Looking for some inspiration... living and looking healthy.
September 18, 2015 6:11 AM   Subscribe

Hello, MeFi! I was at a class reunion last weekend where some photos were uploaded to Facebook. Urgh. I look horrible. I am not aging gracefully. I am shocked at how much I've changed in just a couple of years and am saddened that I'm now looking "my age" - late 40s. What are some of the things you do to keep yourself looking and feeling great?

My husband says I look great - and he's always said that, but I feel like I may have "just let myself go." I've gained a few pounds and I look tired in my photos. Skin looks dull and my hair drabby - and keep in mind that I actually got "dolled up" before the events. I actually thought I looked good before I left the house, but in the pictures, I look blah compared to some of my classmates.

I was lucky before - I've always had a low-maintenance look and didn't require much. But now that i'm getting older, I may need to spend more time on myself.

How do I fix this?? Maybe I need a personal stylist? Maybe I'm not wearing enough make-up or I'm not applying it correctly? I don't even know where to start. Everyone else looked so great and put together. I was a mess.

Help.
posted by funfunfun to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (25 answers total) 53 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: I'm sure you didn't look as bad as you think, it's always easier to pick out faults in yourself than other people. But I think you already have a good idea of the things you could do that would help your self confidence - you even get at them in your post. Lose a few pounds by eating healthily and exercising more, go to the hairdressers, get a make over in a department store, or copy looks out of a magazine (find a model of a similar age/style/colouring), chuck out boring clothes and buy some more exciting ones. A stylist might be a good idea if you're really stuck but it sounds like an expensive option. Really I think you just need to get out of a rut and have some fun experimenting with different looks. Good luck!
posted by intensitymultiply at 6:41 AM on September 18, 2015


Best answer: Umm, yoga to improve your posture and flexibility. It's the body language of posture that publicly displays your age and condition from a distance. As you age there is no such thing as low maintenance if you care about what other people see. You have to put in the time, it can certainly be gradual, to be healthy. Everything else will follow. Gentle yoga classes are by far the most beneficial for a beginning process.
posted by ptm at 6:41 AM on September 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Was it your 30th? I recently went to mine, and it made me feel shockingly old in many ways, too.

I think for women in our age group, the single most effective way to feel more youthful (and to feel from the inside that we look younger) is to exercise regularly. It doesn't take away the fact that, as Nora Ephron put it, I feel bad about my neck (and chin, and laugh lines) but it adds a certain energy, sparkle and overall more youthful look to your general appearance, how you feel in your clothes, etc.
posted by flourpot at 6:45 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I also prefer a low-maintenance look and have found that the following offer the best payoff for the effort:
Professional eyebrow wax
Pedicures & manicures (even if you’re not into polish they should be filed and buffed regularly)
Moisturize daily, wear sunscreen daily on your face/arms/hands, and use a retinol treatment on your face at night. This lady can help: http://www.paulaschoice.com/
Learn to accessorize well with statement pieces
Bra fitting & good new bras (Wacoal is the standard). Also maybe Spanx for formal/dressy events when you want to look your best.
A regular physical activity that you enjoy. This can be anything from tango class to an intramural sport to long walks with the dog, but you need to be moving as much as you can.
posted by veery at 6:54 AM on September 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


Ah, sorry you felt that way :/

2nd flourpot and veery - work out. It improves circulation (and most other things). You could lose a few pounds if you want to, but keep a bit of fat in your face to fill things out.

For the rest, I mean there's a lot of stuff people do to promote a youthful appearance. It all takes time, effort, money. Hair is a big one, I think. (It's the only thing my mom bothers about, and most people think she's 10 years younger. She goes to the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks or so.) Invest in good products, especially conditioner. Dye any greys.

"Dull" skin: quick & cheap(er): a nightly glycolic acid toner will exfoliate dead skin cells in an even way; an antioxidant serum after that (and in the am) will help with keeping what's left looking fresh; sunscreen in the morning will minimize further sun damage and discoloration (e.g. age spots). Expensive - depends how far you want to go :/ Medium invasive: chemical peels, laser resurfacing, injectable fillers. All the way: surgery, I guess.

Tired-looking eyes: surgery is probably the only permanent solution. I'd go with careful makeup, instead. Check out Wayne Goss or Lisa Eldridge on YouTube for tips on concealing whatever you're worried about, or get a makeover at Sephora (or a department store). 2nd veery, attend to eyebrows - use an eyebrow liner (or gel) if they're sparse or grey (see Lisa Eldridge again for this).

Clothes: yeah, a stylist could probably give you some good tips. Or you could spend some time with fashion magazines.
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:07 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Yoga is good for posture and self-confidence, which help. It's also just good for keeping you from feeling stiff and old. Staying hydrated and getting enough sleep also help both with how your face looks and how your body expresses how you're feeling.

Lightening the hair around your face is suggested for women with darker hair (naturally or dyed).

BB/CC creams are lovely for smoothing your skin tone and adding a certain dewy youthfulness to it and are pretty lowkey beauty routines (Random link differentiating between the two). If your lowkey look has never involved blush of any kind, you might look into some of the very light coverage creme blushes if you feel you're looking wan. (Maybelline Dream Bouncy is $6 and in drugstores everywhere if you want to experiment.)

It can be a good idea to rethink how you've done your eyes if you have not changed the routine in 20 years (guilty as charged, myself) if only because you're accustomed to seeing that look on your 25 year old face and that's how you perceive it when you look in the mirror. Then you see it in a photo and you realize that's not how it looks anymore.

But generally, I agree with the gist of the thread that staying active, healthy and engaged in your life are the best things you can do to "combat aging face". Your face is going to age, so what? The happier, healthier and more confident you are in your body's ability to carry you through the rest of your life, the better you will look to the people around you (and in photos and Vines).
posted by crush-onastick at 7:08 AM on September 18, 2015


It's probably the pictures, not you. Unflattering light and angle can make the most beautiful people look subpar. Knowing how to pose is another thing that makes an enormous difference.

I know several women who discovered yoga in their sixties. They say it transformed them. I certainly did notice that it made them look younger and radiant.

I'm as sick of the following advice as anyone else, but I would also suggest drinking more water. It really works wonders for your skin.
posted by frantumaglia at 7:10 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


For me it's exercise, drinking enough water and getting plenty of sleep. Lots of Vitamin D and fish oil, because winter kicks my backside every year. (And as I'm sadly learning, cutting back on delicious, delicious wine seems to help too. Dammit. :( )

Maybe it doesn't make me look any better, but it makes me feel better.

Solidarity!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:14 AM on September 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


In her early 50s, my mom went from a completely sedentary lifestyle (which she's had all her life) to almost daily moderate exercise (non-intense walking or elliptical for an hour). The before and after Christmas card pictures of her show a huge difference over two years. She wasn't even really overweight before. Her skin, her face (eyes, cheeks), her posture -- everything looked better. I recommend it.
posted by bread-eater at 7:24 AM on September 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


In addition to yoga and a regular physical activity you like, add weightlifting. Just some at-home kettlebell routines would be good.

Weightlifting has always made me feel bad-ass in addition to the physical benefits.
posted by jgirl at 8:03 AM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Nthing exercise. I got a FitBit and started tracking my activity, and then I rounded up some friends and made a FitBit team. The step counts and badges are like a sticker chart for adults. You don't have to get a FitBit, but starting an exercise routine will make a huge difference in your posture, your muscle tone, and your skin. Walking, running, yoga, Zumba, whatever you like to do, get out there and do it. You will feel better as well as look better.

The cleaner and more Paleo I eat, the better my skin looks. YMMV with diets, as I think this is a very individual thing, except for cutting out processed foods and white carbs, which are bad for everyone. I go Paleo because I have insulin resistance and need to keep my overall carbs low. Other people go vegan and look great. I think the bottom line is to eat as clean as possible.

You Look Fab is my favorite website/forum for real-life women to exchange fashion tips and advice. I don't think you have to dress expensively or follow every trend, but some older women fall into a rut of Comfy-and-Practical that can come across as frumpy and ageing.

I splash out on hair color, cut and care more than anything else. After a lifetime as variously a redhead, Manic-Panic-head, and brunette, I've gone blonde, and it's taken years off my face. It looks very natural and is not at all damaging - blonde has come a long way from the harsh strip-and-tone of the 80's. I also keep my hair long, not Rapunzel long, but at least to my shoulders; it's easier to care for (really! I can put it up or in a ponytail if I want, for a low-maintenance look) and I think it's more flattering. YMMV here, since short hair can be flattering and fashion-forward, as long as it's not one of those clunky cuts that screams "all about practicality!"

Lately I've gotten very into Korean skin care, which I think does a great job of offering value for price. I don't always follow this multi-step routine, but I incorporate what I can, and I think it has made a huge difference to how my skin looks. I love those paper or gel masks so much - I use the Freeset Donkey Milk ones and the Dr. Jart hyaluronic acid ones the most. And I use Burton Snail Bee essence on my skin every day under my serums and it makes my skin so soft.

Finally: once I got a CPAP mask for my sleep apnea, I started looking ten years younger right away! I was getting very little good sleep and didn't know it until I got a sleep test. No wonder I looked so haggard before. If you are not getting good sleep, or you have persistent severe insomnia (my most telltale symptom), you wake up unrefreshed, or any bed partners (or people you share a house with) tell you that you snore or stop breathing in your sleep, get a sleep test. Sleep is like the fountain of youth.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:33 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


If you like water, drink it, but there's no good evidence that it helps your skin. In fact, in general, you just need to drink when you are thirsty.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:46 AM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Lots of good advice here and I marked the question as a favorite so I can keep an eye on it for more good ideas. The only thing I can add is standing up straight with shoulders back and a smile on my face, I think, makes me look younger. I notice many older women tend to walk and stand unobstrively or even, apologetically, if that makes any sense. Like they are becoming resigned to being invisible. When I can, I try to remember to own my space. I kick ass and I want you to know it.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 9:06 AM on September 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I think there's a lot of good practical advice above, but I'd add that most people look *terrible* in the kind of photos that end up getting posted on Facebook - iPhone/mobile phone, bad light or no light, improper use of flash, etc. Also the difference between photos taken on 'real' film and digital photos is huge (if you're comparing to images of yourself in the past). You see yourself looking awful because you know your face, but I bet a million dollars your classmates feel the same way about their photos.

Bottom line, a camera does not accurately capture how you look in real life. That's why modeling is a job. It's just a good thing to keep in mind -- you are not how you look in a photograph.
posted by sideofwry at 9:17 AM on September 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


By all means do the healthy things people are talking about here, but also think about your makeup. If there are women in the pics with you whose look is more like what you want, take a careful look at what's different.

I can't do high maintenance makeup with the contouring and whatnot, but here are the things that make a huge enough difference that I think it's worth it:

1. Eyebrows - shaped, and filled in skillfully with a color that is not too dark, which looks harsh and fake. But filled in. (I like brow powder best for this; the brow mascaras feel gross to me.)

2. Concealer under the eyes and at the corners of the mouth and nose and wherever else you need it.

3. Bright (not dark or ridiculous!) lip color. Especially for evening - go brighter than you think is natural looking.

4. Eyes: mascara is tough for some people; I can't do it myself. Instead I wear shiny eyeliner for evening. Brightens everything up.

5. Pink blush, always.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:20 AM on September 18, 2015


Get your teeth whitened! It's wonderful.

Also, makeup in certain formulas can strobe when you are photographed. (This is why I will use only Bare Escentuals matte foundation, never original.) Could that have been a factor in these photos?
posted by jgirl at 9:24 AM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


My mom, who gets taken for 45 regularly at her current age of 60, swears by yoga and swimming. She says the swimming is the only thing that keeps away the "hello Helens"--that loose upper-arm muscle thing that tends to be a dead giveaway agewise--and the yoga keeps her posture youthful (plus she is truly a yoga practitioner, and fully embraces the whole meditation aspect, which helps with anxiety and sleep and all that other good stuff).

Also, yes, hair. If you can afford to invest in regular, quality hair care it makes a world of difference. Good cuts, and color if that's your jam.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:33 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I agree with all of the advice above. I think the advice about getting a bra-fitting is especially good. I notice such a difference in how I perceive myself depending on which bra I'm wearing. I used to keep bras forever because I was raised without a lot of money and they are expensive. Now I would rather spend money more frequently on good foundation garments and less money on the clothes themselves.

I had my colors done a few years ago and that also made a huge difference in how I feel when I get dressed, and the way I perceive myself. Before I was wearing bright colors that I thought would indicate to others that I had an open and friendly personality, but as it turned out those colors look terrible on me and were turning people off. Now I wear more muted colors which look better on me and I get a better response from others.

A few years ago I lost some weight; the first thing I did was start taking more vitamins, and the second thing I did was take an OTC cleanse (this one, but I imagine they're mostly the same). It helped me drop a few pounds in a couple of weeks, and that inspired me enough to make a longer-term change. You say you could lose some weight; maybe just a few pounds would make a difference in how you perceive yourself.

Lastly, I also agree that the lighting probably sucked, so don't rely too heavily on those photos. Everyone else probably doesn't feel good about how they looked either, but we are always more critical of ourselves rather than others.
posted by vignettist at 10:50 AM on September 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm one of those people that everyone thinks is ten years younger when we meet up.

If I go out with my three younger sisters, everyone thinks I am the youngest, but they also find my youngest sister more glamorous and sexy. So looking young is fine, but not always more attractive.

First of all, photos have only very slight relation to real life. Some people train deliberately to look good, but otherwise, the most beautiful people can look bad in photography.

My daughter is very, very beautiful. She is stopped on the street by people who want to tell her how pretty she is, and how she should pursue a modelling career. She is the pride of our neighborhood. But she is something like 10 pounds heavier than any model - or even the Kardashians. You need to be very skinny to look good on photographs or video.

For more practical advise: I use moisturizer every day, and I drink at least 2 liters of water. I have never smoked, and I keep a mostly vegetarian diet, though I am not at all fanatic. Actually, I love meat. So a varied diet (70% veg) and a strict skin-care regime is probably my best advice.
posted by mumimor at 2:22 PM on September 18, 2015


First off, looking good physically takes an enormous amount of time, money, and energy. Keep in mind a lot of women who look young and thin choose to do so because they enjoy it, and are both willing and able to sacrifice other hobbies and interests. Good clothes are expensive. Working out takes time. Learning how to apply makeup and do hair is both expensive and time consuming. So cut yourself a break that you've chosen to do other things with your life. That's your call, and it's totally, totally fine.

Use moisturizer with a sunscreen every morning. I have terrible skin, and I recently started using Ponds Cold Cream like it's the 1940s. Apply a thin layer every night on a dry face, and then gently wipe off with a warm, wet washcloth. My skin has this dewy glow to it, and my skin tone is much more even. It makes me feel totally glamorous. Apply moisturizer at night, too.

And, this sounds silly, but push your head forward and tilt your chin down a tiny bit in photos. It gives you a better defined jawline. Looking good in photos is also a learned skill!
posted by missmary6 at 6:27 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just like everyone else has been saying--I am sure you are being harder on yourself than anyone, and you don't look nearly as bad as you feel you do. However, I can empathize and I don't think you're wrong for feeling as you do.

I had a really rough year last year, physically and emotionally. By Christmas, I felt like you could see the past year on my face, and it was making me feel even worse.

Honestly, the thing that helped the most was deciding to colour the streaks of grey right around my face. In fact I posted an AskMe about it, which helped me work up the nerve to try it. I only colour the greys that frame my face; I don't have that many anywhere else, and that's where they congregate and make me look bad. When I look at pictures of myself from last year and ones from post-hair colour, I'd say I look four or five years younger now. It has made a huge difference in how I feel about my appearance.

I also went to Sephora and got a complimentary mini-makeover. I really like doing this because the staff don't work on commission and are in general really nice. I told the young woman I felt like I looked old and haggard and I wanted help finding some makeup that would make me look better. She was sweet enough to say she didn't think I looked haggard, but went around and got a bunch of things for me to try, and then showed me how to put them on. It was great! She was so nice it cheered me up immediately, plus she was happy to keep bringing more things for me to try until I found something I liked. And then I bought the things I liked, but I truly did not feel pressured at all. She asked me my price point, and then brought a range of lower-and-higher end products. I ended up buying several of their house brand products because they're good quality and very reasonably priced.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:46 PM on September 18, 2015


I'm surprised not to see more on the most basic, fundamental thing you can do: ex-foliate and moisturise. Beyond that, I second excellent, professionally fit bras; brow waxing; good cut and colour; and Sephora makeovers.

If you don't have the disposable income for this, then I would do ex-foliate and moisturise and bra fitting as priorities, followed by home colour; followed by an occasional brow wax you carefully maintain at home; followed by a consult for the best possible foundation or minerals or whatever match.

It is time-consumptive and resource-intensive to maintain this kind of ageing management self-care but it is also an absolutely OK way to spend your time and money.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:38 AM on September 19, 2015


Echoing others - on a day to day basis, get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of water. Find an exercise that you love and do it more days than you don't.

But yeah, well maintained hair and make up do make a big difference too. For me, just wearing mascara and maintaining my eyebrows makes a big difference, although I think I'm reaching the point where a little concealer may enter my routine on a daily basis.
posted by eloeth-starr at 2:46 PM on September 19, 2015


You can't do anything effective; it's mainly genetics. Don't waste time, money, and emotional energy on trying to look young.
posted by Segundus at 6:51 AM on September 20, 2015


Well I dunno about looking great but I'll tell you what, I've been taking a shot of kefir every day for a week or so now and my gut-tubes feel like a million bucks!
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:44 PM on September 20, 2015


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