Surviving the first trimester in an office environment
March 21, 2016 7:19 AM Subscribe
I'm having a hard first trimester, what can I do to make my work week better? What about calling off? Other HR questions inside...
Crappy first trimester is a given, but with the nausea, the exhaustion, and baby brain, its really difficult to get work done. I am in Marketing, and the office culture is that everyone in our department has to be in the office right on time and not leave a minute earlier.. as everyone notices. My boss sits right behind me and is a bit of a looming figure. He and the Department head know I am pregnant, week 9. What are my options? I would like to keep as much PTO as possible for when the baby arrives, but the mornings are really hard, and I really need an afternoon nap? What have you done? Am I allowed to ask to work from home for a few days? Or can I take an hour in the afternoon to nap in my car? Tell me how you handled your super crappy first trimester in your offices?
Thank you!
Crappy first trimester is a given, but with the nausea, the exhaustion, and baby brain, its really difficult to get work done. I am in Marketing, and the office culture is that everyone in our department has to be in the office right on time and not leave a minute earlier.. as everyone notices. My boss sits right behind me and is a bit of a looming figure. He and the Department head know I am pregnant, week 9. What are my options? I would like to keep as much PTO as possible for when the baby arrives, but the mornings are really hard, and I really need an afternoon nap? What have you done? Am I allowed to ask to work from home for a few days? Or can I take an hour in the afternoon to nap in my car? Tell me how you handled your super crappy first trimester in your offices?
Thank you!
How early are you going to bed? The more sleep I was getting, the better I felt overall. I was climbing into bed at a ridiculously early hour for a grownup working lady, but it was all I could do to help manage the days.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:34 AM on March 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:34 AM on March 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
I got through the first trimester with constant snacking. Have you tried focusing on protein? Straight carbs were bad for me, but good in combination with string cheese or yogurt. I ate a lot of Kind bars (still can’t really enjoy them since, but they helped get me through the first tri). Same with Amy's burritos. Hard boiled eggs. Canned soups and broths – it felt like I needed salt, not sure what that was about. The protein helped a bit with the fatigue, too, although I still remember being so tired that I’d be sitting on the floor to brush my teeth in the evening. Different stuff works for different people, but I figured I’d throw that out there since I don’t know exactly what you’ve been trying. I had just started a new job and didn’t tell anyone until 18 weeks, so I couldn’t really ask for any accommodations (by 18 weeks I felt great and didn’t need any). I’ve had maybe one job where I would have felt fine about asking to work from home or take an afternoon break, but most offices I would not have been very hopeful about it. I can’t judge where your workplace would fall. Do you think it would hurt to ask?
Anecdotal hope: for me, it really did get much better after the first tri, and I really loved being pregnant from about weeks 14-40. I hope you don’t have to deal with the crappiness for too much longer.
posted by Kriesa at 7:42 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Anecdotal hope: for me, it really did get much better after the first tri, and I really loved being pregnant from about weeks 14-40. I hope you don’t have to deal with the crappiness for too much longer.
posted by Kriesa at 7:42 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Is there a place in the office you could nap? A sofa in a conference room? A chair in a conference room?
What about your lunch hour. Can you nibble at your desk, and then take that hour for napping?
I might discuss with your boss working from home in the mornings, come in at 10:00. You can start work at 8, and be in your jammies, in your house while you wake up. You can avoid rush hour in the car (which must be miserable.)
It's temporary, and you'll move back to your regular schedule once this clears up. Perhaps a doctor's recommendation for this, and discuss with HR as an accommodation?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:44 AM on March 21, 2016
What about your lunch hour. Can you nibble at your desk, and then take that hour for napping?
I might discuss with your boss working from home in the mornings, come in at 10:00. You can start work at 8, and be in your jammies, in your house while you wake up. You can avoid rush hour in the car (which must be miserable.)
It's temporary, and you'll move back to your regular schedule once this clears up. Perhaps a doctor's recommendation for this, and discuss with HR as an accommodation?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:44 AM on March 21, 2016
I had miserable first trimesters. I was trying to keep a low profile and not "act pregnant", so I absolutely snuck out to take a nap in my car. Can you do this during your lunch break? For my second baby, I already had a key to the lactation room and sometimes I snuck in there when it wasn't in use and took a nap there.
I did nothing upon arriving home but lay on the couch til it was time to go to bed. Then I went to bed. Early.
The good news is you only have to live through this for about 4 more weeks and things should get significantly better. (It's not 100% but the odds are in your favor). In terms of how I handled it... I mostly just suffered and every day I thought I was going to die and then one day it was the second trimester and the sun came out and things got better.
The answers to all of your "am I allowed"s are heavily dependent on your specific office environment, so it will be tricky for us to answer them for you.
Regardless, nap in your car, and conserve energy as much as humanly possible, which probably means ditching all your non-work responsibilities.
posted by telepanda at 7:47 AM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I did nothing upon arriving home but lay on the couch til it was time to go to bed. Then I went to bed. Early.
The good news is you only have to live through this for about 4 more weeks and things should get significantly better. (It's not 100% but the odds are in your favor). In terms of how I handled it... I mostly just suffered and every day I thought I was going to die and then one day it was the second trimester and the sun came out and things got better.
The answers to all of your "am I allowed"s are heavily dependent on your specific office environment, so it will be tricky for us to answer them for you.
Regardless, nap in your car, and conserve energy as much as humanly possible, which probably means ditching all your non-work responsibilities.
posted by telepanda at 7:47 AM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Ditto: I did nothing upon arriving home but lay on the couch til it was time to go to bed. Then I went to bed. Early.
Also, any time I had a moment of clarity or energy at work, I tackled the thing that needed brain power or decisiveness. I spent a lot of the other hours on the "touching base" phone calls, mindless admin, or filing papers. (About filing: your 38 week self will thank you for anything you do to organize your stuff for the handoff to someone else.)
posted by slidell at 9:13 AM on March 21, 2016
Also, any time I had a moment of clarity or energy at work, I tackled the thing that needed brain power or decisiveness. I spent a lot of the other hours on the "touching base" phone calls, mindless admin, or filing papers. (About filing: your 38 week self will thank you for anything you do to organize your stuff for the handoff to someone else.)
posted by slidell at 9:13 AM on March 21, 2016
Use sick days and vacation days when you need them. Sure you'll want them after the babies born, but 2-3 days won't be enough to do anything meaningful then, and will be so helpful now. Some offices just don't understand pregnancy so feel free to make up trips, or pretend to get the flu.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:02 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:02 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I worked in an office where it was much easier to take a 90 minute lunch (long enough for a real nap) that it was to come in late or go home early. Similarly, people were coming and going for meetings so no one could tell the difference if my "meeting" was a nap in my car.
posted by metahawk at 10:03 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by metahawk at 10:03 AM on March 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
So, my experience: I needed to stay home from the office for about a month and a half during my first trimester (I think it was around 8 or 9 weeks this kicked in?) - I could not get out of bed for more than a few minutes without feeling faint or throwing up, let alone commute an hour into the office and then get work done sitting in an office chair. Part of that time I was working, but for a solid 3 weeks there I was basically either sleeping or lying there being miserable, and I used up all my sick leave during that time. Before and after that time, when I was in the office, I needed to take a nap most days in the afternoon (in my car or the lactation room for our office), and occasionally in the morning. I was still needed to stay home about one to three days a week because I just could not get into the office successfully (can't drive safely in traffic while throwing up!).
What your legal rights are depend on the state that you're in - I'm in California which has a lot of rules on the books for pregnancy (including pregnancy disability leave), and work in San Francisco, which also has some family-friendly laws. Some states/locations have very little. At the very least, though, the nausea/fatigue of the first trimester can be recognized as a short-term disability (with proper documentation from your doctor), and then all of the disability laws of your state/workplace will kick in. If you need to take this option to survive, do it! But do remember that HR works for your company, and is not your friend.
In general, though, you should talk with your boss and try to figure out a work plan that will allow you to be productive until you get through this stage of pregnancy. I work on a very male-dominated team (engineers/economists), but there was a lot more flexibility and sympathy expressed by my boss and his boss than I expected (they didn't really get it, but it helped when I was like "imagine the worst hangover you've ever had... 24 hours a day, every day"). If you're a valued employee, it's in their interest to work with you since this is very obviously a short-term disruption that has a set end-date. I have a good enough relationship with my boss that I was able to be very frank with him about my decreased ability to do complex tasks, so I've been getting the simpler tasks that still need to get done to keep the work of the group moving. In other job environments I've been in this sort of conversation totally could not have happened - so you need to judge your own workplace. My boss also knows that if I'm not at my desk then I'm probably napping, and he trusts me to make a smart decision on pre-nap productivity vs. post-nap productivity (again, it was a tough conversation, but analogies helped him understand the physical issues I was having). We also discussed productivity re: working from home, and now I work from home on Wednesdays and Fridays, because having those two days where I don't have to worry about a commute and can work/read from my own bed makes a big difference in my energy levels during the three days I'm in the office. If there's a meeting where it's important to be in the office during Wed/Fri, then I come in, but either work from home another day or have a shorter office day. Again, all of these conversations really depend on the sort of relationship you have with your boss, your office culture, the sort of office work you do, and the laws of your state/city, which can inform the broader workplace norms of your area. I'm lucky that much of the work I do is cerebral (e.g. read up on this policy issue and come up with a good plan to address it) and I'm not easily replaced, so it's in my team's interests to work with me. YMMV tremendously!
Other things that have helped me through this stage:
- sprinting to get things done when I get those mental windows of clarity from the nausea/fatigue. It took me awhile to realize that the moments free from the brain fog are short, and I need to use them as much as possible when I get them.
- flexing my hours to work during the evening/weekend - whenever I get a good moment, I try to get some work done. Sometimes this is actually super helpful for my team, since I can take over a project during the weekend and move it along for someone else to pick up on Monday. It sucks because all my days sort of blur together (no real "off" time), but I like that I'm actually able to contribute to the team's work, and it helps my boss see that I'm doing the best I can, given my physical limitations.
- speaking about my needs as based on physical limitations outside my control - e.g. "I need to work from home today because I'm not able to safely make the commute into the office due to nausea.". I don't apologize for my needs, exactly, but I do make it clear to my boss/team/whoever else this impacts that I know that it sucks, and that I appreciate their flexibility.
- speaking about my needs/requests based on how it'll overall impact my productivity - e.g. "I think that I'd be more productive overall if I can work a schedule where I'm in the office for no more than two days straight, because the effort of getting into the office and then sitting in an office chair increases my fatigue dramatically. On the days I work from home, I'll be fully reachable and doing X work, but I'll be able to recover my stamina because I can sit in more restful ways, avoid a long commute, etc."
- making it clear how much the rest of my life has changed, just so folks don't think that I'm slacking off in the office and partying on the weekends. This is more subtle, but I think it's normal for humans to be like "why does she get special treatment?" and it helps to sort of drop hints that hey, things really, really suck in general. I think looking incredibly miserable when I was in the office during the first tri helped drive the point home.
- doing nothing at home, other than resting and eating. This took some discussion with my partner - especially once I started feeling a bit better and going into the office, but still wasn't contributing to our household chores. If you're spending a ton of energy trying to be "on" during office hours, you simply aren't going to have energy to also be "on" at home. Talking through this via Spoon Theory helped a lot.
- napping/sleeping as MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I get about 11-12 hours of sleep a night (I have no idea how I'll have a second kid...), and it's absolutely critical for me to get that much sleep to be productive.
- scheduling a short vacation for the second tri, so that (a) I had something to look forward to and (b) I had a solid week where I could rest and not work, which helped with regaining energy.
- eating whatever stayed down. At least for me, I think a lot of the brain fog/fatigue related to the fact that I was maybe getting 800 calories a day some days during the first trimester, which tired me out more, which caused more nausea, which kept me from eating... It's a bad cycle. Eat whatever you can.
posted by Jaclyn at 1:05 PM on March 21, 2016
What your legal rights are depend on the state that you're in - I'm in California which has a lot of rules on the books for pregnancy (including pregnancy disability leave), and work in San Francisco, which also has some family-friendly laws. Some states/locations have very little. At the very least, though, the nausea/fatigue of the first trimester can be recognized as a short-term disability (with proper documentation from your doctor), and then all of the disability laws of your state/workplace will kick in. If you need to take this option to survive, do it! But do remember that HR works for your company, and is not your friend.
In general, though, you should talk with your boss and try to figure out a work plan that will allow you to be productive until you get through this stage of pregnancy. I work on a very male-dominated team (engineers/economists), but there was a lot more flexibility and sympathy expressed by my boss and his boss than I expected (they didn't really get it, but it helped when I was like "imagine the worst hangover you've ever had... 24 hours a day, every day"). If you're a valued employee, it's in their interest to work with you since this is very obviously a short-term disruption that has a set end-date. I have a good enough relationship with my boss that I was able to be very frank with him about my decreased ability to do complex tasks, so I've been getting the simpler tasks that still need to get done to keep the work of the group moving. In other job environments I've been in this sort of conversation totally could not have happened - so you need to judge your own workplace. My boss also knows that if I'm not at my desk then I'm probably napping, and he trusts me to make a smart decision on pre-nap productivity vs. post-nap productivity (again, it was a tough conversation, but analogies helped him understand the physical issues I was having). We also discussed productivity re: working from home, and now I work from home on Wednesdays and Fridays, because having those two days where I don't have to worry about a commute and can work/read from my own bed makes a big difference in my energy levels during the three days I'm in the office. If there's a meeting where it's important to be in the office during Wed/Fri, then I come in, but either work from home another day or have a shorter office day. Again, all of these conversations really depend on the sort of relationship you have with your boss, your office culture, the sort of office work you do, and the laws of your state/city, which can inform the broader workplace norms of your area. I'm lucky that much of the work I do is cerebral (e.g. read up on this policy issue and come up with a good plan to address it) and I'm not easily replaced, so it's in my team's interests to work with me. YMMV tremendously!
Other things that have helped me through this stage:
- sprinting to get things done when I get those mental windows of clarity from the nausea/fatigue. It took me awhile to realize that the moments free from the brain fog are short, and I need to use them as much as possible when I get them.
- flexing my hours to work during the evening/weekend - whenever I get a good moment, I try to get some work done. Sometimes this is actually super helpful for my team, since I can take over a project during the weekend and move it along for someone else to pick up on Monday. It sucks because all my days sort of blur together (no real "off" time), but I like that I'm actually able to contribute to the team's work, and it helps my boss see that I'm doing the best I can, given my physical limitations.
- speaking about my needs as based on physical limitations outside my control - e.g. "I need to work from home today because I'm not able to safely make the commute into the office due to nausea.". I don't apologize for my needs, exactly, but I do make it clear to my boss/team/whoever else this impacts that I know that it sucks, and that I appreciate their flexibility.
- speaking about my needs/requests based on how it'll overall impact my productivity - e.g. "I think that I'd be more productive overall if I can work a schedule where I'm in the office for no more than two days straight, because the effort of getting into the office and then sitting in an office chair increases my fatigue dramatically. On the days I work from home, I'll be fully reachable and doing X work, but I'll be able to recover my stamina because I can sit in more restful ways, avoid a long commute, etc."
- making it clear how much the rest of my life has changed, just so folks don't think that I'm slacking off in the office and partying on the weekends. This is more subtle, but I think it's normal for humans to be like "why does she get special treatment?" and it helps to sort of drop hints that hey, things really, really suck in general. I think looking incredibly miserable when I was in the office during the first tri helped drive the point home.
- doing nothing at home, other than resting and eating. This took some discussion with my partner - especially once I started feeling a bit better and going into the office, but still wasn't contributing to our household chores. If you're spending a ton of energy trying to be "on" during office hours, you simply aren't going to have energy to also be "on" at home. Talking through this via Spoon Theory helped a lot.
- napping/sleeping as MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I get about 11-12 hours of sleep a night (I have no idea how I'll have a second kid...), and it's absolutely critical for me to get that much sleep to be productive.
- scheduling a short vacation for the second tri, so that (a) I had something to look forward to and (b) I had a solid week where I could rest and not work, which helped with regaining energy.
- eating whatever stayed down. At least for me, I think a lot of the brain fog/fatigue related to the fact that I was maybe getting 800 calories a day some days during the first trimester, which tired me out more, which caused more nausea, which kept me from eating... It's a bad cycle. Eat whatever you can.
posted by Jaclyn at 1:05 PM on March 21, 2016
I too wanted to save up my sick and annual leave for after the baby comes (24 weeks at the moment) but in the thick of the first trimester I was taking at least one sick day a week and working from home at least once a week as well. Eating constantly was the only way I could stave off the nausea (with the occasional Zofran), but the fatigue was what really knocked me around. Seconding going to bed earlier than you think is reasonable.
posted by snap, crackle and pop at 2:13 PM on March 21, 2016
posted by snap, crackle and pop at 2:13 PM on March 21, 2016
Things that got me through my shitty nausea exhaustion times:
- Making sure that I kept steady blood sugar. Like, dropping blood sugar can FUCK YOU UP when pregnant. It's startling. And you know what can cause blood sugar drops? Not being able to keep stuff down due to uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting.
- Making sure that I stayed hydrated. I'd get dehydrated without realizing it, and end up exhausted and tired and ready to burst into tears because my face hurt. It was all solved by downing two cups of room temperature water. And you know what can cause dehydration? Uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting.
- Lowering my expectations for what I was going to accomplish after work, and unapologetically blocking out all Saturday and Sunday for getting additional sleep because I basically was an unending sleep deficit.
- Trying to make sure that the night-time weekday sleep I got was as quality as possible. Basically, I'd get home, eat a light dinner, lie on the couch for an hour, then leave all screens and phones and whatnot downstairs to take a half hour hot bath where I zoned out as much as possible, and then toddle upstairs for a solid nine to ten hours of horizontal time.
As a side note on the uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting, which was totally a factor in my first trimester and a good deal of my second trimester being ABSOLUTE BLAZING SHITBALLS: did you try upping the Diclegis dosage or moving around when you took it? It took me a while, but with my doctor's blessing, I mucked around until I figured out that I had to dose myself at night, half the recommended dosage, no later than 11:30 p.m, and that I needed a minimum of eight hours in bed to not feel completely shitty the next day. So to this day, Mr. Machine's phone has a buzzer that reminds me to take my Diclegis at 11:15 in the evening.
So yeah, a key lesson that I learned from my ABSOLUTE BLAZING SHITBALLS first trimester -- don't be afraid to get your doctor involved to make your life easier. As people mentioned in the prior question, Diclegis is the first line of defense against hyperemesis. There are lines after that. Dehydration and insufficient weight gain are real problems.
posted by joyceanmachine at 2:47 PM on March 21, 2016
- Making sure that I kept steady blood sugar. Like, dropping blood sugar can FUCK YOU UP when pregnant. It's startling. And you know what can cause blood sugar drops? Not being able to keep stuff down due to uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting.
- Making sure that I stayed hydrated. I'd get dehydrated without realizing it, and end up exhausted and tired and ready to burst into tears because my face hurt. It was all solved by downing two cups of room temperature water. And you know what can cause dehydration? Uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting.
- Lowering my expectations for what I was going to accomplish after work, and unapologetically blocking out all Saturday and Sunday for getting additional sleep because I basically was an unending sleep deficit.
- Trying to make sure that the night-time weekday sleep I got was as quality as possible. Basically, I'd get home, eat a light dinner, lie on the couch for an hour, then leave all screens and phones and whatnot downstairs to take a half hour hot bath where I zoned out as much as possible, and then toddle upstairs for a solid nine to ten hours of horizontal time.
As a side note on the uncontrolled pregnancy vomiting, which was totally a factor in my first trimester and a good deal of my second trimester being ABSOLUTE BLAZING SHITBALLS: did you try upping the Diclegis dosage or moving around when you took it? It took me a while, but with my doctor's blessing, I mucked around until I figured out that I had to dose myself at night, half the recommended dosage, no later than 11:30 p.m, and that I needed a minimum of eight hours in bed to not feel completely shitty the next day. So to this day, Mr. Machine's phone has a buzzer that reminds me to take my Diclegis at 11:15 in the evening.
So yeah, a key lesson that I learned from my ABSOLUTE BLAZING SHITBALLS first trimester -- don't be afraid to get your doctor involved to make your life easier. As people mentioned in the prior question, Diclegis is the first line of defense against hyperemesis. There are lines after that. Dehydration and insufficient weight gain are real problems.
posted by joyceanmachine at 2:47 PM on March 21, 2016
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posted by xicana63 at 7:25 AM on March 21, 2016