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November 10, 2015 6:44 AM   Subscribe

What should a couple keep in mind about deciding whether to move to a small town and become a single income family? Bonus complications: Resort town, SAHD.

My wife is on the verge of getting an offer from a job about 2 hours away from the major US city we now live in. It's a reasonably lucrative position (16% higher than median household income in the small town, exactly at median family income for the county) in a very prestigious institution with a lot of stability, good benefits, a pension and job satisfaction.

The area we'd move to is mostly a vacation destination, so career options for me would be severely limited. The most sensible path if she took the position may be to move to that town and for me to either stay home with our toddler and infant child entirely or find some kind of supplemental income online or nights/weekends so that we could save on exorbitant day care costs.

We have college accounts for the kids already well funded by grandparents and a modest retirement fund for me. Both options sound good to us as life choices -- I would really enjoy taking care of babies full time, but we like our current situation OK.

Questions:

Currently I make a good living managing people and she is underpaid so our total income would end up being cut neatly in half. Cost of living is somewhat lower (about 10% lower) in the small town, but quality of life presumably would improve: no commute, no stress, more vacation time, no city craziness. Housing for 3 bedroom+ homes is about 40% lower as well. Have you made a similar choice or know someone who has? What should we keep in mind about taking this plunge into a much lower tax bracket?

How much should we be concerned about the loss of future earnings? My wife will never get rich from her profession. I potentially could. But then my industry is more volatile as well. Is it a given that when/if I attempted to reenter the workforce (in a totally different field since there are no options in my industry in the small town) in my 40s I'd have major difficulty finding something rewarding, or even a bartending gig without a recent employment history?

Some people choose to stay home with the idea that this will give them time to launch a creative career. Have you done this? Have you failed to do this? What do you wish you knew about staying home with kids and trying to start your own business (whether as an artist or otherwise)?

If we decide to go for it we'd have 6 months before we had to move. Is a financial planner worth getting at this stage? Aren't they just going to say "Don't do that, stay in the city and make lots more money!" What else would you do with 6 months of prep-time to soften the impact of cutting your family salary in half?

Bonus questions:

What's it like living in a tourist town?
Is it so insular and seasonal that we and our kids will feel like outsiders? Do family come to visit more? Are vacation industry jobs hard to get and keep or otherwise the worst? How does the total shutdown outside of high season affect cost of living?

Are there unique challenges or opportunities about being a stay-at-home dad? We both sense a potential major issue with stigma from our families, and it seems possible bigoted future employers might look down on the choice. Are there any secret benefits?

Tangentially relevant personal anecdotes welcome!
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (9 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I can only reply to your bonus questions. I've lived and worked in both tourist towns (where the town would exist with or without the reasons tourists visit) and resort towns (where the town would disappear if the reason for the tourists went away). I would live in a tourist town without hesitation, but I would be wary of living in a resort town.

In a tourist town the daily life of the town goes on regardless of whether or not the tourists are there. Jobs, industry, schools, etc. You learn to shop where the locals shop, to avoid the places the tourists are, send your kids to school, and go about your day. Sometimes the traffic is worse than others because there are tourists, but generally speaking the population is stable and established. I would consider Charleston, SC, to be a tourist town. When I lived there you could go about your normal day to day life without really interacting with the tourism industry.

In a resort town, a huge chunk of the town goes away when the season is over. Businesses close, services are reduced, and the people who live there year-round have to work several jobs (assuming jobs are available) in order to make it through to the next season. The population is much more transient, and when the season is on the entire town revolves around that single purpose. I would consider Nantucket Island, MA, to be a resort town. When I lived there I knew people who had to move out of their rental houses during the summer because they couldn't afford the huge rent increases that came every season. During the winter months, it seemed like 90% of the houses on the island were empty, and the population was probably cut by 75%.

So, consider whether where you're moving to is a tourist town, or a resort town. If it's a resort town, try to go there during the off-season and really take a hard look around to see if it's a place you want to live and raise your kids.
posted by ralan at 7:24 AM on November 10, 2015


I can't speak to having a family in a tourist town, but I lived in one as a single person.

- The weirdest people will come out of the woodwork to stay at your place. I had a friend from college email me out of the blue to ask if her daughter (who needed some "away from home time") could stay with me for a week. Uh, no. I lived in a tiny apartment with my large dog and politely refused any requests.

- I loved and hated the off-season. I loved it because all of the tourists went away and I got my beautiful town and surrounding area to myself. I hated it because everything closed at 5pm. There was nowhere in town (aside from one of the two bars) to go after 5pm on a Friday.

- The housing situation was kind of strange. I wanted to rent, and had a really tough time finding a place at a reasonable price. Most rentals were "vacation rentals" and were priced as such ($1,200 a week? Yeah right...). I was lucky to find a rental that I could afford. Now, if I were interested in BUYING a house, I would have had my pick. I moved up there at the end of the recession and there were dozens of former Second Homes/Vacation Homes on sale for a song. Realtors actually approached me in the grocery store to ask if I was interested in buying a house. I looked at a few gorgeous turn-of-the-century Victorians that would have cost less per month than my rent, but in the end it became clear that I would need to keep renting my basement apartment because I wasn't going to stay there forever.
posted by Elly Vortex at 7:45 AM on November 10, 2015


I hope this is not a dumb question, but do you really need to move there? It is not an ideal situation I know, but if you moved half way(ish) there you both could commute an hour each way to a job - your wife to town and you to city. One or the other or both might try to work out a compressed schedule, i.e. 4 work days a week. It might not be feasible if your kids are small (in which case you would want to move there and stay home with the kids for a few years), but it might be one idea when the kids are a bit older. I am basing this question on my parents and some of their friends, who did a variant of this when we kids.
posted by gudrun at 7:46 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is only a small thing, but fwiw:

We both sense a potential major issue with stigma from our families, and it seems possible bigoted future employers might look down on the choice.

Especially for the "future employers" angle, if you do try to start up a small business or pursue a particular artistic endeavor, if you apply for another job in a few years, you could always just say you took a couple years off to work on starting your own business/writing my novel/etc. I have no idea what industry you're in, but if there's any sort of continuing education courses or conferences or whatever that you can spend some time on in the interim, that could also help you later on down the line.

If family or friends hassle you, you can always tell them truthfully that daycare was so expensive it made more financial sense for you to stay home. Or you could just ignore them.

Also, mefites might be able to give more specific advice if you got the mods to update the question with info about your current industry (since that might make a difference in terms of rejoining the work force later on down the line).

I also think "tourist towns" can vary quite a lot. For example, how big is the total (non seasonal) population? Is this a beach town or some other tourist town? Is it in a warm climate or a cold climate? The last question is relevant because I've noticed that in places like Florida, where it can get cold in the winter but not that cold, it seems like even in the off season things don't shut down completely, at least in the places I've visited. On the other hand, it seems like places in colder climates, like the Cape, things get much more shut down in the off season. Again, the size of the non tourist population will also make a difference. I'll also second the recommendation to try to go there during the off season to see how deserted it feels. (If you want to update with more info about the town or general location, mefites can probably give you more concrete answers about the tourist town angle.)

The recommendation to move halfway between the two places seems like something that could work later on down the line, but it sounds like your kids are young enough that this isn't a very workable solution for the moment.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:15 AM on November 10, 2015


Is it a given that when/if I attempted to reenter the workforce (in a totally different field since there are no options in my industry in the small town) in my 40s I'd have major difficulty finding something rewarding, or even a bartending gig without a recent employment history?

Nothing's a given, but yes, a long break from the workforce is generally more or less hard for people to recover from, and it usually involves costs other than loss of earnings (pay cut; unrelated job with a low barrier to entry (not usually rewarding); having to retrain). (I'm not going to post the stats I've seen about re-entry to work after long-term unemployment [as that's how it would be perceived] or articles about employer bias, because they're depressing, but they're easily findable.)

Good comment here about getting into bartending at an older age.

I think it'd be risky to not have anything to do with your current line of work (consulting, something). Loss of momentum & time out aren't great; neither is the risk of losing or weakening your professional network, because that's generally what helps people out when the chips and everything else are down (should things get to that point. Obviously hope they don't, but sometimes it happens, really out of the blue). If at some point you wanted - or needed - to go back to the track you were on, that might be a hard sell.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:27 AM on November 10, 2015


Just here to throw the idea of volunteering into the mix. If you're worried about the gap on your CV, when you move start volunteering to fill it (even half a day a week). If you're worried about letting skills lapse, find a way to volunteer using the skills you'd imagine taking forward into a future career. If you have your eye on going into a certain career again in the future, volunteer in that field to start making contacts.
posted by greenish at 9:36 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Regarding financial planning, a good planner will help you consider all your needs and the lifestyle you want, in addition to just managing dollars and cents. There's training and professional organizations focusing on counselling the whole client, not just their money. If you memail me I could dig up more info on how to find such a planner.
posted by JimN2TAW at 10:45 AM on November 10, 2015


What would happen if you and your wife were no longer together? Have you looked into splitting the difference and living an hour away from both jobs? Is there a related industry where working remotely is an option?
posted by oceano at 11:44 AM on November 10, 2015


(Sorry, neglected to include an important linking thought in my comment above: a complete career 180 in midlife [including starting a business] takes a lot of energy and effort and/or luck. Not always easy to do that in your off hours or part-time. Pivoting, or somehow leveraging your past experience, seems to be slightly easier, which is why I think not entirely dropping the thread of your career so far - or finding something close to it - would be worthwhile if it's at all possible. Counting on the stability of your partner's employment, and a modest retirement fund, would not be something I personally would feel great about. Anything can happen to anyone, and poverty in old age is no joke.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:59 AM on November 10, 2015


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