yeah, keep drama out of work. Write it off, suck it up, and move on. If you make a stink about this, however justified, it will likely cause problems for you. In the future, don't get involved in activities like this with co-workers.

You all collectively let this one person be the legislator of the rules as well as the treasurer of everyone's money. Do you think allowing her to now be the arbiter in this possible dispute will go favorably? Let it go, and consider it a lesson learned.
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 11:47 PM on October 10, 2016 [49 favorites]

Your chance to protest rule changes and contest irregularities was as they came up, not after the results of the contest didn't go to your liking. You got took, but it's already done now. Sorry, though.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:50 PM on October 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

Presuming that it was dodgy (and it sure smells like it) then she's not going to just roll over and give you your money back. I think it would be reasonable to say that it wasn't handled well and that the money should be returned to everyone (or split between the boyfriend and your brother, as the two contesting the 'win'). I think she'd fight it.

It's up to you to decide if $150 is worth it. Being exploited is not fun, and I can understand being frustrated at the principle of it, but it doesn't mean fighting it will end well for you. Maybe start with some very polite comments about the way it was handled, and get an idea for what the response might be before you start drawing in other people.
posted by twirlypen at 12:14 AM on October 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

How did you come second?

Unless you told your brother to starve and dehydrate himself, I don't know why you'd reimburse him his $50 copay. It was his choice to do that. Either way, you came 3rd. The boyfriend cheated but so did your brother (to be fair, doing exactly what they do on the biggest loser buts its not healthy, safe or in the spirit of the competition).

Its dodgy as fuck that the boyfriend of the person running the competition was allowed to enter at all but you should have made a fuss about that at the time or refused to enter because of it, complaining now because he won just makes you look like a sore loser.

Maybe this was her plan all along, maybe her boyfriend manipulated her so that he could win the money, maybe they only did it because they found out what your brother had done. Who knows?

If this wasn't an official work sponsored thing and just something that was being run between co-workers, I don't see what recourse you have. Faking a weigh in is easy, you just need to hold on to something and release the pressure until you get the desired result, the boyfriend doesn't even need to have actually cut that 2lbs, he could have easily just cheated. But if she's transferred you the $50 second place money, the boyfriend already has the winning money - its over. You're not getting that back.

I wouldn't intentionally make a fuss but if anyone asked me about it, I wouldn't be keeping quiet about what went down and if she ever tried to run any sort of contest again, I'd be objecting loudly and letting everyone know why.
posted by missmagenta at 3:38 AM on October 11, 2016 [8 favorites]

Any pushback will involve drama. If not having drama is your primary objective, let it go and settle for mentally labelling them cheating scumbags.

If you are up for drama, firstly no point in talking to her directly or making it about the money, I doubt you'll see that again, your recourse is to get your pound of reputational flesh. Discuss the competition at work, how close run it was at the end, mention that odd thing where the boyfriend got a second weigh in after his score was beaten.

Ths will create bad feeling, quite possibly accusations of sour grapes on your part, and just how fractious it gets will depend on the organisation and people involved. You're the best judge of how that would go. If the answer is not somewhere you want to go, stick to thinking badly of the pair of them and getting it off your chest with people outside work. If it helps, yup, that's a pair of cheating scumbags.
posted by SometimeNextMonth at 4:47 AM on October 11, 2016

If it were me, I'd very dryly and factually lay out what happened when asked by other participants (who will want to know.) Explain that it was close and supposedly there was an additional weigh after the fact in which the boyfriend apparently won. So he takes all $1500. Tight smile. Pause. "And it's clear he really is the biggest loser." Thank you all for participating, any questions, take it up with Nurse Cheater McCheaterson.

Reputations are hard to build up and easy to tear down - and this person has done it to herself over a measly thousand odd dollars. Smile and move on and be happy that you can, as long as she's working in this office, she won't be able to now!
posted by Jubey at 5:30 AM on October 11, 2016 [12 favorites]

What a saga.
Someone upthread wrote:
don't get involved in activities like this with co-workers.

They forgot to add the skull & crossbones emoji.

Unsanctioned contests like this stink from the very beginning. Throw in brothers, boyfriends, hospitalizations, co-pays, and you've got "everything but the dogs snappin' at her heels," to quote Thelma Ritter.

You state: I hate to start office drama then don't! Learn not to expose yourself to co-workers to this degree, and treat the financial loss as a lesson in keeping yourself to yourself.
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:48 AM on October 11, 2016 [12 favorites]

You entered into what amounted to unsanctioned gambling with your coworkers. It was broken from the beginning but then you included non-employees to sweeten the pot. Expensive lesson learned, but these are the kinds of lessons that stick with us.
posted by fixedgear at 6:52 AM on October 11, 2016 [5 favorites]

I think in some ways what you're really asking for is how to stand up for yourself. And that's sort of a catch-22, because there's not a great way to do that in this situation.

One important lesson, I think, for avoiding situations like this in the future, is that people who are good at non-agressively, non-confrontationally standing up for themselves do so at the outset to avoid confrontation, or to change the terms that it happens on, not to say something magical in the moment.

For next time, the way to get a better outcome in this confrontation would be to raise a concern about her being the judge with her boyfriend a contestant, or as the competition was getting down to the last couple days, asking for a clarification about how the rules of the weigh in works.

If you're willing to have high-drama confrontation, you could try to fight this out now. But if you're looking at ways to avoid feeling bulldozed generally, it's about trying to set your self up in a more definite, clear cut position before the confrontation itself starts, instead of letting it sneak up on you.

I'm sorry this worked out this way, but I do think there are ways to try to change how these types of situations play out for you in the future.
posted by mercredi at 6:59 AM on October 11, 2016 [8 favorites]

This is a mess.

Just move on.

You and your coworkers participated in a contest with significant amount of money, added outside individuals, participated in unhealthy practices requiring medical intervention, had loose rules and managed to create animosity.

For future reference when engaging in activities at work focused on employee health, the winnings shouldn't ever cost more than lunch. It should focus on health and safety, include non risky group activities (for example walking group during lunch) and create a sense of unity and encouragement.
posted by AlexiaSky at 7:35 AM on October 11, 2016 [27 favorites]

First, it's absolutely possible to lose two pounds- or even up to five- in a day, through judicious use of saunas, Saran Wrap, and laxatives. People used to do that in the Army when their weight was close. That is not the angle to challenge.

What you should have done is, as soon as she texted "boyfriend says he will lose more weight today", is texted her back "Not cool! I thought our weights as photo'd were the contest! Brother has already won."

You didn't, so she got to call her boyfriend and be like "quick lose more!" 1,000$ is a lot of money for many people, enough to motivate these shenanigans.

There is literally no low-drama way to resolve it. It's 1000$, and some of it has probably already been spent by now.
posted by corb at 7:45 AM on October 11, 2016 [7 favorites]

Best answer: Hey so, I agree with all the other posters here. I think you need to let this go as peacefully as you can, treat it as a lesson learned, and dwell on it as little as possible. Otherwise there is just definitely going to be drama.

BUT. Can we just for a second focus on the fact that you were in the leading three of this competition, and from your previous AskMe question about it, have clearly been making major positive changes in your diet and lifestyle in order to achieve this?

THAT'S SO AWESOME! I hope you're proud of yourself. I think that when the bad taste from the competition has worn off, you'll laugh about it and tell yourself that it was worth it for the kick in the butt to make those changes.

Good for you, dude.
posted by greenish at 9:32 AM on October 11, 2016 [53 favorites]

Look, this is just plain sketchy. It makes for bad relations at work, so complain to HR. Meanwhile, you lost weight, so it was actually a decent investment.
posted by theora55 at 1:11 PM on October 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

First, congratulations on your weight loss and lifestyle change! That's a huge deal. Way to go.

I hear a lot of victim-blaming in this thread. The nurse and her boyfriend are clearly out of line. They abused their nominal authority as the runners of the contest to rig the judging so they'd win. That's shitty. Maybe they even suggested the contest with that possibility in mind from the start and just wanted to make a buck off of everyone in the office. It doesn't look good that she suggested the contest, she judged the contest, and she personally benefited from the win. If so, that would be extra shitty. Regardless of whether gambling in the workplace is a good idea, OP is not responsible for other people's shitty actions.

It's true that at this point, there's not a good way to address this without some amount of drama. However, if the other contestants are on your side, you could put some peer pressure on the nurse. Maybe meet with her as a group, maybe write a letter and all of you sign it, maybe have someone else (like the doctor? ideally someone with a lot of social capital) talk to her privately so it doesn't set you up to look like a sore loser. It's not no-drama, but it might be good enough. At the very least it would make it clear that you see what she did. Otherwise, just ignore her.

What about throwing an office party to celebrate everyone who participated? You can recognize and support each person's specific accomplishments regardless of winning. Maybe even give out your own prizes.

Beyond that, I'd focus on reframing. The $1050 wasn't the prize, it was the just the incentive to get you started. The prize itself was reaching your goals, which you've achieved (hooray!) and a healthier lifestyle, which you get to keep long after you would have spent that money.

If you have the means, go out and buy yourself (and/or your brother) a special gift or shared experience that you would enjoy. You definitely deserve a reward for all your efforts.
posted by danceswithlight at 2:48 PM on October 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yes, the whole thing is shady, but your brother acted just as shadily (waiting until he got the boyfriend's results, then going to unhealthy lengths to weigh in lower than that). Stop gambling with co-workers, and stop confusing weight loss with health.
posted by lazuli at 6:23 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

You invested $150. Your return was threefold: $50, learning that this specific person is sketchy AF, and learning to get things in writing in the future no matter how honest and upfront you think people are. Oh and also you lost weight, which presumably is a positive result for you. Not bad results for $100.
posted by disconnect at 6:42 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wait. A nurse actively encouraged her boyfriend to engage in appallingly unhealthy behavior to win a stupid contest?

I would avoid this person in the future.
posted by Ndwright at 2:24 PM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]