Coughing Confusion
July 12, 2016 4:32 AM Subscribe
I know this might seem strange, but here goes:
Over the past few months, I've noticed a few people tend to cough around me, but I have no idea why.
For example, I'm on the bus and someone sits down near me they'll give some distinctive sharp coughs.
The first few times I brushed it off, but it's definitely noticeable on some days, and not on others.
I shower everyday, and have a couple of baths a week. I wear clean clothes daily, brush my teeth and use anti-perspirant deodorant daily. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I can't notice any strong smells or anything.
I've tried changing my deodorant, shampoo, new clothes, new shower gel/soap etc. to no effect.
No one moves away from me or makes any comments. Many people I see daily choose to chat/sit/stand near me instead of elswhere. I know some people just cough or whatever but this is definitely around me.
This may seem like a weird question, but at this point I've run out of ideas. I should say my parents didn't really teach me any of this stuff, so now I have this feeling everyone is doing something I'm not, and I'm confused. I guess this is a "How do I adult" question.
I feel really bad about this whole thing, it doesn't help my confidence.
Has anyone experienced anything like this or got any advice?
For example, I'm on the bus and someone sits down near me they'll give some distinctive sharp coughs.
The first few times I brushed it off, but it's definitely noticeable on some days, and not on others.
I shower everyday, and have a couple of baths a week. I wear clean clothes daily, brush my teeth and use anti-perspirant deodorant daily. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I can't notice any strong smells or anything.
I've tried changing my deodorant, shampoo, new clothes, new shower gel/soap etc. to no effect.
No one moves away from me or makes any comments. Many people I see daily choose to chat/sit/stand near me instead of elswhere. I know some people just cough or whatever but this is definitely around me.
This may seem like a weird question, but at this point I've run out of ideas. I should say my parents didn't really teach me any of this stuff, so now I have this feeling everyone is doing something I'm not, and I'm confused. I guess this is a "How do I adult" question.
I feel really bad about this whole thing, it doesn't help my confidence.
Has anyone experienced anything like this or got any advice?
Is this always in situations where it's crowded like on transit?
Do you sit/stand with a wide stance or otherwise take up more space than you need?
Does the coughing get your attention and make you self conscious enough that you change how you're positioning yourself?
posted by phunniemee at 4:46 AM on July 12, 2016 [9 favorites]
Do you sit/stand with a wide stance or otherwise take up more space than you need?
Does the coughing get your attention and make you self conscious enough that you change how you're positioning yourself?
posted by phunniemee at 4:46 AM on July 12, 2016 [9 favorites]
My guess is it is just coincidence, and that now that you've "noticed" it, you keep looking for it and confirming your (likely false) belief. This is called confirmation bias.
Setting that possibility aside, and pushing phunniemee's suggestion a bit further, maybe the coughing is in response to some behaviour you are engaging in that is, perhaps, strange/irritating? I think I have fake-coughed when someone nearby has, for example, been snapping their gum or eating/slurping their food loudly, tapping their foot, drumming their fingers, etc. Basically, if they are making super-annoying sounds, I might "cough" to see if it will distract them from continuing.
posted by Socky McSockface at 4:54 AM on July 12, 2016 [18 favorites]
Setting that possibility aside, and pushing phunniemee's suggestion a bit further, maybe the coughing is in response to some behaviour you are engaging in that is, perhaps, strange/irritating? I think I have fake-coughed when someone nearby has, for example, been snapping their gum or eating/slurping their food loudly, tapping their foot, drumming their fingers, etc. Basically, if they are making super-annoying sounds, I might "cough" to see if it will distract them from continuing.
posted by Socky McSockface at 4:54 AM on July 12, 2016 [18 favorites]
A good friend of mine developed something called Olfactory Reference Syndrome where she perceives everyone coughing around her, even though it's all in the mind, like someone worrying about how they look. Could it be anything like that?
posted by johngoren at 5:04 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by johngoren at 5:04 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have bad allergies and am very sensitive to fragrances and perfumes in products from laundry soap to shampoo. Sometimes they make me cough when I'm near someone using something I'm sensitive to.
Also agreeing with phunniemee and Socky McSockface on fake coughs sometimes being a thing to distract people, one way or another.
I am a bit agoraphobic and have some social anxiety, and sometimes get nervous on buses and such, especially if they are crowded, and I sometimes cough from nervousness (rather than fidgeting), so it could be that as well. I also sometimes cough if it appears someone may be looking to engage in casual conversation and I'm feeling too nervous to do it, as coughing sometimes puts people off and they then don't engage.
posted by gudrun at 6:08 AM on July 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Also agreeing with phunniemee and Socky McSockface on fake coughs sometimes being a thing to distract people, one way or another.
I am a bit agoraphobic and have some social anxiety, and sometimes get nervous on buses and such, especially if they are crowded, and I sometimes cough from nervousness (rather than fidgeting), so it could be that as well. I also sometimes cough if it appears someone may be looking to engage in casual conversation and I'm feeling too nervous to do it, as coughing sometimes puts people off and they then don't engage.
posted by gudrun at 6:08 AM on July 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is how I cough- almost a sneeze- when pollen gets at me.
posted by slateyness at 6:12 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by slateyness at 6:12 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I suffer from chronic allergies and I've had people take it personally and act offended when I was just clearing my throat while standing in a line. Like no, my a-hem wasn't directed at you.
posted by Fleebnork at 6:25 AM on July 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Fleebnork at 6:25 AM on July 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
I think it's safe to say that VERY few people would use a cough as a signal for you.
So few in fact, that if it feels as though it's happening all the time it is almost 100% certain to be due to something else, like allergies.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 6:46 AM on July 12, 2016
So few in fact, that if it feels as though it's happening all the time it is almost 100% certain to be due to something else, like allergies.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 6:46 AM on July 12, 2016
you're not wearing perfume by any chance? If not, I'd guess it's just that you're in high allergy locations.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:29 AM on July 12, 2016
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:29 AM on July 12, 2016
It may true that people are coughing around you. In that case it is likely that people are also coughing when they're not around you. But you can only tell they're coughing when they're around you. When they're not around you, you're not there to notice them coughing.
It's like observing that people breathe when they're around you, and assuming they breathe only when they're around you.
PS -- You are now conscious of your breathing.
posted by kindall at 7:35 AM on July 12, 2016
It's like observing that people breathe when they're around you, and assuming they breathe only when they're around you.
PS -- You are now conscious of your breathing.
posted by kindall at 7:35 AM on July 12, 2016
*cough cough* confirmation bias *cough cough*
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:45 AM on July 12, 2016
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:45 AM on July 12, 2016
Response by poster: Location? It seems to happen everywhere, public transport, bars, work etc.
@Socky McSockface I have thought about confirmation bias, but it really doesn't feel like it. Of course I would say that so...
Irritating behaviour? Maybe. But I've had when doing normal stuff, including just standing in line.
@johngoren Not sure, haven't seen that before. Fwiw, I can see people coughing etc. I'm not imagining it.
@gudrun This seems more likely. I'll try milder soaps and things, but this whole thing has made me a bit paranoid about not using more fragrant stuff, so...
@fleebnork Sorry!
@fingersandtoes Male, but I have tried expensive shower gels and stuff. Also tried without, and didn't seem to make a difference.
@kindall Thanks :p
As for allergies etc. is there anything obvious I can check for?
posted by HundredGreen at 8:22 AM on July 12, 2016
@Socky McSockface I have thought about confirmation bias, but it really doesn't feel like it. Of course I would say that so...
Irritating behaviour? Maybe. But I've had when doing normal stuff, including just standing in line.
@johngoren Not sure, haven't seen that before. Fwiw, I can see people coughing etc. I'm not imagining it.
@gudrun This seems more likely. I'll try milder soaps and things, but this whole thing has made me a bit paranoid about not using more fragrant stuff, so...
@fleebnork Sorry!
@fingersandtoes Male, but I have tried expensive shower gels and stuff. Also tried without, and didn't seem to make a difference.
@kindall Thanks :p
As for allergies etc. is there anything obvious I can check for?
posted by HundredGreen at 8:22 AM on July 12, 2016
I'm going to agree with others and say that this is probably confirmation bias, and that people are coughing no more around you than around anyone else, and that their coughs are in no way directed at you.
These types of thoughts are generally known "ideas of reference".
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 8:59 AM on July 12, 2016
These types of thoughts are generally known "ideas of reference".
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 8:59 AM on July 12, 2016
Plan a day trip with a friend, and ask them in advance to help you assess whether you're making people cough. Take public transit into the city, eat at a cafe, go to a public space like a museum, take an elevator with other people, take public transit home again. Do they think you have anything to worry about?
The only thing that you could do anything about would be if you're wearing a strong perfume, which you say you're not. Even if you did mysteriously have a high-cough-probability field around you, it sounds like you've investigated all the variables, and there's nothing you could do to turn it off, so you've done all you can.
posted by aimedwander at 9:01 AM on July 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
The only thing that you could do anything about would be if you're wearing a strong perfume, which you say you're not. Even if you did mysteriously have a high-cough-probability field around you, it sounds like you've investigated all the variables, and there's nothing you could do to turn it off, so you've done all you can.
posted by aimedwander at 9:01 AM on July 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
Are you wearing a lot of spray-on deodorant or body-spray, like LYNX or Axe or Rexona?
That can be really irritating to a lot of people's nose/mouth/throat/lungs.
If not... I don't think that it's anything about you personally.
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 9:14 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
That can be really irritating to a lot of people's nose/mouth/throat/lungs.
If not... I don't think that it's anything about you personally.
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 9:14 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Flipside of you being (unintentionally) obnoxious. Are you exceptionally attractive? Some people cough or clear their throat unconsciously when they're nervous.
But yeah, kind of impossible to guess and my gut says confirmation bias.
posted by kapers at 9:49 AM on July 12, 2016
But yeah, kind of impossible to guess and my gut says confirmation bias.
posted by kapers at 9:49 AM on July 12, 2016
I also think it is likely to be confirmation bias, but given that you are trying to make sure it's not a smell thing (which is probably a good idea, just to be sure) -- do you floss your teeth? Sometimes brushing is not enough.
posted by merejane at 10:13 AM on July 12, 2016
posted by merejane at 10:13 AM on July 12, 2016
What's the air quality like? I've noticed myself and others coughing and clearing their throats more in general in the place I live now than I recall in other places. I attribute the perceived increase in throat maintenance to poor air quality - I live in a metroplex bounded by freeways nearby.
But really I'm another vote for confirmation bias. There are treatments - ask your doctor if Placebo™ is right for you.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 10:31 AM on July 12, 2016
But really I'm another vote for confirmation bias. There are treatments - ask your doctor if Placebo™ is right for you.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 10:31 AM on July 12, 2016
Chalk me up as another who is super sensitive to the scents in shampoos, shower gels, deodorants, etc. When you say you've even tried expensive shower gels, well, if I were the cough-er that would likely be the culprit right there. If the entire world would switch to scent-free cleansers and clothes-washing detergents, and if they would stop wearing perfume of any kind, well I for one would be forever grateful.
I once knew a very friendly guy at the gym, who loved to chat but apparently did not like to do laundry. His gym clothes ALWAYS reaked of mildew but our "relationship" was superficial and for the life of me I could never figure out a polite way to mention it. I know you said laundry is not an issue, but are you perhaps skipping any items? Or, on the flip side, over-laundering (too much detergent or fabric softener)?
Do you by chance store your freshly laundered bath towels in the bathroom itself? Like in a cabinet in the bathroom? Because I had one friend who did that and her towels were always mildew-y too but she had grown accustomed to the smell and didn't notice it until I pointed it out to her.
In case no one has mentioned it, when is the last time you had a dental cleaning? Make sure your dental health is in good order.
All that being said, it's probably a combination of a bad year for pollen, and confirmation bias.
posted by vignettist at 1:36 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I once knew a very friendly guy at the gym, who loved to chat but apparently did not like to do laundry. His gym clothes ALWAYS reaked of mildew but our "relationship" was superficial and for the life of me I could never figure out a polite way to mention it. I know you said laundry is not an issue, but are you perhaps skipping any items? Or, on the flip side, over-laundering (too much detergent or fabric softener)?
Do you by chance store your freshly laundered bath towels in the bathroom itself? Like in a cabinet in the bathroom? Because I had one friend who did that and her towels were always mildew-y too but she had grown accustomed to the smell and didn't notice it until I pointed it out to her.
In case no one has mentioned it, when is the last time you had a dental cleaning? Make sure your dental health is in good order.
All that being said, it's probably a combination of a bad year for pollen, and confirmation bias.
posted by vignettist at 1:36 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
You said you shower every day, but do you wash your hair every day? People don't seem to realize that heads get stinky, too.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:02 PM on July 12, 2016
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:02 PM on July 12, 2016
These random people are not getting all up in your business enough to know whether you both brushed AND flossed, or whether you washed your hair yesterday or the day before. Your hygiene level makes it highly unlikely that they're trying to signal to you that you stink.
If allergies are making them cough, it's mostly likely due to pollen, mold, or the cologne used by some other person standing nearby who bathes in perfume. Nothing you need to do that will help them.
The only imaginable explanation to me that is NOT confirmation bias is if you are subconsciously doing something audible that's annoying, like chewing gum, whistling, clicking your tongue, tapping fingers, etc.
posted by desuetude at 10:36 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
If allergies are making them cough, it's mostly likely due to pollen, mold, or the cologne used by some other person standing nearby who bathes in perfume. Nothing you need to do that will help them.
The only imaginable explanation to me that is NOT confirmation bias is if you are subconsciously doing something audible that's annoying, like chewing gum, whistling, clicking your tongue, tapping fingers, etc.
posted by desuetude at 10:36 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have known a few people who smell very strongly of mildew, and this instantly triggers coughing due to my very mild asthma. Does your house/do your clothes smell like mildew?
posted by bookworm4125 at 10:45 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bookworm4125 at 10:45 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
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