re-using a non-traditional wedding dress

September 1, 2015 3:55 AM

I got married in a small courthouse ceremony last December. I wore a normal purple dress. My sister-in-law is getting married this weekend. Would it be a faux pas if I wore the same dress to her wedding?

I should have thought about this earlier, but I’ve been really busy with other things and my sister-in-law’s wedding completely slipped my mind. Then I remembered yesterday that we’re flying to Quebec for her wedding this weekend and I need something to wear.

The majority of my semi-formal clothes are in my parents’ closet on the West Coast, and we’re in the middle of the country. The nice clothes I have here are: one black party dress with extravagant magenta ruffles which doesn't seem appropriate, 3 blouses, 1 pair of nice pants that used to fit but are now too big, and the dark purple dress I got married in. It's not a wedding dress of any kind; it's just a pretty, simple dress: it's got a v-neck and three quarter-length sleeves and it hits me just above the knee. If I wear it, I'm am thinking about adding a scarf or a belt or something to make it look a little different, and maybe doing my hair differently. Also, we got married in the winter, so I was wearing tights and shoes and a long overcoat then; the weather is supposed to be warm in my sister-in-law’s city this weekend, so this time I’ll be wearing sandals and a light cardigan.

It's going to be a small courthouse ceremony. My sister-in-law and her partner will be there (obviously), her dad and his girlfriend, me and my husband, and her groom’s parents and siblings. So half of the people who will be at her wedding were at mine too, and they might notice that I’m wearing the same dress. I know people are going to be paying way less attention to me this time though, so I’m hoping that they either won’t notice or won't care.

Do you think it's okay for me to wear this dress, or would it be weird? If it would be a faux pas, then I’ll go out and buy a new dress, or maybe ask my parents to mail me something express, but I’d rather not do that if at all possible for time and money reasons.

posted by swamp rocket to Human Relations (19 answers total)

I think what you describe would be lovely. As long as you are obviously NOT dressed like a bride, it'll be fine. If you really feel like you should wear something else, maybe hit a couple of thrift stores. I think you could find something pretty and appropriate, for not a lot of money.
posted by LaBellaStella at 4:14 AM on September 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think it depends on how much you could 'transform' the look - and it sounds like you can do quite a bit. I would say go for it as it doesn't sound like something that has any super memorable features about it so I doubt others would even really remember. Do as much as you can to look different from December, don't bring it up, don't apologise. If someone else has the audacity to ask you about it just say you really like the colour and change the subject to how gorgeous the bride looks.

Also, check that your future sister-in-law isn't wearing purple as well! I think that's the only thing that would make it awkward.
posted by like_neon at 4:25 AM on September 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

I personally think it'd be a bit strange if you wore the same dress to your brother's wedding as to your own. Even if you accessorise it differently, it is still the same dress and people will remember it from your own wedding. I get where you are coming from, but people will notice and draw their own conclusions.
posted by kariebookish at 4:31 AM on September 1, 2015 [6 favorites]

I vote more on the "weird" side, particularly given that you previously wore the dress in the winter and now it's summer- doesn't that make it not really a summer dress at all?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:42 AM on September 1, 2015

Go for it. Especially if you're on a budget. I hate the idea that dresses for special occasions are somehow disposable or a one-off.

I stood for my sister-in-law in a dress that I had already worn to two other weddings. Perhaps that makes me a cheapskate, I really don't care. Nobody was looking at me anyway.
posted by futureisunwritten at 4:49 AM on September 1, 2015 [11 favorites]

I'm generally pro-re-use, so my (suspect) opinion is that it's fine. I did want to say just consider the pictures; if it will bother you for the years ahead that you're in the same dress in both sets of pictures, that's an argument for the expense.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:03 AM on September 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

I repeat dresses to weddings as a matter of course (even within family/friend group) but I don't think I would wear the dress I'd worn to my own wedding without very significant alterations, especially at such a small wedding where you can't fade into the background.
posted by mskyle at 5:30 AM on September 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

Depends on your sister in law. Is she generally pretty chill? Is there anyone in her family who might decide to take offense on her behalf?

I personally would not wear that dress to another wedding, but I have a few people in my family who like DRAMA and let's just say it would be a major topic of conversation.

If you do decide to get another dress, Dress Barn generally has decent prices on dresses that are fancy enough for weddings.
posted by pie ninja at 5:30 AM on September 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

Talk to your SIL - if she's ok with it go for it. (I wore a blue street length dress to my wedding and subsequently wore it to my maid-of-honor's wedding among others).
posted by leslies at 5:44 AM on September 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: I realized this might be unclear in my question: it's my husband's sister who is getting married. So her family is going to be the repeat family, not mine.
posted by swamp rocket at 5:47 AM on September 1, 2015

Honestly, I don't see the issue with rewearing a dress. But your husband knows his sister, what does he think?
posted by jeather at 5:56 AM on September 1, 2015

Ask her? i guess you could be concerned about offending her family but if you run it past her first and she says shes cool with it, what issues could they have?
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 5:57 AM on September 1, 2015

The dress sounds lovely, and you should wear it to the wedding.

Until a few decades ago, it was perfectly normal for a bride to wear her best dress on her wedding day, and wear the same dress for other occasions. I wouldn't even notice.
posted by third word on a random page at 6:07 AM on September 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think you should absolutely reuse the dress. A famous actress, Keira Knightley, has worn her wedding dress multiple times to events. Why not enjoy your best dress?
posted by heathrowga at 6:11 AM on September 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think that it is a very sweet idea. If anyone asks, you can say that it is your lucky dress and you hope that your sister in law will be as happy as you are.

I could even see it becoming a family thing where you wear it to Christenings and other big events and eventually it becomes the dress that all the future generations want at their weddings in some form or another.
posted by myselfasme at 6:23 AM on September 1, 2015 [11 favorites]

I would not, myself. Even as unremarkable or transformed as the outfit might be, I would expect that those who were at your wedding will remember it as your wedding dress (and they're probably seen pictures that cement those memories), as weddings are inherently special occasions.

I also wouldn't want to take any attention from the bride, or even risk it. You may have mentally demoted the dress to just-another-nice-dress, but someone else may remember it as Your Wedding Dress! What A Special Day! Congrats Again!, and you can't know that, so I wouldn't risk it.
posted by Dashy at 6:32 AM on September 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

If it were a non-family member's wedding, I don't think it would be weird, or if you had worn the dress to a family member's wedding but not your own, I don't think it would be weird. But I think it would be weird for you to wear your own wedding dress to a family member's wedding that a bunch of the family from your wedding are also attending. I don't think people should look at photos of a wedding down the line and not be sure if it's yours or hers, basically.
posted by jaguar at 6:56 AM on September 1, 2015 [5 favorites]

Response by poster: Your answers have made me realize something. Mainly, my sister-in-law is pretty cool, but her dad is prone to making bad/awkward jokes, and her aunts (who won’t be there but who will definitely see pictures) like to tease everyone about everything and they can get a bit relentless.

So, I think there's a very high likelihood that if her dad notices it's the same dress, he'll say something awkward at a bad time, and I don’t want to do that to my sister-in-law. And I also don’t want to get teased every Christmas for the foreseeable future by her aunts for only having one dress, so it’s off to the thrift store I go.

Thanks for all your help.
posted by swamp rocket at 7:04 AM on September 1, 2015 [9 favorites]

Response by poster: Okay, here's a funny story: I found another dress after one day of looking, which was nice, and I think it was the right decision. But the small ceremony which I had envisioned was not at all small: apparently my sister-in-law's husband has 4 older siblings and they were all there with their spouses and kids, and a number of their elderly relatives were there as well as their parents, and there were also several of my sister-in-law's neighbors, friends and friends' kids, who all rode in a big pack to the courthouse on their bikes. So all in all, I think there were probably around 50 people there to watch the ceremony. It was a good thing that they had a big hall.
posted by swamp rocket at 7:39 AM on September 7, 2015 [2 favorites]