convincing the cat

December 29, 2005 5:31 AM

A neighbor has an adult Maine Coon cat that moved into their home. I just lost my cat. The neighbor will be moving next summer and does not want another animal. This is an mellow affectionate cat that is comfortable around any dog that accepts him. He is skittish around me now. How do I convince him that I am a good guy and he should move in with us?
posted by Penguin to pets & animals (21 comments total)

Feed him treats.
posted by kuperman at 5:37 AM on December 29, 2005

Treeets!
Dust your hands with some catnip too.

Take it slow..don't push affection on him..let him come to you.
posted by zerokey at 5:47 AM on December 29, 2005

Hmm. In general, keep a calm, relaxed, peaceful vibe about you (animals can sense this), and be a bit coy and uninterested. Do that relaxed kind of like Chinese "Hwa" thing: "I'm just here, my mind is still, I'm just a peaceful part of my surroundings and I belong here..." Be relaxed.

Don't be overt. Sit down a few feet away from him, look interested in other things, but occasionally look at him and sniff contentedly in his direction. But don't focus on him. Maybe put a hand out on the floor so he sees it and starts thinking about being petted. Then purr. When he wanders over, let him sniff your hand. Or sniff more in his direction and smack your lips contentedly afterwards. If he offers, sniff noses with him.

This all sounds vague but generally works once you get it. Heck, the "hwa" thing allowed me to caulk the openings to a bees' nest in some brick facing by my front door bit by bit as the bees exited the nest and buzzed around me. None stung me. And I can generally pick up a bee off my food if I'm eating outside and shoo it away with no probs. "I'm just here, doin' what I do..."
posted by Shane at 5:53 AM on December 29, 2005

I'll agree with the patience. Spend some time at the neighbor's house, chatting, "doing what you do," as Shane suggests. Act natual. Do not act desperate, cats can tell. The problem with this situation is you may be courting a cat that will never be a lovey animal to you, but who may be perfectly content to share your home (and your catnip), so that's not really a problem, just do n't be discouraged at his apparent lack of interest in physical contact with you. You'll do fine, especially since you're thinking ahead on this by a few months.

best of luck.
posted by bilabial at 5:57 AM on December 29, 2005

Treats are indeed good. The next time you're at the neighbors', ask if it's okay if ostentatiously open a can of tuna or other cat treats and put them on the floor for him, making sure he can see you (obviously, they're interested in giving the cat a loving adoptive home, so they shouldn't object). Don't try to touch him or do anything else. Repeat every time you are in his presence. You will be king of his world in no time.

It'd also be helpful if could catsit for him at your house. Let him be as skittish and miserable as he likes, at first. A day or two of tuna treatment and making it clear you are not going to approach him and he will probably approach you. Sit on the floor to facilitate this -- cats find a crouching or sitting human much more approachable. He'll circle you for a while. Make soft, high-pitched encouraging statements to him. After he's sniffed around you for a bit, hold out a finger to him. Let him sniff it, and rub his face on it, then pet him gently between the ears if he seems up for it. Best friends for life.

(On preview: In other words, what Shane said about patience! Your posture, your voice, your whole attitude should be completely relaxed for this to work. Good luck!)
posted by melissa may at 5:59 AM on December 29, 2005

Look him briefly in the eyes and blink slowly. That's a cat's way of smiling, and chances are he will consider you a friendly guy and return the gesture. I blink to my own cat so often that I occasionally find myself doing it to people as well when they're talking to me.
posted by springload at 6:15 AM on December 29, 2005

People have it right about behaving like a relaxed cat to encourage a skittish cat to bond with you.

The key is to be polite in cat language. A cat will say 'hello' with a slow blink, the polite cat will look away after it has blinked. To add ' all is well', the polite & relaxed cat will yawn after blinking and looking away.

Looking away is important. Direct and continued eye contact is perceived as a bit of a threat by many animals, including us. The same goes for a square-on body stance, standing or sitting with your side on to the fella will be more inviting to him.

Good luck :)
posted by Arqa at 6:21 AM on December 29, 2005

I wonder if it would help to give him something that smells like you (a shirt? a blanket), that your neighbors could put near a place in the house that he frequents?

Does he like to play, to chase things? Maybe you could try playing with him.
posted by amtho at 6:26 AM on December 29, 2005

Maine Coon Cat temperament

I have a male cat that is half Maine Coon. I got him from a shelter. It took easily three months before he stopped running behind the sofa when I came into the room. Lots of patience, treats, a little catnip, and more patience was required. Now, he's all over me. He still doesn't like to climb on my lap unless I put a basket or box on my knees. He's a sweet, loveable fella, gets along well with my other three Tabbies.
posted by Corky at 6:35 AM on December 29, 2005

If you can, lay on the floor where the cat is (your neighbor's living room? If you bring him to your place, obviously this is less weird) and do something quiet like read, or watch TV on low volume. I had a part-Maine Coon, and he was completely fascinated with the noises made by birds and other animals on nature shows (like Jeff Corwin). I don't know if this is a breed thing or a my-old-cat-thing, but that might help to draw him into the room (along with good ole tunafish). I also found that when our cats were new to us and skittish that it was helpful to speak to them in a calm, even tone. "Okay, kitty, I'm going to the kitchen." We just kept a running dialogue, which got them familliar with our voices and also got their attention when we were getting up or whatever, which kept us from startling them.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:37 AM on December 29, 2005

Oh, and I'm not suggesting you need to tell your cat you're going to the kitchen. You culd just as well say, "I like purple people eaters," -- the point is that they hear your voice and are not jumping out of thier skin every time you move because they're not expecting it.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:38 AM on December 29, 2005

I used to live with a Maine Coon and this is what I learned:

1. Pick it up, risk a digit. So respect it's space.

2. Maine Coons like water, so let kitty visit you while you're in the bathtub. She used to sit on the edge of the tub and swat at my hands if I moved them like fish. And she had an UNDYING crush on the plumber.

3. Just because they're not particularly cuddly doesn't mean M.C.s aren't great companions. I have very fond memories of the kitty sitting upright in the chair next to me, watching over me as I filled out grad school applications.
posted by Sara Anne at 7:22 AM on December 29, 2005

Most importantly let the cat take his time. Don't force him, don't chase him. Treats, lots of catnip, talk to him, let him sleep with you (important to all cats as you probably know) only engage in eye contact when you know he's comfortable (meaning not cornered. My new skittish cat has one spot in the house where she can't deal with being approached with eye contact). Avoid the fearful situations as much as possible, and cultivate any situations where the cat feels comfortable as much as possible. Eventually if the cat is relying on you for survival, being stimlulation and food, he will come to feel safe with you.

1. Pick it up, risk a digit. So respect it's space.
I'm not really clear on what this means, but I discourage picking it up if it's going to fight you. That only encourages fight and flight instincts, fear in your cat associated with you. I mean that's a situation where the cat has to have total trust in you, you are in total control. That should be the end goal. Try other methods first, wait until you know he feels safe, pick him up for short periods with treats afterwards. Always make it a positive experience.

I say this b/c my skittish cat freaks out when she feels threatened, which at first meant every time we held her. There's no way anyone could ever hold her without killing her when she's scared. So I just put her down so she knows that we respect her, we'll give her what she wants and thus should feel safe.
posted by scazza at 8:42 AM on December 29, 2005

I didn't know MC's had a reputation as standoffish; the few I've know have been cats that liked to be hugged and carried (not by complete strangers, of course).

I agree that the key to cat trust is to let them observe that you are a mellow creature who is benign.
posted by gai at 8:47 AM on December 29, 2005

Yeah, don't necessarilly expect this guy to be totally aloof... I had a Maine Coon who I found as a totally feral little kitten. Coons are naturally a "feral" strain of cat. But he was cuddly as heck when he was in the mood. VERY loving, and my best friend throughout his life. When he was a kitty he'd sit on my shoulder, just shove his nose in my ear and purr as loud as he could... talk about a warm feeling in your stomach and heart.

I'm sure you two will bond eventually.
posted by Shane at 8:47 AM on December 29, 2005

I've got four pure Maine Coons and one half-breed. They are not standoffish to their owners, or dogs. But to the rest of the world, meh. My cats have taken forever to get to know friends of ours. When my wife and I are alone, they will barely let us out of their sight. But the second someone comes through the front door, four of them run for the hills. The fifth was a showcat and has a better tolerance for strangers (though not for little kids).

As said in the posts above, this is just going to take patience and time. Keep working on this cat and you'll win him over. Coons are great cats. They're just big goofy clowns at heart, though hellacious predators. Oh, and they stay kittenish most of their lives. Which can be pretty entertaining - at least it is in my house.
posted by Ber at 10:59 AM on December 29, 2005

Seconding springload and Arqa's smiling cat comments: a dopey beaming look with squinty eyes and with the all-important slow coy turning your face away really works. Yes, it is like the way cats smile but more importantly you look like a complete idiot doing it and cats really appreciate that.
posted by TimeFactor at 11:04 AM on December 29, 2005

Gotta second Ber on the predator thing. Ours chased down all sorts of things, up to and including rabbits and other, er, rodentia, close to his size. And he was a big cat. Now that I think about it, Apollo took a long time to warm up to anyone that wasn't one of his original rescuers, and he tolerated us in the beginning only because he was tiny and sick and we were large and in-charge.
posted by Medieval Maven at 12:36 PM on December 29, 2005

Sort of off-topic, but since Maine Coons are large-breed cats, I thought I'd make sure you know a couple of things about having an extra large cat in the house. First, big cat means big poop. Sorry, there's no nice way to say it. Second, when a big cat wants to play, they can hurt you without intending. That big a paw stings when it hits your hand, regardless of whether or not there are claws involved. For that matter, a big cat definately takes up a bit of the bed at night. Finally, the overwhelming majority of veterinarians don't know much about big cats and will tell you the cat is overweight based on the scale reading before ever touching the cat. Smile and say "He's well within the normal weight range for Maine Coons."

Good luck. I've always thought Maine Coons were nifty cats.
posted by ilsa at 5:01 PM on December 29, 2005

My parents and I breed and show Maine Coons (very odd mid life crisis hobby for my dad). I have one in my home and my parents have several (6) at various ages in theirs. Most MCs have rather dog like tempraments-my cat runs to the door and waits when he hears my car pull into the driveway. He loves water and like Sara Anne's cat will sit on the edge of the tub and play in the bubbles when I'm in the bath.

On the flip side, there is one kitten that is very standoffish at my mother's house. She was born there so it's not that she doesn't know the environment or the people, it's just her way. It took almost 3 months before my mother could pick her up, it started with the cat getting the courage up to sit next to my mom's foot on the floor, then she would gently tap it with her paw but run when my mom would lean down. She's still pretty skittish with anyone but mom. It sounds awful, but being somewhat standoffish yourself with the cat may work-MCs are curious and if you have a toy (a milk jug lid is great) and are playing with it in your hand, chances are he'll come see what's up. Don't approach him, let him approach you.

MCs are really cool cats. My husband and his family are all dog people but they even love MCs and would only have an MC as a pet. Mine is small for a male, only 14 pounds but to me he's a normal sized cat-it's only when I see other breeds that I realize he's huge.
posted by hollygoheavy at 5:15 AM on December 30, 2005

Dried japanese squid (it is eaten as a bar snack). Try to find some (at an oriental/japanese store) that is somewhat soft and easy to tear into skinny threads. The threads have little volume but a lot of flavor so you can feed a cat lots without filling it up.

I have yet to find a cat that will ignore me when I have some.

Do you think I'm glad to see you, or do I just have a squid in my pocket?

posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 6:40 PM on December 31, 2005