I'm the office punching bag - what do I do?
December 16, 2015 1:54 AM Subscribe
I'm working in an office job at a small non-profit. As a junior member of staff, I'm repeatedly being blamed quite aggressively for things that either aren't my job or aren't anyone's fault. My concerns about this are being brushed off. The job consists of constant firefighting, there are constant non-specific threats over my future at the organisation and the stress and anxiety is making me sick. I'm planning to move on next year - but how do I make this place bearable in the interim?
I work for a small non-profit which provides various services to people with disabilities. Originally, I started working for this organisation as someone who actually goes out and works with the customers providing support, but ended up 'promoted' to a job in the organisation's office doing admin. I organise shifts and holidays for a team of remote workers - booking people on holiday, arranging cover for people who are on holiday or sick, but I'm also becoming responsible for just about everything else.
Everything, from an employee being off sick to a computer not being able to print, is my fault. It's one of those jobs where, despite being the least senior member of the team, the buck always stops with me and I'm made to feel that the whole organisation rests on my shoulders. I constantly feel like I'm about to lose my job - no one is ever happy with me, I don't ever get a word of praise or encouragement or just told that I'm doing OK. Just this constant pressure. It's a culture where the other people in the office seem to thrive on stress - if you are not actually making yourself sick, you aren't working hard enough. Conflict is constant and the atmosphere is becoming more and more aggressive.
I feel like the punching bag. I'm the lowest-ranked person in the office and everyone's above me, so I've quite often got several conflicting things to do - I don't have one line manager, I have three or four. I'm the punching bag for the office - when people are having a bad day, they have a pop at me. I'm the punching bag for half the city - I'm the one who answers the phone and we have a lot of angry people calling our organisation for various reasons.
And I'm physically ill from it. I took the day off on Friday and then had a really scary day on Saturday when I basically just collapsed - I spent the entire day in bed, shaking and shivering, with a stinking headache, a tight chest, trying not to vomit, it was like a day-long panic attack. It isn't a situation I can spend a lot more time in and as of now, I feel very unclear as to whether I'm going to be able to return to work after Christmas.
It's at the point where I almost don't have a home life or relationships or anything out of work. People I know talk about things they did at the weekend or in the evenings, about families and pets and friends and places they went and it feels like an alien world. It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry. The idea that people have the energy and space in their life to do other things is alien to me.
So how do I control others' expectations of me in the workplace? I've tried being clear and reasonable with people - for example, when a computer goes wrong I've been really clear that I'm not IT staff and that I have my own work to do, but they just get angry with me and I end up fixing their printer or whatever it is anyway.
tl;dr:
- I've got an admin job that consists of constant firefighting and shitstorms, and I am repeatedly blamed for things that are either not anyone's fault (like a staff member calling in sick) or not part of my job or my fault (like computers crashing). Some of this can get quite aggressive.
- When I raise concerns about my workload and being told to do things (like random IT fixes) that are beyond my job, I get told I'm "not a good team player."
- When I raise concerns about my job consisting of constant firefighting and not having time to take stock and put things in place to prevent it, I'm told "that's just the way things are here."
- When I raise concerns about being told off, shouted at etc by people on the phone or in the office, I also get told "that's just the way things are here."
I'm not sure how long I'm going to be in this organisation. There's this constant sense of threat about my job - no one is very specific about it, but I'm never allowed to feel safe in my job. (I'm the only one who has not yet been given a contract, for instance.) I've never wanted to work in an office with the constant politics and threats and conflict and I'm currently looking at other options, probably going back to school or into an apprenticeship to learn to do something non-officey. But while I am here, I want to try and make it as relatively painless as I can and stop the stress and stop myself from becoming more ill than I already am. How do I get on with my job quietly, professionally and efficiently and discourage people from using me to take things out on?
I work for a small non-profit which provides various services to people with disabilities. Originally, I started working for this organisation as someone who actually goes out and works with the customers providing support, but ended up 'promoted' to a job in the organisation's office doing admin. I organise shifts and holidays for a team of remote workers - booking people on holiday, arranging cover for people who are on holiday or sick, but I'm also becoming responsible for just about everything else.
Everything, from an employee being off sick to a computer not being able to print, is my fault. It's one of those jobs where, despite being the least senior member of the team, the buck always stops with me and I'm made to feel that the whole organisation rests on my shoulders. I constantly feel like I'm about to lose my job - no one is ever happy with me, I don't ever get a word of praise or encouragement or just told that I'm doing OK. Just this constant pressure. It's a culture where the other people in the office seem to thrive on stress - if you are not actually making yourself sick, you aren't working hard enough. Conflict is constant and the atmosphere is becoming more and more aggressive.
I feel like the punching bag. I'm the lowest-ranked person in the office and everyone's above me, so I've quite often got several conflicting things to do - I don't have one line manager, I have three or four. I'm the punching bag for the office - when people are having a bad day, they have a pop at me. I'm the punching bag for half the city - I'm the one who answers the phone and we have a lot of angry people calling our organisation for various reasons.
And I'm physically ill from it. I took the day off on Friday and then had a really scary day on Saturday when I basically just collapsed - I spent the entire day in bed, shaking and shivering, with a stinking headache, a tight chest, trying not to vomit, it was like a day-long panic attack. It isn't a situation I can spend a lot more time in and as of now, I feel very unclear as to whether I'm going to be able to return to work after Christmas.
It's at the point where I almost don't have a home life or relationships or anything out of work. People I know talk about things they did at the weekend or in the evenings, about families and pets and friends and places they went and it feels like an alien world. It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry. The idea that people have the energy and space in their life to do other things is alien to me.
So how do I control others' expectations of me in the workplace? I've tried being clear and reasonable with people - for example, when a computer goes wrong I've been really clear that I'm not IT staff and that I have my own work to do, but they just get angry with me and I end up fixing their printer or whatever it is anyway.
tl;dr:
- I've got an admin job that consists of constant firefighting and shitstorms, and I am repeatedly blamed for things that are either not anyone's fault (like a staff member calling in sick) or not part of my job or my fault (like computers crashing). Some of this can get quite aggressive.
- When I raise concerns about my workload and being told to do things (like random IT fixes) that are beyond my job, I get told I'm "not a good team player."
- When I raise concerns about my job consisting of constant firefighting and not having time to take stock and put things in place to prevent it, I'm told "that's just the way things are here."
- When I raise concerns about being told off, shouted at etc by people on the phone or in the office, I also get told "that's just the way things are here."
I'm not sure how long I'm going to be in this organisation. There's this constant sense of threat about my job - no one is very specific about it, but I'm never allowed to feel safe in my job. (I'm the only one who has not yet been given a contract, for instance.) I've never wanted to work in an office with the constant politics and threats and conflict and I'm currently looking at other options, probably going back to school or into an apprenticeship to learn to do something non-officey. But while I am here, I want to try and make it as relatively painless as I can and stop the stress and stop myself from becoming more ill than I already am. How do I get on with my job quietly, professionally and efficiently and discourage people from using me to take things out on?
QUIT. QUIT. QUIT. They can call a temp agency and get a replacement, and the place will not fall apart, and the clients will be okay.
You do not have to set yourself on fire to warm other people.
Read about Sick Systems and see if that rings a bell for your office. There is no way to fix a bad system if you aren't in charge of the system. The very best (moral) thing you can do is get out of it because the sick system collapses without participation.
I work in a brutal job with similar constraints, but I'm the main manager, and the huge amount of stress also comes with control and being able to implement change and see enormous changes come through. That's been enough - barely - to keep me going through horrific stretches at work. To have that and be unable to change anything would be hellish, and just impossible. The only way to make that possible would be to mentally check out and not care (hard in a non-profit if you genuinely like the cause or people you serve without damaging yourself emotionally), or by earning a very high pay (impossible in non-profits). That's why non-profit staff often burn-out.
Quit. There are better non-profit jobs out there, and there are better-paid or easier-to-survive corporate jobs out there. Quit and be healthy and happy for Christmas as a gift to yourself.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 2:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [18 favorites]
You do not have to set yourself on fire to warm other people.
Read about Sick Systems and see if that rings a bell for your office. There is no way to fix a bad system if you aren't in charge of the system. The very best (moral) thing you can do is get out of it because the sick system collapses without participation.
I work in a brutal job with similar constraints, but I'm the main manager, and the huge amount of stress also comes with control and being able to implement change and see enormous changes come through. That's been enough - barely - to keep me going through horrific stretches at work. To have that and be unable to change anything would be hellish, and just impossible. The only way to make that possible would be to mentally check out and not care (hard in a non-profit if you genuinely like the cause or people you serve without damaging yourself emotionally), or by earning a very high pay (impossible in non-profits). That's why non-profit staff often burn-out.
Quit. There are better non-profit jobs out there, and there are better-paid or easier-to-survive corporate jobs out there. Quit and be healthy and happy for Christmas as a gift to yourself.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 2:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [18 favorites]
QUIT. There is nothing else to say
posted by PercussivePaul at 3:01 AM on December 16, 2015
posted by PercussivePaul at 3:01 AM on December 16, 2015
If quitting just isn't an option. Stop caring. You're planning to quit anyway so who cares if they fire you? They ask you to do something that is outside your job - direct them to the person whose job it is. They have a go at you for it, shrug and get on with your actual job.
They can only get to you if you let them. Do your job and nothing more. Don't take responsibility for problems that aren't your fault and don't apologise for it. Don't let them get to you. Remind yourself that these problems you're being blamed for are not your fault and not your problem. If they want people to go above and beyond their regular duties, they're going the wrong way about it. I work in IT - as a web developer which when I've worked in offices has translated to every IT problem, I get asked to fix. Yes, I can actually fix the printer or find out why that keyboard isn't working (hair pin stuck under the keys as it turned out), if you ask me nicely and I'm well treated, sure I'll go see if I can fix it. If I'm getting yelled at and blamed for it - not my job, I'm a web developer not a printer technician.
posted by missmagenta at 3:09 AM on December 16, 2015 [29 favorites]
They can only get to you if you let them. Do your job and nothing more. Don't take responsibility for problems that aren't your fault and don't apologise for it. Don't let them get to you. Remind yourself that these problems you're being blamed for are not your fault and not your problem. If they want people to go above and beyond their regular duties, they're going the wrong way about it. I work in IT - as a web developer which when I've worked in offices has translated to every IT problem, I get asked to fix. Yes, I can actually fix the printer or find out why that keyboard isn't working (hair pin stuck under the keys as it turned out), if you ask me nicely and I'm well treated, sure I'll go see if I can fix it. If I'm getting yelled at and blamed for it - not my job, I'm a web developer not a printer technician.
posted by missmagenta at 3:09 AM on December 16, 2015 [29 favorites]
Seriously quit if you can - your health is more valuable than any job. If you absolutely have to stick it out for a while, here are a couple of thoughts. You do have to do what missmagenta says and not give a shit if they fire you though.
Immediately ignore people who blame you for things you have literally no control over. Just say something like "yeah, it sucks that person X is ill" and repeat until they go away.
If you have several managers, you have no manager. Create a simple priority system for yourself and stick to it. If you are working on thing A, don't switch to thing B as soon as someone asks. Tell the requester you'll get to their job when you're done with what you're working on. If they get angry, tell them to take it up with the requester of thing A which you've been told to prioritize. You may find this creates a de facto manager for you, or you may just have a lot of angry people who want stuff done, but you have at least de-personalised the issue: you aren't ignoring their problem, you've offered what you're going to do and they have a way to escalate. If they still get angry with you it's no longer your problem - redirect them until they go away.
This is all much easier said than done, and I would still seriously recommend you quit if it's at all possible. There are better, saner jobs out there.
posted by crocomancer at 3:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
Immediately ignore people who blame you for things you have literally no control over. Just say something like "yeah, it sucks that person X is ill" and repeat until they go away.
If you have several managers, you have no manager. Create a simple priority system for yourself and stick to it. If you are working on thing A, don't switch to thing B as soon as someone asks. Tell the requester you'll get to their job when you're done with what you're working on. If they get angry, tell them to take it up with the requester of thing A which you've been told to prioritize. You may find this creates a de facto manager for you, or you may just have a lot of angry people who want stuff done, but you have at least de-personalised the issue: you aren't ignoring their problem, you've offered what you're going to do and they have a way to escalate. If they still get angry with you it's no longer your problem - redirect them until they go away.
This is all much easier said than done, and I would still seriously recommend you quit if it's at all possible. There are better, saner jobs out there.
posted by crocomancer at 3:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
you say you're leaving next year, but don't seem to have any firm plans. at the very least you need to make those concrete, and fast.
posted by andrewcooke at 3:56 AM on December 16, 2015
posted by andrewcooke at 3:56 AM on December 16, 2015
Get your ducks on a row for leaving. Polish your resume and your linkedin, put feelers out, etc. Even if you don't quot right away, you'll feel better knowing you're creating options for yourself.
But buried in your post was this:
It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry.
If your stress and social concerns predate this job, 1) separate the two concerns so that the job doesn't feel *so* ruinous, and 2) give your *life* as thorough an overhaul as you plan to give your job.
Take control of your life. What do you want to do at work? Were you happier providing direct service? Do you want to be an admin? Some people are great at it and thrive on being a jack of all trades. Personally I am horrible at it, maybe you are too. Assess that honestly - no judgment, just finding your strengths and interests. And make friends, go out, knit, hike, refinish furniture, geek out on pokemon ... find things that interest you and do them.
posted by headnsouth at 4:08 AM on December 16, 2015 [8 favorites]
But buried in your post was this:
It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry.
If your stress and social concerns predate this job, 1) separate the two concerns so that the job doesn't feel *so* ruinous, and 2) give your *life* as thorough an overhaul as you plan to give your job.
Take control of your life. What do you want to do at work? Were you happier providing direct service? Do you want to be an admin? Some people are great at it and thrive on being a jack of all trades. Personally I am horrible at it, maybe you are too. Assess that honestly - no judgment, just finding your strengths and interests. And make friends, go out, knit, hike, refinish furniture, geek out on pokemon ... find things that interest you and do them.
posted by headnsouth at 4:08 AM on December 16, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you have had similar problems before, and you quit, you will likely have the same problems in future. Take the next month as an opportunity to follow the excellent advice in the other comments, and to find out what you need to change about *yourself* to prevent this happening. A few small changes will work wonders - delegate, say no, be concise!
posted by gorcha at 4:48 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by gorcha at 4:48 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Ugh, this sucks so much, I feel really bad for you. Use all the leave you have to stay away and rest up and spend it searching for a new job. Those people are horrible.
But in the mean time, practice being a duck - all these bullshit comments just roll of your back, they do not affect you anymore. If you want something to say I have used these expressions before:
jokey option
- sorry I failed mind reading at school
- Im sorry, my magic powers weren't working so well today and I slipped up and let Suzy get sick, I'm sure she's furious with me too.
or if you prefer the very sweet passive aggressive; anytime someone someone complains/blames you be over the top apologetic
"oh my goodness, how awful, you must be so upset/so disappointed!" [at the inconvenience of the photocopier being out of paper, someone being unavailable etc]
You basically want to be in a position where your mouth says stuff but your mind is off in a happy place thinking lalalalala I can't hear you!
You will find something better. I've had jobs where I was treated like shit and jobs where I am treated like a valuable human being. It's a whole new world.
posted by kitten magic at 4:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
But in the mean time, practice being a duck - all these bullshit comments just roll of your back, they do not affect you anymore. If you want something to say I have used these expressions before:
jokey option
- sorry I failed mind reading at school
- Im sorry, my magic powers weren't working so well today and I slipped up and let Suzy get sick, I'm sure she's furious with me too.
or if you prefer the very sweet passive aggressive; anytime someone someone complains/blames you be over the top apologetic
"oh my goodness, how awful, you must be so upset/so disappointed!" [at the inconvenience of the photocopier being out of paper, someone being unavailable etc]
You basically want to be in a position where your mouth says stuff but your mind is off in a happy place thinking lalalalala I can't hear you!
You will find something better. I've had jobs where I was treated like shit and jobs where I am treated like a valuable human being. It's a whole new world.
posted by kitten magic at 4:49 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
There is no upside to staying. Find another job you can be at for a year. This will kill you, if not physically, it will kill your confidence. I've been there.
I'd rather be top man at McDonalds than the piss-boy for the king.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:59 AM on December 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
I'd rather be top man at McDonalds than the piss-boy for the king.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:59 AM on December 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
Au revoir.
posted by popcassady at 5:04 AM on December 16, 2015
posted by popcassady at 5:04 AM on December 16, 2015
Mod note: From the OP:
Thank you so much for all your answers so far. When I mentioned previous jobs in my question, I should clarify by saying that I've always worked in very similar environments to this - small non-profits with 6-12 employees and very similar office cultures where stress is seen as a strength, and it's like a badge of honour.posted by taz (staff) at 5:31 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
What I'm trying to do (and what I managed to do for a while before ending up back in the office) is to transition to other non-office kinds of work. I've been happier outside the office environment and outside the city - it just never seemed like a great fit for me.
This morning, it's been more of the same. I've largely got through my current pile of work and since Christmas is coming up, it's all beginning to wind down. Nevertheless, when I reported that things were going well in terms of my work and things were nearly finished for Christmas, I was interrogated by four managers at the same time (them at one side of a desk, me by myself at the other) about what I'm doing now to fill my time, minute by minute - it was quite intimidating. No-one else on the staff gets this kind of thing - and the contract thing is a huge concern, the way I'm the only one without one. It feels like they are trying to get rid of me.
Thank you again for all your answers. :)
No more small non-profits! You must exorcise them from your job hunt. Even if you do wind up taking another office job, find someplace in the for-profit world or at a larger, more professionally run non-profit.
Have you tried temp agencies in the past? They're a great way to keep body and soul together during periods of unemployment, and they give you a chance to try out different environments as well. If you have money coming in through temping, you won't be as compelled to take a bad job just to keep a roof over your head. And temp agencies aren't just for office jobs - they place people in labor, health care and other non-office work.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 5:40 AM on December 16, 2015 [13 favorites]
Have you tried temp agencies in the past? They're a great way to keep body and soul together during periods of unemployment, and they give you a chance to try out different environments as well. If you have money coming in through temping, you won't be as compelled to take a bad job just to keep a roof over your head. And temp agencies aren't just for office jobs - they place people in labor, health care and other non-office work.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 5:40 AM on December 16, 2015 [13 favorites]
Yes, quit. I don't know what unemployment benefits law is like outside the US (which is where I assume you are based on your writing) but I would look heavily into those and just take some time off to job hunt. I mean, like, a month or two if that's economically feasible.
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:41 AM on December 16, 2015
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:41 AM on December 16, 2015
Oh, absolutely get the fuck out of non-profit work. While the places themselves do good work, the people in them are the WORST.
I'd rather be a faceless cog in a giant machine, left to grind away happily, than report to 7 people who think the joint would burn to the ground without them.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:46 AM on December 16, 2015 [18 favorites]
I'd rather be a faceless cog in a giant machine, left to grind away happily, than report to 7 people who think the joint would burn to the ground without them.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:46 AM on December 16, 2015 [18 favorites]
stress is seen as a strength, and it's like a badge of honour
This is utterly wrong and toxic, just so you know. The best places do not work this way. It's important to be challenged, but that should be manageable and include downtimes. Abusive assholes never seem to get that.
posted by bonehead at 6:09 AM on December 16, 2015 [9 favorites]
This is utterly wrong and toxic, just so you know. The best places do not work this way. It's important to be challenged, but that should be manageable and include downtimes. Abusive assholes never seem to get that.
posted by bonehead at 6:09 AM on December 16, 2015 [9 favorites]
my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry.... So how do I control others' expectations of me in the workplace?
You have lost all perspective and sense. I'm so sorry. These horrible people have done a horrible thing to you.
Your best bet is to call all these menacing superiors before you and say "Stop treating me like garbage, it's not appropriate." Period, the end, no questions.
And then when they can't help themselves, you should leave immediately, and then send a rip-roaring goodbye letter to the staff, board and funders.
You've become so small and beaten down, you've forgotten what it's like to feel like a real person.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:31 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
You have lost all perspective and sense. I'm so sorry. These horrible people have done a horrible thing to you.
Your best bet is to call all these menacing superiors before you and say "Stop treating me like garbage, it's not appropriate." Period, the end, no questions.
And then when they can't help themselves, you should leave immediately, and then send a rip-roaring goodbye letter to the staff, board and funders.
You've become so small and beaten down, you've forgotten what it's like to feel like a real person.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:31 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
There's this constant sense of threat about my job - no one is very specific about it, but I'm never allowed to feel safe in my job.
Honestly, it sounds like there is no chance you can be fired, because otherwise, people would have to fix problems themselves, and without you, the rest of the staff would turn on each other. So simply not caring is an option: show up, put in your 8 hours, take a long lunch, and go home. That's if you have to stay in the job, but you probably don't, so you could sign up with a temp agency and walk out the door of the non-profit the minute the agency has an assignment for you.
And look, leave those small non-profits. It is precisely the low stakes and lack of importance that causes everyone to stress out and turn on each other, because they have to come up with a justification for their own importance. Presumably your non profit does not involve long stretches of life saving surgery in an operating room or negotiating multi million dollar deals that have the fate of the organization on the line, where you would normally expect that kind of high stress environment. First realize that no one is going to die if the printer is out of paper. Then you realize just how petty and small your coworkers are being.
And when someone asks you to do something for them, from now on make "let me walk you through that" your go-to phrase.
Then quit.
posted by deanc at 6:32 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
Honestly, it sounds like there is no chance you can be fired, because otherwise, people would have to fix problems themselves, and without you, the rest of the staff would turn on each other. So simply not caring is an option: show up, put in your 8 hours, take a long lunch, and go home. That's if you have to stay in the job, but you probably don't, so you could sign up with a temp agency and walk out the door of the non-profit the minute the agency has an assignment for you.
And look, leave those small non-profits. It is precisely the low stakes and lack of importance that causes everyone to stress out and turn on each other, because they have to come up with a justification for their own importance. Presumably your non profit does not involve long stretches of life saving surgery in an operating room or negotiating multi million dollar deals that have the fate of the organization on the line, where you would normally expect that kind of high stress environment. First realize that no one is going to die if the printer is out of paper. Then you realize just how petty and small your coworkers are being.
And when someone asks you to do something for them, from now on make "let me walk you through that" your go-to phrase.
Then quit.
posted by deanc at 6:32 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
If it were me, I would go ask for a raise. A big raise. They will ask why and you can give them all the items that are not on your job description that you do and seem to be de facto responsible for. Then, if they give it to you, you know they recognized they need you and if they don't, you can always quit, but I would take the attitude of not caring if they fire you and keep working until you find something that better suits you.
posted by AugustWest at 6:34 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by AugustWest at 6:34 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes, it is OK to quit. This sounds awful. You don't need to send anyone an angry message or call anyone out--it won't do any good; these people have already proven they are unable to listen to legitimate concerns--just quit. Write a one-sentence email to HR: "I am resigning effective 12/16/15" and don't show up tomorrow. And I would add, stop working for small companies. I agree with Ask A Manager that workplace dysfunctionality has less to do with non-profit vs. for-profit status than number of employees. I agree with temping as a good strategy, and since you like outdoor work and aren't tied to the place you live, I'd also say look into Job Corps and Americorps, although I don't have personal experience with either so other MeFites may be able to say more than I can.
It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry.
Reading this sentence made my heart ache for you. I hope you know it doesn't have to be this way for you, and I think you should treat this as an urgent issue and see a therapist very soon. I'm a big fan of pathologizing mental illness because it really helps me to put things in perspective, so: imagine if you felt this way because your back hurt so badly that it made you cry and you couldn't leave the house. You would go to the doctor, right? That is what you should do now. There are many who offer sliding-scale payment options, if cost is a concern.
posted by capricorn at 7:00 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's been like this for so long now in various jobs that my mind struggles to comprehend the idea that there are people out there who do things other than go to work, go home and cry.
Reading this sentence made my heart ache for you. I hope you know it doesn't have to be this way for you, and I think you should treat this as an urgent issue and see a therapist very soon. I'm a big fan of pathologizing mental illness because it really helps me to put things in perspective, so: imagine if you felt this way because your back hurt so badly that it made you cry and you couldn't leave the house. You would go to the doctor, right? That is what you should do now. There are many who offer sliding-scale payment options, if cost is a concern.
posted by capricorn at 7:00 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
I was interrogated by four managers at the same time (them at one side of a desk, me by myself at the other) about what I'm doing now to fill my time, minute by minute
It does not seem that your four managers are efficiently using this group meeting, however none of them will do anything about this: because your managers are competing with each other. You really need to find a way to restructure the meetings so that this situation does not occur. In this situation you would ideally alot each manager a quarter of your time, and see them individually about how to use that time. A group meeting would not be possible unless they all agreed!
posted by gorcha at 7:22 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
It does not seem that your four managers are efficiently using this group meeting, however none of them will do anything about this: because your managers are competing with each other. You really need to find a way to restructure the meetings so that this situation does not occur. In this situation you would ideally alot each manager a quarter of your time, and see them individually about how to use that time. A group meeting would not be possible unless they all agreed!
posted by gorcha at 7:22 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
It does not seem that your four managers are efficiently using this group meeting, however none of them will do anything about this: because your managers are competing with each other. You really need to find a way to restructure the meetings so that this situation does not occur.
It doesn't seem to me that this is a "meeting" that the OP organized or that they had any control over. Sounds like a ganging up from a bunch of insecure bullies who are too focused on covering their own asses to be humane.
Any year-end bonuses in the pipeline? If so, stay through the end of the year. Do the utmost minimum at your job. Disengage as much as you can mentally. While doing this, scour the internet for another job opportunity and reach out to headhunters. If anyone asks you to do anything that is not in your job description, simply say in a very non-committal way, "Hmmmm...I'm not sure I can help with that..." and then just trail off and look puzzled and vaguely harried as though you have something really pressing to do and then grab some papers and go play candycrush in the bathroom for ten minutes. Seriously, fuck these gasbags.
And if you ever get cornered like that by the managers or anyone else, slow your breathing and calmly state how you are feeling to them and see what comes of it – "I feel really intimidated right now." If they don't back off say, "I think I need to take a break and maybe we can discuss these issues one-on-one, I can't possibly respond to all of this in this way."
I had to do this in a couple situations with some overbearing men/managers who were enjoying watching me squirm as they loomed over me directing my work. I stopped, put my hands in my lap and said, both times, "I cannot work this way." One guy laughed and then backed off – he was just having some fun and blowing off stress (this is not me dismissing it, I can't think of a worse thing for someone to do to "have fun" and blow off stress). The other guy backed off, too. Sometimes you do have to call attention to things but in these situations a formal, "Here's what is happening and not working for me and I want an action plan," never works.
Anyway, save your money, look for another job (anything) and don't look back. Don't give two weeks. Call headhunters today. Good luck! You can move on from this.
posted by amanda at 7:58 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
It doesn't seem to me that this is a "meeting" that the OP organized or that they had any control over. Sounds like a ganging up from a bunch of insecure bullies who are too focused on covering their own asses to be humane.
Any year-end bonuses in the pipeline? If so, stay through the end of the year. Do the utmost minimum at your job. Disengage as much as you can mentally. While doing this, scour the internet for another job opportunity and reach out to headhunters. If anyone asks you to do anything that is not in your job description, simply say in a very non-committal way, "Hmmmm...I'm not sure I can help with that..." and then just trail off and look puzzled and vaguely harried as though you have something really pressing to do and then grab some papers and go play candycrush in the bathroom for ten minutes. Seriously, fuck these gasbags.
And if you ever get cornered like that by the managers or anyone else, slow your breathing and calmly state how you are feeling to them and see what comes of it – "I feel really intimidated right now." If they don't back off say, "I think I need to take a break and maybe we can discuss these issues one-on-one, I can't possibly respond to all of this in this way."
I had to do this in a couple situations with some overbearing men/managers who were enjoying watching me squirm as they loomed over me directing my work. I stopped, put my hands in my lap and said, both times, "I cannot work this way." One guy laughed and then backed off – he was just having some fun and blowing off stress (this is not me dismissing it, I can't think of a worse thing for someone to do to "have fun" and blow off stress). The other guy backed off, too. Sometimes you do have to call attention to things but in these situations a formal, "Here's what is happening and not working for me and I want an action plan," never works.
Anyway, save your money, look for another job (anything) and don't look back. Don't give two weeks. Call headhunters today. Good luck! You can move on from this.
posted by amanda at 7:58 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can't help but wonder: have you ever been laid off, fired, or otherwise let go?
If not, maybe sit down and take time to realistically envision what would happen. Sure, it would suck. But you'd call temp agencies the next day looking for assignments, you'd file for unemployment, you'd start school earlier than you'd planned, you'd take some time to de-stress...what else might you do? Whatever seems most feasible...and it must include the reality that life not only goes on, but could improve. That really does happen.
Bullies feed on fear. If you run right at fear, especially on your own terms, it can shrink. See if you can give them less to eat.
posted by gnomeloaf at 8:01 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
If not, maybe sit down and take time to realistically envision what would happen. Sure, it would suck. But you'd call temp agencies the next day looking for assignments, you'd file for unemployment, you'd start school earlier than you'd planned, you'd take some time to de-stress...what else might you do? Whatever seems most feasible...and it must include the reality that life not only goes on, but could improve. That really does happen.
Bullies feed on fear. If you run right at fear, especially on your own terms, it can shrink. See if you can give them less to eat.
posted by gnomeloaf at 8:01 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
You asked for interim strategies. Here goes:
- When someone goes on at you, listen but do not immediately engage. Don't ask why they're berating you, don't justify your choices, just look at them, let them finish, and then either answer their question with a single sentence, or, if you don't know the answer that that moment, say only, "I heard you. I'll look into that and get back with you in an e-mail, thanks." Then turn back to your work. If they continue on or make demands, say only "I'll need some time to think about that. I'll put my thoughts in an e-mail later in the day." Then go back to work.
Giving focus and attention to people who are just playing out power issues with staff they feel they can beat up on feeds into the sick dynamic and only serves to make you miserable. Refusing to play that game is better for you and frees up your time to do your actual work.
- Set standards for yourself. Do people feel they have the right to barge into your work area or office? Nope. Cut out that privilege right now. Change that, here's how:
If you have an office door, keep it closed. All day long. It's closed. Except for one hour where you will handle requests. Perhaps open your door around 10 am - this gives you an hour to work quietly when you get in, and time after The Bullshit Hour to get things done before lunch.
Sooner or later, people will be trained that their (unreasonable, stupid) demands will be addressed in that time period. Actually do address things in e-mails, as you say you will. This allows you to collect your thoughts, address only the issue rather than people's feelings about said issue, and it has the added benefit of providing a paper trail for your protection and peace of mind.
- If you don't have an office, big ass plant. Yep, big ass plant between you and the rest of the office. Then, when people approach you with shit, if it's not between your appointed hour (you get to pick when you will open yourself up to nonsense) you hold up a hand and say, evenly, calmly, "Ted, would you mind coming back between Blarf and Floof o'clock? I'll have time to address this matter then." Then turn back to your work. Do not engage. Stick to your guns. Sooner or later, people will be trained.
- Deanc addresses the next phase of your standard-setting. Training people to not only only approach you during your set "office hour", but training them to help themselves by "walking them through" tasks that they can easily handle themselves. By setting the standard that you are their to provide guidance, if necessary, but not to handle all tasks single-handedly, you will free yourself up to get your work done during work hours.
- To that end: once you have people trained, you will find that you are free to do your assigned work rather than being a punching bag for your shithead co-workers during work hours. That means you don't work on the weekends, or you work only set hours on the weekends. You are surrendering all your control in this area and you will now stop doing that. You don't have to announce that you are no longer working on the weekends you just have to resist your programming and start NOT WORKING ON THE WEEKENDS. This is your prerogative. Exercise it. This will be hard because you've gotten into the habit of passively accepting the sacks of shit and garbage that people heap upon you because they are sick people working in a sick system, and you are their weak gazelle. Nope. No more. You will free up work hours by having a closed door policy, not addressing emotions but only tasks at work, and teaching people how to help themselves and, in so doing, you will not feel compelled to work during your vital leisure time.
Your office is a shithole. This is undeniable. But you do have some recourse and some power. You must exercise it now to get your mental and physical health on track so you can run the gauntlet of the finding a workplace that is worthy of your time and respects you for your obvious, very crucial, skill set.
You can do this. Best of luck.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 8:02 AM on December 16, 2015 [12 favorites]
- When someone goes on at you, listen but do not immediately engage. Don't ask why they're berating you, don't justify your choices, just look at them, let them finish, and then either answer their question with a single sentence, or, if you don't know the answer that that moment, say only, "I heard you. I'll look into that and get back with you in an e-mail, thanks." Then turn back to your work. If they continue on or make demands, say only "I'll need some time to think about that. I'll put my thoughts in an e-mail later in the day." Then go back to work.
Giving focus and attention to people who are just playing out power issues with staff they feel they can beat up on feeds into the sick dynamic and only serves to make you miserable. Refusing to play that game is better for you and frees up your time to do your actual work.
- Set standards for yourself. Do people feel they have the right to barge into your work area or office? Nope. Cut out that privilege right now. Change that, here's how:
If you have an office door, keep it closed. All day long. It's closed. Except for one hour where you will handle requests. Perhaps open your door around 10 am - this gives you an hour to work quietly when you get in, and time after The Bullshit Hour to get things done before lunch.
Sooner or later, people will be trained that their (unreasonable, stupid) demands will be addressed in that time period. Actually do address things in e-mails, as you say you will. This allows you to collect your thoughts, address only the issue rather than people's feelings about said issue, and it has the added benefit of providing a paper trail for your protection and peace of mind.
- If you don't have an office, big ass plant. Yep, big ass plant between you and the rest of the office. Then, when people approach you with shit, if it's not between your appointed hour (you get to pick when you will open yourself up to nonsense) you hold up a hand and say, evenly, calmly, "Ted, would you mind coming back between Blarf and Floof o'clock? I'll have time to address this matter then." Then turn back to your work. Do not engage. Stick to your guns. Sooner or later, people will be trained.
- Deanc addresses the next phase of your standard-setting. Training people to not only only approach you during your set "office hour", but training them to help themselves by "walking them through" tasks that they can easily handle themselves. By setting the standard that you are their to provide guidance, if necessary, but not to handle all tasks single-handedly, you will free yourself up to get your work done during work hours.
- To that end: once you have people trained, you will find that you are free to do your assigned work rather than being a punching bag for your shithead co-workers during work hours. That means you don't work on the weekends, or you work only set hours on the weekends. You are surrendering all your control in this area and you will now stop doing that. You don't have to announce that you are no longer working on the weekends you just have to resist your programming and start NOT WORKING ON THE WEEKENDS. This is your prerogative. Exercise it. This will be hard because you've gotten into the habit of passively accepting the sacks of shit and garbage that people heap upon you because they are sick people working in a sick system, and you are their weak gazelle. Nope. No more. You will free up work hours by having a closed door policy, not addressing emotions but only tasks at work, and teaching people how to help themselves and, in so doing, you will not feel compelled to work during your vital leisure time.
Your office is a shithole. This is undeniable. But you do have some recourse and some power. You must exercise it now to get your mental and physical health on track so you can run the gauntlet of the finding a workplace that is worthy of your time and respects you for your obvious, very crucial, skill set.
You can do this. Best of luck.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 8:02 AM on December 16, 2015 [12 favorites]
Have you been to a doctor to get some help with your depression and anxiety? Your health is important. The doctor can write you out of work on sick leave. You can use that time to rest, exercise, and find another job.
posted by crazycanuck at 8:15 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by crazycanuck at 8:15 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Please feel free to MeMail me for resume help. I'm one of the volunteers, with a specialization in nonprofit work.
I once quit a nonprofit job after going on FMLA for severe anxiety and depression that ended in PTSD. If you can get a diagnosis, you could go on FMLA while you search for another job. It's an option, and preserving your health is more important that this job.
posted by juniperesque at 8:28 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
I once quit a nonprofit job after going on FMLA for severe anxiety and depression that ended in PTSD. If you can get a diagnosis, you could go on FMLA while you search for another job. It's an option, and preserving your health is more important that this job.
posted by juniperesque at 8:28 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Admin jobs in small offices can be very stressful! And in a small non-profit office it can be so much worse, because now all the admin responsibilities are on your shoulders PLUS the stress of "keeping the office running to help clients." There's also no HR department to address complaints too, and you're probably at the mercy of a board of directors in addition the four managers scrutinizing your every move.
I've experienced this too, and I think you need to quit. If you had a contract, I would advise you to stick it out and hope to be fired, but it sounds like these assholes purposely created a situation where you can't even get a severance package. Ugh, I hate those pricks. This happened to me too, although I was in the capacity of helping run a program and fundraising. When I started adding more fundraising and outreach to my activities, largely as a favor, it then became a defacto situation of "Now if we lose funds, it's your fault!" This despite the fact there were professional fundraisers and grant writers on staff. The Executive Director of that organization ended up developing a drinking problem and also losing her hair (I thought it was interesting someone else mentioned that symptom). She was so stressed and miserable - I feel bad for her when I think about it now, five years later. But I also still intensely dislike her because she was the primary, "I'm going to target the lowest worker on the totem pole to save my ass" instigator. Your post doesn't mention your age, but my guess is you are one of the younger people in the office. That's also why they expect you to keep the printers running and that bullshit. Admin workers have to handle so many important tasks and then, if you're younger, you're also sort of the "youth ambassador" who should also be able to seamlessly keep the computer systems running and update the website.
You do have my permission to give yourself the best Christmas present ever and QUIT. Send an email and say you're not coming back. If you can't do that - and I do understand the financial risks too - look into the medical leave policy. FMLA applies to you too. Talk to your doctor, tell him/her you had a panic attack. Hopefully your dr. will help you take short term medical leave. During that time you sign up with some temp agencies, apply at Costco and Starbucks for some extra cash and eventually say "Sayonara, dip shits" to these assholes.
*I apologize this got soooo vulgar. I guess I'm still pretty bitter about this! All my best to you, OP.
**On preview: If you stay, I think TryTheTilapia's tactics are excellent suggestions. Also try wearing headphones at every opportunity. If someone complains -and I bet one these pricks just WOULD - tell them the music helps you concentrate.
posted by areaperson at 8:35 AM on December 16, 2015
I've experienced this too, and I think you need to quit. If you had a contract, I would advise you to stick it out and hope to be fired, but it sounds like these assholes purposely created a situation where you can't even get a severance package. Ugh, I hate those pricks. This happened to me too, although I was in the capacity of helping run a program and fundraising. When I started adding more fundraising and outreach to my activities, largely as a favor, it then became a defacto situation of "Now if we lose funds, it's your fault!" This despite the fact there were professional fundraisers and grant writers on staff. The Executive Director of that organization ended up developing a drinking problem and also losing her hair (I thought it was interesting someone else mentioned that symptom). She was so stressed and miserable - I feel bad for her when I think about it now, five years later. But I also still intensely dislike her because she was the primary, "I'm going to target the lowest worker on the totem pole to save my ass" instigator. Your post doesn't mention your age, but my guess is you are one of the younger people in the office. That's also why they expect you to keep the printers running and that bullshit. Admin workers have to handle so many important tasks and then, if you're younger, you're also sort of the "youth ambassador" who should also be able to seamlessly keep the computer systems running and update the website.
You do have my permission to give yourself the best Christmas present ever and QUIT. Send an email and say you're not coming back. If you can't do that - and I do understand the financial risks too - look into the medical leave policy. FMLA applies to you too. Talk to your doctor, tell him/her you had a panic attack. Hopefully your dr. will help you take short term medical leave. During that time you sign up with some temp agencies, apply at Costco and Starbucks for some extra cash and eventually say "Sayonara, dip shits" to these assholes.
*I apologize this got soooo vulgar. I guess I'm still pretty bitter about this! All my best to you, OP.
**On preview: If you stay, I think TryTheTilapia's tactics are excellent suggestions. Also try wearing headphones at every opportunity. If someone complains -and I bet one these pricks just WOULD - tell them the music helps you concentrate.
posted by areaperson at 8:35 AM on December 16, 2015
Ohhh, I'm so mad for you! I agree getting out of there is the best option. Although, I do like some of the suggestions presented about how to handle being there until you leave. Try them out and see what happens. I am thinking that maybe you can look at the rest of your time there as a training for how to stand up for yourself in a way that works. It could be a set of skills that will work for you in any new job you have. And if they fire you? Oh well, you were leaving anyway...
posted by Vaike at 8:40 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Vaike at 8:40 AM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
"How are you filling your time?", the four managers ask. Why, I am writing processes and procedures for the next person who has this job, you answer.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 9:15 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Midnight Skulker at 9:15 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am so sorry this is happening. I've been in similar toxic workplaces, and it just sucks all the good bits out of your life :(
I have a strong feeling they are not going to fire you. You are the scapegoat, and scapegoats are important to people. If they wanted you gone you would already be gone. Also, they will have to pay you unemployment if they fire you. And you *are* eligible for benefits, as long as you don't, like, set the building on fire as you leave.
So take a deep breath and realize that you have more job security than you think. You don't have to fall into their trap of fear. The only reason to play nice for the remainder of your time here is if you need a recommendation from them, which it sounds like they wouldn't give anyway. Go look for another job, and in the meantime, you have full permission to stop caring about petty office drama. If your change in attitude bugs them enough to actually fire you, GREAT. Go collect your unemployment benefits and put all of this behind you.
posted by ananci at 9:21 AM on December 16, 2015
I have a strong feeling they are not going to fire you. You are the scapegoat, and scapegoats are important to people. If they wanted you gone you would already be gone. Also, they will have to pay you unemployment if they fire you. And you *are* eligible for benefits, as long as you don't, like, set the building on fire as you leave.
So take a deep breath and realize that you have more job security than you think. You don't have to fall into their trap of fear. The only reason to play nice for the remainder of your time here is if you need a recommendation from them, which it sounds like they wouldn't give anyway. Go look for another job, and in the meantime, you have full permission to stop caring about petty office drama. If your change in attitude bugs them enough to actually fire you, GREAT. Go collect your unemployment benefits and put all of this behind you.
posted by ananci at 9:21 AM on December 16, 2015
...when I reported that things were going well...
The second you are done with something, they will pile even more stuff for you to do. In this kind of dysfunctional environment, never admit that you are less than horribly busy. I bet you most people around you are making a big show of all the things they have to do and they complain all the time and make shows of stress. I know people like this and the thing is most of their time is devoted to the show, and they aren't really accomplishing much. This behavior is looked down on in all healthy work environments, but while you are working in a toxic one, you need to play their game.
I worked in a similar non-profit and the admin in my office was the butler, the maid, the secretary, the event planner and the receptionist. She had previously worked at the pentagon in a pretty senior position and she quit because she could not handle it.
And finally, if it helps, act. Pretend you are a badass who doesn't let people mess with them. What would badass you say or do? Always keep it polite (no swearing or yelling), but learn to deflate people's egos and enforce boundaries when you have to.
Also please PLEASE look for another job. Local government is usually pretty chill. I left non profit work for a government job and never looked back.
posted by Tarumba at 9:46 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
The second you are done with something, they will pile even more stuff for you to do. In this kind of dysfunctional environment, never admit that you are less than horribly busy. I bet you most people around you are making a big show of all the things they have to do and they complain all the time and make shows of stress. I know people like this and the thing is most of their time is devoted to the show, and they aren't really accomplishing much. This behavior is looked down on in all healthy work environments, but while you are working in a toxic one, you need to play their game.
I worked in a similar non-profit and the admin in my office was the butler, the maid, the secretary, the event planner and the receptionist. She had previously worked at the pentagon in a pretty senior position and she quit because she could not handle it.
And finally, if it helps, act. Pretend you are a badass who doesn't let people mess with them. What would badass you say or do? Always keep it polite (no swearing or yelling), but learn to deflate people's egos and enforce boundaries when you have to.
Also please PLEASE look for another job. Local government is usually pretty chill. I left non profit work for a government job and never looked back.
posted by Tarumba at 9:46 AM on December 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Well, I would certainly recommend looking for a new job.
Your job description may be wildly out of date. Keep track of what you're asked to do, and ask to have it updated to reflect your actual work.
Stop taking crap. You're young, and nice. They're taking advantage of you. If you are asked to do more than you can do, say I have a number of current tasks, and will ask my supervisor, Name, to clarify priorities
If you are yelled at by staff, say Stop that. I'm leaving your office, the copy room, until you stop or You need to leave my desk until you stop yelling at me.
If you are yelled at by callers, learn to listen and let callers blow off their steam 1st, then work with them. If a caller is abusive, say I'll be happy to speak with you when you are civil, but if you continue your behavior, I'll have to hang up. And do. Ask your manager, in email, for specific guidelines.
Document your needs and specific instances by email to your manager. Your manager needs to be giving you more clarification and information. Support, too, but you can't force that.
Do you have accrued sick time? You are ill from abuse and stress, and should take time to recover. Not joking. Take the time.
Your situation is untenable, but until you find something better, you may be able to learn from it, or at least keep from being terribly ill. Remember you have a group of smart, experienced MeFites backing you up!
posted by theora55 at 10:30 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Your job description may be wildly out of date. Keep track of what you're asked to do, and ask to have it updated to reflect your actual work.
Stop taking crap. You're young, and nice. They're taking advantage of you. If you are asked to do more than you can do, say I have a number of current tasks, and will ask my supervisor, Name, to clarify priorities
If you are yelled at by staff, say Stop that. I'm leaving your office, the copy room, until you stop or You need to leave my desk until you stop yelling at me.
If you are yelled at by callers, learn to listen and let callers blow off their steam 1st, then work with them. If a caller is abusive, say I'll be happy to speak with you when you are civil, but if you continue your behavior, I'll have to hang up. And do. Ask your manager, in email, for specific guidelines.
Document your needs and specific instances by email to your manager. Your manager needs to be giving you more clarification and information. Support, too, but you can't force that.
Do you have accrued sick time? You are ill from abuse and stress, and should take time to recover. Not joking. Take the time.
Your situation is untenable, but until you find something better, you may be able to learn from it, or at least keep from being terribly ill. Remember you have a group of smart, experienced MeFites backing you up!
posted by theora55 at 10:30 AM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've been in a situation where I reported to more than one manager. That situation is completely unsustainable. While you still need to be there, before you have your next job lined up, it would be good to start pulling the managers aside quietly and letting them know that you're being pulled in too many directions, with too many competing priorities from the various managers. Ask them to figure out who you report to, and to funnel work through that one manager.
Start insisting that anything someone wants done needs to be requested to you via email. That way you can have a trail and copy your reporting manager and reply with "I am currently working on a project, b project, and c project. What is the priority level of your project? Does it need to bypass a, b, and c, or can it wait?" If they say it needs to bypass, run it by your reporting manager. Keep your headphones on if you can. When someone comes to give you a project, ask them to shoot you an email so that you can keep your assignments prioritized. As far as answering the phone calls goes, start keeping a daily log of all the calls that come in, and the time you are taking to deal with them. After a couple of weeks start documenting that to your primary manager. "I spent 60% of my time this week on phone calls", etc.
Stop telling people your have finished your work! Keep papers on your desk. Look busy. Look, you aren't looking to advance here, you are looking for new work and you aren't really concerned with making an impression anymore, right? So take care of yourself and don't allow yourself to be piled on. Find things to do on your own. They will bring you work when they have it, but if you ask for work a lot of managers will find make-work for you, rather than say "sit tight, I'll have a project for you tomorrow". It's okay to have downtime in our day, but a lot of people think they are not a good manager if they can't give you a project immediately.
posted by vignettist at 10:57 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
Start insisting that anything someone wants done needs to be requested to you via email. That way you can have a trail and copy your reporting manager and reply with "I am currently working on a project, b project, and c project. What is the priority level of your project? Does it need to bypass a, b, and c, or can it wait?" If they say it needs to bypass, run it by your reporting manager. Keep your headphones on if you can. When someone comes to give you a project, ask them to shoot you an email so that you can keep your assignments prioritized. As far as answering the phone calls goes, start keeping a daily log of all the calls that come in, and the time you are taking to deal with them. After a couple of weeks start documenting that to your primary manager. "I spent 60% of my time this week on phone calls", etc.
Stop telling people your have finished your work! Keep papers on your desk. Look busy. Look, you aren't looking to advance here, you are looking for new work and you aren't really concerned with making an impression anymore, right? So take care of yourself and don't allow yourself to be piled on. Find things to do on your own. They will bring you work when they have it, but if you ask for work a lot of managers will find make-work for you, rather than say "sit tight, I'll have a project for you tomorrow". It's okay to have downtime in our day, but a lot of people think they are not a good manager if they can't give you a project immediately.
posted by vignettist at 10:57 AM on December 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
First and most important, recognize that this is a toxic workplace. Toxic workplaces have a lock on their dysfunction, and no matter how you respond, you will not likely escape their madness.
Get serious about looking for another job - that's what I'd be researching in the evenings. Send resumes, take time off work for interviews if need be. Maybe you'll get lucky and they WILL let you go so you can collect unemployment while you're job shopping.
And for the rest of the time you're at the old workplace, practice setting boundaries with people. Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud was really helpful for me. It has a Christian bent to it, but the practical information is what you're after.
Once you learn how to set boundaries with the people around you, you'll start noticing boundary-breaking people very quickly - even in an interview. Avoid becoming supervised by them if you can.
One thing about setting boundaries: Once boundary-breakers are confronted by someone who practices boundaries, they tend to respond in one of two ways: 1) they change, or 2) they get away from you. I'm sure you can guess which of these options they pick most often... and that means you don't have to deal with them any longer.
Best wishes as you look for a healthy workplace.
posted by summerstorm at 12:58 PM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Get serious about looking for another job - that's what I'd be researching in the evenings. Send resumes, take time off work for interviews if need be. Maybe you'll get lucky and they WILL let you go so you can collect unemployment while you're job shopping.
And for the rest of the time you're at the old workplace, practice setting boundaries with people. Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud was really helpful for me. It has a Christian bent to it, but the practical information is what you're after.
Once you learn how to set boundaries with the people around you, you'll start noticing boundary-breaking people very quickly - even in an interview. Avoid becoming supervised by them if you can.
One thing about setting boundaries: Once boundary-breakers are confronted by someone who practices boundaries, they tend to respond in one of two ways: 1) they change, or 2) they get away from you. I'm sure you can guess which of these options they pick most often... and that means you don't have to deal with them any longer.
Best wishes as you look for a healthy workplace.
posted by summerstorm at 12:58 PM on December 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Carry a pen and paper with you everywhere you go. When a ℅ worker stops to abuse you for someone else being late, stop and ask them to repeat themselves very slowly while you write it down, dictating their words back to them, "OK, so just to clarify, Anonymous is a useless lazy fuck knuckle, does fuck knuckle have two k's? And the time is 11.23." Great, just sign here. Have a nice day!"
Once people are put on notice that every shitty interaction with you is being recorded, things will stop very, very quickly. You don't have to say what you're going to do with it, heck, you don't have to do anything with it at all but it will scare the LIVING CRAP out of anyone who treats you poorly.
And who knows, a lawyer might really like to have a written record of what caused your nervous breakdown if you ever decide to sue. In the meantime, prepare to quit or look for other work because this place is beyond toxic.
posted by Jubey at 2:02 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Once people are put on notice that every shitty interaction with you is being recorded, things will stop very, very quickly. You don't have to say what you're going to do with it, heck, you don't have to do anything with it at all but it will scare the LIVING CRAP out of anyone who treats you poorly.
And who knows, a lawyer might really like to have a written record of what caused your nervous breakdown if you ever decide to sue. In the meantime, prepare to quit or look for other work because this place is beyond toxic.
posted by Jubey at 2:02 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, if you really want to fuck with them, I would whip out your iPhone at the end and say, "Silly me, I don't need to write it down after all, I've recorded it!" And show them that you've got the recording mode running. Watch the blood drain from their face. If they're a moron, they'll add a few choice curse words on record about how you should watch your back. If they're smart, they'll back slowly away and the entire office will be so, so polite to you within five minutes of him going back to your desk and all you'll ever hear after that is please and thank you.
posted by Jubey at 2:15 PM on December 16, 2015
posted by Jubey at 2:15 PM on December 16, 2015
Is there any way you can get a written description of your expected job? One that avoids the phrase "other duties as required"? Ask for an enumeration of the other duties. Then you can say "I'm sorry, but that is not under my responsibilities. You'll have to ask someone else for help." Document everything, start job hunting hard core (if you can get away with it from work, even better) and get out of there.
If they won't give you a list of responsibilities, tell them that you'll be unable to prioritize work and get much done. Then start working on the least important thing assigned to you. (Planning next years holiday party, stuffing envelopes, etc.) Get priorities and give them estimated completion times. Inflate the times by at least 100%.
They are taking money from you by injuring your health. Do not feel that you need to put in anything close to 100%, no matter how important the mission. Adjust your own breathing mask before helping others.
Get out ASAP, but if you absolutely have to stay there for monetary reasons, take some of the above advice. Find out if fired workers in your state can file for unemployment. (Most states allow that as long as you were not fired for misconduct. Misconduct does not mean "refusing to be a punching bag.") If so, do not be afraid of getting fired.
posted by Hactar at 3:54 PM on December 16, 2015
If they won't give you a list of responsibilities, tell them that you'll be unable to prioritize work and get much done. Then start working on the least important thing assigned to you. (Planning next years holiday party, stuffing envelopes, etc.) Get priorities and give them estimated completion times. Inflate the times by at least 100%.
They are taking money from you by injuring your health. Do not feel that you need to put in anything close to 100%, no matter how important the mission. Adjust your own breathing mask before helping others.
Get out ASAP, but if you absolutely have to stay there for monetary reasons, take some of the above advice. Find out if fired workers in your state can file for unemployment. (Most states allow that as long as you were not fired for misconduct. Misconduct does not mean "refusing to be a punching bag.") If so, do not be afraid of getting fired.
posted by Hactar at 3:54 PM on December 16, 2015
I wrote a long response about jobs i've had like this, but i would either 100% stop engaging in situations like this:
but they just get angry with me and I end up fixing their printer or whatever it is anyway.
And either direct them to the correct person to solve the problem, who to call, etc and say "sorry i'm really busy with X" and just let them yell... or quit
Personally i would take the passive aggressively ignoring route, which will probably lead to either changes or you being managed out in short order... but seriously, i'd either do that or quit.
Every time i've left a really dysfunctional job i've been shocked at how fucking good i felt even just a week later. Being unemployed and watching your savings dwindle is WAY less stressful than going to some fuckhole like this to get catch 22'd and yelled at every day.
I went from a place not quite this bad, but exhibiting many of the same traits you described to temping at a law office that had a perfectly structured chain of command/responsibility and clearly delineated tasks. It was a fucking revelation. I just worked and everyone left me alone, and if i had a question or a problem i knew exactly who to talk to. No one yelled at anyone. There wasn't any confusion.
I was making less money than my already underpaid previous job, but it blew my goddamn mind and i was happy.
posted by emptythought at 4:35 PM on December 16, 2015
but they just get angry with me and I end up fixing their printer or whatever it is anyway.
And either direct them to the correct person to solve the problem, who to call, etc and say "sorry i'm really busy with X" and just let them yell... or quit
Personally i would take the passive aggressively ignoring route, which will probably lead to either changes or you being managed out in short order... but seriously, i'd either do that or quit.
Every time i've left a really dysfunctional job i've been shocked at how fucking good i felt even just a week later. Being unemployed and watching your savings dwindle is WAY less stressful than going to some fuckhole like this to get catch 22'd and yelled at every day.
I went from a place not quite this bad, but exhibiting many of the same traits you described to temping at a law office that had a perfectly structured chain of command/responsibility and clearly delineated tasks. It was a fucking revelation. I just worked and everyone left me alone, and if i had a question or a problem i knew exactly who to talk to. No one yelled at anyone. There wasn't any confusion.
I was making less money than my already underpaid previous job, but it blew my goddamn mind and i was happy.
posted by emptythought at 4:35 PM on December 16, 2015
Your workplace is a textbook sick system. You can't change this, so quitting is definitely a good plan.
In the short term, seconding the recommendation that you do not admit that you are not busy. If you need work, you can say something to the effect of "Well, I have some ongoing projects - we're all busy, of course - but I could probably take on a bit more".
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:02 PM on December 16, 2015
In the short term, seconding the recommendation that you do not admit that you are not busy. If you need work, you can say something to the effect of "Well, I have some ongoing projects - we're all busy, of course - but I could probably take on a bit more".
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:02 PM on December 16, 2015
They ask you to do something that is outside your job - direct them to the person whose job it is. They have a go at you for it, shrug and get on with your actual job.
This. You are going to quit anyway. Go buy a pack of cigarettes, stick one in your mouth (don't light it), lean back in your chair and raise a single eyebrow anytime anyone says anything to you. Alternatively buy an exceptionally bright red lipstick, do the same. Play a different person for the day. A person who does not care. If you get fired, what ever will they do then? Surely then the printer will never get fixed. They need you. So F them.
posted by Toddles at 8:51 PM on December 16, 2015
This. You are going to quit anyway. Go buy a pack of cigarettes, stick one in your mouth (don't light it), lean back in your chair and raise a single eyebrow anytime anyone says anything to you. Alternatively buy an exceptionally bright red lipstick, do the same. Play a different person for the day. A person who does not care. If you get fired, what ever will they do then? Surely then the printer will never get fixed. They need you. So F them.
posted by Toddles at 8:51 PM on December 16, 2015
missmagenta is spot on. If you would prefer not to just quit, do your best to stop caring what they think of you, and stand up for yourself using neutral language.
"Anonymous, I need you to drop what you're doing and work on Y."
"I'm sorry, I'm working on X right now. I'll add Y to my list for today."
"No, I need you to work on Y now."
"I'm sorry, that's not possible. I'll get to Y as soon as I can."
"Excuse me?! I gave you a direct order! You need to do this now!"
"I'm sorry, that's not possible." ::shrug, smile, stare blandly as person rants until they leave::
They might fire you as a result, but it sounds like they might fire you anyway, so there's no harm in setting firmer boundaries in the meantime.
Also, do consider other posters' previous advice about seeing a doctor for a mental health diagnosis that would help you take FMLA or short-term disability leave. If you are crying several days a week and spending weekends crippled by stress-induced physical symptoms, odds are very high you qualify for some type of medical leave. Use that time to recover and look for other jobs.
Get out of there soon. Good luck to you.
posted by Owlcat at 10:33 PM on December 16, 2015
"Anonymous, I need you to drop what you're doing and work on Y."
"I'm sorry, I'm working on X right now. I'll add Y to my list for today."
"No, I need you to work on Y now."
"I'm sorry, that's not possible. I'll get to Y as soon as I can."
"Excuse me?! I gave you a direct order! You need to do this now!"
"I'm sorry, that's not possible." ::shrug, smile, stare blandly as person rants until they leave::
They might fire you as a result, but it sounds like they might fire you anyway, so there's no harm in setting firmer boundaries in the meantime.
Also, do consider other posters' previous advice about seeing a doctor for a mental health diagnosis that would help you take FMLA or short-term disability leave. If you are crying several days a week and spending weekends crippled by stress-induced physical symptoms, odds are very high you qualify for some type of medical leave. Use that time to recover and look for other jobs.
Get out of there soon. Good luck to you.
posted by Owlcat at 10:33 PM on December 16, 2015
Mod note: From the OP:
Thank you again for all your replies. I got into work this morning and had an email - an advertisement for my own job. I'm not going to apply.posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 12:24 AM on December 17, 2015
I got into work this morning and had an email - an advertisement for my own job. I'm not going to apply.
ZOMG, fuck these people. Fuck these people sideways with a rusty rake.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 1:27 AM on December 17, 2015 [7 favorites]
ZOMG, fuck these people. Fuck these people sideways with a rusty rake.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 1:27 AM on December 17, 2015 [7 favorites]
Gobsmacked. If you weren't considering my answer a few comments up before, I hope you are now...
posted by Jubey at 1:41 AM on December 17, 2015
posted by Jubey at 1:41 AM on December 17, 2015
I wouldn't treat an person I personally despised with this level of mental illness and utter and complete disrespect and hatefulness.
If you haven't already, clean up your computer, pack your belongings, call a friend to bring you a box and meet you at the end of the day, and walk out of this hellhole with your chin up.
These shitheads will destroy themselves in due time, have no fear.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 10:23 AM on December 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you haven't already, clean up your computer, pack your belongings, call a friend to bring you a box and meet you at the end of the day, and walk out of this hellhole with your chin up.
These shitheads will destroy themselves in due time, have no fear.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 10:23 AM on December 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
They are nuts. Leave. BUT, make sure you know how unemployment benefits in your state work first (am I wrong in thinking you need to be let go, and not quit?). Don't screw yourself for these guys.
posted by Vaike at 4:20 PM on December 17, 2015
posted by Vaike at 4:20 PM on December 17, 2015
Oh yes, by all means, let them let you go, so you can collect those glorious UI benefits. In fact, ask them to lay you off.
"It's clear you're unhappy with my work, please lay me off so that I can collect unemployment insurance while you continue your search for an admin who will better suit your needs."
Now is the time to conduct your new job search on their time.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:52 AM on December 21, 2015
"It's clear you're unhappy with my work, please lay me off so that I can collect unemployment insurance while you continue your search for an admin who will better suit your needs."
Now is the time to conduct your new job search on their time.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:52 AM on December 21, 2015
They're advertising your job? I had a manager once who would talk to people on the phone on the other side of my cubicle wall about how she wanted to fire me. You should have seen the shock on her face the day I came in and said "today is my last day" and she realized she was going to have to do my job herself. It was SO cathartic after putting up with her BS for two years. I highly recommend it.
posted by vignettist at 10:13 PM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by vignettist at 10:13 PM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
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Quit, asap. You'll find something else, and even scraping by on benefits is better than what this will do to you in the long term.
What I did - got a sick note for two weeks off from my doctor for stress (he'd already offered one weeks earlier but I didn't feel I could take it). Spent a day or two recuperating, then a week hardcore job-applying, and called awful job in the second week to say I wouldn't be back. Oddly enough they didn't seem all that surprised.
It's worth mentioning that I was 18 when this all happened. It was my first job. I was absolutely terrified of the risks of taking time off "for stress" which seemed like such a cop-out, and the likelihood of finding something else. But I did it, and my hair stopped falling out, and my stutter went away. I still feel proud of myself for getting out when I did.
posted by greenish at 2:22 AM on December 16, 2015 [17 favorites]