Comments on: Chinese wedding gift customs

Question: Chinese wedding gift customs

gd779 — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 05:38:29 -0800

Chinese wedding gift customs: A close friend of mine is from mainland China, and she recently got married to a guy from England. I'd like to buy them a very nice wedding gift. Are there any Chinese customs that I should be aware of? Are certain gifts traditional? Should I stay away from certain colors?

Thanks in advance.

By: andrew cooke

andrew cooke — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 05:42:29 -0800

iirc you should stay away from white. red is good/traditional.

By: AccordionGuy

AccordionGuy — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 05:47:15 -0800

Don't give them anything that comes in a set of four items. Sets of three, sets of five, fine. Set of eight? Very good. (4 is the bad luck number, 8 is good luck.)

By: Raybun

Raybun — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 06:32:20 -0800

Do not give them a clock. Some Chinese see this as a symbol of death.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 06:41:21 -0800

Avoid white and black, go for red, the traditional wedding color. In some parts of China (not sure where she's from) fish are a traditional sign of plenty and fertility in a marriage, so something with a fish motif might work. The Chinese also give cash in little red envelopes.

By: gd779

gd779 — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 07:16:57 -0800

" In some parts of China (not sure where she's from)..."

She's from Chengdu.

By: merv

merv — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 07:36:13 -0800

It's not a bad idea, or impolite to give cash. Saves you alot of time thinking of what to buy.

For Chinese, during joyous occasions, You can give money in a red packet as a gift.

By: shepd

shepd — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 08:21:02 -0800

I could be wrong, but I thought 4 (shi) was bad luck only in Japan, since they imported (ok, stole) the Chinese numbering system which had two numbers that said death in Japanese (4 - shi, and 7 - shichi).

I could be wrong, of course. And, like lots of Chinese, if it were bad luck, I bet it would only be bad luck for one of their languages (mandarin / cantonese / the-others-I-can't-remember)

By: phoenixc

phoenixc — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 08:39:33 -0800

4 sounds like death in Chinese if you change the intonation just a touch. Some Chinese aren't superstitious about this kind of thing at all, but it may be best to err on the side of caution in this instance.

Interestingly enough, superstitions around the number 4 have been factored into the hot condo market--especially in big cities with an established Chinese community. Just as the 13th floor was skipped in the past because of triskaidekaphobia, new buildings skip the 4th, 14th, etc. floors to appeal to the Chinese market.

By: Wolfie

Wolfie — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 09:09:20 -0800

My cube neighbor is from China and just got married. She was shocked that we all didn't know that giving knives as a wedding present was totally bad news. So while I can't give you any ideas on what to give - stay away from the nice set of knives.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 09:46:58 -0800

I was (non-Chinese) best man in a Chinese wedding. Cash was, by far, the most common gift (yes, in the traditional red envelope). In turn, when I got married, my friend gave me cash, in return. I know it seems odd to us westerners, but it really does appear to be the most common gift in Chinese cultures.

By: casarkos

casarkos — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 09:54:03 -0800

No picture frames since that's sort of associated with death and remembering dead people, and no green headwear since that's associated with, um, infidelity.

By: greatgefilte

greatgefilte — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 11:11:17 -0800

Maybe a set of traditional Chinese seals (Dragon and Phoenix are usually used for weddings, I think) for the couple? It's a little cheesy (typical thing for tourists in Hong Kong and Taiwan to bring home as a trinket), but they might appreciate it. These guys sell custom-carved seals, though my experience with them was a little off-putting (they used the wrong style of script and shipped my set to the wrong address.) Maybe some hand-painted calligraphy?

By: madman

madman — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 11:12:47 -0800

With cash, you know that there is no way the married couple will hate what you got them. :)

By: sergeant sandwich

sergeant sandwich — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 11:52:31 -0800

seconding or thirding or whatevering the recommendation for cash in a little red envelope. every chinese wedding i've been to, that's what most people gave. everything others have said is right on, too - 4 is bad, 8 is good, and red is the traditional color. white is the color of death.

also, around chinese new year lots of people give each other and keep around boxes of mandarin oranges. this, i'm told, is because they are a color reminiscent of gold and are round and plump, which symbolizes luck or prosperity. something of similar shape/color would probably carry similar meaning.

By: gd779

gd779 — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 13:03:49 -0800

I thought that the red envelope thing was primarily a Hong Kong tradition. Am I wrong?

By: gd779

gd779 — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 13:49:35 -0800

And if I do give money, are there customs that I should be aware of with respect to the amount that I give? Is it possible to give too much or too little?

By: calistasm

calistasm — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 13:55:33 -0800

My family is from mainland China and I've seen red envelopes at pretty much every special occasion I've ever been to. I used to think it was lame to get cash instead of gifts, but it is much more useful than a toaster, I must say.

By: merv

merv — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 16:11:03 -0800

Again.. if you give money, the amount matters.

In the some replies to this post, some have mentioned that the number '4' or bad, and '8' is good.

Likewise, giving $44,$440 is bad, while $88,$880 is good...

Same rule applies to money. Of couse, don't go giving just $8 bucks to the couple...

By: edjusted

edjusted — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 00:28:07 -0800

Yep. While you can certainly give something else, cash in an "8" amount (can't think of a better way to phrase that) in a red envelope is a "can't miss" wedding present.

By: andrew cooke

andrew cooke — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 04:39:19 -0800

it just struck me that "guy from england" may not be of chinese/aisan descent (it's not clear in the question). if it's a cross-cultural marriage you might want to ask what kind of ceremony they are having, etc. if they're trying to balance two different sets of expectations perhaps they'd appreciate the chance to guide you into giving either "red envelope" or "wrapped present from gift list". if you see what i mean. or maybe i'm over-analyzing the situation.