Break our Dinner Rut. Difficulty: bariatric patient, picky eater.
March 9, 2016 1:59 PM   Subscribe

My husband is picky and I have special dietary needs due to bariatric surgery. I am SO TIRED of eating the same thing over and over! Please help me come up with options that are optimized to our circumstances.

My husband and I have very different requirements that don't overlap well. We end up eating out way more than we would prefer, so I am trying to come up with some additional ideas and would really like both specific recipes and general strategies.

I had bariatric surgery (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) last year. I eat small portions in a rough ratio of 3 protein: 2 vegetable: 1 carb. I have fairly eclectic taste as far as food goes, though I don't like spicy food (something rated "mild" is the maximum tolerable level of spice for me.) I do not have any food intolerances or allergies, though I can't eat more than a spoonful or so of rice. I like variety and lots of flavor. I am a moderately accomplished cook and excellent baker. I work from home two days a week and work a late schedule the other three.

My husband is picky. He does not eat: any vegetables except Caesar salad, white potatoes, and sweet potato fries. He does not eat Mexican or Indian food. Asian food, he will only eat the blandest and most Americanized dishes (sesame chicken, chicken teriyaki.) He will eat tomato sauce only if it is smooth (not chunky.) He has food intolerances to mushrooms and tree nuts. He is a basic and somewhat timid cook. He has a regular work schedule and gets home earlier than I do.

We share the cooking duty. Mr. Red does the basic shopping. If I want to do something with fancy/specialized ingredients, I do the shopping for that. Since he does not eat veg, my go-tos are individual servings of steam-in-bag microwaveable veggies and bags of mini carrot sticks or celery.

He's fine with what we eat now, where I find it boring (everything is BROWN). I don't want to be ungrateful - he is cooking for me! He makes food appear that I did not have to make! But I also hope that we can find ways to make food a little more palatable to me without me having to take over dinner every day. Before I was married I used to love to experiment with fresh produce and different kinds of recipes, but he likes so few things that it hardly seems worth it. We are sometimes okay with me cooking something for myself and him getting his own dinner (usually either takeout or cereal), but I eat so little due to the surgery that most recipes would feed me for a week. Plus, it feels kind of sad to do that all the time.

I've looked into services that give you recipes and shopping lists, or things like Blue Apron, but while many of the recipes sound amazing to me, Mr. Red would not eat them.

The meals that we have in the rotation now:
Pasta with meat sauce
Beef stroganoff
Steak on the George Foreman grill
Chicken on the George Foreman grill
Fish on the George Foreman grill
Sides for any of these: Stove top stuffing, rice, packaged mashed potatoes, or noodles for him with a tablespoon or two for me, steam-in-bag veg for me)
Chicken picatta (Only when I cook: I have to set aside some sauce for him with no capers)
Pot roast in the crock pot
Chicken in the dutch oven with potatoes and a packaged braising sauce
Eggs and bacon
Grilled cheese

I'm honestly not sure if there IS a solution besides what we tend to default to, which is "go to a restaurant." Please, hive mind, prove me wrong?
posted by oblique red to Food & Drink (25 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
My partner and I essentially prepare side-by-side meals rather than a meal to share. He does a lot of big-meat-cut crock-pot cooking, which lends itself well to leftovers in various forms. I do a lot of salads and roasted vegetables over quinoa. I'm happy to cook meat even though I don't eat it, and he's happy to make salads even though he rarely eats them. So I'd suggest finding the kinds of foods that work for both of you, and cooking them for each other alongside your own food. Bonus if you have some overlapping ingredients, but it still works if you don't (a 350 oven cooks veggies and chicken breasts and tofu and casserole equally well).
posted by headnsouth at 2:07 PM on March 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


When you go to the grocery store, why not head to the deli section and get some salads / cooked veggie mixes / whatever looks appealing for you to have as a side to the meat your husband cooks? Then you can have something interesting and fresh, just enough for yourself for a few days.
posted by lizbunny at 2:17 PM on March 9, 2016 [3 favorites]


I think the solution here is to eat the same (boring) main dish and then add your own veggie sides. You could prep a few sides in advance like roast squash, mushrooms in soy sauce, veggie kabobs, garlicky eggplant. Then mix it up with your pasta or add your meat to it - trying different things to really change up the flavor. If you want to make it really easy, you can by pre-seasoned frozen veggies from Trader Joe's - they tend to taste a lot better than those microwavable steamers. If you like roasted red peppers and marinated artichokes, you can buy those jarred and just mix them in with whatever you're eating for an instant flavor boost.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 2:19 PM on March 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


A lot of those meals sound delicious, but that's the entree and I'd go to the effort of making a veg side dish (for you, even if he wouldn't eat it). I love peas, so I keep a bag in the freezer and dump out a serving to supplement meals that look too meaty. Also, check your produce section for a wider variety of "snack vegetables" - I get bags of fresh sugar snap peas and bunches of asparagus and eat them raw.
posted by aimedwander at 2:20 PM on March 9, 2016 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Some ideas that I would try (caveat I'm down with the bariatric diet but don't have a picky eater to contend with)

Different sauces or marinades - grill something plain and have a crazy sauce for you and a plain sauce (or none) for him. Cut up some chicken breast into tenders or cubes and marinate some in one little tupperware with strong flavors and a simple one in another.

You can also get small portions of different veggies from a salad bar, so maybe you saute a little bit of broccoli or carrots and he doesn't have any. Same with things like spinach, you can buy just a tiny bit so it doesn't go bad
posted by brilliantine at 2:23 PM on March 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


What if once a week you made a large portion of a meal that you would like, and then you froze most of it in single size portions. This is how I make a lot of my meals. If you do this once a week, you could accumulate a decent variety of single serve meals in your freezer, that you could eat on the nights when you want a break from the usual. This might be a nice happy medium.

For example, I make a pretty simple chicken tagine. (I've modified the recipe in various ways; in particular, I double a lot of the spices, but it's a forgiving recipe in general.) It freezes very well, too. I use small ziploc bags to freeze a single portion. When I want to eat one, I run it under cold water for a minute to get it out of the plastic bag, then re-heat in the microwave.

Most curries (Indian in particular, though Thai would work too) freeze well. Chili is a great freezer meal. If you search old askmefi questions, there are a lot of questions about how to make meals that freeze well.

Also, would your husband be willing to eat stir fries? If he's willing to eat chicken teriyaki, I think a basic stir fry would probably be palatable to him. This could be a good option because it would be relatively easy to do a more basic (meat served over rice) for him, and then you could throw in a bunch of veggies at the end for you. These are also very quick; if he's willing to chop vegetables and meat beforehand, it really only takes a few minutes to cook the food.
posted by litera scripta manet at 2:38 PM on March 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


Since your husband tolerates eggs, bacon, and cheese, you can have pasta carbonara. Or alla gricia, or amatriciana (with pureed tomato). Pesto also only requires a food processor (maybe a grater) and is good both on pasta and on chicken. You can omit garlic if it's too strong for him, and pine nuts are not tree nuts.

A spouse who won't eat vegetables...usually I think our knowledge about nutrition is so patchy and inconclusive that it's pointless to criticize another's diet, but I'm pretty sure avoiding vegetables altogether is a good way to shorten your lifespan. Maybe something to think about for the future.
posted by praemunire at 2:43 PM on March 9, 2016 [3 favorites]


Omelettes with a variety of fillings could work.
posted by misseva at 3:15 PM on March 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Roast a chicken, serve with mashed potatoes and steam in bag veg. Leftover chicken can be added to a meal sized Caesar salad later in the week, with extra chicken for you. Meatloaf, served with Caesar salad on the side. Omelettes. BLTs (presumably he would eat the lettuce at least) and you could eat yours without bread with lettuce as the container. Add avocado for extra flavor and good fat. Beef stew.
posted by Ruki at 3:34 PM on March 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I wouldn't worry about adding variety to the diet of someone that picky, tbh. I think this is more a question of you getting variety in your meals and how to do it at a small scale so that things don't go bad. And there's probably an emotional component here too--it's okay to want different food and to cook it for yourself and only yourself. It's okay to ask him to cook you something he's not going to eat too. You've been accommodating his tastes, he can accommodate yours sometimes.

So, I would do that by cooking things alongside whatever Mr. Red is eating.

For example, you're cooking a protein on the grill? Have Mr. Red put some asparagus, bell pepper strips and onion in to roast in the oven for you. Squeeze lemon over the top when done. Eat the leftovers for a few nights or added cold to salad.

Do you like salad? Buy a head of lettuce, wash it all at once and store in a big tupperware. Or buy a small container of pre-washed greens. Prep some red onion, carrots, celery, etc. to go with. Make your own vinaigrette in small quantities and keep it in the fridge for maximum freshness. Take it out at the beginning of meal prep and the oil will have warmed enough for you to shake to combine again. You get to have a lovely side salad any time you like!

What about roasted veggies? (You can freeze leftovers and reheat them in the microwave.) Get a bunch of serving sized tupperware or pyrex to freeze your leftovers in, so you can thaw just the amount you need.

Does he eat fruit? Do you eat fruit? Fruit salad is delicious for a couple days and pairs well with breakfast-for-dinner options.

Sauces! Perhaps you cook up meat like you would for pasta with meat sauce, but this time, half of it gets pulled aside and you coat it with salsa or pesto or a chunky tomato sauce and then eat it the salsa variation in lettuce wraps with a few tortilla chips and some sour cream or avocado. Eat the chunky tomato sauce version with a small serving of pasta and some roasted brussel sprouts on the side.

To learn how to make things in small quantities, you may find it helpful to look at cookbooks and threads on here about cooking for one. For example, The Pleasures of Cooking For One.
posted by purple_bird at 3:58 PM on March 9, 2016 [16 favorites]


purple-bird's answer is so inspiring. These days, I have no energy, but for most of my life, I've tried to offer three course meals. They were never difficult, it could be a salad for first course, a stew, and then fruit.
Today I had lettuce and chicken legs for lunch, if anyone else had been there, I'd have served spanish garlic breads for appetizers and a choice of banana or cheese as desert.

If you were my guest, I'd offer both the garlic bread and some crudités

Another meal might be an avocado-shellfood salad with a lemony dressing, then a steak, then a fruit.


The idea is to offer different options during the whole meal where individuals can pick and choose at each element.
posted by mumimor at 4:44 PM on March 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Purple bird's advice sounds great to me too. And it's pretty close to what I do for my sometimes fussy/various dietary needs family. I find it a little fascinating that your husband doesn't like veggies, but likes caesar salad! He also likes bacon. Would he eat a blt salad? Chopped salads are basically my favorite meal. He could select the toppings he likes. You could add avocado to yours. Or would he go for this chopped Italian salad if he added caeser dressing to his? Or since he likes eggs, he could have an egg sandwich and you could have a tossed salad with a fried egg on top. You mention you both like meatballs. Is there an Italian wedding style soup you could modify to fit your tastes? Nice homemade stock, meatballs you make together, then maybe you add a hearty green to your soup and he adds pasta to his.
posted by areaperson at 5:21 PM on March 9, 2016


I apologize, I just realized you listed "meat sauce" not meatballs. Sorry, that probably nixes my meatball soup idea!
posted by areaperson at 5:29 PM on March 9, 2016


Quiche?
posted by Thorzdad at 5:36 PM on March 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Best answer: One thing I do is get prepped raw veggies from the salad bar at the grocery store. I throw mine in together, but the containers are free, so separate as you like. You'll waste less since you're not buying an entire veg that you might not consume before it goes bad. That helps offset the extra expense. I don't enjoy cooking much, so this removes a lot of the "chore" aspect for me.
posted by wwartorff at 7:59 PM on March 9, 2016


Best answer: Sliced up bell peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, and fresh spinach are my go-to fast cooked veg side dishes. Sauteed in a very hot pan with plenty of salt and a reasonable amount of fat, they cook in minutes and are easily tarted up with herbs, vinaigrette, or other sauces (I've taken to keeping a bottle of Trader Joe's spicy peanut vinaigrette in the fridge, that's a great sauce on just about anything.) It takes almost no time to slice and saute these. For you, with your tiny quantities, it'd probably make sense to cut up ahead of time and just cook up a little bit every night as you go, as a supplement to the bland food he's making.

Other brightly-flavored foods I use to round out meals are clementines and grape tomatoes.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:29 PM on March 9, 2016


I think the best option would be modular meals, where you're both sort of eating the same dish, but slightly different versions. This will be less work than preparing totally different meals, and inspire more of a feeling of togetherness.

Tacos would work perfectly for this. You'll both eat the ground beef filling, he can have more tortilla than you, and you can load yours up with veggies and sauce.

Stir-fry would be good too. Do the meat and veg separately. He gets more rice and you get more sauce for more flavor.

Soups can happen this way as well. Model it on Thai pho where you serve a basic meat/broth/noodle soup (his can get more noodles) and have sauces and a plate of raw herbs and sprouts you garnish the soup with to taste.

Posole is another good soup. Just make it plain with pork and hominy, and garnish yours with cilantro, lime, chopped onion or cabbage.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 8:34 PM on March 9, 2016


I'm not sure what the ratio of protein:fat:carb ratio is, but maybe hummus would be a candidate? It's brown, can be made smooth, and isn't on your list yet.

Does Mr. Red take a multivitamin to compensate for not eating the full veggie rainbow? I checked the wikipedia page on picky eating (restrictive food intake disorder) and as part of a longer-term solution if interested, it looks like Mr. Red could pursue CBT.
posted by aniola at 10:04 PM on March 9, 2016


One of my favorite "easy" dinners is antipasto: just a cold plate filled with fruit (like grapes, tomatoes), meats, olives, bruschetta or a little salad, some sliced melon (with a little prosciutto wrapped around it), some crusty bread, sliced bell peppers and maybe a dollop of hummus. A couple of cheeses: my preference is bocconcini, asiago or provolone, but hell, just throw on a couple of cubes of cheddar or havarti.

Just mix and match what you'd like to eat, store the rest for later. mmmmmmmm!
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:50 AM on March 10, 2016


Sliced up bell peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, and fresh spinach are my go-to fast cooked veg side dishes.

This is what I would do because they can be added easily to most of the dishes that you list to make them more delicious. When there are not enough vegetables in a meal for me, I put a huge handful of spinach (fresh or frozen) in the microwave for a little butter or oil.

We also have a range of spice mixes on hand. If you find some you like, you can add them to the chicken or the steamed vegetables to make them more interesting.

Many of the meals you listed are good bases for other meals. For example, he makes chicken on the Foreman grill. You come home and cook a scoop of cous cous (done in the time it takes to boil water), add some of those sauteed vegetables you had from earlier in the week or a handful of spinach, shred up the chicken, and combine it all with a dressing (honey mustard, balsamic, whatever). Now you have a totally different meal with little work and not much in the way of leftovers.
posted by oryelle at 5:50 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Oh, oryelle's answer reminds me. Have you tried cauliflower rice? If you kept a container of that in the fridge, I think that could work nicely with your diet and be a useful base for changing the nature of the protein of your meals as oryelle suggested with the couscous (shred/dice whatever protein he's made, mix it up with the "rice", add veg and dressing for you.)

I'll echo others that you shouldn't try to get into it with him about what he eats. His eating habits are his business. But, it is unreasonable for him to make his taste the sole criterion for what gets prepared in the house, even on his nights. He's preparing the meal for both of you; he can slice up some bell peppers or put the cherry tomatoes on the table.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:59 AM on March 10, 2016


Response by poster: Thanks very much for the input so far! A few things:
1) we have a tiny freezer, so freeze-ahead is logistically difficult.
2) many of you have hit on the problem I have had in cooking things just for me, which is that I can't eat a large enough volume of veggies to consume them before they go bad (I eat 4-6 ounces of meat and 2-4 ounces veggies to a meal, ideally.) The salad bar idea is GREAT and I can't believe I hadn't thought of that before!
3) I try hard not to fall into the trap of trying to get Mr. Red to be less picky (for those worried, yes, he does take a multivitamin.) I'm his wife, not his mom, and he has never expressed to me any interest or desire in changing the way he eats. It is sometimes frustrating (why will he eat Caesar salad but not regular salad with Caesar dressing? Why will he not eat peanut sauce when he likes creamy peanut butter? Why will he eat jarred tomato sauce but not delicious fresh summer tomatoes? I DO NOT KNOW) but I'm not able to change it.
4) He likes scrambled eggs but not omelets or quiche. Yes, I know that isn't logical. No, I don't know why. Texture maybe?
5)purple_bird is really insightful: I do have some emotional issues tied up with this, and I'm not ignoring that (therapy is awesome.) I've made a lot of progress in internalizing that his rejection of food I cook is not rejection of me, that it is legit to make a tasty thing just for myself because I eat it, etc. I have struggled for years with food-related anxiety, especially around choosing and preparing food that is only for myself. So that definitely plays into the whole thing.

I think where I have gone wrong in the past is that I've been trying to find more main dishes/whole meals that we'd both like, which just leads to infinite frustrating conversations of "why WON'T you eat X? Every single ingredient is something you like in another dish!" that just frustrates us both.

So far, I think that the leading strategies are going to involve building myself a repertoire of flavorful, zesty, colorful, veggie-based side dishes that either keep and reheat well (so that I could prep once and make multiple single-serving portions that he could reheat for me instead of the frozen steam-in-bag) or can be quickly and easily prepared in tiny single portions. Any additional recipes along that line would be super useful!
posted by oblique red at 9:24 AM on March 10, 2016


Best answer: My favorite easy veggie side dish is roasted veggies. Basically preheat the oven to 400 degrees or so (you can do a slightly lower or higher temp if you'd doing something else in the oven at the same time), toss your veg. with a little oil, salt, and essentially any spice mix you enjoy, and then roast until nice and crispy. Some combos I particularly like:

--green beans roasted with just salt and pepper + add a drizzle of balsamic vinegar after
--brussels sprouts roasted with little cubes of bacon (you can add it raw and it will cook along with the sprouts)
--zucchini coins with Mediterranean spice blend
--sweet potato wedges brushed with a little maple syrup when they come out of the oven
--cauliflower florets with curry powder or garam masala

etc.

Many of these combos keep well as leftovers (I'm especially fond of the green bean-balsamic combo, even cold as a snack).

The other thing I would suggest is sauces that would go well with multiple proteins to jazz things up. Most of these make plenty so you could save some for leftovers as well. Some I am particularly a fan of:

Red Pepper-Walnut Relish

Cucumber Yogurt Sauce
Pesto (this link has a bunch of variations)
Green Harissa (can reduce the chili to make a non-spicy version)
posted by rainbowbrite at 11:31 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


The options in your current rotation sound yummy! What about jazzing up some of them? The internet is full of recipes for really interesting grilled cheese, breakfast taco seasoning (eggs and bacon), and many variations of mashed potatoes. Eat your ultra yummy recipe and let your husband have the bland and boring version. You'll have most of the right cooking utensils out already, so little extra time is needed for cleanup etc. Search 'ultimate grilled cheese'. Mashed potatoes are like pizza - good even when it's bad.
posted by txtwinkletoes at 6:09 PM on March 10, 2016


Kale! Shred like a pound at once and cram into a small bag to store in the fridge. You can add shredded kale to everything.
posted by aniola at 11:59 AM on March 11, 2016


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