Why is it so hard to get butt smell off your hands?

July 13, 2016 2:45 AM

I generally keep my butt clean. Babywipes and whatnot. But I applied some cream to my butt. I then washed my hands really well with soap and hot water. All over. Under the nails, even. Then, a bit later, I'm eating some grapes...

...and I smell butt! Whenever my finger gets close to my face I smell butt.

So I get up, I go wash my hands. Again, really well. Soap, hot water, under the nails. I scrub that shit like I'm heading to the OR or something.

I still smell butt on my finger. It won't go away.

This happens every time I apply butt cream or do anything that involves putting fingers near my butt. I can't get the butt smell off my fingers, no matter what.

Note that this is not a poop smell, it's a butt smell. They are related, but they are not the same.

My questions:

1) What is it about butt that is so hard to remove the smell?
2) Is this one of those things that only I can smell? Would others be able to smell the butt on my fingers?
3) If I can smell it, is it harmful? Am I gonna get the e Coli on my grapes?

This is not a joke question. Is there a microbiologist in the house?

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (21 answers total)

I don't know about this smell in particular, but anything moist (like sweat or pee residue) can penetrate into the deeper layers of the skin of your fingers. So, to get rid of the smell, soak rather than just wash your hands in a weak hydrogen peroxide solution for a few minutes.

Brief Googling suggests a whole host of other treatments: baking soda, lemon juice, vinegar, rubbing hands on a steel bowl... Surely one of these things has gotta do the trick.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 3:43 AM on July 13, 2016

A short-circuit to your stated questions, but I've had great success using a disposable glove when applying butt cream.
posted by terretu at 3:56 AM on July 13, 2016 [15 favorites]

Clip those nails.
posted by oceanjesse at 4:01 AM on July 13, 2016 [13 favorites]

Make sure you use friction when washing your hands. Meaning rub them together for 30 seconds vigorously. It's really the friction under water that will remove bacteria. If you can smell bacteria, yes they are probably there. I'd focus my friction efforts on questionable area of the hand. If you've done a decent job washing, it's unlikely you are going to get sick. If you can smell your hand, others can smell it at the same distance. Few people should be smelling your hand at close range (like probably none).
posted by Kalmya at 4:24 AM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Certainly not a microbiologist, but certain smells, (faeces, urine, etc of animals including humans) contain proteins and bacteria of varying stinkiness, so something something, proteins and bacteria?

Are you scrubbing your hands in accordance with universal precautions standards of hand washing?
See here.

My partner read this question out loud to me half an hour or so ago, and then I happened to be watching a webinar about oncology biology that was discussing colon cancer & digital rectal examination & we looked at each other and exclaimed "GLOVES."
posted by goshling at 4:27 AM on July 13, 2016 [7 favorites]

Oh, I forgot to add that that products for getting pet smells out of carpet/soft furnishings, etc are usually prompted as enzymatic cleaners, so maybe googling that might get you some answers before someone who is actually qualified in this stuff turns up.

As far as what I understand, working in the health industry:

1: answered above & in my previous comment to the best of my knowledge (proteins & bacteria)
2: If you can smell it, others will be able to smell it. Not all others, this depends on people's individual sense of smell, some are more sensitive than others, e.g. compare & contrast smokers vs pregnant women
3. Maybe? Depends what that bacteria there is, and how much of it. Wash your hands more thoroughly & get some disposable gloves.

(I am still intrigued as to what "butt cream" is.)
posted by goshling at 4:43 AM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Not sure what your butt cream is for or where exactly it's going so maybe this isn't really possible, but assuming this is an external issue could you try giving your butt a really good cleaning before the laying on of hands? I know you said you use baby wipes, but maybe get a good soapy washcloth and give it a good scrub, immediately before the cream? Externally, of course.

(I can't be the only one smelling her hands right now)
posted by DingoMutt at 5:00 AM on July 13, 2016 [6 favorites]

Have a shower and wash your butt before you apply the cream? That reduces butt smell drastically, baby wipes are useful but not the same as a good wash.

I'd use gloves and then grab some essential oils you think smell great (I like lavender, peppermint, and frankincense all together), and rub a few drops of each on your hands after you wash them, it should eliminate the butt smell entirely (and the oils have some antibacterial/antifungal/antimicrobial properties too).
posted by lafemma at 5:05 AM on July 13, 2016

If you keep lotion on your hands generally, it could help prevent (probably only a little) proteins from adhering quite so much to, or absorbing into, your skin.

Some lotions form a coating that doesn't wash off immediately, so be aware of that, too.

Please please be extra careful about handling food (yours and others') and anything else that others touch or use, or that you touch and use regularly (door handles, paper towels left on the roll, computer keyboard, phone, steering wheel, cabinet doors, refrigerator doors, etc.).
posted by amtho at 5:15 AM on July 13, 2016 [3 favorites]

So, the butt cream is going to have some kind of oil component to it (which makes it creamy or ointment-y). These things are maybe not being dissolved by your soap. So you need something that will dissolve oily substances to clean it off entirely. Something like Dr Bronner's Castile Soap will dissolve oils, as will Dawn dishwashing liquid (I mean, it gets oil spill animals clean right?). You want to use a nail brush and vigorous scrubbing.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:54 AM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Why is it so hard to get butt smell off your hands?

Because the human nose is exquisitely sensitive to putrescine and skatole.
posted by flabdablet at 7:37 AM on July 13, 2016 [9 favorites]

Humans also have anal glands and, like dogs and cats, produce fluids with a distinct aroma.
I have a feeling the smell is because your butt area is always naturally scented with this fluid, and now you've got some on your hands.
These fluids are designed to last a long time, so others of your species can learn about you from the aroma. Which isn't very socially acceptable right now!
I think it's unlikely you have actual poop on your hands.

As to how to de-stank your hands, the vets use Natures Miracle and hydrogen peroxide. I have no idea if that will help or if you just need to wait it out.

Enjoy being a mammal!
posted by littlewater at 7:48 AM on July 13, 2016 [12 favorites]

Agreeing with Medieval Maven and littlewater about the oil and fluid issues. (Seconding using gloves to prevent this problem in the future.)

I've washed my hands of nasty smells by first doing a good scrubbing with soap, then following that by using dish soap/liquid (Dawn or Seventh Generation if you want a "green" one) to wash my hands again (helps with the deoiling/degreasing), and finally following up by applying some Drugstore 91% isopropyl alcohol.
posted by gudrun at 11:56 AM on July 13, 2016

As for solutions, lemon juice should do the trick. You can add some baking soda, too, if you have it. This worked for our household when we were up to our elbows in potty training excitement.
posted by LKWorking at 12:09 PM on July 13, 2016

Best bet IMO is to apply butt cream using TP (some might be wasted but you can get good at it) or while wearing gloves.
posted by aydeejones at 3:42 PM on July 13, 2016

I don't know the answer, but it seems gloves won't necessarily help....This from an article published on Slate today, disucssing the smell of bowel-surgery: (well the article is about the smell of surgery in general, this paragraph is about bowel surgery).

“The smell seems to permeate through the gown and gloves and onto your hand...It just stays with you. It lingers. It’s an overwhelming stench that sticks to you. Double up on gloves, wash your hands as many times as you want, and it makes no difference. That smell is not going away."

posted by If only I had a penguin... at 3:49 PM on July 13, 2016

That Slate article is correct. For awhile I worked in a wastewater treatment plant and sometimes, hours after getting home and showering and putting on clean clothes, I would suddenly get a whiff of sewage, presumably from some stray aromatic molecule hiding up my nose. Friends assured me they couldn't smell it but it did make me mildly paranoid.
posted by Flannery Culp at 5:49 PM on July 13, 2016

Uh, after poo-related activities I give my hands a traditional good scrubbing with soap, and they seem fine. It makes me wonder if this lingering pong could be something you're imagining. Maybe you've just convinced yourself this is a stink you can't scrub away, and if you had a (very close) friend take a whiff they'd say you smell fine. (It's also possible that you have a stinkier butt than I do, or that I have a sense of smell so poor I can't detect my own offensive odors. Or both things may be true. God, I sure hope it's not both.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:12 AM on July 14, 2016

(In case it's unclear, I wasn't suggesting you have a friend take a whiff. Ew.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 2:03 AM on July 14, 2016

Littlewater: while your "so others of your species can learn about you" explanation sounds interesting, the anal glands in Carnivora (i.e. cats and dogs) serve a unique function probably not found in humans or other mammals. However, they certainly do cause very unpleasant problems in humans!
posted by Seeking Direction at 11:07 AM on July 14, 2016

Metafilter: humans also have anal glands
posted by flabdablet at 9:25 AM on July 17, 2016 [1 favorite]