"Your garden gnome has been freed by..."

December 19, 2005 7:46 AM

What should I do the the garden gnome I just liberated?

He belongs to my boss, who got it for the office as a joke a while back. He (the boss, not the gnome) is now on vacation to FL until January. I've liberated the gnome and plan on faxing a ransom note to my boss (he'll know instantly it's from me, but will still play along). I'd like to take picture of the gnome in different situations, with different backgrounds, etc. and email them to my boss. Any suggestions on situations to put him in? Or other ideas of what to do with it while he's gone?

posted by NotMyselfRightNow to grab bag (34 comments total)

Put it in a little orange jumpsuit. :)
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:50 AM on December 19, 2005

Set the gnome in a basin of shallow water in your garage and hook a couple of jumper cables to his...nipular area.

Too harsh?
posted by Gator at 7:50 AM on December 19, 2005

How about in your boss's bedroom?
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:51 AM on December 19, 2005

Photoshop him into an Iron Maiden. Unless you happen to have a real one floating around.
posted by Gator at 7:55 AM on December 19, 2005

How about movie scenes? It might be easier to get background scenes online and just photoshop the gnome into them. Like, the shower scene from Psycho, the horse head scene from The Godfather, the hole in the basement at Jame Gumm's house in Silence of the Lambs, the dead guy in Weekend at Bernie's...stuff like that.
posted by iconomy at 7:57 AM on December 19, 2005

You will want a website to document the gnome's exploits.
posted by caddis at 7:58 AM on December 19, 2005

A miniature Abu Ghraib style black hood and shroud seems like the tasteful option to me.
posted by saladin at 8:04 AM on December 19, 2005

Somehow, this reminds me of a certain movie :)
posted by XiBe at 8:09 AM on December 19, 2005

I know this is in poor taste, but you could have it hold up the day's newspaper.
posted by Alison at 8:10 AM on December 19, 2005

Tie him up suspended over a barrel marked "Hydrochloric Acid."

Photoshop him into a relatively safe-for-work picture of gay guys in bondage and S&M gear. Turn him into the Littlest Gimp!
posted by Gator at 8:13 AM on December 19, 2005

Put it back. Your boss will appreciate practical jokes that weren't inspired by both a major motion picture and a widely shown advertising campaign. Coming up with something even semi-original will make you appear less formulaic.
posted by Plutor at 8:19 AM on December 19, 2005

Ummm, wasn't that all done once in Amelie? I guess maybe you could watch that movie for ideas.
posted by JJ86 at 8:19 AM on December 19, 2005

Maybe he's never seen Amelie? I've never seen Amelie.
posted by iconomy at 8:22 AM on December 19, 2005

I've never even heard of Amelie. Great suggestions folks--keep them coming!
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 8:25 AM on December 19, 2005

People were stealing gnomes and snapping vacation photographs of them long before Amelie came out. Game on.
posted by Hildago at 8:32 AM on December 19, 2005

I've never even heard of Amelie.

Are you kidding? This exact thing was a major plot point in the movie.
posted by knave at 8:36 AM on December 19, 2005

wasn't that all done once in Amelie?

I must've been at the concession stand when they showed the Littlest Gimp part of that movie...Also, oddly, gnomes are not even mentioned in the film's Wikipedia entry.

Anyway, hmmm...Hold up a lit match or a lighter to his feet?
posted by Gator at 8:42 AM on December 19, 2005

Plutor and Knave —

A) I would hardly call it a major plot point, since Amelie plays several practical jokes to brighten the lives of the people around her, and

B) The Garden Knome Liberation Front has been around since at least 2000. "Amelie" was released in 2001.

I second the Photoshopping idea. Movie publicity stills can be found online at IMDB.
posted by Brittanie at 8:53 AM on December 19, 2005

This should provide all the inspiration you need!
posted by fire&wings at 8:54 AM on December 19, 2005

OMG, that Bunny Suicides link is hilarious.

As for the gnome- is there a strip club in town? Seriously, you could totally do "less explicit, more suggestive." Take it to a bar for some serious drinking, while you're at it.

Oh, wait, here's an idea- crack house. No? OK ;)
posted by mkultra at 9:09 AM on December 19, 2005

The bunny suicides pictures that have been going around are, in fact, unauthorized copyright infringement of a published book.
posted by dagnyscott at 9:29 AM on December 19, 2005

If you can, break off a finger or toe and ship it back with the ransom note (or buy another gnome just to do this with).
posted by Kickstart70 at 9:31 AM on December 19, 2005

Or, similar to Kickstart70's suggestion, but reminiscent of the Paul Getty kidnap in the 1970s, make a gnome ear out of modelling clay (or saw one off the gnome you've bought to use as a gnoman sacrifice for dismemberment purposes) and photograph the ear, complete with fake blood, if your first demand isn't met.
posted by essexjan at 9:47 AM on December 19, 2005

Brittanie : even better, the french Front de libération des nains de jardin dates back from '98 :)
posted by XiBe at 10:14 AM on December 19, 2005

As for the gnome- is there a strip club in town?

No noodie bar will let you take pictures inside. Best you can probably manage is a shot of the gnome in the car, from the backseat, with the sign visible through the windshield.
posted by phearlez at 11:14 AM on December 19, 2005

I did this a couple of years ago--we took him to the Alamo and printed the photos as a few postcards, that we sent to the gnome owner.

Also, it was annoying when people brought up Amelie. Good movie, but a French flick a few years old did not invent gnome-burgling. Like creating fire and wrapping ourselves in furs, gnome hunting has been a part of human society since the very beginning. Good luck, and have fun.
posted by lychee at 11:20 AM on December 19, 2005

If you're considering moving away from the ransom/kidnap theme, you could do all sorts of things. Show him hitchhiking by the side of the road with a carboard sign saying "South Park." Show someone in scrubs preparing to dose him from a huge Rx bottle marked "Human Growth Hormone." Show him at a racetrack looking up at a "Help Wanted" or "Jockeys Wanted" sign. All the sort of things a liberated gnome might do once freed from captivity.
posted by Gator at 11:23 AM on December 19, 2005

Pictures with other gnomes in FL - visiting family.

For what it's worth, this goes back at least to the late eighties/early nineties (maybe further back) - my then teenaged friends took a gnome with them on a skateboarding road trip. Made the local news. Anyway, still a barrel of laughs.
posted by drobot at 11:51 AM on December 19, 2005

I think it would be rather funny to photoshop him into meetings with celebrities, like in Citizen Kane.
posted by cyphill at 12:57 PM on December 19, 2005

Long before Amelie I read a short story with this theme; the title may have been Wish You Were Here. Possibly written in the seventies. I Googled without success. Anybody?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:04 PM on December 19, 2005

The urban legend has been around for ages. Here's a 1990 USENET thread, referencing garden gnomes, pink flamingoes, and lawn jockeys.

This CSM story traces it to an Australian "20 years ago".

Here's a documentary, of sorts.

Here's a photography exhibit. Mobile, naturally.

Mainly, since the Travelocity promotion, the idea is a bit stale.
posted by dhartung at 1:48 PM on December 19, 2005

Some former co-workers and I used to do this kind of stuff with people's Nextel phones if they left the office and the phones kept chirping.

Take a picture of the gnome in a closet or other dark, small place one wouldn't want to be held captive. Put a blindfold around the gnome's eyes (and/or duct tape over his mouth), maybe wrap a bunch of duct tape around it so it looks like its completely bound by it. Take a picture with a fake gun pointed at its head. Might be even funnier if the gun is really obviously fake, like a paper cut-out that's not staying entirely stiff so it's folding over a bit on an end or something.

Take a picture of you or another of your co-workers "in diguise" (but really easily recongisable as so-and-so... we used to put on safety goggles and dusk masks) pointing something sharp at the gnome.

Ooh, try to make it look like the scene in A Clockwork Orange where Alex is forced to watch the violent films. Put tape around its eyes so it looks like they're forced open, rope or something binding it to a chair, and the angle of the shot should make it clear the gnome's being forced to watch something, either a TV in the shot or have the lighting setup to imply there's a TV in front of the gnome.
posted by DyRE at 2:03 PM on December 19, 2005

Buy a new gnome that looks similar if not quite exactly like the old gnome (use a sharpie to add in a scar or give him an eyepatch or something). Get the rest of your office In On It and place the new gnome in the old's place. As far as you and your office is concerned That Gnomes Has Always Been There. When your boss notices and questions it, look at him like he's crazy.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:24 PM on December 19, 2005

Get a little statuete with the charming words I Love You This Much and then trick out to be holding a little gun. Tie a blindfold around the gnome and set up to be at gunpoint to the statue.

Ransom for something totally ridiculous combined with something reasonable like a billion dollars and a case of Mountain Dew.
posted by plinth at 6:09 PM on December 19, 2005