Gift for friend who has everything
August 31, 2015 8:45 PM   Subscribe

Last year I left the SF bay area, leaving behind 98% of my possessions in a storage room in the area. I finally decided to move my things up here to Oregon and asked a friend of mine to meet with the estimator from the moving company to let him into the storage room. She agreed and spent maybe an hour with him. Now that my move date is set I'm driving down to the bay area to supervise my move.

My friend will be out of town but has offered to let me stay in her home for the two nights I'll be there. I want to give her a small gift in return for her help. I hate asking for help so my first instinct is to give her something elaborate - I'm pretty sure that she didn't see this as a big deal so I need to moderate my gift.

About her:
- She's in her 70's
- Doesn't like restaurants - I offered to take her out for dinner and she said that whatever she cooked for me would be better
- Vegetarian
- Director of a non-profit that has been actively forming relationships between citizens of the US and Russia for over 30 years - owns a flat in St. Petersburg
- Single, strong woman who will be out of town because she's on a book tour
- We've had many personal conversations over dinner at her house about our lives, including talks about mental health, breast cancer and family relationships

I've been working on her website, pro bono, for the last couple years but I don't think we ever reached a happy conclusion to the work I've done. Ie, it's still kind of in progress, but nothing's broken. It's a project in limbo with no clear specs or deadlines. I have put in some work but don't think that I've totally fixed anything.

Restaurant gift certificate or flowers would be my first instinct, but I'm interested in other ideas. She's still hard at work, recruiting community groups to host Russians in their homes occasionally. Maybe offering to supervise a visit in Portland would be good, but I wonder if there's something more personal.
posted by bendy to Human Relations (13 answers total)
 
Best answer: Donation in honor of her to the non-profit she's active with? Rather than dinner, maybe some treats? Does she like sweets or savory foods? Check out one of the Made in Oregon stores for some food/tea/treats/ingredient that maybe she can't get in S.F.? Bottle of wine?
posted by hydra77 at 8:53 PM on August 31, 2015


My first thought is a membership to a co-op or some good ingredients for cooking (spices, etc.). 2nding that a donation to her nonprofit would likely be appreciated.
posted by thetortoise at 8:56 PM on August 31, 2015


How about a GC for a spa visit or mani/pedi? I'm thinking a little relaxation after the book tour might be nice... also agree with the idea of a donation.
posted by jenquat at 9:10 PM on August 31, 2015


Best answer: What about a short note in a thank-you card telling her how much you value her help as well as her friendship? You know her better than we do, so I'm not sure if that's too sappy, but sincere words can be worth just as much as a modest gift. (And maybe include some treats you know she likes as well.)
posted by sevenofspades at 9:17 PM on August 31, 2015 [6 favorites]


Really, really, really good vodka?
posted by jacquilynne at 9:18 PM on August 31, 2015


You moved; I'd say a souvenir of your friendship that reflects your new location. A framed pic of you doing Oregon things that she'd love doing if she was there, with a note of thanks and friendship written on the picture, or amp it up with a card.

Also, if you made something and left it in the fridge with cooking/reheating instructions, I bet it would be welcome after her trip.
posted by Sunburnt at 9:22 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]


Put together a nice gift box of Penzey's Spices? There are many that are great on vegetarian dishes, like the Fox Point blend. The web site is a little clunky, but they make great spices and they're one of my "go-to" gifts if I know someone likes to cook.
posted by Ostara at 10:53 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]


Since she seems to like your cooking, maybe leave her a few favourites in the freezer portioned into meals, and a really nice thank-you card.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:43 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nice as in decent-quality, handwritten with care, more than a sentence or two.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:44 PM on August 31, 2015


Best answer: This is the kind of thing friends do for each other, and too elaborate of a gift somehow seems to imply the friendship wasn't up to that. (If she had supervised the move for a whole day because you were unable to come down -- as my friend did for me -- that would be more above and beyond; her meeting with them for an hour and letting you crash while she's away is lovely & generous but within normal friendship exchange.)
If I were your friend, I'd appreciate your leaving a good bottle of wine and an upbeat note of gratitude for her help, including a desire to entertain her in your new city soon.
posted by flourpot at 1:50 AM on September 1, 2015 [6 favorites]


I don't have everything, but I have enough, and I appreciate gifts that will be consumed -- wine, chocolate, things like that. Does she have a favorite restaurant or spa? You could get her a gift certificate, but only if you are sure it is a place she loves. Flowers can be nice, but might not be so great for someone who is traveling all the time.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:23 AM on September 1, 2015


Cook her something!
posted by oceanjesse at 6:37 AM on September 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thank you all for the answers. I didn't think about making a donation to her NPO - that's a definite possibility. I'll be careful not to overgift though, that's a good point flourpot. Food that I'd cooked would be the opposite of a gift, but maybe some cookies or brownies.

Thanks again!
posted by bendy at 9:01 PM on September 1, 2015


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