I need a life coach. But, not sure it's right for me, or affordable?
September 5, 2015 10:16 AM Subscribe
With the help of my excellent (CBT) psychotherapist, the last seven years have seen great strides in my mental health. But I fear that my therapist and I have reached our expiration date. Should I consider a life coach? Given my budget, can I even afford to have a life coach around often enough to be effective?
In my early 20's, I began seeing my psychotherapist for major depression. She (an ADHD specialist) helped me to see that I was not only deeply depressed but also ADHD inattentive type. After two years of therapy, I began taking ADHD stimulant medication in addition to my current antidepressant and anxiety medications. This led to more dramatic improvements in my self esteem, stability, happiness and productivity. I also reduced my therapy sessions from once a week to once a month, and eventually "as needed".
I've been back to see her two or three times this past summer. I came to her with some of the big issues I'm still facing: making a successful career change, as well as overcoming emotional spending and determining a money management/debt-payoff plan.
Her suggestions, while helpful, were more focused on addressing my feelings about these ongoing issues. She didn't have much practical advice or insight, which is understandable as she's not a financial specialist or intimately knowledgeable about the career field I'm trying to enter.
I communicated to her that I was looking for practical action plans that I could use to put my career and finance issues into perspective and keep me not only motivated, but structured. I also told her that, ultimately, I felt that what I need at this point in my life is a life coach and/or accountability partner. She understood and didn't take offense.
But is a life coach what I need? How can I find one who will sit down and work with me? I have a very tight budget and have already eliminated all of the "unnecessary" costs from my life, so I'm not sure I can afford a life coach (although, of note, I've had to pay out of pocket to see my therapist since my current health insurance doesn't cover her - another reason why I don't want to keep going if it isn't helping me any longer).
I just feel very lost and, frankly, alone. I don't really have a mentor (career or otherwise). And I don't think it's effective or healthy to go to my friends or family to seek coaching on my finances and career. I want someone in my life - a neutral, third party - who would be an excellent life coach and accountability partner. I've tried managing this stuff on my own for two or three years now, but... doing it alone, using whatever apps or other tools or tips/tricks that I've come across, just isn't yielding results.
So is a life coach a solution to this dilemma? Where cognitive behavioral therapy has not only run its course, but I still have these two big issues that I'm convinced I can't figure out on my own or with my therapist? Is there some other solution I haven't considered?
I'm laughing as I type this next part, but I keep thinking about how Lindsay Lohan had that life coach when she did her show for Oprah. I don't think it did much for Lindsay but, uh, I'm not Lindsay. That life coach looked pretty helpful to anyone willing to be helped. Then again, I don't know if it's realistic to have someone who will give me excellent financial advice and planning assistance, show me the ropes to change my career, and make fresh salads and do yoga with me after we discuss my relationship quandaries. This, in addition to my tight budget, is why I wonder if I'm being not only realistic but seemingly misguided in my desire for a life coach.
Note: I read this question and have already tried many of those suggestions, which did not help. I want to reiterate that I really feel that if I don't continue to see my therapist, who is admittedly no longer meeting my needs, I need to have someone (a person, not a book or an online seminar or what have you) in my life to assist me with this. I feel it's imperative that I have the involvement of another person to help me with accountability and structure. The question is, what type of person or professional should I be looking for?
In my early 20's, I began seeing my psychotherapist for major depression. She (an ADHD specialist) helped me to see that I was not only deeply depressed but also ADHD inattentive type. After two years of therapy, I began taking ADHD stimulant medication in addition to my current antidepressant and anxiety medications. This led to more dramatic improvements in my self esteem, stability, happiness and productivity. I also reduced my therapy sessions from once a week to once a month, and eventually "as needed".
I've been back to see her two or three times this past summer. I came to her with some of the big issues I'm still facing: making a successful career change, as well as overcoming emotional spending and determining a money management/debt-payoff plan.
Her suggestions, while helpful, were more focused on addressing my feelings about these ongoing issues. She didn't have much practical advice or insight, which is understandable as she's not a financial specialist or intimately knowledgeable about the career field I'm trying to enter.
I communicated to her that I was looking for practical action plans that I could use to put my career and finance issues into perspective and keep me not only motivated, but structured. I also told her that, ultimately, I felt that what I need at this point in my life is a life coach and/or accountability partner. She understood and didn't take offense.
But is a life coach what I need? How can I find one who will sit down and work with me? I have a very tight budget and have already eliminated all of the "unnecessary" costs from my life, so I'm not sure I can afford a life coach (although, of note, I've had to pay out of pocket to see my therapist since my current health insurance doesn't cover her - another reason why I don't want to keep going if it isn't helping me any longer).
I just feel very lost and, frankly, alone. I don't really have a mentor (career or otherwise). And I don't think it's effective or healthy to go to my friends or family to seek coaching on my finances and career. I want someone in my life - a neutral, third party - who would be an excellent life coach and accountability partner. I've tried managing this stuff on my own for two or three years now, but... doing it alone, using whatever apps or other tools or tips/tricks that I've come across, just isn't yielding results.
So is a life coach a solution to this dilemma? Where cognitive behavioral therapy has not only run its course, but I still have these two big issues that I'm convinced I can't figure out on my own or with my therapist? Is there some other solution I haven't considered?
I'm laughing as I type this next part, but I keep thinking about how Lindsay Lohan had that life coach when she did her show for Oprah. I don't think it did much for Lindsay but, uh, I'm not Lindsay. That life coach looked pretty helpful to anyone willing to be helped. Then again, I don't know if it's realistic to have someone who will give me excellent financial advice and planning assistance, show me the ropes to change my career, and make fresh salads and do yoga with me after we discuss my relationship quandaries. This, in addition to my tight budget, is why I wonder if I'm being not only realistic but seemingly misguided in my desire for a life coach.
Note: I read this question and have already tried many of those suggestions, which did not help. I want to reiterate that I really feel that if I don't continue to see my therapist, who is admittedly no longer meeting my needs, I need to have someone (a person, not a book or an online seminar or what have you) in my life to assist me with this. I feel it's imperative that I have the involvement of another person to help me with accountability and structure. The question is, what type of person or professional should I be looking for?
Response by poster: Strictly for clarification and I will shut up after this: I have identified the career to which I'm changing, but I've had trouble finding a reliable mentor in my field (even after requesting one through the field's major professional association). My hope is that the life coach would be able to work with me to learn how to obtain and sustain a serious mentor, since clearly what I've been doing hasn't worked so far.
In other words, I feel like the life coach would be a more intensive, practical step for me after having a therapist. Am I right to think this?
Also, since I don't know if I could afford a life coach, I want to clarify that I'm also asking what the typical costs and fee structure are for a life coach (in the US).
posted by nightrecordings at 12:04 PM on September 5, 2015
In other words, I feel like the life coach would be a more intensive, practical step for me after having a therapist. Am I right to think this?
Also, since I don't know if I could afford a life coach, I want to clarify that I'm also asking what the typical costs and fee structure are for a life coach (in the US).
posted by nightrecordings at 12:04 PM on September 5, 2015
Best answer: I think an ADHD or life coach could be a useful accountability person, and could help you devise a strategy for scheduling and staying on track with your own efforts, but will probably not be able to offer substantive advice on the issues at hand. Agree with xo - talk to different people for the separate issues. Financial advisor or planner for money stuff. For career - it takes time to develop relationships and networks. I think you might be stuck with making whatever connections you can, and following up on those one by one. You could probably approach this in a structured way (and the coach could probably help with that).
Looking at your other question, though (which I now remember!) - it sounds like you don't trust your own judgement. Why don't you? Do you know what goes into your own decision-making processes when it comes to big life things? I think that would be worth looking at. It's probably also worth reading around decision-making in general.
(I can relate to that feeling, though. In my case, along with anxiety about the cost of possible outcomes, I find it hard to completely trust myself because the things driving many of my past decisions - certain emotions, reactions to situations, vs. proactive plans and vision, a valuing of relationships vs. achievement - led to less than great outcomes in the past. I'm working on this, but I think for me, part of feeling more confident about decision-making means taking a hard look at each of those - e.g. reconsidering values - and reflecting on good decisions I've made and what went into them, etc.)
So I don't want to say the answer is more therapy, but maybe it is? Or, you could do some thinking about it on your own. I know how you feel though. It'd be great if there were solid answers to big life uncertainties, but we can only do our best in the absence of perfect information, and see what happens. Good luck.
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:02 PM on September 5, 2015
Looking at your other question, though (which I now remember!) - it sounds like you don't trust your own judgement. Why don't you? Do you know what goes into your own decision-making processes when it comes to big life things? I think that would be worth looking at. It's probably also worth reading around decision-making in general.
(I can relate to that feeling, though. In my case, along with anxiety about the cost of possible outcomes, I find it hard to completely trust myself because the things driving many of my past decisions - certain emotions, reactions to situations, vs. proactive plans and vision, a valuing of relationships vs. achievement - led to less than great outcomes in the past. I'm working on this, but I think for me, part of feeling more confident about decision-making means taking a hard look at each of those - e.g. reconsidering values - and reflecting on good decisions I've made and what went into them, etc.)
So I don't want to say the answer is more therapy, but maybe it is? Or, you could do some thinking about it on your own. I know how you feel though. It'd be great if there were solid answers to big life uncertainties, but we can only do our best in the absence of perfect information, and see what happens. Good luck.
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:02 PM on September 5, 2015
I worked with a life coach to help with a career/life transition. She charged $150 an hour, and I saw her every other week for several months. She indicated that some people complete a transition in less time, often because they are out of work and need to find a job ASAP. I think that rate is pretty standard but you might pay more for a coach in a city with a high cost of living (e.g., New York). I paid per session. Some coaches might give you a price break if you commit to a certain number of sessions in advance.
I'm pretty sure people have posted AskMe questions for life coach recommendations, so you could research those questions as well. You could work with a coach anywhere in the US via Skype, so their location doesn't really liit you.
My suggestion-- when you make an initial contact, be specific about what kind of help you are looking for, and ask the coach if he/she has worked with other clients on those kinds of issues, and also how many sessions it might take to reach your goals.
posted by tuesdayschild at 3:55 PM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm pretty sure people have posted AskMe questions for life coach recommendations, so you could research those questions as well. You could work with a coach anywhere in the US via Skype, so their location doesn't really liit you.
My suggestion-- when you make an initial contact, be specific about what kind of help you are looking for, and ask the coach if he/she has worked with other clients on those kinds of issues, and also how many sessions it might take to reach your goals.
posted by tuesdayschild at 3:55 PM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am fortunate, in that my therapist also does career transition stuff. You might want to look around for a therapist who does career stuff, so that you can claim it for insurance or as a medical write-off, if applicable.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:41 PM on September 5, 2015
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:41 PM on September 5, 2015
Best answer: You say you have reached out to the new field's professional association for a mentor - have you tried looking on the local chapter's site for information about a professional assistance program? You know, for those in the profession with drug/alcohol/psychological problems? I attend an ADHD support group through a professional assistance program and several of our meetings have been facilitated by life coaches who are also professionals in the field. Point being, you might be able to reach out to the assistance program for your new field to see if they have similar people they can refer you to. If an assistance program exists then give the number a call on Tuesday, say you're looking for a life coach who works with professionals in x field and do they know any? They won't ask you for your name or anything; they'll either have some names and pass them on or hopefully point you to something else. You could potentially wind up with a life coach who works/has worked in your new field, or at the very least one who is used to working with professionals from that field.
posted by good lorneing at 12:27 AM on September 6, 2015
posted by good lorneing at 12:27 AM on September 6, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xo at 11:10 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]