I'm developing a serious driving anxiety/phobia - help!
August 19, 2016 5:46 AM Subscribe
In the last several years, I have gone from a fearless person who would go anywhere to a very careful and cautious driver who only takes back roads and avoids bridges and even small overpasses in town.
Due to my "avoidance" of highways and busy intersections, I have sucessfully been functional but have also made the problem worse. Now, even my "safe zones" are becoming difficult to manage and I'm suffering what I would call small panic attacks (sweaty hands, uncontrollable shaking) and I'd like to make that stop. I am also a very nervous passenger these days.
I'm considering hypnosis and was wondering if anyone had experience with this?
45/female. No health complications. Very stress free life. I work from home so daily commuting isn't a problem.
Due to my "avoidance" of highways and busy intersections, I have sucessfully been functional but have also made the problem worse. Now, even my "safe zones" are becoming difficult to manage and I'm suffering what I would call small panic attacks (sweaty hands, uncontrollable shaking) and I'd like to make that stop. I am also a very nervous passenger these days.
I'm considering hypnosis and was wondering if anyone had experience with this?
45/female. No health complications. Very stress free life. I work from home so daily commuting isn't a problem.
Around that age my mother developed a travel phobic/panic attack response. Turns out she had a mitral valve prolapse and anxiety is a known symptom. Many people are symptomless or without other indications of a physical abnormality.
posted by cocoagirl at 6:39 AM on August 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by cocoagirl at 6:39 AM on August 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
I was able to manage my driving anxiety to an extent with lots of singing in the car. Karaoke at the top of your lungs. If no one else is in the car, there's nothing stopping you from self soothing. Low key moaning? Rocking?
When you're a passenger, I'd stay out of the front seat and use anything to help distract you without getting carsick. Movies, podcasts, games, books.
I don't drive now, and I don't miss it all that much because it never felt normal. I know your situation depends on public transport and whether your area is bike friendly, but there is nothing wrong with not driving if it's too stressful and you can find alternatives.
posted by sacchan at 6:39 AM on August 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
When you're a passenger, I'd stay out of the front seat and use anything to help distract you without getting carsick. Movies, podcasts, games, books.
I don't drive now, and I don't miss it all that much because it never felt normal. I know your situation depends on public transport and whether your area is bike friendly, but there is nothing wrong with not driving if it's too stressful and you can find alternatives.
posted by sacchan at 6:39 AM on August 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
I was also thinking you desperately need a full check-up and blood work. All sorts of things from prescriptions and prescription interactions to vitamin deficiencies (like anemia) to other physical ailments can cause a weird onset of anxiety.
ALSO, GET YOUR EYESIGHT CHECKED :))
Source: I have a visual astigmatism that caused driving fears for years. I've also had weird anxiety linked to anemia. Your description of being a fearful driver and passenger reminds me of my vision problem. I can't judge distances, so everything is out of whack. Now that I know my perception is off, I'm not as fearful even when I'm not wearing corrective lens.
Just get everything checked. Don't let a doctor blow you off or downplay it like you need therapy. Be methodical and rule out physical causes first.
OK! Good luck!! I totally get you on this, I know it wil work out!
posted by jbenben at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
ALSO, GET YOUR EYESIGHT CHECKED :))
Source: I have a visual astigmatism that caused driving fears for years. I've also had weird anxiety linked to anemia. Your description of being a fearful driver and passenger reminds me of my vision problem. I can't judge distances, so everything is out of whack. Now that I know my perception is off, I'm not as fearful even when I'm not wearing corrective lens.
Just get everything checked. Don't let a doctor blow you off or downplay it like you need therapy. Be methodical and rule out physical causes first.
OK! Good luck!! I totally get you on this, I know it wil work out!
posted by jbenben at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
Though on second thought: this is a problem I always had. Do you have any ideas as to what changed between then and now? Why bridges and overpasses?
posted by sacchan at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2016
posted by sacchan at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2016
Anti-anxiety meds have made a tremendous difference for people I know and love, including for driving phobia. You might try searching back for ask metafilter posts on the subject, too, as I know Ruthless Bunny used to frequently mention her bridge phobia being well-managed with medication.
posted by ldthomps at 7:07 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by ldthomps at 7:07 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I agree with previous comments, it might be a good idea to try a therapist - even if just for a couple sessions, to see if they can help you work through the fear a little.
There are many, many different ways to overcome a phobia, but here's the method that's worked for me:
(Disclaimer: I'm not a therapist or professional of any sort. This advice comes from years of experiencing panic attacks and anxiety, lots of research, and successfully teaching myself how to go out and do things that I couldn't do before. This advice is what's worked for me personally.)
First of all, you're right in saying that the more you avoid something, the worse you make the phobia. Basically, your actions are telling your brain that there is something valid to fear in driving in certain places. By avoiding those places, you confirm that they are dangerous and the reason that you stayed safe was because you avoided them. The problem with this is that your world will slowly get smaller and smaller, which it sounds like you're already experiencing.
There's some fairly easy steps you can take to build up your tolerance level again. You can start by choosing a road that's a little scarier than the roads you feel safe with. In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10, if 10 is absolute terror, then try a road that's, say, a 3. Drive that road until you're comfortable with it - this could take you a few hours to a few weeks, just whatever works for you - and once you feel comfortable with that one, choose a road that's a number 4 on the scale. Keep working your way up slowly.
A few very important things to remember:
1. You WILL feel panicky the first time that you try a scarier road. The goal is NOT to feel completely calm, and then drive; the goal is to drive even though you are feeling panicky. Panicky feelings feel terrifying, but they are just feelings. They aren't going to hurt you. That's why you want to first choose a road that only makes you slightly panicky. That way you can observe your feelings and just sort of float with them, accept them, and let them pass, rather than having a full blown panic attack. Remember: If you stay in the scary situation for long enough, and you don't avoid it or run the second that you feel uncomfortable, the panic will eventually pass. Learn to ride it out like waves, knowing that it will simply go away if you sit with it long enough.
2. You don't simply want to put yourself into a car and then experience a panic attack. Before you start trying this, I would research some calming breathing methods and then practice them before you hit the roads. Then, make a point of actually doing the calming breathing while you are driving. Also, it can be extremely helpful to memorize a simple mantra, such as: "I'm safe. I'm a good driver. This is just anxiety, and it will go away." Then say it to yourself, over and over again, as you are driving. It might feel a bit ridiculous at first, but our brains can only believe what we tell them. If, while driving, you consciously or unconsciously tell yourself, "Oh my gosh. This is terrifying. I don't know if I can do this. Are those panicky feelings? Oh my gosh, it's getting worse," etc, then you are going to work yourself into a full blown panic pretty quickly, and you won't be reprogramming your brain to think positively about the situation.
You could try thinking of it this way: Imagine you were with a small child who was scared of riding in the car. You probably wouldn't grab them by the hand, drag them sobbing to a car, buckle them in, and drive down the road while they screamed in the backseat, telling them something like, "What's the matter with you? There's nothing to be afraid of." And yet, we often do something very similar to ourselves. What you would probably do is talk to the child kindly, maybe saying things like, "It's okay. Everything's totally safe. Look, we have seatbelts, air bags, etc . . . We're just going to drive for a little bit, five minutes, and then we'll be done. Nothing bad is going to happen." And you'd probably keep up that type of dialogue the entire car ride. Try viewing your brain like a very young child - your brain doesn't inherently understand what's scary or not scary, even if we think it should. You have to tell it, repeatedly, and kindly.
So, to rehash, my advice is: Work your way up slowly from less scary roads to more scary roads. Take your time. When you do go out driving, be prepared with breathing exercises and a positive mantra. Let yourself experience small, controlled doses of anxiety and let your brain learn that anxiety isn't going to hurt you and you don't need to run from it. Eventually, as you work your way up, you'll look back at roads that used to scare you and think, "Wow, that isn't scary at all anymore."
One more word of advice: Since you've developed a fear in this area of your life, keep an eye out that you don't start slowly avoiding other types of things. If you feel yourself developing any sort of new fears, nip them in the bud, while they are still relatively easy to manage. For instance, say one fine day you are at the mall and it's really crowded, and this has never bothered you before, but you start to feel slightly uncomfortable, slightly anxious, and you think to yourself, "What the heck, I don't feel that great and I don't want to have any anxiety, so I'll just leave." DON'T! That's a perfect way to start brewing a new anxiety. Maybe instead, find a bench to sit down on, try your breathing exercises, and talk to your brain like it's a small child. "Everything's okay. You're perfectly safe. It's just anxiety. It will go away on its own. It's not going to hurt you, and you don't have to run from it." (*I'm not recommending forcing yourself to stay in dangerous situations or situations where you feel truly unsafe or wary. This is just a suggestion for when you believe that you are safe, and you can tell it's just your anxiety acting up.*)
Okay, I'm done! Feel free to ignore any or all of that. And let us know when you start getting better and how you do it! :)
posted by quiet_musings at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2016 [17 favorites]
There are many, many different ways to overcome a phobia, but here's the method that's worked for me:
(Disclaimer: I'm not a therapist or professional of any sort. This advice comes from years of experiencing panic attacks and anxiety, lots of research, and successfully teaching myself how to go out and do things that I couldn't do before. This advice is what's worked for me personally.)
First of all, you're right in saying that the more you avoid something, the worse you make the phobia. Basically, your actions are telling your brain that there is something valid to fear in driving in certain places. By avoiding those places, you confirm that they are dangerous and the reason that you stayed safe was because you avoided them. The problem with this is that your world will slowly get smaller and smaller, which it sounds like you're already experiencing.
There's some fairly easy steps you can take to build up your tolerance level again. You can start by choosing a road that's a little scarier than the roads you feel safe with. In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10, if 10 is absolute terror, then try a road that's, say, a 3. Drive that road until you're comfortable with it - this could take you a few hours to a few weeks, just whatever works for you - and once you feel comfortable with that one, choose a road that's a number 4 on the scale. Keep working your way up slowly.
A few very important things to remember:
1. You WILL feel panicky the first time that you try a scarier road. The goal is NOT to feel completely calm, and then drive; the goal is to drive even though you are feeling panicky. Panicky feelings feel terrifying, but they are just feelings. They aren't going to hurt you. That's why you want to first choose a road that only makes you slightly panicky. That way you can observe your feelings and just sort of float with them, accept them, and let them pass, rather than having a full blown panic attack. Remember: If you stay in the scary situation for long enough, and you don't avoid it or run the second that you feel uncomfortable, the panic will eventually pass. Learn to ride it out like waves, knowing that it will simply go away if you sit with it long enough.
2. You don't simply want to put yourself into a car and then experience a panic attack. Before you start trying this, I would research some calming breathing methods and then practice them before you hit the roads. Then, make a point of actually doing the calming breathing while you are driving. Also, it can be extremely helpful to memorize a simple mantra, such as: "I'm safe. I'm a good driver. This is just anxiety, and it will go away." Then say it to yourself, over and over again, as you are driving. It might feel a bit ridiculous at first, but our brains can only believe what we tell them. If, while driving, you consciously or unconsciously tell yourself, "Oh my gosh. This is terrifying. I don't know if I can do this. Are those panicky feelings? Oh my gosh, it's getting worse," etc, then you are going to work yourself into a full blown panic pretty quickly, and you won't be reprogramming your brain to think positively about the situation.
You could try thinking of it this way: Imagine you were with a small child who was scared of riding in the car. You probably wouldn't grab them by the hand, drag them sobbing to a car, buckle them in, and drive down the road while they screamed in the backseat, telling them something like, "What's the matter with you? There's nothing to be afraid of." And yet, we often do something very similar to ourselves. What you would probably do is talk to the child kindly, maybe saying things like, "It's okay. Everything's totally safe. Look, we have seatbelts, air bags, etc . . . We're just going to drive for a little bit, five minutes, and then we'll be done. Nothing bad is going to happen." And you'd probably keep up that type of dialogue the entire car ride. Try viewing your brain like a very young child - your brain doesn't inherently understand what's scary or not scary, even if we think it should. You have to tell it, repeatedly, and kindly.
So, to rehash, my advice is: Work your way up slowly from less scary roads to more scary roads. Take your time. When you do go out driving, be prepared with breathing exercises and a positive mantra. Let yourself experience small, controlled doses of anxiety and let your brain learn that anxiety isn't going to hurt you and you don't need to run from it. Eventually, as you work your way up, you'll look back at roads that used to scare you and think, "Wow, that isn't scary at all anymore."
One more word of advice: Since you've developed a fear in this area of your life, keep an eye out that you don't start slowly avoiding other types of things. If you feel yourself developing any sort of new fears, nip them in the bud, while they are still relatively easy to manage. For instance, say one fine day you are at the mall and it's really crowded, and this has never bothered you before, but you start to feel slightly uncomfortable, slightly anxious, and you think to yourself, "What the heck, I don't feel that great and I don't want to have any anxiety, so I'll just leave." DON'T! That's a perfect way to start brewing a new anxiety. Maybe instead, find a bench to sit down on, try your breathing exercises, and talk to your brain like it's a small child. "Everything's okay. You're perfectly safe. It's just anxiety. It will go away on its own. It's not going to hurt you, and you don't have to run from it." (*I'm not recommending forcing yourself to stay in dangerous situations or situations where you feel truly unsafe or wary. This is just a suggestion for when you believe that you are safe, and you can tell it's just your anxiety acting up.*)
Okay, I'm done! Feel free to ignore any or all of that. And let us know when you start getting better and how you do it! :)
posted by quiet_musings at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2016 [17 favorites]
Response by poster: re: eyesight changes... YES. I do wear glasses 90% of the time now and I have considered that it does contribute to my issues.
re: what changed? I had a full blown panic attack at the top of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge about 3 years ago. Out of nowhere. I have not been the same since (though I did still commute over that damned bridge with Xanax a dozen or so more times afterwards.)
Thank you all for your answers!!
posted by kiwi-epitome at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
re: what changed? I had a full blown panic attack at the top of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge about 3 years ago. Out of nowhere. I have not been the same since (though I did still commute over that damned bridge with Xanax a dozen or so more times afterwards.)
Thank you all for your answers!!
posted by kiwi-epitome at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Another vote for pursuing the physical aspects. I developed anemia and also and a fear of driving (and everything else). It was weird and went away within days with treatment.
Also be careful driving on xanax. You can get a dui quite easily. It's generally a bad idea and possibly illegal where you are, although I know a lot of doctors say it's ok. My old doctor got into quite a legal mess over something similar.
posted by fshgrl at 7:46 AM on August 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
Also be careful driving on xanax. You can get a dui quite easily. It's generally a bad idea and possibly illegal where you are, although I know a lot of doctors say it's ok. My old doctor got into quite a legal mess over something similar.
posted by fshgrl at 7:46 AM on August 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
I have noticed myself sometimes feeling more nervous about certain things than I used to when I was younger (e.g rollercoasters, flying, driving too, unless I'm being driven by a professional, e.g. transit driver) - I wonder if becoming more aware of how flawed people are, and how tenuous order can be, might be part of it?
I comfort myself with odds. Odds are very unlikely the particular roadie who helped set up the rollercoaster at the fair I'm at was having a bad morning. Very unlikely that the pilot flying this Boeing is hungover. It's very likely your local bridges and overpasses are totally safe, and very likely that even the less amazing drivers around you have automated driving to the point that they're safe to drive next to. And it's likely that you have the skills to respond if something happens. (If you're concerned you don't, take a refresher driving course, maybe?)
If your eyes and attention are focused on your intended path, on what's ahead, on where you're going instead of what you're doing, your body (and in this case, car) will follow suit. If you let your awareness settle on dangers in the periphery, or on the bits about driving itself, that smooth intentionality is going to be interrupted. When you're on a bridge, look ahead. Pretend there's a field on either side of that road - just keep your eyes and thought ahead always, on where you want to go.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:08 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I comfort myself with odds. Odds are very unlikely the particular roadie who helped set up the rollercoaster at the fair I'm at was having a bad morning. Very unlikely that the pilot flying this Boeing is hungover. It's very likely your local bridges and overpasses are totally safe, and very likely that even the less amazing drivers around you have automated driving to the point that they're safe to drive next to. And it's likely that you have the skills to respond if something happens. (If you're concerned you don't, take a refresher driving course, maybe?)
If your eyes and attention are focused on your intended path, on what's ahead, on where you're going instead of what you're doing, your body (and in this case, car) will follow suit. If you let your awareness settle on dangers in the periphery, or on the bits about driving itself, that smooth intentionality is going to be interrupted. When you're on a bridge, look ahead. Pretend there's a field on either side of that road - just keep your eyes and thought ahead always, on where you want to go.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:08 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
The eye thing is so important. Get your scrip checked. And if you have cute little glasses that leave your peripheral vision uncorrected, maybe get a different pair for driving. (Uncorrected peripheral vision is something I have experience with and it is awful for driving.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:40 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:40 AM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
It does seem like this is interfering with your life and possibly getting worse, so probably a good idea to check in with a therapist.
However: you're not wrong to be afraid of driving. Rather it's the people who act like it's no big deal who are crazy, and they make the world more dangerous for the rest of us. I can't understand how people seem to not mind the carnage we do to ourselves every year.
If you are a healthy American age 20-60, your biggest chance of getting hurt or dying this year is car-related. About 5 million car crashes happen every year. About 30k Americans are killed every year on the roads.
For context, that's like every single person in South Carolina getting into a car accident, and every resident of Hilton Head Island gets killed by their accident.
So yeah, be careful out there, show due respect for the inherent danger, and let caution rule the day.
That being said, highways and overpasses aren't statistically any more dangerous than the small roads by your house. The danger is not really location based. Being safer means driving more defensively, not avoiding certain types of places.
You might also be interested in trying to find a way to live that demands less driving. That is also a reasonable response to the shittiness that is driving in America IMO, but that's a whole other question.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:49 AM on August 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
However: you're not wrong to be afraid of driving. Rather it's the people who act like it's no big deal who are crazy, and they make the world more dangerous for the rest of us. I can't understand how people seem to not mind the carnage we do to ourselves every year.
If you are a healthy American age 20-60, your biggest chance of getting hurt or dying this year is car-related. About 5 million car crashes happen every year. About 30k Americans are killed every year on the roads.
For context, that's like every single person in South Carolina getting into a car accident, and every resident of Hilton Head Island gets killed by their accident.
So yeah, be careful out there, show due respect for the inherent danger, and let caution rule the day.
That being said, highways and overpasses aren't statistically any more dangerous than the small roads by your house. The danger is not really location based. Being safer means driving more defensively, not avoiding certain types of places.
You might also be interested in trying to find a way to live that demands less driving. That is also a reasonable response to the shittiness that is driving in America IMO, but that's a whole other question.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:49 AM on August 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
Could it be helpful if you took a couple of driving lessons? Having an expert in the car might calm you down. And the instructor could tell you how you're doing, which could make you feel more secure in your driving.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:21 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:21 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Oh, I got this, yes indeed-y. I was driving to a doctor's appointment to get my heart checked, due to the palpitations. My heart is A-okay, and the heart specialist just said to cut back on caffeine.
But on the way down, I was on the highway, and suddenly had a panic attack, and it was only a small stretch of highway, no bridges involved.
Then it developed into fear of bridges, fear of driving on the highway, and fear of being a passenger in a car on a highway, fear of cars pulling up to turn (in my side vision, my brain was like, "don't hit me!" when obviously they were just pulling up to stop and wait to turn).
I suspected it was hormonal, as I was in peri-menopause, and then transitioning to menopause, but the gyno that my regular doc referred me to, when asked if she could do a hormone level test, disparagingly told me not to worry myself about hormones, all she could offer me was Zoloft. Since I am not someone who plays well with SSRI's -- on the advice of a psychiatrist, not a gyno who doesn't know me from Eve, well, I declined.
It did come and go, and I was perplexed, to put it mildly, as I'd driven in city traffic and rush hour traffic in big city suburbs for a good part of my adult life. Bridges, never liked them, but not really afraid of them either.
Then, about oh, 6 months ago? I wasn't as afraid riding in the car. I was somehow managing it better. It's been about 3-4 years since I have been officially "done" with menopause. No more hot flashes, insomnia, etc.
During this driving-anxiety-ridden time, I was also starting to get whacky periods, heavier than normal, etc. You might not notice if you are on the pill, I had gone off it and gotten my tubes tied a few years earlier.
Anyway, Google "menopause" and "fear of driving" and you will see a bunch of things out there. Some are valid websites, some are trying to sell you stuff (vitamins, books, etc.). I do take Vitamin D in the winter (per my doctor) and have a liquid B vitamin. I drink a lot of tea, just regular old tea, hot in the winter and cold in the summer. No coffee after 9:00 a.m.
Recently, was riding with an older female relative, and we had to go across a big bridge. She was all, "look at the boats down there, isn't this cool?" and I was like, "um, I am afraid of bridges now." She said, "oh, I LOVE bridges!" And after a while of riding with her, she's 15-20 years older than I am, and watching her drive with confidence, I was like, "hmm, maybe I can try it again."
So when I got home, I did. And then I could drive to the store. Pretty soon, I was tooling around the back roads, and over (small) bridges, no problems! Then, one day, I went from one highway exit to the next, and I did it. Nothing bad happened.
And I was like, huh, guess I am over that now. I personally think it was a combo of hormones and other circumstances, lots of bad life events piled one on top of the other, that contributed to my fear of driving.
Speaking of eyesight: I recently got a pair of long-distance-only glasses, and I can see very well at night now, can read street signs, see animals by the side of the road in the dark, etc. I have a 2nd pair, mid-range glasses, for computer work only, as the bulk of my work is in front of a computer. Don't need glasses to read a book, but if I did, would buy a pair of drugstore cheaters. My old prescription was a result of the eye doctor trying to compensate for my nearsightedness and needing to use a computer, and it was NOT a good fit for me, in regards to my driving confidence. These new ones are fantastic!
So consider that hormones and your age may play a part, when/if you talk to your doctor.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 11:02 AM on August 19, 2016 [7 favorites]
But on the way down, I was on the highway, and suddenly had a panic attack, and it was only a small stretch of highway, no bridges involved.
Then it developed into fear of bridges, fear of driving on the highway, and fear of being a passenger in a car on a highway, fear of cars pulling up to turn (in my side vision, my brain was like, "don't hit me!" when obviously they were just pulling up to stop and wait to turn).
I suspected it was hormonal, as I was in peri-menopause, and then transitioning to menopause, but the gyno that my regular doc referred me to, when asked if she could do a hormone level test, disparagingly told me not to worry myself about hormones, all she could offer me was Zoloft. Since I am not someone who plays well with SSRI's -- on the advice of a psychiatrist, not a gyno who doesn't know me from Eve, well, I declined.
It did come and go, and I was perplexed, to put it mildly, as I'd driven in city traffic and rush hour traffic in big city suburbs for a good part of my adult life. Bridges, never liked them, but not really afraid of them either.
Then, about oh, 6 months ago? I wasn't as afraid riding in the car. I was somehow managing it better. It's been about 3-4 years since I have been officially "done" with menopause. No more hot flashes, insomnia, etc.
During this driving-anxiety-ridden time, I was also starting to get whacky periods, heavier than normal, etc. You might not notice if you are on the pill, I had gone off it and gotten my tubes tied a few years earlier.
Anyway, Google "menopause" and "fear of driving" and you will see a bunch of things out there. Some are valid websites, some are trying to sell you stuff (vitamins, books, etc.). I do take Vitamin D in the winter (per my doctor) and have a liquid B vitamin. I drink a lot of tea, just regular old tea, hot in the winter and cold in the summer. No coffee after 9:00 a.m.
Recently, was riding with an older female relative, and we had to go across a big bridge. She was all, "look at the boats down there, isn't this cool?" and I was like, "um, I am afraid of bridges now." She said, "oh, I LOVE bridges!" And after a while of riding with her, she's 15-20 years older than I am, and watching her drive with confidence, I was like, "hmm, maybe I can try it again."
So when I got home, I did. And then I could drive to the store. Pretty soon, I was tooling around the back roads, and over (small) bridges, no problems! Then, one day, I went from one highway exit to the next, and I did it. Nothing bad happened.
And I was like, huh, guess I am over that now. I personally think it was a combo of hormones and other circumstances, lots of bad life events piled one on top of the other, that contributed to my fear of driving.
Speaking of eyesight: I recently got a pair of long-distance-only glasses, and I can see very well at night now, can read street signs, see animals by the side of the road in the dark, etc. I have a 2nd pair, mid-range glasses, for computer work only, as the bulk of my work is in front of a computer. Don't need glasses to read a book, but if I did, would buy a pair of drugstore cheaters. My old prescription was a result of the eye doctor trying to compensate for my nearsightedness and needing to use a computer, and it was NOT a good fit for me, in regards to my driving confidence. These new ones are fantastic!
So consider that hormones and your age may play a part, when/if you talk to your doctor.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 11:02 AM on August 19, 2016 [7 favorites]
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helped me with this exact thing. It was basically training myself to not freak out in those driving conditions. After a couple of months I saw significant improvement and sometimes still use the technique when driving. I based my choice of therapist on which ones were accessible without going on a highway :)
posted by mrcrow at 11:16 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mrcrow at 11:16 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
I developed a terrible driving phobia and the only thing that helped was doing it anyway.
I've improved dramatically but even now if I happen to go awhile without driving I find that I've regressed in my comfort level with it.
I tend to feel better when someone else is in the car with me, but I can get dependent on that too and ultimately find that I have to make a point of getting on the freeway by myself.
I'm also a big fan of using the GPS on my phone, sometimes even if I'm pretty sure I know how to get somewhere.
It also helps to make mistakes -- take the wrong exist, turn too early -- and then backtrack just to see that it's not the end of the world.
Finally I recently got a car with merge assist (merging on freeways being one of my key fears) and it has helped dramatically. In my car it's an indicator on the side mirror that shows yellow when there's a car in your blind spot, or coming up fast in the lane next to you. I still don't love merging, but this device helps me tremendously, especially in merging to the right. You may not be in a position to run out and buy a car with this technology, but the next time you are in the market for a car it might make sense to look for one that has this feature.
posted by pocketfullofrye at 11:30 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
I've improved dramatically but even now if I happen to go awhile without driving I find that I've regressed in my comfort level with it.
I tend to feel better when someone else is in the car with me, but I can get dependent on that too and ultimately find that I have to make a point of getting on the freeway by myself.
I'm also a big fan of using the GPS on my phone, sometimes even if I'm pretty sure I know how to get somewhere.
It also helps to make mistakes -- take the wrong exist, turn too early -- and then backtrack just to see that it's not the end of the world.
Finally I recently got a car with merge assist (merging on freeways being one of my key fears) and it has helped dramatically. In my car it's an indicator on the side mirror that shows yellow when there's a car in your blind spot, or coming up fast in the lane next to you. I still don't love merging, but this device helps me tremendously, especially in merging to the right. You may not be in a position to run out and buy a car with this technology, but the next time you are in the market for a car it might make sense to look for one that has this feature.
posted by pocketfullofrye at 11:30 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I've used medication: Paxil, which I don't recommend due to side effects I found intolerable, not to mention that it can be an ordeal to stop taking it, and Xanax for acute anxiety, though per fshgrl it may be too much while driving (and again, a potential nightmare to come off if you get hooked). Those particular meds work, for me at least, but are no longer part of my approach.
Better was CBT. The exposure part, especially, for me, though the ability to recognize and "talk back" to anxious cognitions remains valuable to me. Now when I'm in a bad place vis-à-vis highway and bridge driving, I practice tackling increasingly challenging exposures. First I'll drive the Bay Bridge at 10 pm, when it's pretty empty, for a few days. Then maybe midday, when there's some traffic but unlikely to be bumper-to-bumper. Then finally rush hour. It's a really good feeling to get there. The keys are patience with the process, kindness toward yourself, and dedicated practice.
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:23 PM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Better was CBT. The exposure part, especially, for me, though the ability to recognize and "talk back" to anxious cognitions remains valuable to me. Now when I'm in a bad place vis-à-vis highway and bridge driving, I practice tackling increasingly challenging exposures. First I'll drive the Bay Bridge at 10 pm, when it's pretty empty, for a few days. Then maybe midday, when there's some traffic but unlikely to be bumper-to-bumper. Then finally rush hour. It's a really good feeling to get there. The keys are patience with the process, kindness toward yourself, and dedicated practice.
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:23 PM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Re: CBT, I found a therapist who accompanied me on exposures to help me get started. Worth asking about, if you choose this route.
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:25 PM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:25 PM on August 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by frumiousb at 6:03 AM on August 19, 2016 [2 favorites]