How do I maximize this college entrance essay?
November 24, 2015 8:09 AM   Subscribe

I'm applying to a (private) college as a transfer student and am absolutely -stuck- on the personal statement. The prompt has a handful of questions and topics to write about. Do I address them all? Pick one and go with it?

Thank you in advance for reading. I am trying really hard to get into this school, as it's one of the few that have my program. Here is the prompt:

This is the opportunity for you to tell us more about yourself, your readiness for college, and your activities and accomplishments. Explain any personal experience, responsibilities, or challenges that have impacted you or your academic achievements

There is so much to write about! Yes, I've had challenges in the past with family, health, homelessness, money, the list goes on.... But, I'm hesitant to make it a "woe is me; feel bad for me and let me in" essay. When I was in high school, I remember that we were instructed to pick one thing and focus on that. However, that doesn't seem to fit with this prompt. I've also read that it is of utmost importance to answer the damn prompt.I have been in community college for the past two years after failing and dropping out of a 4-year university when I was 18. Now I'm ready to get my bachelor's and will be finishing up this semester with a 4.0/4.0 GPA. I'm struggling to understand what they really want to hear in this essay.

So, how do I approach this essay, without it being a rambling, discombobulated jumble of words?
posted by eggs to Education (9 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
after failing and dropping out of a 4-year university when I was 18.

Did dropping out have anything to do with your health, homelessness, family issues, etc? Write about that. Write about what it felt like to have your dream/career sidelined, and clawing back to a fucking awesome 4.0.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:14 AM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


While "triumph over adversity" is hackneyed, it's also basically what you need to be capable of to succeed. So yeah, focus your essay in a way that creates one clear story line about how you failed and then succeeded. You could touch on some or all of the challenges listed here, as long as it's building and serving one narrative, not a laundry list of how you've been wronged.
posted by latkes at 8:25 AM on November 24, 2015


Best answer: The advice about focusing on "one thing" is really about memorability. Admissions officers are reading lots and lots and lots of essays, and a very specific and concrete narrative that can evoke emotion while showcasing your strengths (resilience, thoughtful-ness, awareness, writing abilities?) can be very effective. Think about what is the beginning / middle / end of a narrative you want to want to tell, and use that as a frame for your essay to pull in other details. The key is the narrative, as it doesn't haven't to be a description of a single event for instance.

As I re-read the prompt, what the prompt is asking you is really asking you is -- we don't know exactly where you've come from, but tell me the relevant details of your past to show that you are ready to achieve academically at this college. The phrasing of the prompt may seem frustratingly broad, but is really meant to help students of all backgrounds find something to say.
posted by ellerhodes at 8:31 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Pick ONE THING to talk about. Do not talk about health, homelessness, financial hardship AND family issues because yes, that will read like woe-woe-is-me. Keep firmly in mind that this needs to relate directly to academic achievement, since this is your chance to address the dropping out and community college reset.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:32 AM on November 24, 2015


I'm hesitant to make it a "woe is me; feel bad for me and let me in" essay.
This prompt seems tailor made for you to distinguish yourself from the sea of other applicants who have only known comfort and privilege their entire lives and have still gotten no further than you, thus making you, by comparison, the harder worker, the more dedicated student, and the better applicant. So don't think of it as a "feel bad for me and let me in" essay. It's a "I overcame some woeful shit that would have destroyed a weaker person, so let me in because all the hard work I put into overcoming that woeful shit makes me awesome." Here is your three part, beginning-middle-end, narrative structure:
Part one: I went to school at 18 intending to graduate by 22, like everyone else.
Part two: Woeful shit befell me. I had to drop out.
Part three: I handled the woeful shit by _____ and now I have a 4.0. Now that I have developed the tools/put in the hard work to overcome the woeful shit, I'm going to do great at your school.
posted by hhc5 at 9:57 AM on November 24, 2015


I was a transfer student with a really bad first semester before we dropping out, going to cc, annd then my big state u (now in grad school). I wrote about why that first opportunity didn't go well with the focus on what is different now. But I never went into the nitty gritty details because what mattered most was how I grew and was more equipped to handle college now. The past is the past - don't make excuses. Don't dwell on it. That just makes you nseem whiny. I had to explain multiple F's and leaving a prestigious university for my transfer and for grad school but I got in because I only used the past as a lens to understand mme now. The details matter much less than you think.
posted by Aranquis at 10:03 AM on November 24, 2015


It's not really so much about what you write about as much as it is about how you write about it. You can write about whatever woeful events you want, as long as your reader finishes reading your essay assured that you have mentally and emotionally worked through those challenging events (at least to the point that you will be able to flourish academically at the prospective institution).

The writers who seem to alienate their readers with woe-is-me stories are ones who come off as resistant towards truly "owning" their problems, regardless of how genuinely unfortunate and (possibly) random they are. So, don't describe the woeful events in full gory detail-- spend MUCH more of your essay's real estate on how you have moved forward, taken initiative, and developed as a person and student.

A good "triumph-over-adversity" essay is introspective, ultimately upbeat and forward-looking, and articulates a clear goal that thematically falls in line with the challenging experience discussed in the essay. Admissions committees are looking for students who will take advantage of the resources their institution offers as well as a good cultural fit, and it makes it way easier to assess that if you clearly articulate what you hope to accomplish, why, and a general outline of how you plan on going about the whole thing.

Also: use the active voice whenever possible; use passive voice very judiciously. Reading admissions essays that overdo it with the passive voice feels like wading through molasses.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 10:35 AM on November 24, 2015


The goal of the personal essay is to show that you're a living breathing human being with a personality and *that's it* -- do not, under any circumstances, feel like you have to answer the prompt. This book on the subject is very good.
posted by thursdaystoo at 10:40 AM on November 24, 2015


Best answer: I help people with this kind of thing for a living (13 years I've been doing it), and here are a few very basic principles for a Personal Statement:

- You can learn things and do things in the essay, but it can't be about what you've done or what you've learned--it has to be about who you are
- Resist the urge to tell backstory. Use a specific experience--and it must be a compelling story!--that illustrates something bigger you want to convey. I strongly suggest you start with an inventory of your great stories. A great story can reveal any number of fascinating personal qualities, but when people start with a quality and try to shoehorn a story into it, they (A) rarely pick their best story and (B) usually make it feel forced.
- Nobody believes epiphanies. I mean, if you were the guy who got trapped under a boulder and had to cut off your own hand with a Swiss army knife, sure, maybe that changed your life in a moment. But for most of us, we have epiphanies about things and continue to struggle with them forever. The "cheat" to avoid epiphanies is instead of writing "that's when I realized X," just write "X."
- All the good principles of narrative writing come into play here, but don't be afraid to do some "telling." You don't want to overexplain to your (intelligent, experienced) readers, but you can't risk the possibility that they might miss the point.
- this prompt is definitely appropriate for the "focus on one thing" approach. Don't let the open-ended instruction distract you.

Good luck and feel free to MeMail me if you have questions!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:22 PM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


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