The thing that can't replace the thing
January 16, 2016 10:50 AM Subscribe
What small special experiences or things or brief travels might help in a grieving process (for someone who's already got great emotional and structural support)?
I'm somewhere in the middle of a grieving process, with very solid emotional and structural support around me. I'm still rollercoastering: often relatively okay but often very sad and emotionally volatile.
I've been invited to think about "what I need," and it's tough to imagine specific things beyond general support/love and some reworking of immediate professional commitments (which I'm lucky enough to control as a freelancer). But it could be any workable thing (in my awesomely supportive marriage, our approach is that we each say what we need and figure out how to make it happen).
One suggestion was a weekend or so of retreat/travel by myself. I'm open to that but I hesitate because of the family and solo travels we already have coming up (and because, while formal alone/processing time sounds incredibly valuable, daily companionship and hugs feel maybe even more important right now).
Are there 'grief massages'? Like, in the same way there are pregnancy massages? I actually have a massage gift certificate from the holidays, such a wonderful luxury, but I think I would just cry straight through a massage (probably something massage people understand and could discuss beforehand, but not an experience I feel like having with a generalist stranger).
And I'm open to talking with a counselor/therapist a few times and I've made a list of nearby ones who might be good – that could also be a thing.
(I'm in Philadelphia, if you have any location-specific thoughts here or in NYC.)
I'm somewhere in the middle of a grieving process, with very solid emotional and structural support around me. I'm still rollercoastering: often relatively okay but often very sad and emotionally volatile.
I've been invited to think about "what I need," and it's tough to imagine specific things beyond general support/love and some reworking of immediate professional commitments (which I'm lucky enough to control as a freelancer). But it could be any workable thing (in my awesomely supportive marriage, our approach is that we each say what we need and figure out how to make it happen).
One suggestion was a weekend or so of retreat/travel by myself. I'm open to that but I hesitate because of the family and solo travels we already have coming up (and because, while formal alone/processing time sounds incredibly valuable, daily companionship and hugs feel maybe even more important right now).
Are there 'grief massages'? Like, in the same way there are pregnancy massages? I actually have a massage gift certificate from the holidays, such a wonderful luxury, but I think I would just cry straight through a massage (probably something massage people understand and could discuss beforehand, but not an experience I feel like having with a generalist stranger).
And I'm open to talking with a counselor/therapist a few times and I've made a list of nearby ones who might be good – that could also be a thing.
(I'm in Philadelphia, if you have any location-specific thoughts here or in NYC.)
Seconding saunas- when it's really really hot you can feel a sense of peace.
posted by flink at 11:39 AM on January 16, 2016
posted by flink at 11:39 AM on January 16, 2016
Read the Unbearable Lightness of Being. I read that when I was grieving once, and it was like I was living inside the book.
posted by oneironaut at 12:49 PM on January 16, 2016
posted by oneironaut at 12:49 PM on January 16, 2016
Crying during massage is EXACTLY appropriate! And what you need!!
You don't have to explain. They know. Gosh, I can't recommend this to you more. You should do it once a week, or twice per week, for a few weeks. If someone does Seitai, I highly recommend that. Regular full body massage will work, too.
Yes. Do the massage. And walks in nature. Go sit under a tree. Or the beach every morning. Take up a new practice or habit of this sort for awhile. You get the idea. *hugs*
posted by jbenben at 1:42 PM on January 16, 2016
You don't have to explain. They know. Gosh, I can't recommend this to you more. You should do it once a week, or twice per week, for a few weeks. If someone does Seitai, I highly recommend that. Regular full body massage will work, too.
Yes. Do the massage. And walks in nature. Go sit under a tree. Or the beach every morning. Take up a new practice or habit of this sort for awhile. You get the idea. *hugs*
posted by jbenben at 1:42 PM on January 16, 2016
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I found talking to a counsellor very helpful--which I sort of expected. It took me a couple of tries to find one I really connected with, so don't give up if you don't like or click with the first one you go to.
What I wasn't expecting was a cathartic experience listening to a guided mindfulness meditation. To be honest I have never really been that interested in meditation practice, but a yoga teacher friend sent me a guided meditation audio file (very similar to this one) meant to help people with grief/loss/PTSD/anxiety. As recommended, I lay on a yoga mat in a quiet room, covered myself with a warm blanket and played it on my iPhone. Much to my surprise, I wept through the whole thing and felt better afterward.
Best of luck. I hope you are able to find a way to help you process and heal.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:18 PM on January 16, 2016
I found talking to a counsellor very helpful--which I sort of expected. It took me a couple of tries to find one I really connected with, so don't give up if you don't like or click with the first one you go to.
What I wasn't expecting was a cathartic experience listening to a guided mindfulness meditation. To be honest I have never really been that interested in meditation practice, but a yoga teacher friend sent me a guided meditation audio file (very similar to this one) meant to help people with grief/loss/PTSD/anxiety. As recommended, I lay on a yoga mat in a quiet room, covered myself with a warm blanket and played it on my iPhone. Much to my surprise, I wept through the whole thing and felt better afterward.
Best of luck. I hope you are able to find a way to help you process and heal.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:18 PM on January 16, 2016
Get one of those all-day/multi-hour passes to spas that have saunas and hot tubs and stuff of that nature, and take your time. You're "with" people but everyone's pretty much in their own bubble, and the space can be immensely helpful.
posted by divabat at 7:35 PM on January 16, 2016
posted by divabat at 7:35 PM on January 16, 2016
Consider a grief support group or retreat. I participated in an online support and then traveled for a weekend retreat among participants a few years back, and both were really helpful at that point in the process for me (and have developed into some wonderful facebook friendships that are a source of much joy to me).
posted by drlith at 5:28 AM on January 17, 2016
posted by drlith at 5:28 AM on January 17, 2016
I would look into Rosen therapy, sounds right up your alley?
posted by speakeasy at 6:28 AM on January 17, 2016
posted by speakeasy at 6:28 AM on January 17, 2016
« Older I really want to hang out but I'd also like to... | Patent Nude Heels Wishes To Be Silver For One Day Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by bq at 11:06 AM on January 16, 2016