Long distance introduction

September 30, 2016 10:22 AM

A friend living in my city is moving to a different city. I happen to have another friend in that different city. These 2 have never met. I think these 2 would make great friends. How to I go about introducing them to one another?

I will not be traveling to the different city for a while. Otherwise, I'd just invite the 2 of them to dinner or drinks with me when we all were in the same city. So that's not an option.

I told my friend that is moving, "hey, I have a friend in that town, you 2 should meet." This friend not knowing many people in the different city is obviously excited to meet someone new.

I told my friend already living in that different city, "hey, I have a friend moving to your town, you 2 should meet." This friend is happy to meet someone new.

Both are awaiting the next step.

Now what?

Should I just text them each other's cell numbers and say, "have at it, set something up"? Or if I go this route, should I put the onus on one or the other to reach out (probably the relocating friend) and tell the other to await a call or text?

Should I do a group text with me to do the intro? Not wanting to be on a group text, should I do an email?

I feel like this question is frivilous but I'm at a loss of the best way to approach.

Any ideas?

posted by glenngulia to Human Relations (15 answers total)

Do it over email. Add some details that help them start talking, like any mutual interests, or how you know them, etc.

For example;
"Hey Friend A, meet Friend B! Friend B, meet friend A!
Friend A is super awesome for such and such reasons and is really into this and that! Friend B is super great because of X and Y and is really interested in those and these things! Hope you two get a chance to meet sometime!"
posted by suedehead at 10:25 AM on September 30, 2016 [14 favorites]

I usually do email introductions (or a group text) with a little bit of some jumping off points for conversations

"Hey Mike this is Dan. Dan used to be in my trivia league before he moved to YOURTOWN. He owns a few guinea pigs and he grows his own hops. Dan this is my friend Mike who I used to do crossfit with when he lived in MYTOWN. He's a voracious reader and very good at helping people move hide-a-bed couches. I think you two would get along so this is an introduction. I'll let you take it from here"

Some people pick up on it and some people don't but I feel that short of being like "I'm in town let's get drinks" or the occasional FB reminder "Hey this is happening in YOURTOWN I bet you guys would like this" there's not too much you can or should do.
posted by jessamyn at 10:27 AM on September 30, 2016

Yes, introduce them by email and let them work it out. A friend did this for me a few years ago, and I gained a dear friend out of it. Our "first friend date" was as awkward as you'd expect but our mutual friend was right so it worked out great.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 10:33 AM on September 30, 2016 [2 favorites]

I have been introduced to someone like this, and mutual friend introduced us via email with maybe 1 line about the mutual person. "larthegreat likes pizza and is a native here, xxx is really into bikes and also likes pizza". The other person (new frand) was new in town, so while new frand reached out to me, I invited them to grab a slice of dollar pizza with me after work; figuring the worst that happens is that we at least have pizza.

Turns out new frand was in fact not super creepy or weird, and we ended up grabbing a beer after pizza, and then have hung out for... about 8yrs regularly?

pizza is powerful
posted by larthegreat at 10:41 AM on September 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

Are they on Facebook? I would get one of them to add the other...
posted by intensitymultiply at 11:24 AM on September 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've been the friend already living in the new place in a similar situation.

I'd go with email unless there's some special reason to avoid email, or send a group facebook message to everyone (you can leave the conversation later and not see any updates).

Personally, I would not want my phone number given out for this unless asked first.

I wouldn't put the onus on the relocating friend to make contact -- they will probably be very busy, and I think it's less awkward to reach out and say "Welcome to my city!" than the reverse. However, this depends on the individual personalities involved.
posted by yohko at 11:30 AM on September 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've done this successfully before a few times, by email or Facebook messenger. Both worked very well, leading in one instance to a new job for one of the new friends. "X, meet Y. Y, meet X. I know X through ABC. I know Y through DEF. You both enjoy QRS." They usually move into a one-on-one conversation or exchange numbers, and voila!
posted by pammeke at 11:56 AM on September 30, 2016

I've done this by Facebook messages if that's more what you use, a group message then leaving the group.
posted by ellieBOA at 12:11 PM on September 30, 2016

I've done and had this done for me several times, and it's SO nice and has resulted in great friendships.

Agree that the best way is for you to contact them both together and then let them sort it out, especially if they're already aware of each other and willing to meet!

And, I don't think the medium really matters, just choose the way that makes it easiest for them/they use often. For example, I wouldn't use Facebook messages for some friends who are on Facebook but infrequent users.

(FWIW, for a group text, I'd say something like, "As promised, I'm putting you in touch--I leave it to you to make a plan!" and maybe make a joke about dropping you from the group thread.)
posted by trixie119 at 12:16 PM on September 30, 2016 [2 favorites]

This is what Facebook is perfect for because it lets them get a little sense of the other person before they meet. I've introduced several friends in similar situations this way.
posted by MsMolly at 12:35 PM on September 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like introductions like that, but I'm also a fairly private person in a social group that skews towards privacy, so rather than a group e-mail, I tend to prefer being asked separately if I'm interested in an introduction.
posted by Candleman at 12:52 PM on September 30, 2016

So you've already suggested it and they're both enthused about it, right? E-mail is the right medium because then there is already a message there with each others' contact info that they can respond to. You're a good friend!
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:22 PM on September 30, 2016

I've done this a countless number of times. Even as far back as yesterday (a relative travelling to another country where I have a friend). Ask each of them separately if you can introduce them and give their number to the other party. Then ask the native dweller if he/she can call the new dweller and take him/her out for an introductory drink. WhatsApp works very well in these circumstances.

You're overthinking this.
posted by Kwadeng at 10:18 PM on September 30, 2016

How is this difficult? Email or give each the other's phone number.
posted by violetk at 11:06 AM on October 1, 2016

If you're all on Facebook, Facebook group chat is perfect for this. You can all converse together a bit, and they can add each other. Eventually they will make plans to meet up in real life and either their friendship will be a success or it won't be.

I have done that multiple times.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:48 PM on October 2, 2016