I'm on disability, and was told to resign. I feel I was verbally abused.

October 7, 2015 11:07 AM

I'm on disability and am on SSI, for auditory processing disorder and bipolar among other things. The boss at my retail store told me he doesn't want me anymore, and said things that i view as harassment, especially since they knew i was disabled when they hired me. My self-esteem is shattered and my depression is back in large part because of these events. I'd like to hear some ideas as to how to proceed with this and what my options are since I feel I was abused. Should I get a lawyer/etc?

I work in retail. the boss said a lot of things that made me very upset and felt like digs on my intelligence. Like "did you graduate from high school?" "You're a slacker" "you're not pulling your weight and if you continue like this you're no good to the company." constantly insinuating that i was stupid.

This confused me since i thought i was doing well. I was never offered any feedback or chances to improve, there was no performance improvement plan or anything like that. I found out that I wasn't doing well when they told me they didn't want me anymore. I am working the same job as I did before I was transferred to this store, and the bosses loved me at the old store, and always said I was working hard.

And when I said I was doing my best, the boss said "Your best isn't good enough," and "I wasn't living in reality" which really hurt me. He also said "resign so I don't have to fire you" things like that. Another manager had me sign a write-up, looking back i shouldnt have done so but i my mind goes blank in these situations and i felt coerced. I felt like i was watching a movie of myself. (But I was told by someone a while ago that they can fire me since i am disabled, I don't know if this is true)

By the way, the reason i got the write up is they said they saw me without any carts and I am a cart-pusher. The reason I had no carts is because another worker offered to take them from me since i was supposed to go inside. I think they were looking for an opportunity to give me a write-up so they could get rid of me.

I called the union rep (for the 2nd time, since this harassment has been going on for a while), and he basically said "try your best, and we can have a sit-down meeting with your boss." But I refuse to go back into that store, and obviously don't want to work there anymore but don't want to give my boss the satisfaction of resigning so I am thinking about just not going back in the next day i have to work. i do not want to give them a 2 week notice after the way they have treated me. The first time i talked to the union rep about the boss, he said that he was trouble. The boss has a bad reputation in the store as well, everyone says he's an asshole and the only time he is happy is when he is abusing percocet (lol).

I do NOT want to go back into that store, as I was actually very traumatized by these events. I felt bullied and both meetings were unprofessional and unpleasant. i probably would not be able to say anything again, and would just listen blankly to them talk since my auditory processing disorder is pretty bad - it can take a long time for things to register with me.

My aunt (who is a manager in a big company and does a lot of hiring/firing) told me I should file a grievance and encouraged me to sue based on my account of what happened. My brother offered to egg the store (lol). Again, i do not want to go in the store as I am traumatized by the event - I've slipped back into the depression I had been doing so well with for so long, etc. I want to make this asshole pay for the abuse he put me through, and make sure he doesn't inflict any more abuse on anyone else - what are my options?

posted by Thanquol180 to Law & Government (21 answers total)

Response by poster: Oh, I forgot to mention i have a learning disability. I have been having panic attacks about this situation. please help.

And some other options a friend told me about was contacting the american disabilities association, and the ethics action line.
posted by Thanquol180 at 11:08 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

But I refuse to go back into that store, and obviously don't want to work there anymore but don't want to give my boss the satisfaction of resigning so I am thinking about just not going back in the next day i have to work. i do not want to give them a 2 week notice after the way they have treated me.

Do NOT do this - then you'll have no leg to stand on.

Talk to the union rep again, and lay all this out for them.

Also: you say you "were transferred" to this store from another store, and that the previous boss liked you. It seems to me that there is a good chance you could secure another transfer to a different branch of this store, given the situation you describe.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:11 AM on October 7, 2015 [7 favorites]

the only thing from your question i can respond to with confidence is about the write up - you say you wish you hadn't signed it, but don't beat yourself up about that. it doesn't matter if you sign it or not. you're not signing it saying you agree with the charge, but that you see it. i managed a retail spot for a decade and if an employee didn't sign their write up, i just had a witness sign it saying they saw me give it to the employee. sometimes employees would jot down their side of why they were written up, which is a fine thing to do - but i just want to put your mind at ease that by signing you didn't signal that you thought it was right or admit to any wrong doing.

i'm sorry this experience was so rough.
posted by nadawi at 11:12 AM on October 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

oh! also most places won't have you work your two weeks even if you give notice - this might be different with union stuff so i would absolutely follow showbiz_liz's suggestion to get back with your union rep and do this in the proper way. if you want anything other than to just walk away and not file any sort of complaint, you have to see this out. also, no-show as a way of leaving a prior job is top on the list of why i wouldn't hire someone. it doesn't really hurt your current employer at all and it could hurt you a great deal for a while down the line. i don't say this to make you anxious, but to help you consider how to look out for yourself in the long run.
posted by nadawi at 11:19 AM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

I want to make this asshole pay for the abuse he put me through, and make sure he doesn't inflict any more abuse on anyone else

Unfortunately, you can't do that. There are always going to be assholes in the world, in the workplace and out. I'm sorry this has triggered so many things for you.
posted by Melismata at 11:23 AM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Don't mean to side-track this discussion, but I am wondering how you are on SSI disability and working. If you are/were involved with a state or federal program attempting to get you back into the workforce, I suggest you bring this to your caseworker. If this is not the case, you need to be very aware that working successfully will result in you being discontinued from SSI disability benefits. In that instance, you may find your employer's actions actually helpful in establishing you are not able to work. Not intended as legal advice, just a heads-up to proceed with care.
posted by uncaken at 11:34 AM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

You're getting really good advice here, especially about showing up. Please do contact your rep and then show up when you're scheduled.

One thing to know is that this sort of thing happens all the time in retail. I don't know anyone working in a union shop for any period of time who hasn't been targeted by someone at some point. One guy, who is roundly considered an extremely reliable and valuable long-time employee, was written up for plugging his phone into a charger in the break room after he'd signed out. He just had a boss who was out to get him. It happens a lot. And in your case, it sounds as though people have had a lot of trouble with this guy before. It's not just you, so please don't let it get under your skin too much.

I know this is hard to do, but please show up when you're scheduled, and talk to your union rep.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:34 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Your choices are to either continue working and go through the process with the union, or to quit. You can’t work effectively with the union if you effectively quit or are fired for not showing up. So you need to decide which you want to do more.
posted by metasarah at 11:40 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Don't worry about the company, don't worry about your boss, worry about yourself. The company doesn't really care about you, the union rep cares about you only so far as he needs to to do his job, and the boss will get everything he deserves in due time. The important thing is that you have an acceptable work environment when this is all over, if your boss loses his job as part of the fallout from that, great, if not, as long as it's not your problem anymore, that is all you can ask for. Just have faith that path he is on is not one that leads to happiness.

I know that you have some irrational voices in your head telling you that your boss is right, that you really are a bad employee, and other unhelpful thing. I also know that, with depression, sometimes those voices don't shut up even though they're wrong. So let me at least add another rational voice saying that you are a fine employee and a good person. You old boss thought you were great and no one thinks that guy is an idiot right? LOTS of people think your current boss is wrong about a lot of things, he is wrong about this too. Hang in there, we're with you.

Situations like this are why you have unions. You should tell your union rep just what you told us about why you won't go back to the store and you should file a grievance. You should also talk to your doctor and/or mental health professional about whether or not you're healthy enough for work. It has been my experience that people with depression often think that they should be able to work while they're dealing with their disease, your doctor will probably disagree. If your doctor tells you that you're not well enough to work, then you can keep your job and go out on short-term disability (STD). At the very least, your job is protected under the FMLA and, if you have STD through work, you can keep getting paid (though probably not quite as much). Situations like this are precisely what STD is for. You wouldn't go to work with broken bone in your leg and this injury is no different. If you have it, use it. SSI might complicate things a little but probably not in ways that you actually have to deal with (that's what the insurance company is for).

Failing the FMLA/STD route, if you can find a way to follow the rules and still not show up for work, do that. If you just stop showing up for scheduled shifts, legally (at least in MN) you just quit and you have no further recourse. Same goes for "resigning so [the boss] doesn't need to fire you". Screw him, if he wants you gone, he needs to fire you. If he does, odds are pretty good that it was wrongful termination and he'll have thrown himself under the bus. If you resign, then you just quit and that is the end of it. But, if push comes to shove, show up to work and keep working normally. Your goal here is to keep proving that you've done nothing wrong, it makes your boss look more like that a-hole that he is and makes you look more like the good person and good employee who has been wronged that you are. That way, "doing a good job" and "spiting that a-hole"are both birds you've killed with one stone. If you can keep calm and keep doing your job, anything else the boss does just pounds another nail in his career's coffin.

Keep reminding yourself that your boss is wrong, a bad boss and a bad employee. You have objective data from previous managers that you're a good employee and have done nothing wrong. The important thing is that you have an acceptable work environment

If you can't get anywhere going through the union, lawyer up and sue (IANAL).
posted by VTX at 11:51 AM on October 7, 2015

I don't want to give my boss the satisfaction of resigning so I am thinking about just not going back in the next day i have to work.

He's trying to get you to resign so he doesn't have to pay unemployment. Do not resign, do show up for work. Contact your union rep.
posted by edbles at 12:37 PM on October 7, 2015 [21 favorites]

It is difficult to parse exactly what has happened with you. It is possible that your boss might not be able to fire you if his complaints about your performance are related to your disabilities and they could have been accomodated, assuming that the ADA applies to your employer and that they were on notice of your disabilities. A qualified employment attorney can help you to sort out your options and allow you to identify which things are actionable and which are not. Unfortunately, a lot of bad behavior by bosses is not covered under any legal restrictions and things like rude comments and insulting attitudes are usually not prevented by law, unless they run afoul of some discrimination statutes. A good employment attorney will help you identify your options and can talk you through them. They should also be familiar with the union grievance process in your shop. An excellent resource for employment attorney referals is Nela.org which identifies attorneys in your area that specialize in this kind of issue.

Whatever else you do, it is very important that you continue to appear at work on schedule and perform your duties until you learn your options because failing to appear will just give them a totally legitimate reason to fire you. I know it may be painful to be there with people who have been unpleasant, but you need to make every effort to do so until you have competant advice from an attorney or your union. If you absolutely cannot attend, you should report that you are unwell and unable to work. Unfortunately, even if your absence is due to disability it can affect your situation, which is why it is important to obtain qualified legal advice ASAP.
posted by Lame_username at 1:24 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Just echoing what others have said about the importance of showing up and working when you're scheduled. They want you to quit or resign so that they don't have top pay you unemployment benefits. Don't let them do that. Go to work and talk to your union rep.
posted by quince at 2:41 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

IAAL, IANYL.

First: a person upthread commented that it is not clear how you are on SSI and working. I want to reiterate that gainful employment is an automatic disqualification from SSI eligibility. A lawyer will be able to help you sort out what you can and cannot do in terms of work.

Second: You mentioned that someone told you that you can be fired "since [you are] disabled." That is false. Preventing persons from being fired because they are disabled is the entire point of the ADA. However, the ADA and its proof scheme are complicated, and you need an employment lawyer who can help you figure out whether you have an claim.

Third: I'd like to nth that you continue to show up to work as scheduled. Constructive discharge claims (meaning, you were not actually fired but quit because their actions were tantamount to firing you) are even more difficult to prove than claims based on actually being fired. I'm sorry this has been so hard on you.

Finally: Write down every single crappy thing that has happened to you at this job that you can think of, right away. Bring this detailed description with you to your consultation with your attorney.
posted by sevensnowflakes at 3:03 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

First: a person upthread commented that it is not clear how you are on SSI and working. I want to reiterate that gainful employment is an automatic disqualification from SSI eligibility.

This is inaccurate. The rules concerning work programs for people on SSI are voluminous and best parsed by a specialist. The usual guide is the Social Security Redbook, a 62 page summary of the relevant regulations. Uncle Sam is pretty big on the concept of "work incentives" and there are provisions for trial work and many circumstances where you still receive partial SSI while earning an amount above your SGA.
posted by Lame_username at 5:54 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I really, really am feeling for you. I, too, am on disability, and until recently was on SSI.

I also recently had a run-in with my property management company, where they denied my request for an assistance animal, gave me a reason directly contradicting the Fair Housing Act, very rudely so, then gave another one to the woman from my state's Fair Housing organization, who called her on my behalf. When said woman asked me, "Well, what do you want out of this?" I told her, much like you, "I want my assistance animal, and I don't want her to be able to do this to anyone else."

But I soon realized what Melismata states above. I really can't do the second part. Even if I started a tenants' union, filed a Fair Housing complaint, or sued them for [IDK, IANAL], the person who made this decision is going to go on being drunk with power in whatever capacity she is able.

It is not my job to mete out justice. It's not yours, either. Your number one job here is to take care of yourself. This is harder for you and me than it is for other people, that's why we're on disability.

And only you really know what that consists of. That might mean continuing to go into work, because you're going to need the unemployment money for medical expenses (I get that disability does not go a long way everywhere). Or it might mean just not ever going back there. (This isn't "letting him win", though your boss or others may feel that way. But if you're no longer being abused and you are still able to meet your basic needs, as far as I'm concerned, you win.) It might mean some other course of action.

For me, it meant filling out the request form again, though I did nothing wrong the first time, so the woman who denied it can save face, because I straight-up do not have the emotional stamina to go through an extended legal battle, and this animal companion is going to be a huge help to me in coping with my depression.

No matter what you do, though, you're going to need outside help from someone who specializes in these issues. I don't just mean your union rep-- I mean both someone who specializes in the law of disability in the workplace, and a licensed counselor who can help you work through your horrible experience at this job.

One last thing-- if you just can't handle going into work tomorrow, do you have a sick day you can use until you've contacted outside advocates?

Good luck.

On preview: Seconding everything VTX said.
posted by dee lee at 6:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Disability rights organizations would understand your problem and help you figure out your what rights you have (is this illegal? what can you do about it?) plus they understand how it hard it can to stand up for yourself in such a confusing, intimidating system They might even have an advocate who call the store or the union to help get action.

Try googling "disability rights" and your state or city. For example, in Silicon Valley it would be the Silicon Valley Independent Living Center. In the rest of the US, it would be one of these independent living centers. Disability Rights Advocates is a legal organziation that serves the whole US and helps people find out their rights and get them. See if you can get more help from someone like them.
posted by metahawk at 6:59 PM on October 7, 2015

You should definitely contact disability rights places, but your union is the expert on your CBA. Listen to your union rep.
posted by Mavri at 7:46 PM on October 7, 2015

The boss is a jerk. He would be a jerk to you even if you didn't have anything else to deal with. He's probably a jerk to a lot of people. If he targeted you because you have a disability then yes, you would sue. But, it sounds like he is just an awful person and that has nothing to do with your disability. Working for someone like that is traumatizing for anyone. It will take some time for you to recover from this but you will.

Can you try to contact your old boss and tell him what is going on, and ask him to please help you find another job? Even if you can't work at his store, he may be able to recommend you to someone else.

I wouldn't bother going in to work for the jerk. I would send someone to pick up my last paycheck and to tell the boss that he isn't worth my time. You have value. He doesn't have to see it. You just have to know it.
posted by myselfasme at 9:33 PM on October 7, 2015

At the very least, your job is protected under the FMLA

This isn't necessarily true, and reading between the lines here, I would say you are not covered because you have not worked long enough at the company.
posted by OmieWise at 6:08 AM on October 8, 2015

I'm sorry, yes, OmieWise is absolutely right, there are a couple exclusions to the FMLA that might apply to you. I often forget that despite the fact that Mrs. VTX works for a Fortune 500 company that administers FMLA stuff even though she, herself, isn't protected by it. Fortunately, her company has set up their policy to mirror the FMLA for employees not directly covered by it. Hopefully, you are either covered by the FMLA or your company's policies give you similar protection but I wouldn't count on that that last part.
posted by VTX at 7:46 AM on October 8, 2015

First: a person upthread commented that it is not clear how you are on SSI and working. I want to reiterate that gainful employment is an automatic disqualification from SSI eligibility.
This is inaccurate. The rules concerning work programs for people on SSI are voluminous and best parsed by a specialist. The usual guide is the Social Security Redbook, a 62 page summary of the relevant regulations. Uncle Sam is pretty big on the concept of "work incentives" and there are provisions for trial work and many circumstances where you still receive partial SSI while earning an amount above your SGA.

This is correct and I'm sorry if that wasn't clear from my last comment. It is absolutely true that these regulations are complicated, and I was trying to capture that in this context with the word "gainful" and the suggestion a lawyer could help you figure out what you could and couldn't do in terms of work.

In the context of total disability SSI payments, the first question an ALJ reviewing a benefits denial is "is the applicant gainfully employed?" If the answer is "yes," benefits denial affirmed. That's just total disability, though.
posted by sevensnowflakes at 5:05 PM on October 8, 2015