How to avoid collapsing after work

March 15, 2016 9:07 PM

Greetings, hive mind! I asked this question earlier and your advice was great.But after leaving at 7:15 am and getting home about 7:30 pm, all I want to do is collapse in front of the TV, eat junk food and drink a beer. Help!

I've been commuting for just over a month now. I cook for the week on the weekends, do yoga stretches every morning before I shower, and eat breakfast on the bus to work. I use a standing desk as much as I can and take little breaks during my office gig. But after a day at work and spending 2.5 hours (on the bus + train) getting home, I have almost no energy and virtually no willpower left to do anything healthy or useful (clean, pay bills, go for a walk, etc.) before it's time to get ready for bed. I'm thinking about trying to get up even earlier, at 5 am instead of 6 am, to give myself an hour to do useful, healthy things before work. But I'm sleep-deprived as it is. (I'm in bed by 10 but can't sleep until 11 or later.) Any advice on how to get more energy in the evenings?

posted by Bella Donna to Health & Fitness (20 answers total)

Best answer: Counterintuitively, I find that exercising when I get home after work actually re-energises me. I am seriously on the brink of falling asleep on the train ride home, but on Monday, Wednesday and Friday I know I have to do approximately 45 minutes of weight training, and I do it, consistently, week in and week out (barring injury or an actual "off" week).

And whatever it is, halfway through my second warmup set I feel alert and full of vigour, because I know I have to finish my sets or it is a completely wasted training session - which means I have to either do it the next day (a rest day), or I have to do double at my next training session (ugh!). And that leaves me energised for the next few hours, so I can get a bit of stuff done around the house, cook some dinner, watch a show with my girlfriend, maybe play a solo boardgame for a while - whatever.

The added benefit of this, is that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I don't train, I get home and feel energised by relief because, hey, I don't have to train today!

Of course this is an adaptive process, and has its ups and downs, but I guess my point is, getting home and doing something physically challenging (and of course it doesn't have to be weight training, it could be a kettlebell workout, or bodyweight exercises, or an intense callisthenics session, or a hard run, or even a long walk around the block) keeps you from being a drag-ass, because, once you've made it a habit, well, shit, this is a thing that just has to be done now, like brushing my teeth and ironing my socks.

So, my recommendation: get in the habit of doing some intense (to your reasonable level of intensity) exercise when you get home. As in, just do it, and make it a habit and a routine and part of your requirements for having a successful day. You could just find that the exercise itself gives you the energy you need to not be a zombie for your precious evenings at home, and the bonus is you are amped on your days off because you don't have to do shit!

You will also get better and deeper rest, and be able to fall asleep more quickly, which should help a lot as well. And of course, there are the other health benefits that exercise gives.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:40 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Can you get off the bus 2-3 miles early and walk home? Or bike the last 5-10 miles? At least you're getting some exercise that way.
posted by fshgrl at 9:50 PM on March 15, 2016 [15 favorites]

I decide during my commute at what time I want to rest (by which I mean relax, watch TV, internetz; not sleep per se) - any time before that is not yet rest time. It is Time To Get Things Done.

Also, I find that I can't rest as soon as I get home - there's no coming back from the couch once I've sat down. I have to just keep going straight from the commute if I want to be productive at home.
posted by samthemander at 10:00 PM on March 15, 2016 [11 favorites]

Ugh, me too. I'd give getting up at 5 a try - you might have an easier time going to bed earlier. If I'm up by/at 5 I'm in bed by 9 and asleep by 9:30. If I wake up at 6 I'm up until 10 or 11!

Nth the just keep going. We keep going until our kid is asleep, then we get to watch TV and eat m&ms...
posted by jrobin276 at 10:20 PM on March 15, 2016

I think the lede is getting buried here a bit, and that your first priority should be shortening your commute.

I'm staying in a place i don't even really want to stay in, which will likely face steep rent hikes soon, just because my commute is short.

That, in combination with going for as long of a walk as i can before i sit down for the day(or immediately after i stop in and change/drop stuff off) is key. The days i don't go for a walk i'm a couchlump. The days i do, i at least get to choose whether or not i'm couchlumping. And often times if i sit down, i can get back up and go out(to the store, or to grab coffee/a drink with a friend, etc) without feeling like a slug.

I also did the gym-after-work thing for a while and noticed the aforementioned energy benefits, but also resented at times getting home at well... like 9, because of that. Lower key exercise right after work ended up fitting better for me.
posted by emptythought at 11:07 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

Also, I find that I can't rest as soon as I get home - there's no coming back from the couch once I've sat down. I have to just keep going straight from the commute if I want to be productive at home.

This is absolutely true for me too and about the only way I ever get anything physical done in the evenings.

I am lucky enough to be able to walk to and from work and I find this a good way to lift my energy levels a bit. I generally find I feel less tired when I get home than when I leave work. Perhaps, as fshgrl suggests, walking the last bit of your commute might be helpful too.
posted by mewsic at 11:07 PM on March 15, 2016

You have an hour and a quarter commute home? No wonder you're exhausted. What can you do on the commute? Pay bills from your phone? Read? Meditate? If you can't change your commute can you do something healthy during your lunch - maybe walk or get exercise tubes?

You're spending 12.5 hours commuting. Make that time as productive as possible and then relax when you finally get hom.
posted by 26.2 at 12:44 AM on March 16, 2016 [5 favorites]

Wow, that is a tough schedule. With 12.25 hours committed to work+commute, 8 hours budgeted for sleep, and 1.25 hours getting up and at 'em in the morning, that leaves just 2.5 hours for everything else.

First things first, I think it's imperative that you try to reclaim that lost hour between when you go to bed and when you fall asleep.

If I had your schedule, I think the deciding factor would be dinner. We all do what we have to do, of course, but if I'm eating breakfast on the bus every morning then I am making sure there is time to enjoy a nice dinner without feeling rushed. That's a quality of life thing for me. Also, if I go to bed too soon after eating dinner I won't get a good night's sleep, my body won't process the food well, it's just no good at all.

So with all that in mind, I think that I would try to change out of my work clothes and into exercise clothes immediately upon returning home in the evening, then working up a sweat for 30 minutes. Quick shower, then dinner, and in theory I'm now reinvigorated with almost all of my 2.5 hours of free time still available before an 11pm bedtime. I'll catch up on housework, pay bills, relax on the couch with a beer if I feel like it, or even go to bed early if I need it. After-work exercise does energize me in the evenings, but it also tires me out so I don't have any trouble falling asleep at bedtime.
posted by mammoth at 1:18 AM on March 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm going to go a bit against consensus here and say - why not give yourself certain nights that you just get to come home and zonk out on the couch. I remember your previous question, and it sounds like you have so much to deal with right now, why not say that for 1 or 2 nights a week, you get to relax, guilt free. make yourself have mini holidays where you have that damn beer and watch a silly show. Actually taking some time to yourself to do the happy thing you want to do can really help give you energy later when you need it. It can also help with motivation - like, it's a little easier to do your dishes and pay the bills one day, if you can tell yourself that the next day is fun day and you'll get to enjoy it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:45 AM on March 16, 2016 [17 favorites]

Best answer: I'm pretty sure I have it worse. I get up at 3:30am and get home about 7:30pm. I spend about 4 hours/day on trains and walking. I love my job so the commute is just something I do as the trade off. I work in a school, so I am on my feet a lot. I frequently just walk up and down the stairwells just for the sake of keeping myself moving throughout the day. I read about 2 books/week on the train, which is, well just awesome because I love to read.

I literally have about an hour a day after I get home before I need to start making my way to bed.

The key for me is making my weekends count. I'm fortunate to have a husband that does a great deal in terms of keeping things running (we also have no kids, so my hour when I get home is really for me and him). The weekends are for cleaning, bills, housework, cooking weekday dinners, etc. Vacation weeks are for bigger projects if we don't go away. I run 5 miles each on Saturday and Sunday, and just have to accept the fact that I can't do this activity during the week -- but I do a fair amount of walking to and from work. Even though the weekends are for taking care of the adult responsibilities, there are still many hours in the weekend for fun and downtime. I also still get up at like 5 on Saturday and Sunday and have most things done by 11am, including the run. Let me be clear -- I don't have kids, so this makes all of this so much easier.

Unless you are ignoring your kids or checking out of your relationship when you get home, or neglecting your health, I honestly don't see anything wrong with flopping on the couch when you get home.
posted by archimago at 5:16 AM on March 16, 2016

Second vote here for let yourself relax, maybe focus on getting the adulting stuff done on weekends. The walk or exercise suggestions are good too, but keep in mind that you have an insane schedule and that's the problem, not you. Also, can you ask for some community care assistance? Pull together a small group of friends or neighbors to trade off meal deliveries, do chore swaps, or similar?
posted by eviemath at 5:27 AM on March 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have a similar commute (90-120 minutes each via via a combination of driving, hitchhiking, and public transportation) and I agree with the last couple of commenters that say it's ok to be exhausted and just flop on the couch when you get home. It might not be healthy, but it's OK. Also agree with those saying that if you really want to sustain exercise or whatever after work do it before you make it home. The periods of life where I've sustained working out with this commute I've done it either at the office gym in the morning before work, or going straight to the gym before going home. I simply can not exercise regularly at home. My brain and willpower doesn't make it in from the garage.
posted by COD at 5:49 AM on March 16, 2016

It's possible that the standing desk is contributing to your problem. I know they're quite the rage these days, but it does require more energy to stand than to sit, and so you're basically engaging in low-grade exercise all day (about 300 calories' worth, which is about equivalent to walking for an hour). Your tolerance for this form of exercise will improve over time, but at first feeling unusually tired at the end of the day is not unusual for new standers. So it's a trade-off. You may not have the energy for a whole lot of additional exercise during the week until you adapt.
posted by drlith at 6:01 AM on March 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: If you have a crushing schedule during the day, if you're up with the lark, spending a couple of hours commuting and working all day, of COURSE you're going to be bone-tired. It sucks. Commuting is soul-crushing. If your soul is being crushed all you want to so is sit on the couch, watch Maury and eat Fiddle-Faddle.

So you've got your dinners all cued up. Commit to eating them, even if you want a Big Mac. You'll feel better once you eat. I would set the table, and put on some music. Just for the meal.

After dinner, clean up. And then do two short activities. Put the things you'd like to accomplish during the week on 3 X 5 cards, small items that can be done in 5 or 10 minutes. Only do 2. I saw These Ladies on Christian TV 30 years ago. They had a show about going from being slobs to bringing order to their lives. They didn't do any preaching (at all) and MAN were they onto something. You can do 20 minutes as long as you have direction, and an end point.

After you're done with your chores, think about how you actually feel. Perhaps a beer and some TV sounds good. If so, do that. Perhaps reading a book. Maybe frittering away some time playing games on your phone while watching The Simpsons. It's all good.

Don't feel guilty about wanting to laze and daze. It's okay.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:26 AM on March 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Where is your blood sugar when you arrive home? I find that having a high protein moderate carb snack just before I leave work helps me arrive home functional. In your case with the long commute I would pull out some cheese or some nuts and eat them on the train.

If there is a long stretch without food or fluid just before you arrive home that could be knocking you flat.
posted by Jane the Brown at 9:27 AM on March 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Your allowed to not be super human.

How about setting the timer for 15 minutes of productivity in the evenings? Pick up, do a load of wash (if you have a washer) pay a bill or two, write a letter or answer email, but no more than 15 minutes. Even if you feel inspired. That's a doable fairly painless productive 1 1/2 hours per week.

Then kick back with music, a book, or TV. No junk foods. Don't buy them. Allow yourself as much vegies and fruit as you want. You can have a couple cookies once in a while, but only if you bake them yourself (and bake healthy low sugar stuff in small batches)

If you're an early morning person, go for it. But check askme for ideas on how to get to sleep easier. You should be tired!
posted by BlueHorse at 9:45 AM on March 16, 2016

Can't outsource exercise, but can you outsource the cleaning and automate the bill paying?

I am 100% with you and I agree about not sitting down until you've done something. Set a timer for 30 minutes when you walk in the door and do anything productive... when it goes off then you can sit down.
posted by desjardins at 12:13 PM on March 16, 2016

Can you get more sleep? Beer can be a bit of stimulant. What about just trying to relax without the TV or beer (read a trashy magazine or a book or something not too engaging) see if you can fall asleep a bit earlier. Then the time you do have (though shorter) might be more valuable.
posted by lab.beetle at 2:52 PM on March 16, 2016

Well, the nice thing is that theoretically you can be sitting and doing something else while on the bus and train...unless you have one or both of those being super crowded and you never can. In which case I'd probably be reading while standing as distraction. If you can sit, can you work on paying bills or anything else while you do it?

As for going for a walk, that might be more easily done during your lunch hour than waiting till 7-8 p.m. to get home. Cleaning is for weekends, period. Unless it's super urgent, I don't clean squat on a weekday.

As for how tiring it is: how draining is your job right now? Depending on how much emotional drama and labor I've had to be performing all day, sometimes I am just super zonked and other days (like today) I'm just fine.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:21 PM on March 16, 2016

Response by poster: Thanks to all for the great tips and advice. Really helpful!
posted by Bella Donna at 8:50 PM on March 22, 2016