Wherever you go, there you are
July 22, 2016 12:13 PM Subscribe
I spend a lot of time alone, and I'm very good at keeping myself entertained. I need a lot of alone time in order to thrive. Yet, sometimes I feel bored/tired with myself, and I'm not sure how to snap out of that. What helps restore you when you're tired of yourself? Please don't make any suggestions that depend on social activities or travel--I love both, but I can't access those on command.
First, I'd like to state that I'm not talking about depression. I'm in therapy and on meds for that, and I know how it manifests in myself. This is just a feeling of being too predictable to myself. I've been trying some new things recently, and it was a bit frustrating to see that even if I do things unlike myself, I bring my own baggage to those endeavours. Strangely, then,the obvious fix of doing new things doesn't help.
If this helps you make suggestions, most of my hobbies are creative/artsy. I'm a writer and visual artist and obsessed with music. I like to use guided audio meditations, but I haven't found any on this topic.
I realize that getting a change of scenery helps a lot, but that's tricky for me to do, especially since I don't drive.
I guess that I'm mainly looking for things I can do even while cooped up at home alone. I appreciate your candor and insight.
First, I'd like to state that I'm not talking about depression. I'm in therapy and on meds for that, and I know how it manifests in myself. This is just a feeling of being too predictable to myself. I've been trying some new things recently, and it was a bit frustrating to see that even if I do things unlike myself, I bring my own baggage to those endeavours. Strangely, then,the obvious fix of doing new things doesn't help.
If this helps you make suggestions, most of my hobbies are creative/artsy. I'm a writer and visual artist and obsessed with music. I like to use guided audio meditations, but I haven't found any on this topic.
I realize that getting a change of scenery helps a lot, but that's tricky for me to do, especially since I don't drive.
I guess that I'm mainly looking for things I can do even while cooped up at home alone. I appreciate your candor and insight.
exercise? not sure to what extent that fits with "cooped up at home" - running, biking and walking are all possible without a car.
posted by andrewcooke at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by andrewcooke at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
If your hobbies are creative and you're getting bored with yourself, probably the best thing to do is something not creative at all. You may be burned out, a bit.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:22 PM on July 22, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:22 PM on July 22, 2016 [10 favorites]
Honestly, exercise. Getting started is the hardest part, but 10 minutes into it, you start to feel good, and when you've finished you feel great. It's just getting yourself to do it that's hard. Gradually, you'll just have more energy all the time. I like to use an elliptical in my place and watch Netflix, but going to a low-key gym like a Planet Fitness or something is good.
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:23 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:23 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
Best answer: When I have an idea for something I want to do but can't at that time (usually because I don't have time, or the situation/weather/whatever is wrong), I add the idea to a list.
When I can't think of anything I feel like doing, or I don't feel like doing anything, I check the list in case something on there appeals.
I find that the list remembers a whole lot of things that don't occur to me when I'm trying to think of things to do.
I've also found that even when I don't feel like doing anything, if I start something on the list anyway (ie something that I know I want to do even though I currently don't feel like doing anything) and keep at it for 20 minutes, by the time that 20 minutes is up I'm past the motivational hurdle and totally into it.
So sometimes just starting is enough, even though I don't want to.
(And sometimes, I just need to give myself permission to do nothing and let the brain idle or spin its wheels annoyingly for a while and just not worry about it)
posted by anonymisc at 12:25 PM on July 22, 2016 [10 favorites]
When I can't think of anything I feel like doing, or I don't feel like doing anything, I check the list in case something on there appeals.
I find that the list remembers a whole lot of things that don't occur to me when I'm trying to think of things to do.
I've also found that even when I don't feel like doing anything, if I start something on the list anyway (ie something that I know I want to do even though I currently don't feel like doing anything) and keep at it for 20 minutes, by the time that 20 minutes is up I'm past the motivational hurdle and totally into it.
So sometimes just starting is enough, even though I don't want to.
(And sometimes, I just need to give myself permission to do nothing and let the brain idle or spin its wheels annoyingly for a while and just not worry about it)
posted by anonymisc at 12:25 PM on July 22, 2016 [10 favorites]
Clean, organize, rearrange or redecorating your living space!
posted by The otter lady at 12:30 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by The otter lady at 12:30 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Go for a walk, even if you're in a place that seems boring. Take a camera or sketchbook and give yourself an assignment - beetles, leaves, clouds. You can find a "change of scenery" anywhere if you look closely. If you're more in a zone-out mood, listen to podcasts or audio books on your walk (your local library might have a free online audiobook subscription).
posted by beyond_pink at 12:33 PM on July 22, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by beyond_pink at 12:33 PM on July 22, 2016 [7 favorites]
I really like going to museums or galleries, if you have access to those, because it's tactile, and the fact that I'm learning stuff takes me out of my head.
posted by ITheCosmos at 12:41 PM on July 22, 2016
posted by ITheCosmos at 12:41 PM on July 22, 2016
I work from home, and sometimes when I get like this I go down Soundcloud or Spotify wormholes. Just pick an artist you don't typically listen to, look for related music, and go down a few random paths for awhile.
posted by lunalaguna at 12:44 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by lunalaguna at 12:44 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Some thoughts from a fellow often-alone person:
Strangely, then,the obvious fix of doing new things doesn't help.
-Do some old things that are very typical for you but you haven't done them in a few years.
most of my hobbies are creative/artsy.
-Engage with these in the opposite direction from how you usually do, so instead of writing, do a lot of reading, or instead of listening to music, try to write some.
-Start doing a hobby in a new way or on a new platform. (E.g. if you like taking photos but don't have Instagram, make an account.)
-Declutter/organize your room/closet/desk/whatever.
-Think of something in the not-too-distant future you can plan for or work towards, not in an idle daydream sense but something where you actually have to take steps towards it and plan out those steps.
-If it's possible for you, and if you don't already have one, get a cat.
-Get a different hair cut/color, or new makeup/nail polish, or make some other small physical change.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
Strangely, then,the obvious fix of doing new things doesn't help.
-Do some old things that are very typical for you but you haven't done them in a few years.
most of my hobbies are creative/artsy.
-Engage with these in the opposite direction from how you usually do, so instead of writing, do a lot of reading, or instead of listening to music, try to write some.
-Start doing a hobby in a new way or on a new platform. (E.g. if you like taking photos but don't have Instagram, make an account.)
-Declutter/organize your room/closet/desk/whatever.
-Think of something in the not-too-distant future you can plan for or work towards, not in an idle daydream sense but something where you actually have to take steps towards it and plan out those steps.
-If it's possible for you, and if you don't already have one, get a cat.
-Get a different hair cut/color, or new makeup/nail polish, or make some other small physical change.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
Cooking. We do a lot of from scratch cooking at home, but while I'm a pretty competent chef, I'm not a very confident one still, and I'm not the sort of person who enjoys the process or loves making the same thing over and over, tweaking it to get it 'right'. And yet, even given those caveats, it's a great distraction. I load up podcasts, and I get on with it. I have to concentrate on the cooking and the listening and there's no space for other thoughts, and unlike a lot of hobbies or watching movies or faffing on the internet, I never feel like I've wasted my time. it's a productive, 'worthwhile', distracting thing to do.
And, of course, you can cook something that'll do for dinner tomorrow night as well, and hopefully by then you'll be feeling creative again and be glad to have the spare time to do something other than make yourself dinner...
posted by AFII at 12:55 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
And, of course, you can cook something that'll do for dinner tomorrow night as well, and hopefully by then you'll be feeling creative again and be glad to have the spare time to do something other than make yourself dinner...
posted by AFII at 12:55 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
Since you can't access other people IRL, tap into a new internet community related to one of your interests. There are a million Facebook groups for any given topic, there's likely at least one that feels comfortable for you (and if you sign up for ones that look appealing, you'll get related recommendations you might not find otherwise). Website comments sections can also work.
Also, reading challenging long-form text. "There is no frigate like a book...."
posted by momus_window at 1:09 PM on July 22, 2016
Also, reading challenging long-form text. "There is no frigate like a book...."
posted by momus_window at 1:09 PM on July 22, 2016
also an alone a lot person and definitely recommend cooking. different cuisines, techniques and ingredients keep me interested since cooking for one can be a drag.
posted by lescour at 1:21 PM on July 22, 2016
posted by lescour at 1:21 PM on July 22, 2016
Going for very long walks (more than a few miles) really pulls me together. The first couple of miles, I'm still all in my head, thinking about problems and such, but after a while, I just think creatively and make up stories and just feel the area where I'm at, etc.
posted by xingcat at 1:22 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 1:22 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm assuming you mean when you're not doing some semi-leisurely slog like reading, or, worse yet, writing something. These days all I ever do is come on here and rant or lie on the couch and watch shows. Before Netflix happened, I used to fulfill the need to do as close as possible to nothing but yet not be bored by listening to books on tape while puttering. Puttering took many forms. Housework sometimes, or sometimes I'd do something arty but no-expectations, like draw very intricate things with pen and ink and then color them in with pencils or markers. Cooking, yep, for sure. The most ambitious thing like this I ever did was decoupage a dresser. That was really fun because it involves cutting out pictures and then gluing them and then varnishing them. Also painting the dresser first. I cut out line drawings of cabbages and tomatoes from this fancy wrapping paper I had and pasted them onto a dresser from Goodwill that I'd first painted a repugnant color of green with porch paint, which stank up the entire house. The results were hideous, but whatever. At least it wasn't writing my goddamn thesis, you know?
posted by Don Pepino at 1:29 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Don Pepino at 1:29 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Creative activities, if you're not right into a particular idea, can involve a fair bit of internal focus - I think you and answerers are right that a focus on external things (and just difference) would help. 2nd even short excursions in your immediate area.
I can't access those on command.
I understand that you can't just go whenever you're moved to, but would it be possible to plan an outing in advance? Maybe check your city's calendar (and meetup etc) and come up with a list of cheap local things you haven't seen/done, and plan for e.g. a couple of events or meetings per month? (Don't want to generalize, but I know that letting more than two weeks go without some kind of social contact or thing happening is bad news for me.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2016
I can't access those on command.
I understand that you can't just go whenever you're moved to, but would it be possible to plan an outing in advance? Maybe check your city's calendar (and meetup etc) and come up with a list of cheap local things you haven't seen/done, and plan for e.g. a couple of events or meetings per month? (Don't want to generalize, but I know that letting more than two weeks go without some kind of social contact or thing happening is bad news for me.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2016
You sound a lot like me, and I've been feeling like this lately. Like showbiz_liz, I think in my case it might be a little burnout. I can spend hours on the couch looking at my phone with a vague feeling of "why does it matter what I do when I just have to wake up and do it all over again."
I've been fixing that lately by instead spending hours in the tub looking at my phone. Somehow just being in the bath makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. (I put my phone in a plastic baggie.) And at least when you get out you're clean.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:40 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've been fixing that lately by instead spending hours in the tub looking at my phone. Somehow just being in the bath makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. (I put my phone in a plastic baggie.) And at least when you get out you're clean.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:40 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm not into talking on the phone as a rule, but when I get sick of hearing my own voice in my head, I will reach out to someone over the phone.
posted by parakeetdog at 1:43 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by parakeetdog at 1:43 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is just a guess, but when you're feeling this way, are you mostly indoors? I think it helps a lot just to have sunshine or wind on your face.
posted by thewumpusisdead at 1:52 PM on July 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by thewumpusisdead at 1:52 PM on July 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
You can try transcribing Metafilter podcasts. It's easy and fun, and it can introduce you to parts of the Mefi community you were not previously aware of. It's 30 seconds of transcription at a time, and sometimes it flies by because it's at a really straightforward point and sometimes it takes a bit of rewinding to figure out what is being said.
I've only worked on episodes that feature cortex and jessamyn ( and some ColdChef) and I can genuinely assert that just listening to those two can have a very uplifting effect. Plus, it's super fun to put things that jessamyn says in allcaps with lots of exclamation points, because jessamyn just always seems really very excited about what she's talking about and her excitement can be contagious!
posted by danabanana at 2:01 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
I've only worked on episodes that feature cortex and jessamyn ( and some ColdChef) and I can genuinely assert that just listening to those two can have a very uplifting effect. Plus, it's super fun to put things that jessamyn says in allcaps with lots of exclamation points, because jessamyn just always seems really very excited about what she's talking about and her excitement can be contagious!
posted by danabanana at 2:01 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
As an introvert and fellow non-driver/travel enthusiast, nature documentaries (especially those narrated by David Attenborough) help me to get out of my head when I'm sick of myself and the part of the world I exist in. This is particularly helpful when I'm feeling low energy. It's a good reminder that there's a big beautiful world out there, and allows me to escape for an hour or so when I'm feeling trapped.
posted by Juniper Toast at 2:29 PM on July 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Juniper Toast at 2:29 PM on July 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
I like to just take a walk and not be dictated by a place to go. Basically walk and take random turns and see where you end up. I'll then stop someplace that I get a good feeling about and just sit and soak in the vibe.
posted by KingBoogly at 3:08 PM on July 22, 2016
posted by KingBoogly at 3:08 PM on July 22, 2016
Youtube videos on a topic you are interested in. If you search and find one video on your topic, Youtube will suggest related videos and you could be set for hours.
Online classes or workshops. Sometimes these are expensive, sometimes not. I've taken classes on art, drying herbs, reading tarot, etc. The paid classes I've taken have ranged from $20 for the herb class to $60 for one of the art classes. Of course they can be much more expensive. Occasionally you can find free ones.
I'm sure there are classes on just about any topic you could think of. Usually there is a forum, chat or Facebook page where you can interact with others on the topic.
Are you on Pinterest? Pinning cool stuff to boards is a fun exercise all on its own, plus it can provide you with endless ideas for future projects.
Probably obvious, but looking at funny stuff like videos and memes online, or stand-up comedy on Netflix really helps to lift me out of a funk.
Listening to podcasts or audiobooks while playing a mindless video game makes for an absorbing zone-out.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:25 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Online classes or workshops. Sometimes these are expensive, sometimes not. I've taken classes on art, drying herbs, reading tarot, etc. The paid classes I've taken have ranged from $20 for the herb class to $60 for one of the art classes. Of course they can be much more expensive. Occasionally you can find free ones.
I'm sure there are classes on just about any topic you could think of. Usually there is a forum, chat or Facebook page where you can interact with others on the topic.
Are you on Pinterest? Pinning cool stuff to boards is a fun exercise all on its own, plus it can provide you with endless ideas for future projects.
Probably obvious, but looking at funny stuff like videos and memes online, or stand-up comedy on Netflix really helps to lift me out of a funk.
Listening to podcasts or audiobooks while playing a mindless video game makes for an absorbing zone-out.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:25 PM on July 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
You say not to bring up social activities, but how do you feel about online-only social activities? Because I can recommend a few that I find very therapeutic.
posted by 256 at 4:28 PM on July 22, 2016
posted by 256 at 4:28 PM on July 22, 2016
I know EXACTLY the feeling you mean.
Sometimes making collages helps. It's just the right level of low-stakes creativity. If I'm feeling particularly incapable of creation, I'll just go through a stack of magazines and cut out pretty patterns/shapes. If I have slightly more capacity, I'll try to stitch them together into some sort of postcard, which I may or may not write on and send to a friend at a later date.
There's something slightly mindless and physical but still minorly creative about this activity that really suits this kind of mood, for me at least.
posted by attentionplease at 10:10 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
Sometimes making collages helps. It's just the right level of low-stakes creativity. If I'm feeling particularly incapable of creation, I'll just go through a stack of magazines and cut out pretty patterns/shapes. If I have slightly more capacity, I'll try to stitch them together into some sort of postcard, which I may or may not write on and send to a friend at a later date.
There's something slightly mindless and physical but still minorly creative about this activity that really suits this kind of mood, for me at least.
posted by attentionplease at 10:10 PM on July 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
Musical?
Learn to play a new instrument. Learn to read music/tabs.
posted by mule98J at 6:57 AM on July 23, 2016
Learn to play a new instrument. Learn to read music/tabs.
posted by mule98J at 6:57 AM on July 23, 2016
I've been enjoying reviewing the Metafilter podcast transcripts.
posted by kjs4 at 2:42 AM on July 24, 2016
posted by kjs4 at 2:42 AM on July 24, 2016
I just want to say, I know exactly what you mean about being bored/tired of yourself (I'm currently recovering from surgery and have spent the last 4 weeks cooped up in my house losing my mind, and I am damn tired of my own company). It's that, not exactly depressed, but too much time with yourself leads to existential overthinking and no one needs that.
My paints have all been sitting unused - not feeling very creative. I haven't really written anything. It's all pretty blah. I hear you.
So at least for me -- I've been knitting hats and scarves for the winter (and winter gifts), which is an easy to start hobby with minimal investment in anything, I wove a rug (weaved?), I bought some FIMO clay off Amazon to try and practice learning cuneiform for giggles, I have watched a great deal of bad television (if you speak Spanish, Caso Cerrado is great).
I've been trying to make myself talk to somebody on Skype at least once a day through Italki so I don't feel 1000% isolated, and my conversations have been really been interesting. It's hard to motivate myself to do it, but once I'm actually talking to someone, it's interesting and time-limited (it's just 30 minutes) so it's easier to make that initial hurdle of motivation. It can be helpful sometimes because when talking with some stranger and telling them about yourself, you realize that you're not actually as boring of a person as you feel like. It kills some time.
As far as music, I play banjo, and so I've been screwing around now and again with a guitar lately to see if it works some other part of my brain, since I'm terrible at it - I really think doing stuff like that can get the brain going. If you're a visual artist, mess around with a different medium and see how that does it for you.
...and I have painted the hell out of my nails. And I did play about 50 hours of Sims 4 (I wish it didn't keep track). Sometimes just distracting yourself from yourself is nice.
posted by circle_b at 9:19 AM on July 24, 2016
My paints have all been sitting unused - not feeling very creative. I haven't really written anything. It's all pretty blah. I hear you.
So at least for me -- I've been knitting hats and scarves for the winter (and winter gifts), which is an easy to start hobby with minimal investment in anything, I wove a rug (weaved?), I bought some FIMO clay off Amazon to try and practice learning cuneiform for giggles, I have watched a great deal of bad television (if you speak Spanish, Caso Cerrado is great).
I've been trying to make myself talk to somebody on Skype at least once a day through Italki so I don't feel 1000% isolated, and my conversations have been really been interesting. It's hard to motivate myself to do it, but once I'm actually talking to someone, it's interesting and time-limited (it's just 30 minutes) so it's easier to make that initial hurdle of motivation. It can be helpful sometimes because when talking with some stranger and telling them about yourself, you realize that you're not actually as boring of a person as you feel like. It kills some time.
As far as music, I play banjo, and so I've been screwing around now and again with a guitar lately to see if it works some other part of my brain, since I'm terrible at it - I really think doing stuff like that can get the brain going. If you're a visual artist, mess around with a different medium and see how that does it for you.
...and I have painted the hell out of my nails. And I did play about 50 hours of Sims 4 (I wish it didn't keep track). Sometimes just distracting yourself from yourself is nice.
posted by circle_b at 9:19 AM on July 24, 2016
Oh yeah, origami. You don't need the special paper as long as you can cut a really good square (not that hard). I've made cranes and irises and stuff out of legal pads, prescription pads (don't do that), printer paper. Low investment, time consuming, you get a cool little thing at the end.
posted by circle_b at 9:23 AM on July 24, 2016
posted by circle_b at 9:23 AM on July 24, 2016
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posted by Dressed to Kill at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2016 [3 favorites]