why do I lose my cheese to my napkin?

December 18, 2005 11:08 AM

Stupid Pizza Question: I sometimes attempt to blot the grease on the top of pizza. How come sometimes this works just fine, but other times I end up pulling half the cheese off the pizza?

I don't even press the napkin down with any force, I just place it on the surface of the cheese and when I attempt to remove the napkin, a large amount of cheese is quite stuck to the napkin. I would assume it is the temperaute of the cheese, but I've had plent of hot pizza where the blotting trick worked fine without losing cheese.

Thank you for putting up with such a dumb question.

posted by piratebowling to food & drink (25 comments total)

Temperature? Hot cheese would stay molten when you press a cool napkin against it. Just-above-molten cheese would congeal once it soaks into the cool napkin, bonding the rest of the cheese to the napkin.

Just guessing.
posted by Leon at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2005

There are no dumb questions about pizza.

The tragic events you are describing have (fortunately) never befallen me, so I will describe my process to you, and perhaps any differences you spot will account for them.

1. Pizza is piping hot and delicious when grease-blotting takes place.
2. If in restaurant, I use restaurant napkins (paper, not cloth), if at home, I use paper towels (usually the cheapest store brand I can find).
3. Remove 1-2 slices of pizza from pie, put on plate.
4. Lay napkin over center of pizza slices (center of napkins goes midway between vertex and crust)
5. Do NOT apply pressure
6. Watch orange rorschach blot spread over napkin until saturated
7. If there is a lot of grease, put another layer of napkin on top of the first
8. Putting corner of napkin between thumb and forefinger, gently and slowly peel napkin(s) off of pizza.

Entire process should take less than 10 seconds.

If your method does not differ from mine, we must assume the cheese or the napkins in use are at fault. Does this happen with every pizza, no matter who makes it and where you're eating it?

Plan B: soak up the grease with parmesan cheese. This is essentially a big "fuck you" to nutrition, but it's so tasty.
posted by Hildago at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2005

Hidalgo

I use your exact method. Sometimes the cheese comes off, other times it doesn't. I'm not toally sure if the results correlate to where I get the pizza from or not.

The pizza is always piping hot. So what gives? Is is really the type of cheese these different places use?
posted by piratebowling at 11:39 AM on December 18, 2005

Might it have to do with the sauce to cheese ratio? If a pizza has more sauce, the cheese will be more slippery to begin with, which might encourage the cheese to stick to the napkin? Just a guess.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:44 AM on December 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

Do your results vary between different "brands" of pizza, or do you get different results from the same pizza supplier? If it's the former, I can only guess that it may have something to do with the composition/ratio of cheeses -- e.g. something like parmesan which is less of a "melty" cheese and may therefore have more grab...

This has never happened to me though, so I am intrigued.
posted by misterbrandt at 11:52 AM on December 18, 2005

It depends on the cheese used, and the actual temperature of the pizza. Piping hot can still differ by enough to go from "melty" to "gooey, sticky mess".

It also depends on the kind of napkin you use, and the amount of grease on the pizza. The more grease soaked up, the less sticky your napkin will be. As well, I've found that thinner napkins tend to grab cheese very well, while paper towels will only latch onto the meltiest compositions.

I usually wad up a paper towel and blot a tiny spot. If the cheese doesn't stick, I blot a bit more. Laying the napkin or towel over the pizza tends to leave me with sticky cheese trails.
posted by Saydur at 12:20 PM on December 18, 2005

I find that I have less napkin troubles when I have the pizza maker keep the pizza in the oven a little longer (the cheese then is not so runny and bonds a little more to the pie). Obviously this only works if you like your pizza a little crispy.
posted by edlundart at 12:30 PM on December 18, 2005

It may be the result of what combination of cheese used (as misterbrandt suggested), and potentially the tempurature at which the cheese was melted. At extremely high temperatures (in which the most authentic pizzas are baked), certain cheeses have a tendancy to separate and do other funky (but delicious) things.

Compare, for example, the results when using fresh, handmade mozzerella to when using the processed, kraft-like shreddings. Unlike the fresh, the processed cheese usually contains additives to maintain consistency, among other things, when melted, etc.
posted by chefscotticus at 12:30 PM on December 18, 2005

There are no dumb questions about pizza.

Is your significant other aware of this torrid and ongoing affair?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:45 PM on December 18, 2005

as a side note, have you considered folding yr slice? this way, the grease has a nice valley to pool into, and the orientation of the folded slice while being enjoyed allows the grease to drip over the crust and onto yr plate.

then you can dip yr crust into the grease, using every part of the pie as any ethical pizza hunter would do.
posted by herrdoktor at 1:07 PM on December 18, 2005

Not a direct answer, but the method I've always used is to simply take the pizza box and drop it on the ground - the pizza hits the top of the box and leaves the worst of the grease behind. Never had any problems with excessive cheese loss.

Although I wouldn't recommend this method in a restaurant.
posted by magwich at 1:08 PM on December 18, 2005

My solution has been to use mozzarella and avoid cheddar.
posted by furtive at 1:28 PM on December 18, 2005

then you can dip yr crust into the grease

I believe the idea was to eliminate the excess oil, not supersaturate the crust in it. Unless the OP was talking about sucking the grease from the knapkin, in which case, please disregard.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:29 PM on December 18, 2005

This guy blots the grease off his pizza? And people think this is normal? Do I come from another planet or something?

Seriously, I have never done this, I have never seen anyone do it, I have never even heard of anyone doing it... you're making me doubt my sanity here.
posted by reklaw at 2:55 PM on December 18, 2005

Where I come from we put butter on the crust.
posted by furtive at 3:18 PM on December 18, 2005

I have seen NYC taxi drivers hold the crust and shake the grease off.

When the cheese blots easily, there is a good chance that its not even cheese to begin with. Some pizza places use this plasticized substance that is not cheese, and that stuff is never liquid. It only gets to a stringy polymer consistency.

Real cheese for the most part will itself be blotted up if it is molten.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:27 PM on December 18, 2005

My g/f, who is an expert on pizza, says if you overcook the pizza a little bit, the cheese dries out a bit and lets the grease separate.
posted by notsnot at 3:55 PM on December 18, 2005

"Seriously, I have never done this, I have never seen anyone do it, I have never even heard of anyone doing it... you're making me doubt my sanity here."

I have seen people do it. That does not, however, make it correct.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:15 PM on December 18, 2005

I only do it when the pizza is greasy. I've only see New York pizza parlor pizza be so greasy I need to blot. Perhaps you've never seen greasy pizza, reklaw?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:39 PM on December 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

Thank you for defending me, ThePinkSuperhero. That's exactly the pizza I'm referring to.

I do this only at crappy places, the corner one's where a slice is $2 or less. I would never blot at a Patsy's or Grimaldi's.
posted by piratebowling at 4:44 PM on December 18, 2005

Well, you probably wouldn't need too, either.

Man, now I'm craving greasy pizza.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:51 PM on December 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

nothelpfulfilter - just be careful when you do this that a ginormous Milwaukee's Best Can doesn't fall from the sky and crush you.
posted by hellbient at 6:04 PM on December 18, 2005

believe the idea was to eliminate the excess oil, not supersaturate the crust in it.

yes, to the first part. dunno bout the second part. i can't tell if the poster wanted to get rid of some grease completely, or just from the cheesy part of the pizza. sometimes the cheesy part has too much grease n oil, and i get rid of it the way i described. this doesn't preclude me from enjoying an oil-soaked crust afterward.
posted by herrdoktor at 7:57 PM on December 18, 2005

"Seriously, I have never done this, I have never seen anyone do it, I have never even heard of anyone doing it... you're making me doubt my sanity here."

I haven't had a pizza greasy enough to require special attention since high school, when we'd shake, blot, drain, and even roll the pieces up and wring them out. Makes me think it might be related to the quality of ingredients. I would suggest eating better pizza.
posted by Tubes at 10:50 PM on December 18, 2005

Where I come from we had Greek-style pizza and it was always so oily that we would blot it ... however a Greek-style pizza had a thick crust, enough that it could sometimes look like a pot-pie. The grease had nowhere to go! It was like a greasy pot pie full of cheese and sauce.
Once we blot it we couldn't stop until we used an entire roll of papertowels. Then we would bring in the stage-two backup towels and begin eating.
Afterwards, the pizza box would be disposed of properly someplace away from open flames and sparks.

Oh, the question? Do what everyone else said. Just ... wipe carefully from front to back
posted by Makebusy7 at 6:51 AM on December 19, 2005