Wow, Thank YOU for that thing...that is there...looking at me...
September 26, 2015 3:29 PM Subscribe
What do you do with terrible art that has been gifted to you?
My mom loves to buy art for me. The art is often not to my taste, which is fine and I thank her for it and typically either hang it up or put it into storage. This time though, wow, the art she gave me was one of the most hideous things I've ever seen in my life. This isn't really a taste thing, this art is bad. Think: photoshoped print of a part-bird, part-human lying naked in bed reading a newspaper with a witty headline related to a political cause. It's sort of the like dogs playing poker, but not funny or kitschy.
My art storage is getting full of pieces she has gifted me. The art giving must end. So two questions:
1. Etiquette: How do I thank her for the print, but also let her know that art is a bit personal and that she should stop buying me art. Saying this directly will come across as ungrateful, which I am, but let's say that I don't want to necessary express that.
2. Etiquette, plus elimination: Can I sell this art somewhere? Ebay? Is there a place for particularly bad art?
My mom loves to buy art for me. The art is often not to my taste, which is fine and I thank her for it and typically either hang it up or put it into storage. This time though, wow, the art she gave me was one of the most hideous things I've ever seen in my life. This isn't really a taste thing, this art is bad. Think: photoshoped print of a part-bird, part-human lying naked in bed reading a newspaper with a witty headline related to a political cause. It's sort of the like dogs playing poker, but not funny or kitschy.
My art storage is getting full of pieces she has gifted me. The art giving must end. So two questions:
1. Etiquette: How do I thank her for the print, but also let her know that art is a bit personal and that she should stop buying me art. Saying this directly will come across as ungrateful, which I am, but let's say that I don't want to necessary express that.
2. Etiquette, plus elimination: Can I sell this art somewhere? Ebay? Is there a place for particularly bad art?
Does she ever come to your house? Can you just tell her you're all full up and there's no more room, thanks but I'm not able to accept any more art?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:38 PM on September 26, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:38 PM on September 26, 2015 [8 favorites]
What about a tasteful "Mom, thanks so much for thinking of me when you're looking at art, but my place just doesn't have any more space to display anything else, and I've been thinking of paring down and going, like, KonMarie minimalist and I'd hate to have to think about giving away art you've given me. How about next time you're thinking of art and me, we just go to a gallery/museum/art opening and drink a lot of wine and discuss art together?"
posted by erst at 3:40 PM on September 26, 2015 [25 favorites]
posted by erst at 3:40 PM on September 26, 2015 [25 favorites]
Instead of saying "don't buy me art", tell her what you do want. "So thoughtful of you to buy that art but you know, but next time, what would be even better would be gift certificates/dinner at a good restaurant/books about xyz" Of course, the real answer might be "cash" but that is considered sterile, lacking in thought and generally rude by some givers. You have to pick something you think she would be willing to give and you would be happier to get.
Also, consider giving a reason why even though you are SO happy with the previous gifts, more would be a problem - maybe you just don't have enough space to display all of your art so instead of more art to go into storage, you are suggesting something else.
Also, is there an option for the two of you to go shopping together. Sometimes moms love the attention and time spent with you. Maybe go out to buy a perfect jacket (at her expense) and then have a meal together.
posted by metahawk at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2015
Also, consider giving a reason why even though you are SO happy with the previous gifts, more would be a problem - maybe you just don't have enough space to display all of your art so instead of more art to go into storage, you are suggesting something else.
Also, is there an option for the two of you to go shopping together. Sometimes moms love the attention and time spent with you. Maybe go out to buy a perfect jacket (at her expense) and then have a meal together.
posted by metahawk at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2015
Maybe it would be easier to direct her towards another type of gift. In my family we've all frustrated each other with bad gifts, so now we typically ask and tell each other what we want.
posted by bunderful at 3:44 PM on September 26, 2015
posted by bunderful at 3:44 PM on September 26, 2015
The key is to "yes, and" the conversation. Acknowledge what has happened and then add something else, something open-ended, to the conversation, so you can take it elsewhere.
"That sure is interesting! Wow. Thank you! You know what it reminds me of? There was this curious thing I saw the other day and it had..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:55 PM on September 26, 2015
"That sure is interesting! Wow. Thank you! You know what it reminds me of? There was this curious thing I saw the other day and it had..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:55 PM on September 26, 2015
It's your mom. You came out of her body. If this art was coming from Great Aunt Mildred or your boss or something, yeah, you gotta suck it up and be polite and never tell how hideous you think it is. But it's not. It's your mom.
"Mom, I love that you buy me art as a gift! It's so thoughtful! But I have to tell you, this piece is really not my taste at all. In fact, a lot of the art you've bought me over the years isn't really my taste. I'm sorry I didn't say something before; I really didn't want to hurt your feelings since, seriously, it is fantastic that you do this for me! But please stop with the art."
To soften the blow, what about giving her a crash course in what your artistic taste is? Or just suggesting that next time she wants to buy you art, to make it an outing that you guys share together?
Then sell all the art and use the money to buy art that you will proudly display in your home. Thank her as if she picked it out herself.
posted by Sara C. at 3:56 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Mom, I love that you buy me art as a gift! It's so thoughtful! But I have to tell you, this piece is really not my taste at all. In fact, a lot of the art you've bought me over the years isn't really my taste. I'm sorry I didn't say something before; I really didn't want to hurt your feelings since, seriously, it is fantastic that you do this for me! But please stop with the art."
To soften the blow, what about giving her a crash course in what your artistic taste is? Or just suggesting that next time she wants to buy you art, to make it an outing that you guys share together?
Then sell all the art and use the money to buy art that you will proudly display in your home. Thank her as if she picked it out herself.
posted by Sara C. at 3:56 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Mom, I always am impressed by your creative choices in artwork. I'm downscaling this year and am going to be giving up [list all of the art she's ever given you]. Before I let them go, I wanted to give you first dibs- would you like any of them for yourself? Also as part of my downsizing effort I'm asking everyone to give gifts in my name to [name of your favorite charity]. Can you help me remind [random other family member]? I know it is a big change and I'd appreciate your help making sure everyone gets it. Thanks! I love you!"
posted by arnicae at 4:44 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by arnicae at 4:44 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
Mom, I think this is something that is much more your taste than mine. I am so thrilled you thought of me, but I think you should keep it. And actually I'd like to clear more space for the art I like that maybe you wouldn't, so can I return some of the items you gave me to you? If I can't, I think I'm going to donate them to make room.
posted by bearwife at 5:26 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by bearwife at 5:26 PM on September 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
Oh, and if she doesn't want it back, yes, donate it or *cough* dump it. I've certainly done the latter more than once to art that made me flinch.
posted by bearwife at 5:28 PM on September 26, 2015
posted by bearwife at 5:28 PM on September 26, 2015
I think I need to see this art to properly advise you on an appropriate course of action....
posted by taff at 8:22 PM on September 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by taff at 8:22 PM on September 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
Take it for appraisal. Then decide about disposition. Sell it all and buy the art you want. Moms love their children for the most part. If this is not a gift of love, then is it a spending disorder? See what the art is worth, before you do anything.
posted by Oyéah at 8:58 PM on September 26, 2015
posted by Oyéah at 8:58 PM on September 26, 2015
Has she ever done this to you or one of your sibs (if you have any)? What language or words did she use? I'd use something similar.
posted by Mogur at 5:00 AM on September 27, 2015
posted by Mogur at 5:00 AM on September 27, 2015
1/ No more space is the perfect excuse
2/ Give what you don't like away, or sell it (people know I like art so I receive all sorts of stuff that I dislike and that's what I do to dispose of them)
posted by Kwadeng at 6:02 AM on September 27, 2015
2/ Give what you don't like away, or sell it (people know I like art so I receive all sorts of stuff that I dislike and that's what I do to dispose of them)
posted by Kwadeng at 6:02 AM on September 27, 2015
How do I thank her for the print, but also let her know that art is a bit personal and that she should stop buying me art.
One option that falls short of "please don't buy me art" so might be easier would be to try to redirect her art-buying to things you will actually like. "Mom, I love that you think of me when you're looking at art, but I feel like our tastes have grown further apart over the years. Can I show you some things I really love?"
Can I sell this art somewhere? Ebay? Is there a place for particularly bad art?
Is this art by an artist that people who are into art will have heard of? Is it a signed/numbered print or just a poster? How much it is actually worth is probably going to dictate a lot about whether the proper way to sell it is Sotheby's, eBay, or the curb with a 'take me if you dare' sign attached.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:36 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
One option that falls short of "please don't buy me art" so might be easier would be to try to redirect her art-buying to things you will actually like. "Mom, I love that you think of me when you're looking at art, but I feel like our tastes have grown further apart over the years. Can I show you some things I really love?"
Can I sell this art somewhere? Ebay? Is there a place for particularly bad art?
Is this art by an artist that people who are into art will have heard of? Is it a signed/numbered print or just a poster? How much it is actually worth is probably going to dictate a lot about whether the proper way to sell it is Sotheby's, eBay, or the curb with a 'take me if you dare' sign attached.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:36 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Doesn't end the art giving but Philip Garner's Better Living Catalog had a solution, a slot in the ceiling into which the untasteful art could be retracted. Touch a button when mom rings the doorbell, and her gifts is lowered into a prominent position, looking like it's always there.
posted by Rash at 10:33 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 10:33 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
you could send it to the Museum of Bad Art in MA. then you're not lying if you tell her, "the piece was so unique, I donated it to a museum."
posted by carlypennylane at 11:46 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by carlypennylane at 11:46 AM on September 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
...am I the only one who really wants to see this print?
posted by sarcasticah at 5:55 PM on September 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by sarcasticah at 5:55 PM on September 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
You can donate it. Art for AIDS is one possible option.
posted by salvia at 10:34 PM on September 27, 2015
posted by salvia at 10:34 PM on September 27, 2015
This previous thread, in addition to being hilarious, also has some good advice on this subject.
posted by merriment at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2015
posted by merriment at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
The operative word in that sentence is "choose", you can't control her choices.
"Mom, thanks for thinking of me, but our taste in art is so different that I'll be making my own purchases from now on."
posted by HuronBob at 3:33 PM on September 26, 2015 [2 favorites]