I need words.
August 4, 2016 7:50 PM Subscribe
I'd like to read more on a topic, but don't know what terms to search for. TV tropes calls it the "bumbling dad". But it's also everyone who says to me, "Dad's babysitting both the kids? Super dad!" Not how women are generally the primary caregivers of children, but instead how men are praised for doing the minimum.
What should I search?
I haven't read her book on the topic, Unfinished Business, but Anne-Marie Slaughter has written extensively on how the burden of care falls disproportionately on women.
posted by Tamanna at 8:24 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Tamanna at 8:24 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Gender role expectations and disparity?
posted by Jacen at 9:18 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacen at 9:18 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Here's Jessica Valenti in the Guardian.
And here's the BBC on dads and babysitting.
For your search, try these words in various combinations:
stay at home fathers
stay at home dads
sexism
feminism
gender roles
In a way, this is feminism 101, so look at women's studies and feminist writings more generally.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:22 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
And here's the BBC on dads and babysitting.
For your search, try these words in various combinations:
stay at home fathers
stay at home dads
sexism
feminism
gender roles
In a way, this is feminism 101, so look at women's studies and feminist writings more generally.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:22 PM on August 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
For the purposes of refining your search, the "bumbling dad" trope is not about dads being rewarded for doing the bare minimum. It's about dads being portrayed as man-child idiots. The first picture in the TV Tropes thing is Homer Simpson, and that sort of goofy, totally useless dad (often paired with an improbably hot and hyper-competent mom) is ubiquitous in sitcoms, commercials, etc. This thing you're trying to research is real, but there is a nasty flip side to it where it's not just assumed that mom is the smart one, but that dad is basically a big house ape.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:35 AM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:35 AM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
When men "do the minimum" and get disproportionately hero-praised (see Ali Wong's devastating rip on this here), we all roll our eyes and laugh along. But truly- how is this still A Thing?
From HuffPo: Retire the Bumbling Husband:
"In 1963, Betty Friedan pointed out in The Feminine Mystique that it is both insulting to men to suggest that they are simply incapable of keeping a house and limiting to women when it becomes the assumption that housekeeping is, by default, a woman’s responsibility. Still, commercials which draw on the idiotic/incompetent man trope make up a large part of what we see on TV today, particularly when it comes to the marketing of goods that have to do with housekeeping — particularly child-rearing, clean up and home maintenance, and food preparation. This awkward misinterpretation of feminism in advertising which attempts to enhance women by dumbing down men only perpetuates the fear that feminism strives for the dominance of women over men... In an attempt to empower the female character by gracing her with the ability to flawlessly run a busy household, the Bumbling Husband not only discounts male competence, but also reinforces Friedan’s assertion that this means that the running of the household is a necessarily feminine responsibility."
Also:
CNN: No More Dumb Old Dad
Daily Kos: Selling Stupid Men: Advertising and the Myth of the Incompetent Male
Washington Post: The End of the Dumb Dad Era
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:50 AM on August 5, 2016
From HuffPo: Retire the Bumbling Husband:
"In 1963, Betty Friedan pointed out in The Feminine Mystique that it is both insulting to men to suggest that they are simply incapable of keeping a house and limiting to women when it becomes the assumption that housekeeping is, by default, a woman’s responsibility. Still, commercials which draw on the idiotic/incompetent man trope make up a large part of what we see on TV today, particularly when it comes to the marketing of goods that have to do with housekeeping — particularly child-rearing, clean up and home maintenance, and food preparation. This awkward misinterpretation of feminism in advertising which attempts to enhance women by dumbing down men only perpetuates the fear that feminism strives for the dominance of women over men... In an attempt to empower the female character by gracing her with the ability to flawlessly run a busy household, the Bumbling Husband not only discounts male competence, but also reinforces Friedan’s assertion that this means that the running of the household is a necessarily feminine responsibility."
Also:
CNN: No More Dumb Old Dad
Daily Kos: Selling Stupid Men: Advertising and the Myth of the Incompetent Male
Washington Post: The End of the Dumb Dad Era
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:50 AM on August 5, 2016
13 Things People Worship Dads For That Moms Literally Do Every Single Day Without Praise
Dads Caring for Their Kids: It's Parenting, Not Babysitting
Being a “Good Dad” Still Means Something Different From Being a “Good Mom”
Default parent
For The Last Time: A Father Cannot ‘Babysit’ His Own Kids
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:41 AM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
Dads Caring for Their Kids: It's Parenting, Not Babysitting
Being a “Good Dad” Still Means Something Different From Being a “Good Mom”
Default parent
For The Last Time: A Father Cannot ‘Babysit’ His Own Kids
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:41 AM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
I would throw the phrase "low expectations" into some of your search strings.
posted by puddledork at 7:41 AM on August 5, 2016
posted by puddledork at 7:41 AM on August 5, 2016
Different but related is "Disney Dad", who doesn't do boring stuff like homework and discipline. He just does fun and outings. Boring old mum is responsible for all the shitwork (and this is not different parenting standards; the Disney Dad wants his children to be brought up well, just not by him because it's really tedious).
posted by tinkletown at 10:41 AM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by tinkletown at 10:41 AM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
Equally shared parenting? Gender inequality in parenting? Gendered disparity in parenting roles? "When Mom and Dad Share It All," from the NYT Magazine.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:27 PM on August 5, 2016
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:27 PM on August 5, 2016
Though the epic length Metafilter piece on emotional labor tends to get posted more on the relationship advice threads, I do recall that there was a LOT of back and forth about the varying forms that differing expectations for men and women can take, and that the emotional labor of child care and being seen as the default parent was part of that.
It's a super long thread, but if you can find some of the places where they talk about child rearing, there may be some additional search terms to farm in that thread.
posted by helloimjennsco at 12:57 PM on August 9, 2016
It's a super long thread, but if you can find some of the places where they talk about child rearing, there may be some additional search terms to farm in that thread.
posted by helloimjennsco at 12:57 PM on August 9, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by eeek at 8:14 PM on August 4, 2016 [2 favorites]