What are some funny insults for frat boys?

August 22, 2016 9:34 PM

Writing a friend a birthday poem, and looking for funny, punny jokey nicknames and friendly insults for frat boy types - the kind of guy whose interests might include: beer, workouts, televised sports, axe body spray, snack food, protein shakes, bro culture.

The best insults in this context would be about fratboy behaviour and interests, not about any physical traits a specific man might feel vulnerable about.

Some examples of the kind of phrases I'm looking for:

Broseph
Bromeo
Musclehead
Flex And Smash
Macho Cheese
Douchenozzle (this is borderline too harsh, but it sounds funny so it can be ok)
The Human Tricep
Bro-for-brains

It's extra good if the phrase would sound funny out loud, which means the "punchline" should come last. The phrase starts off sounding like a normal recognizable phrase, then takes a twist near the end to turn it into an insult: "Vincent Van Bro" is a great example of this.

Caveats: Nothing homophobic or misogynist (ie I wouldn't want to imply that they are feminine as a negative trait), no curse words, nothing sexual, nothing too mean.

Pithy, accurate, funny, unexpected descriptors for universally recognized Bro Behaviour Traits, or Bro Puns, would be best.

Thanks!

posted by pseudostrabismus to Writing & Language (19 answers total)

It's not a name, but "do you even lift?" is a modern classic gym bro insult-meme. If this dude has stepped in to a weight room in the last five years he'll probably be familiar enough with it to bring a chuckle.
posted by Itaxpica at 10:11 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Brodown
"Do you even lift, bro?"
Brotato chip
Hootie and the Brofish
posted by MsMolly at 10:13 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Similarly "skipping leg day" is a thing, and could be subverted with stuff like "sounds like someone skipped manners day" or whatever. Now I need to find some sort of gymming individual to use this sick burn on. Also, sick burn.
posted by Iteki at 10:29 PM on August 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

Agh! This should be easy but my puns are tired.

prelaming
bronado (re: a messy room?)

If you look at Brosciencelife's online shirt shop, you can get a lot of bro puns; most of them are neutral to positive, but maybe you can modify one.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:58 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Extra from Spring Breakers
Jock
Jockstrap
posted by Juliet Banana at 12:34 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

Maybe not deprecatory enough, but a treasure trove of "bro-" puns: You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.
posted by lozierj at 12:35 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

"Lochte"
posted by Brittanie at 2:04 AM on August 23, 2016 [6 favorites]

I've always been partial to "bro-doggin' at the brodeo."
posted by lieber hair at 4:02 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

I only know "douchebro". (I know the etiology of "douche" places it in misogyny land - because "dirty ladies need a clean", etc - but I'm not *certain* that's the meaning people have in mind when they use it. I suspect its popularity is mostly down to how satisfying it is to say, if you make the d hard and force the che out with a sort of hiss. Just the shape of it in your mouth facilitates glorious expression of contempt.)

Urban Dictionary just introduced me to "bronar", a sense one needs to avoid a douchebro.
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:25 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

Chicken-legged, tree-necked
Chad
Juice monkey, juice monster, juicehead, roid monkey
Has “strunes"; grape-balled
I like Bro Rogan

(You can search UD by hashtag, which is how I found "struned", which I've never heard in life.)

Also check out Dom Mazzetti on YouTube for inspiration.
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:45 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Last I checked, "broseph" is not an insult, it's a term of endearment. This may or may not matter for your purposes, but I came in here expecting something rather different.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:14 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Abroham Drinkin
posted by rmless at 9:25 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

I warm up with your max.
Working your glamour muscles? Just get calf implants, pretty boy.
You've got hundred-dollar shoes and a ten-cent squat.

from http://the-toast.net/2014/06/24/beauty-tips-classic-hollywood/

swolemate is a term of endearment
posted by momus_window at 9:39 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Brominator?
posted by freezer cake at 9:57 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/bro-youre-a-god-among-bros-11333 should give you quite a few.
posted by isauteikisa at 10:26 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sorry - some of the suggestions I related may indeed cause offense to not only steroid abusers, and those who neglect the lower body in their workouts, but other men, apologies.

(One of the UD definitions mentions an appreciation of Nickelback, I think that is an understandable reference. Which may still offend non-bro Nickelback fans... Tbh I think it's hard to appropriate and retool this idiom without replicating the cruelty in a lot of it. Or praising Brodin.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:07 PM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Haha! These are gold, thanks all!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:22 PM on August 23, 2016

I went looking for something in Flight of the Conchords - Too Many Dicks on the Dancefloor. I'll just leave it here anyway.
posted by quinndexter at 2:24 AM on August 24, 2016

From a recent Geico commercial: bro-tein shake.
posted by mekily at 3:47 PM on August 27, 2016