Crazy mortuary on the edge of town

February 22, 2016 9:30 AM

My mom is entering her final stages of life.

She is currently at an assisted living home in Mashpee, Massachusetts.

We are wondering what the best thing to do with her remains, responsibly, environmentally and economically. She has not designated any specifics on the matter, when we ask, she gets mad.

The local place on the cape is Nickerson

We also saw this, but know nothing about it or other options.

thanks for any input!

Henry

posted by silsurf to Grab Bag (9 answers total)

I am not there, but I learned some lessons last year. This is the lowdown. Every county has a morgue and cremation for those who can't pay. In some cases for sparsely populated places maybe farther away. The county will only deal with funeral directors. They do not cremate for individuals. So find the funeral director who does a direct business with the county and they offer the least expensive cremation. TJ Max Home Goods carries a lot of urns and urn-like items, running about $16.00. Give the urn you chose to the mortician and ask them to seal it for you with clear silicon, which is easily cut open with a pocket knife or xacto knife. The Neptune Society local to me, uses private crematoriums for cremation, which adds $1000 to the process if not a lot more in other areas.

So call your county and pry it out of them a nice firm or a couple to choose from. The mortician was very nice, took a late evening call, had my mom out of her room before midnight, so I didn't incur another day of charges at the nursing home. He delivered her ashes in the urn, to my home, and also delivered all the paperwork, including the death certificate. $782. Money may seem like a low discourse, but the next higher offer was $2000, then more. If you are going to cremate, shop for the urn now. Find the mortician now, then it is easier. My mom died unexpectedly.

Morticians will travel, often keep small offices in a couple of towns or townships, don't hesitate to look farther afield.
posted by Oyéah at 9:55 AM on February 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

How important is it to you that you can visit her final resting place? Do you want to have your whole family together?

A few years back when I lost my uncle, my Dad and his siblings all decided that they wanted to be together. They're cremation people so they bought a place for his cremains in a wall in a graveyard and then bought places right near him for themselves to plan ahead. Since then another member of the family has died and he's resting a few spots down from the Uncle. It nice for them and gives them peace of mind so if its important to you to rest near your mother, make sure you consider availability for yourself or any other family.
posted by GilvearSt at 9:58 AM on February 22, 2016

You could donate her body to science, that seems to tick all yor boxes. Biogift.org is a service that looks like they can help with that. I don't know anything about the organization but it looks like they are active in MA. When I did this for myself I just signed up with the local Medical school but I live in a large city near a med school.
posted by BoscosMom at 10:19 AM on February 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Check out the local Funeral Consumers Alliance. They can guide you and help identify affordable services.
posted by dtp at 10:39 AM on February 22, 2016

I don't know anything about the organization but it looks like they are active in MA. When I did this for myself I just signed up with the local Medical school but I live in a large city near a med school.

My Dad died in hospice on the North Shore of Boston and he wanted his remains donated to the Tufts Medical School. They were amazing to work with through the whole process and their reverence for and respect for their donors really helped my stepmother come to terms with his death. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I wish you warm memories and a peaceful heart.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:47 AM on February 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Thank you so much for looking into green burial options! I knew a thoughtful person who became a strong advocate for it as he neared the end of a terminal illness: Clark Wang, who was a truly wonderful, intelligent, sensitive, and community-supporting person.

In fact, the Green Burial Massachusetts site mentions a showing of a film he was involved in making, A Will for the Woods, even though he lived and was buried here in North Carolina.

He wouldn't have chosen this approach, or adopted this as a cause, if it weren't truly worthwhile. I hope you'll continue to consider it.
posted by amtho at 10:54 AM on February 22, 2016

There is also an organization called MedCure - they describe themselves as "a bridge between a donor and medical services". Basically, it's whole body donation - you sign up (no cost, anywhere, ever), and when you/loved one dies, they pick up the body, distribute um, 'parts' as needed, and send you back cremains in a lovely hand-made paper box (biodegradable).
I did this for my mother, as neither she nor I have any attachment to a burial spot or remains - memorial services are for the living, so we had that as well, just without a body.
I recommend this service - lots of dignity and provides a much-needed service.
posted by dbmcd at 11:38 AM on February 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

You could donate her body to science, that seems to tick all yor boxes. Biogift.org is a service that looks like they can help with that. I don't know anything about the organization but it looks like they are active in MA.

We donated my dad's remains through BioGift and I can confirm that it was a very straightforward process conducted by kind people. I think it took somewhat longer to get his ashes than it would have from a mortuary (as you might expect), but I am pretty sure we had them returned within a month.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:15 PM on February 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Biodegradable urns that grow into a tree.
posted by COD at 4:38 PM on February 22, 2016 [1 favorite]