Oh My God, Please Stop That!
November 10, 2015 5:51 PM Subscribe
I have to be in class for 6 hours with someone who is doing something that drives me beetles. What can I do to make class bearable?
I want to state right off that I am aware the problem is mine. So I'm open to any ideas at all, including things I can do or think in order to get my hyper-annoyed brain to stand down. But let me explain...
There is a person in two of my classes, the classes are back to back and total 6 hours every Tuesday. This person wears a painting mask, the type you would buy at Home Depot if you were going to do some serious spray painting, to class (that's not the problem though). They sit 4 rows ahead of me in the morning and right next to me in the afternoon class. The problem is this person CONSTANTLY CLEARS THEIR THROAT THROUGHOUT THE LECTURE. Really loudly. So loudly I can not hear the professor when they do it. But even if I could, the randomness of this noise (every 20 sec to 1 min or so) sets my teeth on edge and all I can think about is how this is going to happen again and how grating it is. I think I have some anxiety issues and I get really upset about unpleasant noises, especially those that repeat randomly, but often. Once the lecture is done and the class is free to work independently, the throat clearing just about stops, which leads me to believe it is a sort of a tic (is that the right word?) something maybe of related to Tourette Syndrome. I don't know what the painting mask is for. This person is older and they talk to themselves a great deal in addition to the throat clearing.
What would you guys do in this situation. After 4 hours of this I am so stressed I want to chew nails, and at hour 6, I'm nearly losing my mind. How can I make this work. Dropping the class (es) is not an option for reasons I wont go into. I'm interested in any ideas at all. I'm desperate.
Thank you MeFi!
I want to state right off that I am aware the problem is mine. So I'm open to any ideas at all, including things I can do or think in order to get my hyper-annoyed brain to stand down. But let me explain...
There is a person in two of my classes, the classes are back to back and total 6 hours every Tuesday. This person wears a painting mask, the type you would buy at Home Depot if you were going to do some serious spray painting, to class (that's not the problem though). They sit 4 rows ahead of me in the morning and right next to me in the afternoon class. The problem is this person CONSTANTLY CLEARS THEIR THROAT THROUGHOUT THE LECTURE. Really loudly. So loudly I can not hear the professor when they do it. But even if I could, the randomness of this noise (every 20 sec to 1 min or so) sets my teeth on edge and all I can think about is how this is going to happen again and how grating it is. I think I have some anxiety issues and I get really upset about unpleasant noises, especially those that repeat randomly, but often. Once the lecture is done and the class is free to work independently, the throat clearing just about stops, which leads me to believe it is a sort of a tic (is that the right word?) something maybe of related to Tourette Syndrome. I don't know what the painting mask is for. This person is older and they talk to themselves a great deal in addition to the throat clearing.
What would you guys do in this situation. After 4 hours of this I am so stressed I want to chew nails, and at hour 6, I'm nearly losing my mind. How can I make this work. Dropping the class (es) is not an option for reasons I wont go into. I'm interested in any ideas at all. I'm desperate.
Thank you MeFi!
Response by poster: Oh, to clarify, In the morning class I am seated as far away as it is possible to be in the small classroom. The noise is REALLY loud.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 5:59 PM on November 10, 2015
posted by WalkerWestridge at 5:59 PM on November 10, 2015
Best answer: Sounds like you might have misophonia. And like maybe he has Tourette's. But then I'm just a person on the internet.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2015 [7 favorites]
I'm so sorry. I have similar struggles with sound and I completely sympathize.
You could talk to a doc or therapist about anxiety meds? They have helped me a little. It might also help to practice some breathing exercises and grounding techniques.
posted by bunderful at 6:13 PM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
You could talk to a doc or therapist about anxiety meds? They have helped me a little. It might also help to practice some breathing exercises and grounding techniques.
posted by bunderful at 6:13 PM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Seconding moving farther away. Sorry you are going through this.
posted by 4ster at 6:13 PM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by 4ster at 6:13 PM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I know that in certain loud situations, wearing foam earplugs actually makes voices sound louder, because they have a greater blocking effect on noises that are not in the same pitch range as voices (I think it's lower-pitched sounds?) So depending on what exactly this person's throat clearing sounds like, earplugs might block that out a little and enhance your ability to hear the professor.
If you go this way, it's probably worth having a word with your professor to explain it beforehand, in case they are insulted that you are sitting in class wearing earplugs.
posted by lollusc at 6:15 PM on November 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
If you go this way, it's probably worth having a word with your professor to explain it beforehand, in case they are insulted that you are sitting in class wearing earplugs.
posted by lollusc at 6:15 PM on November 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: This is what works for me: Betting against myself. I know my coworker is going to do a lot of annoying things, so when I'm feeling particularly stressed and annoyed by it I say to myself, "I bet she's going to clear her ever-loving throat at least 15 times in the next hour." Then I make hash marks on a piece of paper and keep track. And here's the best part: If she clears her throat 18 times, I'm all "Yay, I won!" and if she doesn't I'm like, "Yes!!! I only had to put up with that 8 times!"
So, it may be a little distracting during class, but I find it really decreases my anxiety around the annoyances. Further reading.
Good luck!
posted by deadcrow at 6:17 PM on November 10, 2015 [39 favorites]
So, it may be a little distracting during class, but I find it really decreases my anxiety around the annoyances. Further reading.
Good luck!
posted by deadcrow at 6:17 PM on November 10, 2015 [39 favorites]
Best answer: I have a weird solution... maybe a some sort of bluetooth mic near your professor, and noise canceling headphones for you?
Amazon has nearly everything. I'm not even sure the set-up would need to be bluetooth. I'm CERTAIN you could rock this so you can focus on the teacher's lecture.
I'm off to search possibilities for you....
posted by jbenben at 6:18 PM on November 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
Amazon has nearly everything. I'm not even sure the set-up would need to be bluetooth. I'm CERTAIN you could rock this so you can focus on the teacher's lecture.
I'm off to search possibilities for you....
posted by jbenben at 6:18 PM on November 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you're having hell with it, I'm so sure that the professor is too, it must be breaking their concentration. Talk with them in office hours and ask them about it?
posted by yueliang at 6:28 PM on November 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by yueliang at 6:28 PM on November 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
I also thought earplugs, but maybe even just one on the side closest to the chronic clearer. Repetitive grating noises make me want to scream, and I often find at least minimal relief plugging the ear closest to the noise. That's hard to do with a finger when you're taking notes, so try the earplug.
posted by cecic at 6:36 PM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by cecic at 6:36 PM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have a weird solution... maybe a some sort of bluetooth mic near your professor, and
noise canceling headphones for you?
Not weird at all. I teach college, and occasionally am asked to wear a lavalier microphone so students with hearing loss can pick up my amplified voice in their hearing aids. Not sure if what I wore was bluetooth or not, but surely something exists that will send the mic signal to some headphones.
The main problems will be you may not be able to hear other students during discussions, and if the instructor mumbles or bangs the mic around, it might be worse than the throat-clearing. But something to try.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:02 PM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
noise canceling headphones for you?
Not weird at all. I teach college, and occasionally am asked to wear a lavalier microphone so students with hearing loss can pick up my amplified voice in their hearing aids. Not sure if what I wore was bluetooth or not, but surely something exists that will send the mic signal to some headphones.
The main problems will be you may not be able to hear other students during discussions, and if the instructor mumbles or bangs the mic around, it might be worse than the throat-clearing. But something to try.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:02 PM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how miserable it is. I have the same problem, and it definitely hurt my academic performance, because I would frequently just skip classes to avoid the sounds. One thing that I wish I had done was reach out a little more to see what accommodations could be made.
If I ever go back to grad school, I am going to (1) tell my professors, and (2) possibly also contact the student disability office to see if there are any resources available.
As far as I know, misophonia (which is what I think I have and what your situation sounds like to me) is not currently a recognized disability so there is no requirement that you be given any accommodation like a note-taker or permission to skip class sometimes. But it may be that people will be sympathetic and try to help anyway. In any case I think you might want to consider telling your professor(s) that you are having this issue (unless you have some reason to think they will not be at all sympathetic). That way at least they will have some idea of what's going on in case you just can't deal with it on some days and need to skip class.
(Note: If I were going to tell a professor, boss, etc. about my misophonia, I would stress that the condition is only recently starting to be researched and understood, and that it appears to be a neurological disorder as well as a psychological one, and that it is different from normal irritation/annoyance. The example that I use for myself is that music is generally not a misophonia-inducing sound for me, so, for example, I would be kind of annoyed if my neighbors were playing loud music at 2 am when I was trying to sleep, but that this would the same kind of annoyance that anyone would feel, and a completely different thing from a misophonia situation like the throat clearing, which causes much greater distress.)
As far as how to deal with being in class, here are some things that help a little sometimes.
Earplugs helped a little. They don't entirely block the noise but they provide a little buffer and I was still able to hear the lecture wearing the usual ~25 decibel foam earplugs.
Being in a great mood helps a little. It is worse when I am stressed out or sleep deprived or sad. So do whatever you can to be happy before class (if exercise does this for you then work out Tuesday mornings).
Tallying the noises (similar to the betting idea mentioned above) can sometimes help a little.
Having some kind of positive phrase that you can repeat to yourself (like 'it's only Tuesdays! it's only one day a week!!) that you can repeat to yourself mentally.
Focusing on something else, like an interesting homework problem, can help a little, although it somewhat defeats the purpose of being in class since you won't be paying attention to the professor.
posted by car s at 7:14 PM on November 10, 2015 [9 favorites]
If I ever go back to grad school, I am going to (1) tell my professors, and (2) possibly also contact the student disability office to see if there are any resources available.
As far as I know, misophonia (which is what I think I have and what your situation sounds like to me) is not currently a recognized disability so there is no requirement that you be given any accommodation like a note-taker or permission to skip class sometimes. But it may be that people will be sympathetic and try to help anyway. In any case I think you might want to consider telling your professor(s) that you are having this issue (unless you have some reason to think they will not be at all sympathetic). That way at least they will have some idea of what's going on in case you just can't deal with it on some days and need to skip class.
(Note: If I were going to tell a professor, boss, etc. about my misophonia, I would stress that the condition is only recently starting to be researched and understood, and that it appears to be a neurological disorder as well as a psychological one, and that it is different from normal irritation/annoyance. The example that I use for myself is that music is generally not a misophonia-inducing sound for me, so, for example, I would be kind of annoyed if my neighbors were playing loud music at 2 am when I was trying to sleep, but that this would the same kind of annoyance that anyone would feel, and a completely different thing from a misophonia situation like the throat clearing, which causes much greater distress.)
As far as how to deal with being in class, here are some things that help a little sometimes.
Earplugs helped a little. They don't entirely block the noise but they provide a little buffer and I was still able to hear the lecture wearing the usual ~25 decibel foam earplugs.
Being in a great mood helps a little. It is worse when I am stressed out or sleep deprived or sad. So do whatever you can to be happy before class (if exercise does this for you then work out Tuesday mornings).
Tallying the noises (similar to the betting idea mentioned above) can sometimes help a little.
Having some kind of positive phrase that you can repeat to yourself (like 'it's only Tuesdays! it's only one day a week!!) that you can repeat to yourself mentally.
Focusing on something else, like an interesting homework problem, can help a little, although it somewhat defeats the purpose of being in class since you won't be paying attention to the professor.
posted by car s at 7:14 PM on November 10, 2015 [9 favorites]
If the person is wearing a respirator mask it's likely an allergy, allergy induced asthma or some sort of immune system issue. The throat clearing may be a manifestation of that. Or maybe something else entirely. If nothing else, know that the person isn't doing this to annoy you. It's a real thing for them.
You might try small noise cancelling headphones. They mask noises but not voices. I have these and I can hear the announcements on the plane but not engine noise.
posted by 26.2 at 7:22 PM on November 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
You might try small noise cancelling headphones. They mask noises but not voices. I have these and I can hear the announcements on the plane but not engine noise.
posted by 26.2 at 7:22 PM on November 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
As far as I know, misophonia (which is what I think I have and what your situation sounds like to me) is not currently a recognized disability so there is no requirement that you be given any accommodation like a note-taker or permission to skip class sometimes.
A lawyer, and likely a free one, could provide advice about your legal rights, including your options for reasonable accommodations. Please don't assume that you have no rights, because you might miss possible options and funding sources to help support your education.
posted by Little Dawn at 10:52 PM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
A lawyer, and likely a free one, could provide advice about your legal rights, including your options for reasonable accommodations. Please don't assume that you have no rights, because you might miss possible options and funding sources to help support your education.
posted by Little Dawn at 10:52 PM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I am incredibly, incredibly easily annoyed by similar things. I've even been working with my therapist a little to try and unpack what on earth is going on. So far it seems like it's some combination of:
* Anxiety - I find being annoyed unpleasant, anticipate the annoyance anxiously, but can't predict when it will happen.
* Inability to control the situation - I cannot choose to avoid the situation itself.
* Inability to control the situation - I cannot discuss the problem with the person causing the problem without seeming unreasonable, controlling or making the person feel awkward or upset.
* Self-annoyance - I react with negative self-talk when I notice I'm annoyed, and judge myself harshly for being annoyed in the first place.
Breaking down exactly what is going on in my brain does seem to be bringing some measure of relief. Perhaps some of the reasons things like this annoy you are related to the reasons they annoy me.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:10 PM on November 10, 2015 [9 favorites]
* Anxiety - I find being annoyed unpleasant, anticipate the annoyance anxiously, but can't predict when it will happen.
* Inability to control the situation - I cannot choose to avoid the situation itself.
* Inability to control the situation - I cannot discuss the problem with the person causing the problem without seeming unreasonable, controlling or making the person feel awkward or upset.
* Self-annoyance - I react with negative self-talk when I notice I'm annoyed, and judge myself harshly for being annoyed in the first place.
Breaking down exactly what is going on in my brain does seem to be bringing some measure of relief. Perhaps some of the reasons things like this annoy you are related to the reasons they annoy me.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:10 PM on November 10, 2015 [9 favorites]
Others have given you good advice. I can't exactly sympathize with you, but is there any way to redirect your thoughts (after acknowledging your irritation at the noise) toward pity/sympathy for a person who is clearly mentally/physically ill?
posted by samthemander at 11:33 PM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by samthemander at 11:33 PM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If you use hash marks to count, give yourself ten cents (or something) for each one and get a treat (or drink!) when class is over. The more coughing, the fancier the drink/treat! Something to look forward to... (Yup, that would drive me nuts too. Off to read up on misophonia!)
posted by jrobin276 at 12:00 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by jrobin276 at 12:00 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: One thing that might help is getting to know the person a bit. Might not work if you have this idophonia, no idea, but since you asked about thought tricks, you are spending hours every day with this person and might try getting to know their story (although not necessarily asking what's up with the mask). In my experience the ticks of someone you know are different, and easier to mentally put into context. Kind of like parents being able to blank out their kids noises and chatter unless it's a real emergency.
posted by chapps at 12:02 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by chapps at 12:02 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
One of the things about some people's constant throat clearing noises that I noticed, apart from their obnoxious predictably random pattern, is that they have rather high-frequency-high-volume peaks. This can drive anyone with sensitive ears bonkers (it sure has hurt mine in the past), even without having misophonia.
Try out selective-sound earplugs like the ones for orchestral musicians (musician's earplugs is the google phrase). Alternatively, and more cheaply, the non-too-soundblocking variant of travel earplugs, or even cotton wool, does help to cut off the worst peaks. If you have a choice, try to sit close to the professor in any case, not back behind. You want to hear their direct speech, not a mixed room reverb of cough and professor.
Good luck!
posted by Namlit at 3:08 AM on November 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Try out selective-sound earplugs like the ones for orchestral musicians (musician's earplugs is the google phrase). Alternatively, and more cheaply, the non-too-soundblocking variant of travel earplugs, or even cotton wool, does help to cut off the worst peaks. If you have a choice, try to sit close to the professor in any case, not back behind. You want to hear their direct speech, not a mixed room reverb of cough and professor.
Good luck!
posted by Namlit at 3:08 AM on November 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Most effective mantra for me so far: "Coughing is damned annoying - especially for the person coughing."
It might be useful to you?
posted by Omnomnom at 3:51 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
It might be useful to you?
posted by Omnomnom at 3:51 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is what works for me: Betting against myself. I know my coworker is going to do a lot of annoying things, so when I'm feeling particularly stressed and annoyed by it I say to myself, "I bet she's going to clear her ever-loving throat at least 15 times in the next hour."
I like this idea except it has you focusing on the annoying behavior. Instead, tally how many times they're NOT doing it. It's a small and subtle distinction and it'll train your brain to focus on positive things, not dwell on negative ones.
posted by kinetic at 7:30 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I like this idea except it has you focusing on the annoying behavior. Instead, tally how many times they're NOT doing it. It's a small and subtle distinction and it'll train your brain to focus on positive things, not dwell on negative ones.
posted by kinetic at 7:30 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are you in therapy? If you think this is an anxiety symptom, your first step should be talking to a therapist about ways to reduce the anxiety response. Maybe you need an extra dose of anxiety meds before class. Maybe you need to join a gym and punch the hell out of the punching bag before class. Maybe you need to buy yourself an Xbox (or whatever) after you hear the 200th cough from this guy, so you have something to look forward to.
How critical is attendance to your grade? How critical is the grade? I mean... if it's the kind of thing where skipping class and getting a B or C is way less stressful than powering through class for the A, you have my total permission to do that. *This is obviously not a long term solution
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:50 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
How critical is attendance to your grade? How critical is the grade? I mean... if it's the kind of thing where skipping class and getting a B or C is way less stressful than powering through class for the A, you have my total permission to do that. *This is obviously not a long term solution
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:50 AM on November 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have a weird solution... noise canceling headphones
Unfortunately, no. Noise-canceling headphones work great in reducing steady, continuous noises (like airplane engines and highway noise), but not at all for irregular sounds like human speech, barking dogs and random throat-clearing.
My knee-jerk, ineffective and inappropriate solution would be to glare at the offender and growl "STFU" but then I read Omnomnom's comment, that "Coughing is damned annoying -- especially for the person coughing" and I remembered the wedding I attended when I had some lingering bronchitis. I'll bet a lot of people there were a little annoyed with me, too. So, just suck it up and endure; and remember: Everything Ends Eventually.
posted by Rash at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2015
Unfortunately, no. Noise-canceling headphones work great in reducing steady, continuous noises (like airplane engines and highway noise), but not at all for irregular sounds like human speech, barking dogs and random throat-clearing.
My knee-jerk, ineffective and inappropriate solution would be to glare at the offender and growl "STFU" but then I read Omnomnom's comment, that "Coughing is damned annoying -- especially for the person coughing" and I remembered the wedding I attended when I had some lingering bronchitis. I'll bet a lot of people there were a little annoyed with me, too. So, just suck it up and endure; and remember: Everything Ends Eventually.
posted by Rash at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2015
Can you sit in the first row? In FRONT of the throat clearer?
posted by foxhat10 at 11:58 AM on November 12, 2015
posted by foxhat10 at 11:58 AM on November 12, 2015
As a follow up to my previous comment, I would like to clarify that a free consultation with a disability rights attorney doesn't mean that you'd be taking an adversarial or confrontational route. When I saw you marking technological fixes as best answers, my first thought was that there may be funding sources available to help pay for that, and a lawyer could likely explain how to obtain those resources from your school or other nonprofits or government agencies.
After the comment suggesting that you may have a condition that has not been legally recognized as protected by laws designed to ensure equal opportunity in education, I also wanted to suggest a free lawyer because legal aid organizations that aren't restricted by Reagan-era funding limitations may have the capacity to help improve conditions for everyone with a similar condition. That may be way more time and effort than you want to invest, but the opportunity may be there, so I also wanted to point that out.
posted by Little Dawn at 3:56 PM on November 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
After the comment suggesting that you may have a condition that has not been legally recognized as protected by laws designed to ensure equal opportunity in education, I also wanted to suggest a free lawyer because legal aid organizations that aren't restricted by Reagan-era funding limitations may have the capacity to help improve conditions for everyone with a similar condition. That may be way more time and effort than you want to invest, but the opportunity may be there, so I also wanted to point that out.
posted by Little Dawn at 3:56 PM on November 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that you didn’t (one doesn’t) have any rights legally (I’m no expert in that). More just that there might be some resources available even if your situation doesn’t fit an already existing category of conditions/accommodations within the university.
posted by car s at 8:11 PM on November 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by car s at 8:11 PM on November 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
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If the classes are assigned seating, then maybe take the professor aside and ask to change seats. Don't, like, tattle on this person, just say that they have some "quirks" that you find "distracting" and it would be helpful if you could sit somewhere further away from them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:56 PM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]