My perfect black dress is basically an abaya. Uh-oh?
December 21, 2015 2:53 PM   Subscribe

While looking for dresses that I could wear to work paired with pretty scarves (just tied around the neck) without having to worry much about the weather or whether I'd shaved my legs or anything, I discovered this abaya and many more like it. They're perfect, except that I'm a white atheist American. Am I beanplating?
posted by hollyholly to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (31 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Yes; it doesn't look appropriative at all, so much as a very not-revealing black dress with an uninteresting neckline.
posted by tapir-whorf at 3:00 PM on December 21, 2015


I have a black pool cover-up that I wear as a dress in the summer, so while I get it, I also think an abaya might not be quite right (although I like it, where does one buy such things?)

How about this number from Macy's?

At least if someone asks you could tell them.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 3:00 PM on December 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Best answer: Am I beanplating?

Yes. That is a plain black dress, with examples from numerous cultures, both religious and non-religious. There is nothing quintessentially Muslim about this dress.
posted by saeculorum at 3:00 PM on December 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


Beanplating. Definitely.
posted by OrangeDisk at 3:04 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Yup, beanplating. It's a black dress with some targeted marketing.
posted by quince at 3:08 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: when i looked at the picture, i actually thought it was amish in origin until i noticed the sleeves. someone might make comments about how dowdy it is (this is not an insult from me! i love it! i just know when i wear stuff like this, i get comments about it not being fashionable) but i don't think it comes off as appropriative.
posted by nadawi at 3:11 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


People might ask you if (or just assume) you're wearing it for religious reasons.
posted by bleep at 3:13 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Nobody is going to think that's religious garb unless you pair it with a head covering. It's just a very plain dress.
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:25 PM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Thank you for asking this question because now I know what beanplating is. It doesn't look like an abaya, or robe-like dress to me. Naturally, as another white atheist American I am a total expert in abayas--not. I am a total fan of people wearing pretty much whatever the hell they want to. If you like it, then you should get it and wear it. Because I'm less than socially acceptable I preferred to wear shorter skirts and dresses with my hairy legs simply to remind youngsters that adult women aren't born with hairless legs. But that's me.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:27 PM on December 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Best answer: People may assume you're wearing it for religious reasons as it definitely looks like modesty-fashion, but not necessarily Muslim. It would fit into a wide variety of modesty-focused groups.
posted by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on December 21, 2015


Best answer: Just looks like a really plain black dress to me. People might think you are dressing modestly for religious reasons but it doesn't scream any particular religion to me.
posted by kitten magic at 3:32 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Chadwick's makes a billion dresses like that, if you wanted to look at similar styles or in other colors. When I played in college orchestra, the girls all wore dresses just like the one you linked and we mostly got them at Chadwick's.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:40 PM on December 21, 2015 [7 favorites]


Best answer: I agree that it does scream "modesty!" but not necessarily Muslim. If you are a white American, people might think something like Mormon or Duggars. But you could probably help things with a stylish chunky belt and colorful (neck) scarf or big chunky jewelry.
posted by rainbowbrite at 3:41 PM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Nth responses above. It is slighly non-normative, as workwear, in most settings I can think of, which isn't a bad thing, or a reason not to wear it, it's just uncommon, and most people I know and have seen who do wear dresses like that are religious. A dress like Ruthless Bunny suggested, with just a couple of inches taken off the bottom, would reduce questions people might ask (themselves, if not you, directly). (What marks it as possibly "religious" is that it goes right to the floor.) Not appropriative, though.
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:44 PM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Can you just wear this dress at knee length with leggings? I've never understood the full length appeal. And leggings are so comfy!!!
posted by Kalmya at 3:48 PM on December 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


I agree that you can wear it without feeling culturally squicky, even though it does feel extremely modest to me.

Something that would make the dress feel less modest, more modern, is shorter sleeves. Sleeves that stop at, or a few inches above, the wrist would make "religious?" much less of a question.
posted by itesser at 4:00 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Depending on the scarf, people will think you are religious, or that you have goth affectations, or that you have been too far down the rabbit hole of Mormon mommybloggers, or... I think you are fine on the appropriation front, but it reads more as cultural garb than 'plain dress.'
posted by kmennie at 4:30 PM on December 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Best answer: I say rock it. Add some color via scarf, bracelets, necklace and/or earrings. In a pure corporate environment you'll stand out. At my funky non-profit you'd be awesome.
posted by pipoquinha at 4:39 PM on December 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


Wearing a floor length dress in an office is more than a little weird, but that particular dress doesn't look like it's tied to any particular religion. It reads more as extremely modest evening wear to me.
posted by MsMolly at 4:50 PM on December 21, 2015 [10 favorites]


Best answer: That would look so awesome if it came in a mock turtleneck style. I like the drape of the fabric, especially. I bet you there's a mock turtle neck version.

In other words, beanplating.
posted by jbenben at 4:58 PM on December 21, 2015


The only thing that would worry me is that it's _so_ long that I'd probably trip on it, especially going up stairs (stepping on the hem of your long skirt when trying to climb a stair is really inconvenient and dangerous). You might want to get it hemmed a bit, or look at the Chadwick's dresses.
posted by amtho at 5:08 PM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


I've just spent a bunch of time with Orthodox Jews and that looks a lot like what some of them choose to wear (both in Israel and the U.S.). I don't think there's anything particularly Muslim-looking about it at all. Go for it.
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:26 PM on December 21, 2015


Culturally it seems fine to me, but keep in mind that you'll want to be careful about shoe height and dress length with something like this, since having the hem drag on the floor is a safety hazard (and kinda gross.) If you need to get the dress hemmed, wear the shoes you plan to wear with the dress to determine the right length.
posted by asperity at 6:13 PM on December 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you wore a hat or other something on your head I would assume that you were a fairly frum Jewish lady. But I myself am a cultural Jew. So I think this is a case of people seeing what they expect to see.

I also am a person who hates shaving their legs but feels weird having them hairy and uncovered, as well as a lot of your other concerns, so I have done a lot of wearing maxi length skirts and dresses in perhaps odd settings. Accessories really help push the "ecclectic creative" angle instead of "vaguely religious" one. So does attitude, which is achieved through comfort and the way you move in and use your clothing.

One thing I have found is that pockets are invaluable. I think that if you want to dedicate some cash to your comfort while in a look like this, you should either have made or really search for something similar with pockets, or a combination of tops and long skirts with pockets. The other thing is length. You'll have to get used to hiking your skirt up a bit when going on stairs and hustling along. That means losing a hand for other stuff or tripping over your skirt. So my suggestion, if weather allows, is to go for mid-calf or just above ankle length hems instead, and wearing socks to cover your legs as needed. There are lots of nice opaque but breathable summer weight socks out there, now, and you can wear boots when it gets chilly.
posted by Mizu at 9:02 PM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, that does not read as culturally neutral work wear to me. I like the Macy's dress best, and some of the Chadwick's ones as well.

I personally solve this problem with shorter dresses + leggings + boots, and I feel perfectly comfortable regardless of my hairiness. Bonus: I can sit cross legged on the floor without worrying about flashing anyone, and I don't trip on the stairs. I have a couple of maxi dresses I wear in the summer, and I am forever tripping on the hems. I would never willingly wear something that long except for a special occasion.
posted by instamatic at 9:09 PM on December 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


You can also get similar dresses from Gaia Conceptions - the cuts are probably a little more... modern? They run pricey for me, but I have a few of their shirts and they're comfy, have just the right amount of stretch, and last *forever*. Everything can be customized (sleeve length, skirt length, neckline) and comes in a million colors too.
posted by jrobin276 at 9:43 PM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Miko had a really great comment about this sort of thing recently. Under her rubric, IMO, you're absolutely fine. Indeed, buying the dress from a Muslim-owned shop (which that Etsy store seems to be) would be ethically better than buying something abaya-inspired from a non-Muslim retailer.

And yeah, it does look a like something a person might wear for religious reasons-- but it also looks like the kind of thing that generation after generation of artsy, boho women have worn for exactly the reasons you cite. Your accessories and hair will make all the difference w/re how it's read-- and in any case, it does not, to my eye, look at all Duggar-esque.

I say get it and wear it with pride.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 11:22 PM on December 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


A long, wildly colorful scarf with a lot of lurex thread running through it would look smashing with that dress, and obliterate any religious connotations. Push up the sleeves to show some bracelets (and some skin.) I like the dress.

The term "beanplating" drove me into the arms of Urban Dictionary. I just can't keep up with You Kids Today.™
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:11 AM on December 22, 2015


Best answer: As a white girl from the suburbs, who cares what I think, but that dress wouldn't be any sort of appropriation to my eye - it's too basic. I agree with the advice to make sure the hem clears the floor, and to accessorize.

I feel the same way about long skirts (I support the right to have fuzzy legs but some days I just don't have the energy to deal with my perception of people staring). I used to live in an area with a large Pentecostal (or maybe that's not the right name?) presence - not Amish/Mennonite dress restrictions, but the women wore (usually) long skirts and didn't cut their hair. (One of my sorority sisters was a member and told me a lot about it, but the specific name of her denomination escapes me.) At the time, I had a GIANT bun of hair, so when I wore long skirts, I'd do something else with my outfit to differentiate me a bit from the Pentecostal women. I wasn't insulted to be mistaken for one, it just seemed misleading and possibly rude on my part. So I'd wear t-shirts with graphics they wouldn't wear, or tank tops (since they didn't do bare shoulders), or accessories that skewed my appearance toward "hippie" instead. Admittedly I'm pretty oblivious, but I never had anyone indicate to me that it was a problem, and my sorority sister once told me that most of her congregation liked that others would wear the same fashion statements, so they didn't stand out as unusual - and that they could spot their own, like the Pentecostal version of gaydar. So I felt OK with it. Maybe this is helpful?

My work environment now is extremely casual (basically "please wear clothing"), but when I do aim for mid- to high-range business casual, I wear long dresses or skirts that are more form-fitting, and that seems to balance it out. A jersey column/sheath dress or close-cut maxi skirt that goes to your ankles says "unique but businessy style choice" when a more flowing woven dress that long says "eccentric creative style choice". If you can do the latter in your environment, then totally go for it, but the former is easier to make invisible in a business environment, I find. It's really all about balance and context.
posted by dust.wind.dude at 9:50 AM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think a long-sleeved maxi dress can be very fashionable if you style it well (nice shoes, cool jewelry, etc.). I wouldn't think of it as religious wear at all without a head covering, and I wouldn't even think "modesty wear" if you were dressed fashionably.
posted by noxperpetua at 11:42 AM on December 22, 2015


Response by poster: Thanks, guys! I'm not afraid of being mistaken for anything in particular except "an appropriating insensitive jerk", and it looks like I was beanplating that. Thanks for the sanity check, and if anybody should come along and feel differently, please let me know. :)
posted by hollyholly at 12:53 PM on December 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


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