Making the most out of short term disability leave.
October 2, 2015 6:39 PM   Subscribe

How to structure forced time off work to not fall into a rut, and to help myself feel, and actually get, better?

A few months ago I was assaulted. I've been coping with this in various degrees of poorly and it came crashing down this week, culminating in a diagnosis of PTSD and a leave of absence from work.

I am already a person who has been dealing with anxiety and depression all her life, and for added richness, I have a MA in clinical psychology and work in the field. So, it's not like I don't know what needs to be done on the therapy and meds fronts, and I am doing those.

I also have the legal aspects of the situation well in hand.

My question is about how to make the most of this time away from work. Historically, without structure, I end up on the sofa, playing games on my phone and watching Netflix™. Historically, with structure, I manage to blunder along on goodwill and pleasantness while not doing a hell of a lot. My personality is not best described as ambitious. I'm okay with that, but this period of leave from work will absolutely need to be different. I have to put myself through get yourself together boot camp, as it were.

I have some projects I can do to get ready for our foster care licensing (which is a good three months away) and I have some service projects planned for a couple friends (busy, too many kids and baby on the way help kind of things.)

I'd prefer not to commit my time to a formal volunteer project, because that negates the purpose of the disability leave and working on myself instead of focusing on all the stuff I HAVE TO GET DONE OH MY GOD HOW.

My wonderful team at work is making plans for lunches and evenings out so that I don't get to feeling too isolated from them. My husband is around every day too, so I won't be alone.

But seriously, the structure I've come up with so far is:

1. Be out of bed every day by seven
2. Have exercised and showered by nine

and that's it.

I'm asking y'all for help with what else? There are hours in the day. I should do what with them? I should regulate myself how? What does Get Your Shit Together (But in a Nice, Nonselfjudging Kind of Way) Boot Camp look like?
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk to Human Relations (8 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Take an hour or two every day for something that isn't accomplishing anything big. See a movie in the middle of the day, go to the beach and look for a good rock (or forest and find acorns to put in a bowl), go to the library and look at all the magazines, or make it your mission to find the perfect breakfast place to bring your husband to.
No guilt.

As far as I can tell from ted talks and new studies there are 2 things to feel good and make it last. Being in nature and doing something for someone else.

Maybe you take a couple mornings a week and play checkers with someone in a nursing home (it's easier to set up than you think), give out fresh socks to homeless, or cuddle kittensor puppies at the humane society. Doing something for someone else is long lasting.

I wish you good luck.
posted by ReluctantViking at 8:02 PM on October 2, 2015 [4 favorites]


Do you have to have exercised by nine, leaving that whole day yawning ahead of you? I would schedule this later in the day and make it one of the day's milestones, find ways to mix it up and make it interesting - travel to a park I'd not been to before, take a walk, grab some lunch nearby; yoga video or a class some place new; a swim followed by sauna.

Likewise, I personally wouldn't get up at 7am every day. Could you have a regular time to get up but not so early, in the interests of being really well slept - always good for mental health? Though I realise YMMV if your husband is getting up then. (Also I'm not a morning person so YMMV here also! It just struck me that you were giving yourself a work-like schedule to the beginning of the day even though your aim is to be Off Work).

Take a regular meditation class, and/or a class doing something creative but undemanding that doesn't scare you or become a duty in itself. A total beginners pottery class or a knitting group or something.

I think I'd aim for a small number of things like this each week that were "appointments" so the whole week wasn't stretching ahead of me, but a. keep it small so as not to be onerous b. do it on the understanding that I could just not go whenever I felt like it.

I'm assuming that regular therapy is already on the cards, but maybe something to support that could also go in the schedule, if only to stop you feeling you ought to be "working on yourself" constantly the rest of the time. I don't know - 2pm is CBT time or something like that - and the rest of the time you are allowed to not be doing the heavy work of recovery.

Good luck - heal well.
posted by penguin pie at 5:12 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Could you do something creative? Your projects are more "accomplish something positive to do good in the world" than restorative. I mean, it's great to help others and get ready for foster care licensing. But you should balance that out with something that's purely for you. Would an art, music, craft, or writing project appeal to you? Building something? Redecorating a room in your home? Gardening? Something where you feel you can relax and express yourself and it will be fun for you, but you also come out with some sort of end product.
posted by chickenmagazine at 7:27 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Go out for a walk, preferably to a park, get some sunlight every day if possible and if weather permits where you live. Being stuck inside all day especially with no place to go can get depressing. Going out early in the morning while it's still dark or during sunrise when it's quiet and most people are still sleeping is also nice and refreshing and also a good time to bring a thermos of coffee with you if you drink coffee.
posted by atinna at 9:13 AM on October 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


How about structuring your day to be close to a work day kind of schedule?

e.g.

7am: Alarm
7:05: Coffee/tea/whatevs, maybe catch up on emails/Mefi.
7:30: Breakfast
8:00: Shower
8:30: Leave the house. Walk, go to a cafe, visit the library, whatevs.
10:00-12:00: errands. Groc shopping (with time off you can shop less intensively, more frequently)
12:00: Lunch
1:00-2:00: household chores--laundry, whatnot
2:00-5:00: projects

and then keep your evenings the way you would while working, as your downtime/social time/____time.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:50 AM on October 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sorry to be late to the party, but here are my 2¢. I've struggled a bit with schedules and motivation, too, though in different circumstances and for different reasons, so YMMV of course, but these are the things that have worked for me, so perhaps one or two will be helpful for you:

• Don't just focus on day-to-day schedules, also think about your weekly schedule, or in some cases monthly/seasonal. Weekly schedules have been especially useful for me to allow a little flexibility for "I don't feel well today and need to have a slower, more restful day" but still needing to get things done, and anticipating more active days. So maybe Saturday is farmers' market day and Friday is be social day, Tuesday is go do something outside day, Monday is quiet rest day, etc.

• Thinking of at least some things in terms of rituals or rhythms has sometimes been more useful to me than schedules. Then instead of forcing yourself into boxes, you’re almost creating muscle memories you don’t even have to think about. Rituals in particular — habits that feel comforting or nourishing in some way — can be really powerful as guideposts that other things fit in around.

• I feel crappy in the morning, but it's also important to my mental health to get out of the house right away, so on days I'm not going to work I lure myself out to a coffee shop and sit for a bit to read a magazine, write letters, drink nice coffee, and generally feel civilized for 45 minutes or so. It's also a time to sit and plan out my day. I'm then making plans while doing a soothing, pleasing thing, so my plans tend to be more positive, plus I have some positive inertia and can get a few errands done, even if I then head home to a low energy day. That way I’m out of the house before I have time to protest to myself that I don’t feel like it.

• In addition to some gentle scheduling, I keep lists. Lists of productive things to accomplish, lists of fun things, lists of things requiring good weather lists of things that calm me when I’m nervous, lists of things that cheer me up, etc. so that if the mood strikes me, I have a list of things all ready to go, rather than having to spend time thinking, hey, it's nice out, what should I do? Oh forget it, I'm going home.

• I've tried to think more generally about what things I need, like calm, nature, contact with people, etc. and how to build those into my schedules and so make my schedules more realistic. I've had problems with giving myself impossible schedules with too much chaotic busy-ness and not enough restfulness, so I try to be more mindful of that, and also make my schedules flexible enough that if I don't feel up to some one thing it doesn't all fall apart and I can just move on to the next thing. So I'm less a "9:30, time for X" person. I get up at the same time, and leave the house at the same time, but then am out until I get tired, then go home and take a nap until I wake up, etc. (I'm dealing with illness, though, so I kind of have to)

Sorry that’s a bit wordy, but I hope it’s helpful for you. Good luck, and I hope you find some helpful, healing rhythms for your time away from work.
posted by rafaella gabriela sarsaparilla at 10:52 AM on October 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Thanks you guys - all those answers were all so helpful!

I have three more weeks at this point and I'm not doing so well. Just trying to stay organized with all my appointments has turned into a full time job. I haven't been active, haven't gotten outdoors much.

I'm finding it very hard to sleep and/or relax due to hypervigilence and anxiety.
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk at 12:43 PM on November 2, 2015


Is there any way we can help you with that?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:35 PM on November 3, 2015


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