Have my Heart, O Hairstylist of Mine
September 7, 2016 8:45 AM Subscribe
So I have a crush on my hairstylist. Would it be a terrible move to pass him a note with my contact details on it?
I have a crush on my hairstylist.
I recently broke up, or rather was broken up with, and in an effort to pretty up I went to a local hair/nail salon. There I met the hairstylist in question. And what can I say? I am smitten. The moment I locked eyes with him, I felt it. And in the course of conversation, I found him so dang easy to talk to. Oh, the back and forth. This is despite the fact I typically struggle because of my shy personality and the fact that I'm a non-native speaker of Japanese. (I live in Japan.)
So in the course of the conversation, a girl walked in wearing yukata (traditional summer attire in Japan) , and he urged me to look. This prompted me to ask if he ever wears one and he answered in the negative. I don't know what possessed me, but in response I said he looks like he would suit one. To which he said he hasn't had a chance to this year because he hasn't been to any summer festivals. I took this to mean he works too late and said so (Japanese hair stylists notoriously work long hours). But no, no such thing. Seemingly embarrassed, he said he doesn't have a girlfriend and festivals are couple-y things. Anyway, the upshot of this is I know he is single.
Full steam ahead? I think not. So many complicating factors. I plan, if I don't chicken out, to pass a note with my contact details to him at the end of my next haircut out of earshot of fellow hairdressers of course. In my head, I feel like this is the lowest pressure method, giving him the option to throw away the note. But will it still put him in an awkward position? My friends have also given me a lot of advice ranging from go for it to don't be a creeper.
Also maybe I should mention how I'm a damn creeper. I wrote a review of the salon in what I thought was a anonymous format and mentioned how my stylist is so friendly and professional. I went in to book a nail appointment, and it came out that with that particular website, the salon is informed who writes reviews, and he thanked me. And about that appointment, I had it just in the hopes that I would see him one more time.
So, anyway, should I pass him the note?
I have a crush on my hairstylist.
I recently broke up, or rather was broken up with, and in an effort to pretty up I went to a local hair/nail salon. There I met the hairstylist in question. And what can I say? I am smitten. The moment I locked eyes with him, I felt it. And in the course of conversation, I found him so dang easy to talk to. Oh, the back and forth. This is despite the fact I typically struggle because of my shy personality and the fact that I'm a non-native speaker of Japanese. (I live in Japan.)
So in the course of the conversation, a girl walked in wearing yukata (traditional summer attire in Japan) , and he urged me to look. This prompted me to ask if he ever wears one and he answered in the negative. I don't know what possessed me, but in response I said he looks like he would suit one. To which he said he hasn't had a chance to this year because he hasn't been to any summer festivals. I took this to mean he works too late and said so (Japanese hair stylists notoriously work long hours). But no, no such thing. Seemingly embarrassed, he said he doesn't have a girlfriend and festivals are couple-y things. Anyway, the upshot of this is I know he is single.
Full steam ahead? I think not. So many complicating factors. I plan, if I don't chicken out, to pass a note with my contact details to him at the end of my next haircut out of earshot of fellow hairdressers of course. In my head, I feel like this is the lowest pressure method, giving him the option to throw away the note. But will it still put him in an awkward position? My friends have also given me a lot of advice ranging from go for it to don't be a creeper.
Also maybe I should mention how I'm a damn creeper. I wrote a review of the salon in what I thought was a anonymous format and mentioned how my stylist is so friendly and professional. I went in to book a nail appointment, and it came out that with that particular website, the salon is informed who writes reviews, and he thanked me. And about that appointment, I had it just in the hopes that I would see him one more time.
So, anyway, should I pass him the note?
Yeah dude, go for it. Life's too short to not give it a go.
A few things to keep in mind:
-as a stylist, it's his job to be easy to talk to, so that doesn't really mean anything
-direct is generally best, since notes can be misplaced or lost, especially if you're busy at work
-if the response is anything other than an enthusiastic absolutely yes, then the answer is a no and you should cease pursuit
If you can find him on facebook/twitter/whatever, it would be better to send him a direct message through there so you aren't imposing on his workspace and job. If you can't find him there, next time you get your hair cut, as you're leaving (and after you've paid, ideally) ask him to call you if he'd like to go get dinner with you sometime, then hand him your number.
posted by phunniemee at 8:53 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]
A few things to keep in mind:
-as a stylist, it's his job to be easy to talk to, so that doesn't really mean anything
-direct is generally best, since notes can be misplaced or lost, especially if you're busy at work
-if the response is anything other than an enthusiastic absolutely yes, then the answer is a no and you should cease pursuit
If you can find him on facebook/twitter/whatever, it would be better to send him a direct message through there so you aren't imposing on his workspace and job. If you can't find him there, next time you get your hair cut, as you're leaving (and after you've paid, ideally) ask him to call you if he'd like to go get dinner with you sometime, then hand him your number.
posted by phunniemee at 8:53 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]
Break up with him as a stylist. Then ask him out.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:01 AM on September 7, 2016 [22 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:01 AM on September 7, 2016 [22 favorites]
What phunniemee said, and either way, start looking for a different hairdresser. If he says no it will be a really awkward dynamic for him to be in a position where he needs to be nice to you as part of his job, and where you could be perceived to be taking advantage of that because you're interested in dating him - even if you really, really go out of your way to keep things strictly professional.
posted by Pearl928 at 9:04 AM on September 7, 2016
posted by Pearl928 at 9:04 AM on September 7, 2016
I'm really not sure the cultural differences with this kind of thing; the rules in Japan or for expats in Japan might be totally different. This is generally a bad idea in the States. This is the same as asking out a barista or server. Its usually creepy.
If you decide to, which is still ill-advised, you should get yourself a new stylist, wait a few weeks and then do it independently. If you can figure out a place to run into him, outside of the context of his workplace, bonus points to you.
You might want to seek out cultural specific advice on this one; are there any locals you can ask, I would weight their advice more than those of us from the western perspective.
posted by furnace.heart at 9:05 AM on September 7, 2016 [8 favorites]
If you decide to, which is still ill-advised, you should get yourself a new stylist, wait a few weeks and then do it independently. If you can figure out a place to run into him, outside of the context of his workplace, bonus points to you.
You might want to seek out cultural specific advice on this one; are there any locals you can ask, I would weight their advice more than those of us from the western perspective.
posted by furnace.heart at 9:05 AM on September 7, 2016 [8 favorites]
Yes, don't ask somebody out that you have a professional relationship with. Whether that means switching to another stylist then asking him out, or just not asking him out, is up to you.
posted by destructive cactus at 9:50 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by destructive cactus at 9:50 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]
I think a note, while maybe easier for you, would make it more intense and high pressure for him. How awkward, seeing you at the appointment after the note!
I wouldn't do this at all, but if I did, I would do it in person and only if it came up naturally and casually-- you mention something cool you're going to, he says it sounds fun and he wishes he could go, you say he should totally come and to let you know if he wants to. Then, after you have moved beyond stylist/client, you can make your interest known.
I have no idea if he's interested but I wouldn't read too much into his friendliness-- sparkling conversation is part of a hair stylist's job.
I'm not in Japan and answering from an American perspective. I'm pro asking people out even if you know them through their work but ONLY if they have made their interest very clear.
posted by kapers at 10:06 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]
I wouldn't do this at all, but if I did, I would do it in person and only if it came up naturally and casually-- you mention something cool you're going to, he says it sounds fun and he wishes he could go, you say he should totally come and to let you know if he wants to. Then, after you have moved beyond stylist/client, you can make your interest known.
I have no idea if he's interested but I wouldn't read too much into his friendliness-- sparkling conversation is part of a hair stylist's job.
I'm not in Japan and answering from an American perspective. I'm pro asking people out even if you know them through their work but ONLY if they have made their interest very clear.
posted by kapers at 10:06 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]
When I was a bank teller I always appreciated the note versus trying to chat me up in front of my coworkers, even if I wasn't interested. You're gonna get a lot of no's, but I think you should go for it!
posted by Juliet Banana at 10:30 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Juliet Banana at 10:30 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
You don't know that he's single. You only embarrassed him into saying he doesn't have a girlfriend. He might have a boyfriend and didn't feel like divulging that to a client.
posted by mdrew at 3:06 PM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mdrew at 3:06 PM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
I would do it in person and only if it came up naturally and casually-- you mention something cool you're going to, he says it sounds fun and he wishes he could go, you say he should totally come and to let you know if he wants to.
This sounds entirely reasonable and appropriate to me, and (unless there's some complication specific to Japan) unlikely to cause any awkwardness if he isn't interested.
posted by tangerine at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2016
This sounds entirely reasonable and appropriate to me, and (unless there's some complication specific to Japan) unlikely to cause any awkwardness if he isn't interested.
posted by tangerine at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by praemunire at 8:47 AM on September 7, 2016 [41 favorites]