Excitement of a child, social anxiety of an adult?
December 28, 2015 5:38 AM Subscribe
We are visiting family members that I have not seen as a kid, what conversation starters can I have in my back pocket to avoid any awkward lulls in conversation?
I have not seen my aunt since I was a child, when it was easier to spend some time with her and then buzz off and play with the kids. I guess from years of parents making us go away when the adults are talking, sometimes I go mute during adult conversations, especially when there are strong personalities around. My wife, who doesn't speak the language (yay! more pressure on me to converse and translate) and I will be there for 5 days. My cousins, who I do not know very well at all, are great at chatting but I want to make sure I feel like I am contributing, being pleasant to be with and asking the right questions.. what should I keep in mind?
I have not seen my aunt since I was a child, when it was easier to spend some time with her and then buzz off and play with the kids. I guess from years of parents making us go away when the adults are talking, sometimes I go mute during adult conversations, especially when there are strong personalities around. My wife, who doesn't speak the language (yay! more pressure on me to converse and translate) and I will be there for 5 days. My cousins, who I do not know very well at all, are great at chatting but I want to make sure I feel like I am contributing, being pleasant to be with and asking the right questions.. what should I keep in mind?
"My wife would like to hear some stories about when I was little."
posted by JanetLand at 9:00 AM on December 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by JanetLand at 9:00 AM on December 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Star Wars- which ones has everyone seen? Are you planning on/have you seen the new one?
Any fun star wars memories?
What about Star Trek?
Seen any other good movies recently?
(i.e. pick something culturally topical and neutral and ask a bunch of questions riffing from that)
posted by rmless at 9:08 AM on December 28, 2015
Any fun star wars memories?
What about Star Trek?
Seen any other good movies recently?
(i.e. pick something culturally topical and neutral and ask a bunch of questions riffing from that)
posted by rmless at 9:08 AM on December 28, 2015
In these situations I feel like a combination of questions to ask and stories of your own to tell can help pass time.
Questions: about their house, about the location where they live, about hobbies they might have, about mutual family members (if there aren't weird hot button people to avoid), about food and media stuff (sports, movies, what they did for thanksgiving)
Stories: stuff about work, your house, your pets/friends, a neat thing you learned recently, a project you and your wife are working on
In addition, shared reminiscences about houses, pets, neighbors, things from back then ("Whatever happened to that abandoned house we all used to play in...?") can prompt discussion. Also don't feel bad about slowing things down to make sure your wife can follow along, and/or take off for some you+her time if the back and forth of translating and interacting gets to be a little draining. Find ways to engage her in the conversation, having stories you jointly tell your aunt's family where the two of you tell the story even if you are the only one speaking it to them.
posted by jessamyn at 9:13 AM on December 28, 2015
Questions: about their house, about the location where they live, about hobbies they might have, about mutual family members (if there aren't weird hot button people to avoid), about food and media stuff (sports, movies, what they did for thanksgiving)
Stories: stuff about work, your house, your pets/friends, a neat thing you learned recently, a project you and your wife are working on
In addition, shared reminiscences about houses, pets, neighbors, things from back then ("Whatever happened to that abandoned house we all used to play in...?") can prompt discussion. Also don't feel bad about slowing things down to make sure your wife can follow along, and/or take off for some you+her time if the back and forth of translating and interacting gets to be a little draining. Find ways to engage her in the conversation, having stories you jointly tell your aunt's family where the two of you tell the story even if you are the only one speaking it to them.
posted by jessamyn at 9:13 AM on December 28, 2015
If it's possible to maybe take a photo album with photos of you guys together in the past, that might spur some stories (and it's possible that they may have never seen your photos, so it might be cool for them as well).
posted by blueberry at 10:46 AM on December 28, 2015
posted by blueberry at 10:46 AM on December 28, 2015
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Try and think of some funny or interesting anecdotes about your job or where you live. If it's been so long since you've seen your aunt then I'm sure she and the cousins will want to hear about it.
And don't forget to ask them back! Nothing cures a lull like asking the other people a question!
I did a similar trip back to visit family last holiday season that I hadn't seen in years, and I had a ball. Hopefully you and your wife will have the same.
(oh, and if your cousins have kids there's no reason you can't still go disappear with them for awhile too. With kids I find photography to be the best ice breaker these days. I have an app called 'Aillis' that lets you put 'stickers' on your photos. Plenty are free or you can pay for extras. I get the kids to give me their best superhero poses and then we jazz them up with lightning bolts and wings and stuff. They loooove it)
posted by Caravantea at 6:22 AM on December 28, 2015 [1 favorite]