How do I cope with not being #1 with my g/f who has 2 young kids.
March 14, 2016 6:00 AM Subscribe
All my past relationships were ones which we could both selfishly be top of the totem pole to the other, now I've been dating a woman with 2 children under 10 and I'm struggling with being too needy or feeling like I want more of her time than I guess she wants to/can give. I understand I'll never come before her kids and I do care for them as well but it's very challenging lately to cope with since there's been a dramatic drop in intimacy lately too (not just sex but random acts of kindness; the "honeymoon period" type affection stopped almost at the same time as moving in with her).
I have lived in this area for just a few years and my social net is located a few hours away so I don't feel like I have links outside the household. I see her as being the most important person in my life and I know I'll not be that for her. We do have busy schedules but there tends to be good chunks of time off and yet it seems like every opportunity we could have alone she's with her parents or sister or simply not with me - or else she's too tired or not interested in doing anything at home.
I feel like my emotional needs aren't being met and when we've discussed this it becomes a situation of defensiveness and anger at my neediness.
This weekend for instance isn't the first where the kids are off at their dad's for a few days and I felt like we should be taking advantage of the time to be together, instead she's again gone to her family's, not even letting me know what was going on until late last evening after I asked. I was thinking she'd be home today at least but again not until I asked did I find out she was staying with her family again since they're going away for 8 days so this was the last chance to spend time with them.
My recent birthday she fell asleep on the couch with her son and I slept alone and for some reason this was really important to me as well.
As well with her various recent stressors I feel like I'm always in the role of support person and I can't rely on her to be the same for me since she's either dealing with her own or her family's stuff, so the many bad days I've had at work and emotional stress at home leaves me nobody to talk to.
I'm looking for guidance as to how I can bring up this conversation so it doesn't turn into a fight again? Or a perspective on how to cope with this change in the type of relationship I'm in? I do plan on speaking with HR to discuss what counselling options are available through work. But was hoping maybe someone who's been through something similar can provide some insight as well.
I have lived in this area for just a few years and my social net is located a few hours away so I don't feel like I have links outside the household. I see her as being the most important person in my life and I know I'll not be that for her. We do have busy schedules but there tends to be good chunks of time off and yet it seems like every opportunity we could have alone she's with her parents or sister or simply not with me - or else she's too tired or not interested in doing anything at home.
I feel like my emotional needs aren't being met and when we've discussed this it becomes a situation of defensiveness and anger at my neediness.
This weekend for instance isn't the first where the kids are off at their dad's for a few days and I felt like we should be taking advantage of the time to be together, instead she's again gone to her family's, not even letting me know what was going on until late last evening after I asked. I was thinking she'd be home today at least but again not until I asked did I find out she was staying with her family again since they're going away for 8 days so this was the last chance to spend time with them.
My recent birthday she fell asleep on the couch with her son and I slept alone and for some reason this was really important to me as well.
As well with her various recent stressors I feel like I'm always in the role of support person and I can't rely on her to be the same for me since she's either dealing with her own or her family's stuff, so the many bad days I've had at work and emotional stress at home leaves me nobody to talk to.
I'm looking for guidance as to how I can bring up this conversation so it doesn't turn into a fight again? Or a perspective on how to cope with this change in the type of relationship I'm in? I do plan on speaking with HR to discuss what counselling options are available through work. But was hoping maybe someone who's been through something similar can provide some insight as well.
I think you find someone else to date. Someone who does not have kids.
This isn't a conversation you can have productively, because it's not a conversation you SHOULD have with a single parent. Asking her to prioritize you over her two children is deeply selfish and kind of a shitty thing to do.
posted by Mayor West at 6:09 AM on March 14, 2016 [18 favorites]
This isn't a conversation you can have productively, because it's not a conversation you SHOULD have with a single parent. Asking her to prioritize you over her two children is deeply selfish and kind of a shitty thing to do.
posted by Mayor West at 6:09 AM on March 14, 2016 [18 favorites]
I think the kids are something of a red herring in your question.
This weekend for instance isn't the first where the kids are off at their dad's for a few days and I felt like we should be taking advantage of the time to be together, instead she's again gone to her family's, not even letting me know what was going on until late last evening after I asked. I was thinking she'd be home today at least but again not until I asked did I find out she was staying with her family again since they're going away for 8 days so this was the last chance to spend time with them.
This incident isn't about her putting the kids first, it is about her not communicating with you and not making you a priority even when the kids aren't an issue. Why didn't she tell you her plans? When she does visit her parents, why aren't you a part of those plans as well? Why doesn't she spend more weekends off with you?
If the problem really was the kids, I would just suggest ending the relationship. Prioritizing the kids is appropriate and you shouldn't try to change that. However, I think you can and should address the way she prioritizes the adult members of her family over you. When you try to talk to her about this, don't bring up the kids.
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 6:16 AM on March 14, 2016 [61 favorites]
This weekend for instance isn't the first where the kids are off at their dad's for a few days and I felt like we should be taking advantage of the time to be together, instead she's again gone to her family's, not even letting me know what was going on until late last evening after I asked. I was thinking she'd be home today at least but again not until I asked did I find out she was staying with her family again since they're going away for 8 days so this was the last chance to spend time with them.
This incident isn't about her putting the kids first, it is about her not communicating with you and not making you a priority even when the kids aren't an issue. Why didn't she tell you her plans? When she does visit her parents, why aren't you a part of those plans as well? Why doesn't she spend more weekends off with you?
If the problem really was the kids, I would just suggest ending the relationship. Prioritizing the kids is appropriate and you shouldn't try to change that. However, I think you can and should address the way she prioritizes the adult members of her family over you. When you try to talk to her about this, don't bring up the kids.
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 6:16 AM on March 14, 2016 [61 favorites]
I think that while this could get somewhat better with a lot of communication and work, it will likely never get to the point that will be sufficient for you.
I have dated women with children of various ages, and realistically, unless her kids are almost adult aged (and even then maybe not), you will almost always get the short end of the stick.
It doesn't make her a bad person. Nor are you a bad person for wanting more, as it's something you deserve as a human. It's just a different world for her, and you are entering it as an outsider, and will likely remain that way.
posted by eas98 at 6:18 AM on March 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
I have dated women with children of various ages, and realistically, unless her kids are almost adult aged (and even then maybe not), you will almost always get the short end of the stick.
It doesn't make her a bad person. Nor are you a bad person for wanting more, as it's something you deserve as a human. It's just a different world for her, and you are entering it as an outsider, and will likely remain that way.
posted by eas98 at 6:18 AM on March 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
I am anxious to know how long you were together before you moved in? I feel like that is a huge step from someone with 2 kids, one it sounds like you shouldn't have taken, because it sounds like you are not at all in a "parent" place with these kids... yet you occupy space in the home. This may be a strong source of the disconnect between you.
Why do you live with this person if you can't go visit their family with them? If you don't participate strongly in their kids lives? It seems like the cart is so far in front of the horse that the horse has gotten board and gone home.
Sounds like she's pulling away and because you live together that's taking a rather literal form of her actually leaving the house without letting you know.
posted by French Fry at 6:19 AM on March 14, 2016 [23 favorites]
Why do you live with this person if you can't go visit their family with them? If you don't participate strongly in their kids lives? It seems like the cart is so far in front of the horse that the horse has gotten board and gone home.
Sounds like she's pulling away and because you live together that's taking a rather literal form of her actually leaving the house without letting you know.
posted by French Fry at 6:19 AM on March 14, 2016 [23 favorites]
Are you paying rent? From what you have written, it sounds like, to me, that you are more of a roommate than a partner. I think you can only be very specific with detailing your expectations and then listen carefully to her response. I would be seeking to establish where you are in the priority list. Right now it sounds like you are a distant 3rd. 1. Children. 2. Family 3. Anonymous. I think the highest probability of change is not you moving up to #2, but moving down to #4 behind Friends.
I agree with those above who said this is not about the kids. It is about how she prioritizes her free time when the kids are not around.
posted by AugustWest at 6:21 AM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
I agree with those above who said this is not about the kids. It is about how she prioritizes her free time when the kids are not around.
posted by AugustWest at 6:21 AM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
I agree with those who said the kids are sort of a red herring. Of course she should be prioritizing her kids, but it sounds like your issues go way beyond that. It sounds like you guys might not be compatible, but if you want to make it work, I would try the following:
--For all intents and purposes to these kids, you are essentially a stepdad since you are dating their mom and living in their house. So, step it up in that area. How often are you picking up the kids from school, making dinner, cleaning up, entertaining the kids so mom can take a shower, etc. I think if you think of the kid piece as more of a team effort, it might start to feel less like the kids are HER priority over you, and rather that this is something you guys are working on together.
--Work on your own friend network. I totally get that making friends as an adult and in a new area can be HARD. But, it sounds like you've lived in this area for multiple YEARS, not just a couple of months. There is lots of great advice you can find out there for forming a new social network and making friends as an adult (I am particularly partial to Captain Awkward). It is a lot of pressure on someone to have them be your entire social network, and I think many relationships -- kids or not -- cannot withstand that pressure.
--Do your part to support romance and intimacy. Bring home flowers. On your birthday, pay for a sitter and go out to a nice dinner. Be the one to say the nice things. If things are truly not reciprocated, yeah, it's probably time to end things. But at least make the effort and put it out there.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:30 AM on March 14, 2016 [7 favorites]
--For all intents and purposes to these kids, you are essentially a stepdad since you are dating their mom and living in their house. So, step it up in that area. How often are you picking up the kids from school, making dinner, cleaning up, entertaining the kids so mom can take a shower, etc. I think if you think of the kid piece as more of a team effort, it might start to feel less like the kids are HER priority over you, and rather that this is something you guys are working on together.
--Work on your own friend network. I totally get that making friends as an adult and in a new area can be HARD. But, it sounds like you've lived in this area for multiple YEARS, not just a couple of months. There is lots of great advice you can find out there for forming a new social network and making friends as an adult (I am particularly partial to Captain Awkward). It is a lot of pressure on someone to have them be your entire social network, and I think many relationships -- kids or not -- cannot withstand that pressure.
--Do your part to support romance and intimacy. Bring home flowers. On your birthday, pay for a sitter and go out to a nice dinner. Be the one to say the nice things. If things are truly not reciprocated, yeah, it's probably time to end things. But at least make the effort and put it out there.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:30 AM on March 14, 2016 [7 favorites]
--For all intents and purposes to these kids, you are essentially a stepdad since you are dating their mom and living in their house. So, step it up in that area.
I could not agree with rainbowbrite more. You didn't say much about it, and sometimes its what you don't say that tells the story. You are effectively the children's stepdad. If I was a single mother of two kids, and you moved in and didn't go hard for my kids, just love the shit out of them, you would be getting the cold shoulder from me, too. If you aren't a bum, this shouldn't be difficult. Her kids are amazing, and you are one of their Dads since you live there. If you can't do it, please step aside. Believe me, as a step-parent, I am saying that in the friendliest tone. Do everyone a favor and step aside.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 7:24 AM on March 14, 2016 [15 favorites]
I could not agree with rainbowbrite more. You didn't say much about it, and sometimes its what you don't say that tells the story. You are effectively the children's stepdad. If I was a single mother of two kids, and you moved in and didn't go hard for my kids, just love the shit out of them, you would be getting the cold shoulder from me, too. If you aren't a bum, this shouldn't be difficult. Her kids are amazing, and you are one of their Dads since you live there. If you can't do it, please step aside. Believe me, as a step-parent, I am saying that in the friendliest tone. Do everyone a favor and step aside.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 7:24 AM on March 14, 2016 [15 favorites]
I want to repeat French Fry's wise words/inquiry:
I am anxious to know how long you were together before you moved in? I feel like that is a huge step from someone with 2 kids, one it sounds like you shouldn't have taken, because it sounds like you are not at all in a "parent" place with these kids... yet you occupy space in the home. This may be a strong source of the disconnect between you.
I am rather biased here; I live with myself and my young daughter and feel quite strongly that boy/girlfriends should not be moved in to houses with children on just a boy/girlfriend basis. It is disruptive for the children and seems to pretty much never work out. If you want a peek at others' problems, check out /r/stepparenting on reddit for many, many frustrated stories from people who moved in too quickly, expecting that they would just live with their BF/GF who just happens to have kids. You really need to coalesce as a family to live together successfully, I feel, and that is a process that can take a very long time.
Do the kids like you...? Love you? I'm reading this and wondering if you're not being included in some things because the kids couldn't care less about your existence. It doesn't sound like anybody is keen to set up the Monopoly board for all four of you.
On preview -- Grinxtdr has very good advice. If you are not up to stepfathering stuff, moving out ASAP is best for everybody. Kids really thrive on unconditional love and stability, and a disinterested boyfriend hanging about the house does nobody any favours. Dial back to a dating but not living together state.
(I hope this is not too harsh; it just sounds like you are in over your head. You are doing a good thing by looking for resources for counselling, especially if there's been some fighting.)
posted by kmennie at 7:33 AM on March 14, 2016 [11 favorites]
I am anxious to know how long you were together before you moved in? I feel like that is a huge step from someone with 2 kids, one it sounds like you shouldn't have taken, because it sounds like you are not at all in a "parent" place with these kids... yet you occupy space in the home. This may be a strong source of the disconnect between you.
I am rather biased here; I live with myself and my young daughter and feel quite strongly that boy/girlfriends should not be moved in to houses with children on just a boy/girlfriend basis. It is disruptive for the children and seems to pretty much never work out. If you want a peek at others' problems, check out /r/stepparenting on reddit for many, many frustrated stories from people who moved in too quickly, expecting that they would just live with their BF/GF who just happens to have kids. You really need to coalesce as a family to live together successfully, I feel, and that is a process that can take a very long time.
Do the kids like you...? Love you? I'm reading this and wondering if you're not being included in some things because the kids couldn't care less about your existence. It doesn't sound like anybody is keen to set up the Monopoly board for all four of you.
On preview -- Grinxtdr has very good advice. If you are not up to stepfathering stuff, moving out ASAP is best for everybody. Kids really thrive on unconditional love and stability, and a disinterested boyfriend hanging about the house does nobody any favours. Dial back to a dating but not living together state.
(I hope this is not too harsh; it just sounds like you are in over your head. You are doing a good thing by looking for resources for counselling, especially if there's been some fighting.)
posted by kmennie at 7:33 AM on March 14, 2016 [11 favorites]
i agree with an earlier comment that your assumption about her keeping the whole day open for you, without ever asking her to or suggesting something you can do together, was bad communication on your part. you say, with some annoyance, that she didn't even tell you her plans until late evening after you asked - but you never told her your plans that involved her at all. same with the birthday thing - a) moms fall asleep on couches with kids, this isn't going to stop, but b) did she know it was important to you or are you wanting her to read your mind?
i also think you're expecting her to go above and beyond caring for your every emotional need because you don't have local friends, but she's balancing being a mother, her family, her friends, work (?), and a new live in boyfriend. if you need someone to spend every free second with you, this isn't that person. however, if you just need more to occupy your time, i'd suggest finding a hobby that you might find local friends through.
before deciding if this relationship is doomed or not, you might try actively stating your desires and actively making plans with her, while also trying to improve your social life outside of her.
posted by nadawi at 7:44 AM on March 14, 2016
i also think you're expecting her to go above and beyond caring for your every emotional need because you don't have local friends, but she's balancing being a mother, her family, her friends, work (?), and a new live in boyfriend. if you need someone to spend every free second with you, this isn't that person. however, if you just need more to occupy your time, i'd suggest finding a hobby that you might find local friends through.
before deciding if this relationship is doomed or not, you might try actively stating your desires and actively making plans with her, while also trying to improve your social life outside of her.
posted by nadawi at 7:44 AM on March 14, 2016
It sounds to me like you weren't really ready to move in with her, either - because when you move in with a woman with kids, you should be ready and willing to help parent. YOU are acting more like a roommate - don't be surprised you're being treated like one.
posted by stormyteal at 8:16 AM on March 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by stormyteal at 8:16 AM on March 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
Seems like her priorities are 1) her kids, 2) herself, and a distant 3) you/your relationship. She's acting like you're mostly a roommate and she's living the single, unaccountable-to-anyone-else kind of life.
I've not had to deal with adding kids to the mix yet, but in general, making decisions when part of a couple has to take into consideration the pros/cons for each of 3 parties - you, her, and the relationship itself. If she's now consistently choosing herself over you and the relationship, you have to say something. She needs to realize she has to compromise with you on taking care of the relationship too, otherwise you're not going to stick around. If she wants to keep the relationship, she does have to learn to communicate with you better, and give your relationship more respect and consideration than she does now. It involves compromising between her needs for alone time, and spending time with you to take care of the relationship.
She wants to go see her family for a few hours in the evening? (why aren't you going with her too, btw?) Okay, but she has to let you know about it, and when she expects to come home. Otherwise you're hanging around home not knowing where she is or when to expect her back... something could happen to her and you wouldn't know. But it's also just plain inconsiderate of her to not say anything... being in a relationship does involve being accountable towards each other.
Make plans with her, like you're still dating and not just cohabitating. Plan on a date night for one of the evenings she's free. You have to take up the responsibility of doing this, by the way... but she has to buy into it. If she's not willing, things don't look very good for you two.
posted by lizbunny at 8:21 AM on March 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
I've not had to deal with adding kids to the mix yet, but in general, making decisions when part of a couple has to take into consideration the pros/cons for each of 3 parties - you, her, and the relationship itself. If she's now consistently choosing herself over you and the relationship, you have to say something. She needs to realize she has to compromise with you on taking care of the relationship too, otherwise you're not going to stick around. If she wants to keep the relationship, she does have to learn to communicate with you better, and give your relationship more respect and consideration than she does now. It involves compromising between her needs for alone time, and spending time with you to take care of the relationship.
She wants to go see her family for a few hours in the evening? (why aren't you going with her too, btw?) Okay, but she has to let you know about it, and when she expects to come home. Otherwise you're hanging around home not knowing where she is or when to expect her back... something could happen to her and you wouldn't know. But it's also just plain inconsiderate of her to not say anything... being in a relationship does involve being accountable towards each other.
Make plans with her, like you're still dating and not just cohabitating. Plan on a date night for one of the evenings she's free. You have to take up the responsibility of doing this, by the way... but she has to buy into it. If she's not willing, things don't look very good for you two.
posted by lizbunny at 8:21 AM on March 14, 2016 [5 favorites]
This is only going to get worse. Get out while you still can.
posted by w0mbat at 8:23 AM on March 14, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by w0mbat at 8:23 AM on March 14, 2016 [6 favorites]
Just to note: If she needs to stock up on adult family time because she won't be seeing them for eight whole days, this is deeply entrenched and unlikely to change.
posted by sageleaf at 9:31 AM on March 14, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by sageleaf at 9:31 AM on March 14, 2016 [14 favorites]
I think the kids are a red herring, since you say things changed after you moved in. In my experience, a lot of people start taking each other for granted once they move in together. There is no more mystery, no more longing for each other when you are apart, no more "dating." That's your problem here. A lot of dudes think, "Great- we're moving in together, no more courting and no more work- just safe, easy, warm togetherness and I can relax and take it easy!" BZZZZZZZZZZT, WRONG!
If this describes you- and be honest if it does- you are doing the exact wrong thing. To compensate for the moving in together, you have to be even MORE romantic, more spontaneous, and try harder to maintain excitement. Yeah, it sucks and it's a lot easier to just expect she will be there for you without having to communicate anything. But I think you will find this is a turn-off for her. Get your own life, plan awesome dates, help with the kids. After two to four weeks of doing this, if she isn't laughing at your jokes and wanting more romps in the sheets, then start thinking about throwing in the towel.
posted by quincunx at 9:57 AM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
If this describes you- and be honest if it does- you are doing the exact wrong thing. To compensate for the moving in together, you have to be even MORE romantic, more spontaneous, and try harder to maintain excitement. Yeah, it sucks and it's a lot easier to just expect she will be there for you without having to communicate anything. But I think you will find this is a turn-off for her. Get your own life, plan awesome dates, help with the kids. After two to four weeks of doing this, if she isn't laughing at your jokes and wanting more romps in the sheets, then start thinking about throwing in the towel.
posted by quincunx at 9:57 AM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
The more I think about it, the more I wonder why it sounds like she spends a lot of time at her family *without you*. Why aren't you going too? Are you not invited, or do you not want to go? If you're constantly not included in their gatherings, then you aren't being welcomed into the family, and that's a bad sign for the relationship...
My husband's family is incredibly important to him. Therefore it's one of his greatest expectations of me to show that I care about his family, absolutely love spending time with them, and BE a part of the family. We live in a different city but see them at least monthly, and it gets easier and more comfortable with time. His family's get-togethers are usually huge birthday/holiday parties where absolutely everyone they know and their dogs (literally) attend, and they go for hours on end. The parties themselves can be kind of intimidating, but I'm getting used to them. I'd much rather be able to go hang out casually on a regular basis, like your opportunities present...
posted by lizbunny at 12:54 PM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
My husband's family is incredibly important to him. Therefore it's one of his greatest expectations of me to show that I care about his family, absolutely love spending time with them, and BE a part of the family. We live in a different city but see them at least monthly, and it gets easier and more comfortable with time. His family's get-togethers are usually huge birthday/holiday parties where absolutely everyone they know and their dogs (literally) attend, and they go for hours on end. The parties themselves can be kind of intimidating, but I'm getting used to them. I'd much rather be able to go hang out casually on a regular basis, like your opportunities present...
posted by lizbunny at 12:54 PM on March 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
I think it would be reasonable to notify your live-in boyfriend that you're going to be out with your parents all day or overnight. That's rather weird that she doesn't.
The impression I have here isn't so much about the kids--you barely mention them here--so much as she'd rather spend time with everyone else she's related to and they're prioritized over you. It does kinda sound like they are a very insular family--I'm talking about the adult relatives--and may not exactly be welcoming to outsiders. Maybe that's the case, maybe it's not, but right now you do not really seem to have "family" status with her.
It does sound kinda like:
(a) you need more relationship attention than she's willing to give
(b) she's not really that interested in giving you time and attention, compared to seeing her relatives
Maybe the two of you would be happier apart if those things are the case. I don't know how interested she is in trying to change things, but it'd be worth trying to talk to her about it before pulling the plug to see if (a) she's interested in changing things and actually doing so, (b) she says she'll change and doesn't (or briefly tries and it doesn't last) or (c) she's fine with things as is and you need to get over it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:35 PM on March 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
The impression I have here isn't so much about the kids--you barely mention them here--so much as she'd rather spend time with everyone else she's related to and they're prioritized over you. It does kinda sound like they are a very insular family--I'm talking about the adult relatives--and may not exactly be welcoming to outsiders. Maybe that's the case, maybe it's not, but right now you do not really seem to have "family" status with her.
It does sound kinda like:
(a) you need more relationship attention than she's willing to give
(b) she's not really that interested in giving you time and attention, compared to seeing her relatives
Maybe the two of you would be happier apart if those things are the case. I don't know how interested she is in trying to change things, but it'd be worth trying to talk to her about it before pulling the plug to see if (a) she's interested in changing things and actually doing so, (b) she says she'll change and doesn't (or briefly tries and it doesn't last) or (c) she's fine with things as is and you need to get over it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:35 PM on March 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have lived in this area for just a few years and my social net is located a few hours away so I don't feel like I have links outside the household.
After a few years? This here my friend is where your problem lies. Get a life on your own so you're no longer dependent on your girlfriend.
posted by Kwadeng at 1:23 PM on March 20, 2016
After a few years? This here my friend is where your problem lies. Get a life on your own so you're no longer dependent on your girlfriend.
posted by Kwadeng at 1:23 PM on March 20, 2016
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The way you can express this is by saying, "I want to prioritize time with us together, just we two. Let's make plans to do X, Y or Z when the kids are with your ex."
It may just be that you want different things from the relationship. You want a partner who is more available to you than she is. She wants someone who is self-sufficient and doesn't need so much 'together time'. Neither one of you is wrong for wanting what you want, but if that's the case this relationship isn't right.
I'm curious about why, if you've been in that location for a few years, you haven't invested in any friendships. So if she goes off to her family to play cards or whatever, you can go hang with your buddies and watch X-Men movies or whatever it is you dudes do.
You should have friends and interests outside of your girlfriend.
As for your birthday, you need to let people know what to do for you. "I want to celebrate my birthday by doing foo, bah and blah."
It's time to really think about what you want in a relationship and if this isn't it...about how to move forward.
You're not happy and you're annoying the fuck out of your girlfriend, so.....
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:08 AM on March 14, 2016 [11 favorites]