I'm awkward in office settings, should I become a social worker?

November 15, 2015 4:03 PM

I was accepted into an MSW program next fall to become an LCSW. I’m concerned about this working out because I have a hard time fitting into office cultures. I particularly have problems with women--and since they dominate the agencies I’m wondering if I should do this? A few scattered snowflakes inside.

I like working with people and on teams, but my skill at work relationships is not great (I’m awkward and can be blind to social cues and etiquette) to the point where I can get teamed up on. I’m being bullied by my supervisor in the office I work in now, and her attitude has trickled down to some of my colleagues. It's pretty unbearable.

I work really well one-on-one, under one person or in a situation where there’s no possibility of a sense competition (this is my big problem, btw, which is due to how fast and hard I work—I tend to hyperfocus on a task and go overboard). I did that for over a decade in a previous job and it worked out great. I'm still friends with my supervisors today.

I want to avoid jumping from the frying pan into the fire if I decide to become a LCSW. So I'm wondering if office cultures at agencies can be tough for social workers who are prone to getting ostracized or picked on? If so is there a kind of job I can take as an LCSW (doing direct service) that minimizes interactions with colleagues? Or maybe I could work for a series of agencies as an independent social worker? --though I am hoping for a stable job.

Thanks in advance for any insight you have about this. And if you have any other suggestions for jobs that might be a better fit for me, such as a grade school teacher (something I've thought about) I'm all ears.

posted by kewpiesockpuppetdoll to Work & Money (13 answers total)

There are a myriad of environments that one can work in as a social worker- one-on-one counseling, doing outreach workshops, working in a shelter, hospital, etc- so you definitely don't need to be in an office,and even if you are, it's probably not going to be you typical "desk job". Instead of overthinking now, just apply to jobs that interest you, and when you go on interviews, get a sense of the workplace environment and ask questions. Every workplace is different. I don't think you need to give up on social work altogether especially as it can mean many different things.

Also, what do you mean by "having problems with women"? I think you might need to unpack this statement because as a social worker it is especially important to work with all groups of people without having preconceived notions or treating people differently.
posted by bearette at 4:10 PM on November 15, 2015 [15 favorites]

Teachers face a great deal of social pressure (including at least a moderate degree of competition, and depending on the school a considerable degree of dysfunctional group dynamics.) I would never recommend teaching to someone who has trouble fitting in.

What is your undergraduate degree in? That'll be a major limiting factor in what sorts of "stable" careers you can get.

From what I understand, you can be an independent social worker, or be a partner in a practice with multiple practitioners. But how much direct supervision you need (i.e., whether you realistically need to be at an agency) depends a lot on which state you're licensed in.
posted by SMPA at 4:12 PM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I am a pretty bad fit with my colleagues in a very similar position, and am also pretty awkward socially, to the extent that I gather some people wonder if I have ASD or similar (I am actually otherwise neuroatypical). They are mainly a certain type of lady, regardless of age. In one workplace it was dreadful, in another it's been fantastic, in both the clients appreciated the hell out of me. They liked my style, manner, whatever, many due to being a little less standardized themselves, some just enjoyed the change from the other cookie-cutter ladies. I say go for it but be prepared to advocate as hard for yourself as you would a client, to value yourself highly and to have a little financial backup/plan-B to let you switch until you've found a fit.
posted by Iteki at 4:16 PM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm a therapist, though an MFT and not an LCSW. In my experience, therapists tend to be extremely socially awkward ourselves as well as extremely forgiving of each other's social awkwardness.

That said, you may want to think about what you mean by "direct service" jobs. If you're wanting to provide therapy, you'd be working very independently but having a higher-than-usual grasp of social cues, body language, and relationships is pretty much required. If you're looking to do more case-management work, there would less relationship-savvy required for working with clients, but probably more interaction with co-workers or representatives at other agencies. What's your end goal in getting the degree and then license?
posted by jaguar at 4:26 PM on November 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

Best answer: which is due to how fast and hard I work—I tend to hyperfocus on a task and go overboard

This can literally kill you in a difficult, emotionally demanding job like counseling or social work. Being able to create and maintain massive and healthy boundaries - including being able to say no and mean it even when it's heartbreakingly hard, and being able to shut things off so you can go home and sleep at night - is critical to your own safety/sanity and the well-being of your clients.

Can you learn to not try to compete and save more of the world than everyone else? There's a lot of people who can't do that, and they burn out sometimes as soon as 18 months after graduation - and if your program isn't fully-funded, can you afford to go into debt for a job that may only pay $30-40ishK to start and you might only last a couple of years?

The sort of people who tend to be on the receiving end of services of a social worker need empathy and acceptance and to not have to negotiate their counselor/caseworker's lack of social skills, too. And if you are going to be dealing with people in need of your services directly, you can't count on not having to deal with suspicion or hostility or manipulation from them - people can be very hard on their counselors. You may need to figure out if you can withstand that.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:31 PM on November 15, 2015 [16 favorites]

"Office politics" are just people politics. I don't think it's possible to avoid that entirely, almost regardless of profession or sector. I think really looking at what's been going on with "being prone to getting ostracized or picked on" and working to address it will help you, no matter where you find yourself, and you'll definitely be better placed to help clients. (They might be challenging, as Lyn Never said; or what if a client has the same kinds of problems with peer relationships, for example?) I don't think it's necessarily a reason not to do this kind of work, but I do think you should confront it. Even going through the experience of trying to dealing with it will help you better understand what you'd be asking clients to do (in e.g. therapy if you did that).
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:48 PM on November 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

See if your local public library has a copy of the audiobook version of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. I've had the book on my shelf for years, always placing it on my "read me next for mad people skillz" list, but never got around to it.

On an impulse, I checked out the audiobook on CD from my local public library and now I'm wishing I'd read the damn book 20 years ago. It has lots of stuff about dealing with people.
posted by phoebus at 6:18 PM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

If you already have a Bachelors degree, you might consider becoming a school counselor, especially for elementary school. It has a lot of social work aspects. Some programs require that you already are a certified teacher, but not all do. If you do stick with the original plan, many larger, urban school districts hire social workers to serve on the campus level. You might see if any districts near you have those opportunities.
posted by tamitang at 7:50 PM on November 15, 2015

I find teaching has a wonderful sense of collegiality: in fact, while I never anticipated it, I value my great colleagues as much as my sweet students. That said, I teach at a high school with a positive environment, and I know that's not always the case. Elementary school teachers tend to work more closely with colleagues so it's a bit of a different environment, although it may appeal to you even more.

As a teacher, I think the challenge is less about actually being socially awkward and more about being self-aware and open to feedback. As a teacher, you're yourself but also playing a role for the kids, sort of like the "idealized teacher self." I'd wager that many teachers are actually a bit socially awkward in their private lives. And there's a reason we chose to teach at a school rather than work in an office! (I'm very outgoing but, regardless, generally feel more comfortable around teens than adults!)

The best way to find out if it'd work for you is to visit a few schools, meet the teachers and shadow one or two for a day. Over lunch, you can tell them you're shy and often feel awkward in social situations and see what they recommend. You may find it's a perfect fit or absolutely not the right match but, either way, you'll know from experience!
posted by smorgasbord at 9:30 PM on November 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

Best answer: When you say grade school, are you referring to k-5 or k-8? There's a huuuuge difference... What grades appeal to you? Because especially in k-4, what you are basically doing first and foremost is teaching social skills and modeling social behavior... Explicitly teaching them how to get along with people. Not easy if you struggle with this. Actual curriculum content comes second in these grades... oh, it's there, and it's really important, but the social stuff is paramount. You're also responsible for teaching social skills that parents used to be responsible for but don't always teach anymore. Not to mention having REALLY hard conversations with parents, sometimes along with a school counselor, OT, PT, SLP, as part of the child study team. You have to be SO socially adept in dealing with the parents. PLUS getting along w/ your colleagues! I agree with shadowing in the grade you're most interested in ( though sometimes you don't get a choice!). From how you describe yourself, if you decide to go the teaching route rather than social work, 6-12 sounds like it may be a better match. My 2 cents as a 13-year veteran of elementary school teaching. Feel free to Memail me if you have more specific qs.
posted by bookworm4125 at 11:39 PM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

6-12 sounds like it may be a better match.

Anecdata: several students in my brother's grade 6 class smelled blood and banded together to coordinate their deliberate torment of their sensitive and apparently overwhelmed teacher, who wound up quitting just before the end of the summer term. They were happy they succeeded in "giving her a nervous breakdown".

If this issue is going to define your range of work environments, maybe go for something so specialized and in-demand (probably regulated) that competition will be minimal. If you've got a strong work ethic, you could probably jump through the educational and regulatory hoops. (My thought is something like accounting, or financial planning. That's a service people need, it's useful, makes a difference etc., and people would be mostly paying for your expertise in a circumscribed area. Interactions would be mostly formalized and structured, and low-conflict.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:20 AM on November 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

You're already accepted into the program. Can you speak to one of the advisors or the professors or career development?

Nthing that school settings tend to be political. Nonprofits can tend that way as well.

Can you network with your past supervisors? If you tend to get ostracized, finding somewhere you have an "in" may help.
posted by typecloud at 6:37 AM on November 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: There are a lot of different areas that a LCSW can go into. Being an individual therapist is different than being an elder care social worker which is different than being a community organizer. The best thing to do might be to have informational interviews with and/or job shadow different kinds of social workers in different areas. That would give you an idea of what social atmosphere you would be in for.

A couple of caveats: One, social work - as well as teaching - is a female-dominated field. You have stated in one of your previous questions that you have trouble getting along with most women. How do you feel about potentially going into a very female-dominated field?

Two, the adage "wherever you go, there you are" applies to careers as well as residences. If you find yourself being socially ostracized and bullied at every single job you've had, then it's time for some self-reflection. It's normal to have a toxic job or two, especially when first staring out and/or the economy is bad. But every job? Then you want to take a look at yourself and your role in the toxicity. Have you had therapy? If you think you're on the autistic spectrum, have you been tested and can you get some sort of rehabilitation or social skills training? Hopping from career to career because you've been on bad terms with your coworkers everywhere you go is not going to work in the long run.

Cotton Dress Sock has a good idea - if you think your social skills issues are not fixable and this is going to be the elephant in the room no matter where you work, then some kind of in-demand specialty - like accounting or health care - is the way to go.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:00 AM on November 16, 2015 [3 favorites]