Which cities in Europe are most welcoming to gay Europeans?

December 22, 2015 2:05 AM

I have tried London and failed. The gay part was OK, but being a foreigner was not. I'm now looking for a new European city to call home. Tell me where people care less that you're a (gay) foreigner.

I've spent a few years studying and working in London. To most English people I'd met, I was never a fellow Londoner, just someone of lesser intelligence from Eastern Europe, a possessor of a foreign accent who is only in London temporarily, enjoying the benefits of healthcare and employment. I never felt accepted and I was fed up with it when I left the country for unrelated reasons.

Due to increasing homophobia where I currently live, I am looking to emigrate again, within Europe. I am a lesbian, white, mid-twenties. I'd like to live somewhere where it will not be a big deal to people that

- I come from another country
- I am gay

My first thought was Scandinavia, but I'm afraid of long winters because of a lifelong battle with depression and other mental health difficulties. I am healthy now and would do anything to avoid depression returning, and all that darkness seems like a red flag.

When I visited Berlin, no one cared that I was a foreigner which was great, but I can't imagine whether living there would be the same and I did not love the city (didn't cross it off my list though).

The city I do love is Paris; I have spent much more time there over the years than in Berlin and Scandinavian capital cities and never got unwanted reactions for being foreign or gay. I speak fluent French, can't pass for a native speaker though.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear where in Europe you ended up and if the experience has been positive.

I understand that people anywhere will react to me being from another country and gay. That's OK. I just don't want to live with constant negative reactions.

I have a telecommuting job, so job search will not be an issue. I am also happy to learn the local language before I move.

posted by anonymous to Society & Culture (16 answers total)

As an obvious foreigner in London, albeit not gay, I have to say, I never encountered the Daily Mail style prejudice you describe. In my (liberal, middle-class, quite academic) circles I found it pretty easy to think of myself, and be treated as, a Londoner if I wanted. To the best of my knowledge, Europeans, including East Europeans I knew, had the same experience I did. This is not to contradict your actual experience, or to suggest that you move back to London, but just to say: if you enjoyed the city otherwise and find yourself having to go back there, you may well have a very different experience in a different environment or group of people.
posted by tavegyl at 2:19 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Brussels. Thriving gay scene. Full of people from all over Europe who are open and friendly to newcomers. Easy to navigate in English. And get travel connections to all over Europe.
posted by roolya_boolya at 2:59 AM on December 22, 2015 [7 favorites]

I am a foreigner living in Paris and run an LGBTQIA meetup group for women. We have many hundreds of members and they are 50% non-French. The lesbian scene here is smaller than it used to be, but still welcoming. I don't encounter a huge amount of homophobia, feel free to message me with any questions.
posted by ellieBOA at 3:01 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

You may want to consider the Netherlands, specifically Amsterdam. Historically, The Netherlands has had a high level of acceptance of homosexuality; this 2011 study from The Netherlands Institute for Social Research might be interesting, and Wikipedia has some general info on LGBT rights. Though I do have to mention a recent survey of gay men and women shows that their day-to-day experiences don't match up with the general statistics. There are some organizations that may be able to give you more information and/or connect you with people who are already living here to talk about their experiences.

I'm a foreigner in the Netherlands, so I can speak to that experience. The level of acceptance for educated foreigners in professional jobs is pretty high (sadly, it's a different story for refugees right now). Almost everyone speaks English, especially in the major cities, so it's possible to get settled without knowing Dutch before moving. I find people usually react to me with friendly curiosity; occasionally I get indifference, but I'm pretty sure that's because of language gaps on both sides.
posted by neushoorn at 3:14 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Edinburgh is lovely but Scotland has the same issues regarding daylight as Scandinavia does - plus way more rain.
posted by kariebookish at 3:40 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

(not gay, and english, so perhaps i should shut up already, but...) in my experience as a foreigner living in other lands, some people (and i am one of them) really seem to feel this "you are not one of us" vibe much more than others. to the extent that is true, i am not sure you will be comfortable anywhere (although you do get used to it, i think, with time).

also, when i worked in edinburgh, i was surrounded by alcoholic homophobes, but perhaps that was the time (90s) and the industry (oil).

anyway, i would vote for the netherlands.
posted by andrewcooke at 4:15 AM on December 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Agree with neushoorn. Amsterdam was my first thought too.
posted by Brittanie at 4:38 AM on December 22, 2015

I'm a foreigner in the Netherlands, so I can speak to that experience.
I think it matters which country you're from though, and the kind of job you expect to work in. The Netherlands in general is not particularly friendly to people from Eastern Europe in my experience. Now that we have more refugees the islam is more on the radar of xenophobes again, but not too long ago Wilders was pushing the anti-Poles agenda pretty hard.

If you do decide on the Netherlands you absolutely must go to a big city. Probably Amsterdam indeed. People always say how everyone speaks English here, but that's not true for the whole country. Even though most people do speak some English (they can give directions, explain how the train ticket vending machine works, that kind of thing), it was really hard for my American friend to even keep a simple conversation going on the playground with other parents.
posted by blub at 4:48 AM on December 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

I don't think your being gay will be an issue at all in Scandinavia (though keep in mind that the countries/cities are smaller than many of the other cities mentioned in this thread), but I worry the foreignerness would be an issue. Scandinavian countries are largely homogeneous and so being "from somewhere else" will always be something that prompts questions.
posted by AwkwardPause at 6:22 AM on December 22, 2015

Came here to third Amsterdam. It's an incredibly cosmopolitan, diverse city, with a robust mental health care system. I miss it terribly.
posted by nerdfish at 8:03 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

I cannot comment on other Scandinavian countries but Denmark has a deserved reputation for being unwelcoming, regardless of where you are from. They are not unfriendly but that's an entirely different thing.
posted by deadwax at 8:08 AM on December 22, 2015

I forgot to wrote this in my first reply but, yes, absolutely stay away from Denmark. It's not nice to foreigners - Copenhagen is just about tolerable but as soon as you get outside Zone 3 on the railway network, things deteriorate. Also, lack of daylight.
posted by kariebookish at 8:59 AM on December 22, 2015

Depending on your profession, Paris can be quite introverted as well - just like London. But why not try it out? Next on my list would be Brussels - and the two cities are so close you can live in one and explore the other regularly.

It's not nice to foreigners - Copenhagen is just about tolerable but as soon as you get outside Zone 3 on the railway network, things deteriorate.
OP has already stated they are not interested in Scandinavia. So no need to argue about that. What I would argue is that very few smaller cities and towns across Europe are truly gay-positive, though most western European towns and villages are gay-tolerant. This also might depend on your age — mature people seem to be more friendly and engaging than younger people. (Not gay, but with gay friends btw 16 and 76).
posted by mumimor at 11:30 AM on December 22, 2015

Clearly the answer is Brighton, super gay-friendly and has a fairly high "transient" population which tends to be less judgemental (tho for sure there are prejudiced people here, too).

I'd personally advise against Paris (not just because I'm trying to lure you to Brighton *lol*). It is my favourite city in the whole world, but I have completely crossed France off my emigration destinations due to the current political climate; both the high levels of xenophobia as shown in the unstoppable rise of the FN (ugh), and their stupid homo/trans*phobic "théorie du genre" scaremongering. I know most of those people live in the Province, but they vote, too.

very few smaller cities and towns across Europe are truly gay-positive

Except Brighton. :) Come to Brighton! We have a very high level of freelancers, self-employed creatives etc too, so it is easy even to find people to do stuff with during the day. And London is just up the road. And we have sea! And the gorgeous Downs on our doorstep. (Main drawback: it's expensive as hell. But no more than London! Yet.)
posted by ClarissaWAM at 12:52 PM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Berlin!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:13 PM on December 22, 2015

Munich? I stayed with a gay friend there for a few weeks who had very positive things to say about the city and the welcoming scene. He's Italian. There is a Gay Oktoberfest tent, even.
posted by bertran at 7:55 PM on December 22, 2015