Quinceanera hacks?

March 14, 2016 9:16 PM

My lovely stepdaughter is turning 15. Her birthday dream is to have a Quinceanera. Other people plan years for this event, I have 19 days. Do you have any Quinceanera hacks? Any don'ts? Any easy recipes that I shouldn't miss? Please help me, I don't want to let her down.

Dearest stepdaughter came to live with us last summer, her choice, but she is far, far away from lifelong friends, siblings, and other family members and has been so very sad about that. New School is filled with New School bullies and bullshit. My sweet girl has had a very rough time and only recently decided that it might be okay to celebrate her birthday. I want to give her some wonderful memories to sustain her through the bad times. This is my mission in life.

Googling tells me that I am crazy to attempt this and I know I am out of my element. People sometimes plan this event from the moment of the child's birth. I only have 19 days and about $1000 USD. Please give me any tips, tricks, hacks, dos and don'ts, recipes or any great Quinceanera memories you've had that could be easily and inexpensively reproduced by a desperate stepmom.

Thanks in advance~

posted by Grlnxtdr to Society & Culture (15 answers total)

Best answer: Where are you located, and how many guests do you anticipate? Planning a quince is like planning a wedding, the sky's the limit but if you're planning on a backyard bash with 20 people and a taco truck that's a whole other story.
posted by town of cats at 12:08 AM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: this is pretty much what pinterest is made for (i did a search for quinceanera and came up with loads of stuff). i also searched google for 'quinceanera on a budget' and got a lot too.

are you going to have the mass and everything? or just the party part? does she have someone who is her really good friend back home? you might want to collaborate with her on ideas of what she would really like, and if they're crazy close, find a way to bring her out.

do you know anyone who's really good at baking? see if you can pay them for their time, make a bunch of cupcakes and have like, a small centerpiece cake. if the dress and tiara are the important part for her, start there and fan out.
posted by koroshiya at 12:47 AM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I have been to a bunch of quinces. They were all traditional with a mass, then everyone goes to a rented hall or a big backyard where there is food and a DJ for dancing, and each probably had 150 to 200 people in attendance. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I am sure the ones I have been to were not crazy expensive because the families were not well off and nothing was lavish. I don't know if there is a charge for the mass or not, but otherwise the costs were the dress, the rented hall, the food (which was brought by family members at the ones I went to but otherwise could be catered), and the DJ. The group of girl and guy friends were in what looked like rented prom dresses/tuxes, and I don't know who pays for those. I expect the total would exceed $1000, especially with catering and a rented hall, but not by an order of magnitude.

Organizing all that in short order is what would be hard, more than the cost. But maybe you have something more informal or modern in mind? And do you have an extended family to draw on for things like food and decorations, or is it all on you? A more informal backyard quince, minus any lavish elements and with an ipod for the music, would be no more expensive than any other backyard party, for example, while like town of cats says, the sky is the limit at the high end.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:48 AM on March 15, 2016

Best answer: You need the dress. I think trying on the dress may turn out to be really fun, so take her to a few different stores and try to enjoy the process. Prom dresses are quite Cinderella-esque right now, so you may have luck buying a prom dress. But the main thing I want to recommend is, can you use the $1,000 to fly one or two of her friends in? You could give them each $50 to shop for bridesmaids dresses at a thrift store and have a big family party in your yard with music, twinkle lights and food. I know this is nothing like a real Quinceneara, but it might hit the birthday party notes she is envisioning. Ask her if she likes this idea before you buy any plane tickets. Actually, I would involve her in the planning as much as possible because she might really enjoy it. This might be a situation where planning the decorations and music is as fun as the event itself.
posted by areaperson at 6:08 AM on March 15, 2016 [6 favorites]

Best answer: It's a lot like a wedding, in that there's a clear "dream day" stereotype (involving church, fancy dress, and hundreds of people, as well as super-enthusiastic mothers planning everything years in advance) but each individual one varies quite a bit, and people tend to be happiest when they put some thought into what's most important to them. So, ask your daughter what would make this day the best. A dress? the number of people invited? the food (ok what, specifically)? a ceremony? specific music? Find out what she's imagining, and that will get you much much closer to "an amazing day" (her definition) on a budget.
posted by aimedwander at 6:09 AM on March 15, 2016

Best answer: You can do this!

Send out invitations NOW! If you're having a mass, get with your parish priest and discuss dates with him. If not, awesome (also, you can totally have a Qunce without a religious service.)


You don't have time to have one made, but I'm sure there's a prom dress that will suffice. Make a big day about going to get said dress. Plan for a 'ladies lunch'. Used to be that department stores had a luncheon restaurant where one could eat chicken salad out of a pineapple. Sadly those days are gone. Or you can order on-line, here's a quick look at what Macy's offers. You'll need an outfit too.

Do you have a venue? Church basement, VFW hall, Apartment/Condo Party room? If not, secure it now. Ask all and sundry if they have access to such a thing. You will be surprised. Use Pinterest and Party City for decorations. If you have to rent tables and chairs, you'll be very surprised at how inexpensive it is.

Food: This is going to be a do-it-yourself job. Who can you marshal to cook? I recommend dishes that are easy to do ahead and heat up on the big day. Lasagna, enchiladas, anything casserole-like. Tamales. Either that or a big barbecue outdoors. Carne Asada or a roast pig (I'm NOT kidding.) (You may be able to source the pig from a Carniceria. They'll even cook it for you.

Cake: Outsource this. Costco sheet cake is fine. Or your supermarket bakery. It's cake. Not a sculpture for your living room.

Booze: Beer and wine for grown people, sodas for the kids.

Dancing: DJ. There's probably someone with an iPod who can also make a fantastic dance list. Ask around, someone knows a guy.

Guests: It's typical for a bunch of kids to couple up and do a weird little cotillion-dance. They're dressed in tuxes and prom dresses. You usually rent a huge limo to ferry them from home to church to party or from home to party. It's sort of like a homecoming court. You can alter or update this in any way you like.

Photography: Find a pro or semi-pro to take posed pictures. Like a wedding.

Have fun!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:31 AM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Is there any chance you could offer to throw her the party back at home with her friends during summer vacation? Postpone it until then?
Not only will this buy you time to work out the details, but it also gives her something to think about and anticipate while she's finishing off the semester at her new school. Anticipation is such a big part of this kind of event; 20 days does not seem like enough!

And, for now, on her birthday, take her shopping for the dress! Get her input on decorations. Peruse Pinterest with her. Maybe DIY decorations that can be shipped!
posted by aabbbiee at 8:30 AM on March 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

Best answer: definitely include her in the planning. There may be certain traditions she has dreamt of being a part of her quince since she was young so you will want to find out what is meaningful to her. Does she want the whole traditional shebang?

19 days is short notice to assemble a court of damas and chambalenes, especially if her closest friends are far away. It may just be the area i live in, but it isn't unheard of to have the quince on a different day than the actual date, so consider that option in order to make sure it lives up to her dreams. it is also not uncommon for a extended family member, say an uncle or something to finance the dress, or if she wants to do the doll tradition or the shoes to help monetarily and logistically with that. it is pretty much a given that family helps with the food.
posted by domino at 8:59 AM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: There's some lovely ideas for a candy buffet here.
posted by areaperson at 9:09 AM on March 15, 2016

Response by poster: We live in Maine, which is sorely lacking in resources for this. We would like to have 50-75 people, and she doesn't want to wait for a later date (I wish!). Her far-away friends will not be able to attend, she is going to concentrate on her friends from school. Unfortunately, conditions are such that she won't be able to go "home" to do this.

This is happening, suited to how she envisions it and to the best of our abilities. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your suggestions so far.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 10:52 AM on March 15, 2016

Best answer: I'm guessing a backyard party in Maine won't work. Is there a community hall in your town that could be reserved? A church basement? Is there a party supply company anywhere nearby? You could call them and ask if they know of any good rental facilities. Those are the best low-cost options I can think of. If they don't work, I think you should find the nearest hotel and book a banquet room. (An advantage here is the hotel may have an event planner who can help you. Also when I was a teenager, I considered hotels & hotel parties fancy. Still do!) Once you have the venue booked, you'll know if you need to use the venue's restaurant or if there's any food restrictions they have regarding bringing in food & drink. As soon as you have a venue, send evites. Maybe follow-up with some phone calls or emails to the important guests, so they know it's last minute but still a very important event. I wonder if you could also call and invite people and frame it as a "welcome wonderful stepdaughter to our family" party.
I have an idea for friends and family out of town: delegate two of them to be in charge of videos. Each friend can film a short video message, send it to the delegate and they could send it all to you. You could have a laptop showing the videos during the party. Or a hotel may have a screen & projector you can use.
Music: I think iPod and speakers are the way to go. Is there a family member you can delegate this to?
Photography: I would also delegate this. Having a friend with a great camera snapping photos can make an event more of an "event." They could set up a photo booth with feather boas, hats, and other props.
if you post an update about what the venue is, we can give more ideas! I think much of the food & decor is going to depend on what the venue allows & looks like. Having said that, if you can build or rent a balloon arch, that's an instant "big party" attraction and great for photos.
posted by areaperson at 12:23 PM on March 15, 2016

Best answer: These are all great suggestions! I second the pro or semi pro photographer. Here in Texas you can't leave the house on a gorgeous day without running into at least five quinces out having their pictures done - some of the birthday girl alone, at least one of her with her ladies all decked out and matching, and usually one of her surrounded by the boys in her court and reminding you a leetle too much that the birthday girl is now, historically speaking, of marriageable age. Younger relatives are often involved - think the five-year-old cousin in a full white suit w/ vest and matching shoes! Super cute. This can come early in the day (possibly after the Mass, if you're having one) but before the party, and can be made a huge thing of - driving around from place to place to have pictures taken - but also if you send DAD with her to supervise gives you time to go to the party venue and prepare. I would totally rent out a venue with a dance floor if she's into it. Recruit friends and family to help you decorate. Hotels that have lots of weddings might be quiet this time of year and able to give you a discount.

Does she really want the traditional quince gown? If you order RIGHT NOW, it might be easier to find one online at places like this, have it shipped and then tailored by someone local than to try and find a dress locally. I can't imagine you have specialty quince shops. Prom gowns work fine too, but if she has her heart set those big traditional skirts are kind of unsubstitutable.

You are a great stepmom and she is lucky to have you!
posted by theweasel at 2:19 PM on March 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Ok, booked a nice venue today with a dance floor and ordered some fancy looking balloon sculptures. Food catered through the venue, e-vites sent (some RSVP'd already), and we will be renting her a huge, fluffy dress. Through some kind of birthday magic, the ballroom we booked is named the _____ Ballroom.....The (SD's name) Ballroom! She is beaming from ear to ear and her new friends and acquaintances from school seem excited to come.

We are skipping the church stuff, and she doesn't seem at all interested in having the "court" part, either. Her main thing seems to be the dress (big, poufy, Cinderella-esque) the traditional foods and that people come and dance their heads off....We are doing "The last doll" tradition, the Changing of the Shoes, the scepter and tiara, the brindis toast. Some tradition mixed with personal preferences. This could be just what the doctor ordered and I am so grateful for all of your suggestions.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 7:17 PM on March 15, 2016 [8 favorites]

Best answer: If fancy pouffy dresses are involved, it would be fun to set up some sort of photobooth area with a fun backdrop, and maybe some extra things to wear like tiaras and feather boas (or even some extra thrift-store pouffy dresses) because those girls are going to want so. many. pictures.

also you are the best stepmom ever!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:02 AM on March 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: In case anyone is here in this old thread and wondering: It went wonderfully!
posted by Grlnxtdr at 3:37 PM on April 3, 2016 [5 favorites]