Resources specifically for sons of narcissistic fathers?

September 22, 2015 4:08 PM

Pretty much what it says: post divorce I'm realizing my family of origin issues aren't as dealt with as I'd like.

Everything the googles serve up on narcissistic parents is either general or targeted at daughters (usually of narcissistic mothers). And while that's great as far as it goes, I feel like I was wounded in some different places than a hypothetical daughter would have been. I was never taught how to change a tire, eg, and that's been a Thing at various points.

Do these resources exist? Or does the fact that what's normative for men in the US basically looks pretty close to narcissism mean I'm on my own here?

(Yes I'm in ongoing talk therapy.)

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (4 answers total)

Have you checked out the reddit subreddit /r/raisedbynarcissists ? There's generally solid advice there. Search the subreddit for "father" or "ndad" (narcissisit dad) to see posts by others on the subject of their fathers. (Like this one) It might be worth asking your question there also - they are a really solid and supporting group of people. Check out the sidebar links - perhaps one of them might lead to the things you're looking for. Best of luck!
posted by WowLookStars at 5:20 PM on September 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells?

I find that the grind it out therapies have helped me with this. CBT etc., done over and over again. Assuming you are a guy, it may click with your coping style more.

Also the one thing that throws me off about /r/raisedbynarcissists is that the focus is on the first part--acknowledging that gee, I was messed up by these people. It isn't the most important part. To me the most important part is realizing what coping strategies from that situation I took with me to the present day and how those coping strategies are not really working for me with situations not involving narcissists, which turn out to be 95% of life.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:21 PM on September 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

Out of the Fog has a lot of resources for people with family members with personality disorders. Coping strategies, definitions, forums, links to other sites & books, etc. Some of it may be more general than you’re looking for, but there’s also specific bits about family members with narcissistic personality disorder, being the son of an abusive father, and the like. Lots in the support forums too.

Good luck.
posted by miles per flower at 10:02 AM on September 23, 2015

Read:
Toxic Parents
Children of the Self-Absorbed
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
and
Healing the Shame That Binds You

The reddit forum that WowLookStars linked to is helpful, too, not just for advice but you'll see a lot of people are in the same boat, and that can be reassuring.
posted by atinna at 2:00 AM on September 26, 2015