How can I train myself out of saying "like" all the time?
August 29, 2015 8:15 AM Subscribe
I say "like" too much. When I'm speaking publicly or meeting a new person, I don't, but when someone is in my comfort zone I say "like" constantly. I even realized today that I even say "like" in my thoughts. As in, it is so deeply ingrained into my thought processes that I THINK in like. How can I strip "likes" from my speech?
Some experts argue people who use "like" or "you know" or "do you know what I mean" all the time are being more thoughtful or are acknowledging objection while making a point.
For me, "like" frequently stems from wanting to be accurate -- for example, if I'm recounting an earlier conversation, I might say, "...And she was like, 'Put the chairs over there'" even if she said different words when she told me to put the chairs away. I want to get her meaning across in a conversational way without claiming to directly quote her, and "like" serves that function. Do you know what I mean? (Look, I'm doing it again!)
I want to train myself out of using "like" because even if it stems from a desire to be accurate, it's also a signifier in the U.S. for being immature, thoughtless and lower status. I want to keep on being thoughtful but without like saying like every time I open my mouth. Please help!
Some experts argue people who use "like" or "you know" or "do you know what I mean" all the time are being more thoughtful or are acknowledging objection while making a point.
For me, "like" frequently stems from wanting to be accurate -- for example, if I'm recounting an earlier conversation, I might say, "...And she was like, 'Put the chairs over there'" even if she said different words when she told me to put the chairs away. I want to get her meaning across in a conversational way without claiming to directly quote her, and "like" serves that function. Do you know what I mean? (Look, I'm doing it again!)
I want to train myself out of using "like" because even if it stems from a desire to be accurate, it's also a signifier in the U.S. for being immature, thoughtless and lower status. I want to keep on being thoughtful but without like saying like every time I open my mouth. Please help!
Pause before you speak so that you can self-edit. Take a full breath and then go on.
The immature sounding way to use "like" is as a filler word.
When you use the word "like" in a meaningful way, denoting a comparison or approximation, you could add the word "something" before it (e.g., "She said something like, 'Put the chairs away'").
Eventually you can incorporate alternatives: such as, for example, approximately, similar to, paralleling.... Or completely rephrasing. True metaphors are under-used!
posted by zennie at 8:30 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
The immature sounding way to use "like" is as a filler word.
When you use the word "like" in a meaningful way, denoting a comparison or approximation, you could add the word "something" before it (e.g., "She said something like, 'Put the chairs away'").
Eventually you can incorporate alternatives: such as, for example, approximately, similar to, paralleling.... Or completely rephrasing. True metaphors are under-used!
posted by zennie at 8:30 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Video yourself talking so you fully understand the problem.
posted by grouse at 8:35 AM on August 29, 2015
posted by grouse at 8:35 AM on August 29, 2015
I found that speaking more slowly in general helps me avoid "likgee" -- I say it more when I'm anxious and my speech gets a little pressured.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:42 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:42 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
likgee = like.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:50 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:50 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
How I overcame using "like" as a filler word: I forced myself to become comfortable with pauses and brief silence during conversation. I also worked on slowing down the pace of my speech (so, on preview, what chesty_a_arthur said), because I'm naturally a fast speaker. The slower I speak, the easier it is for me to find the words I want by the time I'm ready to say them. Also, it doesn't seem as unnatural or abrupt when I pause or go briefly silent.
If I'm speaking with someone in person, I may use body language and just gesticulate that I'm working to find the right word. This is to signal the other person, but some people interpret that signal as an invitation to find the word for you, or to finish your sentence. I think that's where more verbal communication is important (i.e. "I enjoy being thoughtful and accurate when I speak, so sometimes I may pause for a moment to find the words I'm looking for. Please don't feel any pressure or obligation to help me find the words, but I will let you know if I need some help!")
posted by nightrecordings at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
If I'm speaking with someone in person, I may use body language and just gesticulate that I'm working to find the right word. This is to signal the other person, but some people interpret that signal as an invitation to find the word for you, or to finish your sentence. I think that's where more verbal communication is important (i.e. "I enjoy being thoughtful and accurate when I speak, so sometimes I may pause for a moment to find the words I'm looking for. Please don't feel any pressure or obligation to help me find the words, but I will let you know if I need some help!")
posted by nightrecordings at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had a problem with a similar vocal tic (constantly saying "sure... sure... sure.") For me, it turned out to be part of a larger pattern of speaking to fast and resorting to filler. I started making a point of speaking in a slightly lower register, which I found caused me to speak slower. I began to allow small pauses in the conversation, no longer treating them as cause for panic. When I spoke slower, I used less filler and hence, less "sure."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:10 AM on August 29, 2015
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:10 AM on August 29, 2015
+1 more pauses and speak more slowly. Those filler words are sneaking in when your mouth gets ahead of your brain. If you'd like to practice in a supportive atmosphere, try out Toastmasters.
posted by town of cats at 9:35 AM on August 29, 2015
posted by town of cats at 9:35 AM on August 29, 2015
When it's practical, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it hard enough to hurt whenever you catch yourself saying, "like" unnecessarily. Conscript friends to point out instances if you want.
This does two things. Merely assigning yourself this task will make you much more aware of your habit, and it provides a mild Pavlovian aversion.
It works.
posted by cmoj at 12:58 PM on August 29, 2015
This does two things. Merely assigning yourself this task will make you much more aware of your habit, and it provides a mild Pavlovian aversion.
It works.
posted by cmoj at 12:58 PM on August 29, 2015
I found that trying to use a different word in place of "like" made all the difference for me (Similarly, approximately and so on). I also use this technique to steer completely clear of "literally" (Actually, figuratively).
Another big tip for preventing the overuse of like is to avoid recounting conversations as if they were tennis matches (which is often pretty tedious conversation anyways).
posted by srboisvert at 1:09 PM on August 29, 2015
Another big tip for preventing the overuse of like is to avoid recounting conversations as if they were tennis matches (which is often pretty tedious conversation anyways).
posted by srboisvert at 1:09 PM on August 29, 2015
I found that working in "as/as if" when appropriate helped me become more conscious of the pattern.
posted by Ferreous at 7:05 PM on August 29, 2015
posted by Ferreous at 7:05 PM on August 29, 2015
Well, in the example you gave, I would simply take approximating quotation out of what you're saying, and thereby remove the need for "like."
That is, instead of repeating back what you heard, but including "like" to acknowledge that this is not a verbatim repetition of previously spoken words, just summarize your takeaway from what was said: She told me to move the chairs. She asked me to move the chairs. She wanted me to move the chairs. She demanded I move the chairs. She begged me to move the chairs. etc. etc. There's no need for "like" because you aren't approximating what was said, you're just stating what the message was.
It solves your problem, and it's also more economical storytelling.
This can be especially helpful for recreating back-and-forth scenes. So rather than:
"She was like, 'Dear, could you please move the three folding chairs toward the window.' And I was like, 'I can't, I have to bring the boxes in from the van right now.' And she was like, 'You'll never get ahead at this Pep Boys if you're going to be the lazy mechanic around the garage.' "
You could say instead: "She asked me to move the chairs, I told her that I was busy, and then she insulted my work ethic."
Cutting back how much you're saying also reduces the filler "likes," as having less to say means there's less urgency to get out all the details of what happened very quickly (but with less precision).
If you find yourself still saying "like" outside of quotational situations, I'd go ahead and pick a day to document all of the day's "likes." Then, later, I'd think about what I could have said in its place in each situation, and practice saying those things for when similar situations inevitably happen.
(I did this in my own life with "what?". I don't like how coarse most people sound, myself included, when they respond like this to something they didn't quite hear or don't understand. So I practiced saying "pardon?" in its place [and now, I imagine, sound like a genteel Englishman])
posted by charlemangy at 10:08 PM on August 29, 2015
That is, instead of repeating back what you heard, but including "like" to acknowledge that this is not a verbatim repetition of previously spoken words, just summarize your takeaway from what was said: She told me to move the chairs. She asked me to move the chairs. She wanted me to move the chairs. She demanded I move the chairs. She begged me to move the chairs. etc. etc. There's no need for "like" because you aren't approximating what was said, you're just stating what the message was.
It solves your problem, and it's also more economical storytelling.
This can be especially helpful for recreating back-and-forth scenes. So rather than:
"She was like, 'Dear, could you please move the three folding chairs toward the window.' And I was like, 'I can't, I have to bring the boxes in from the van right now.' And she was like, 'You'll never get ahead at this Pep Boys if you're going to be the lazy mechanic around the garage.' "
You could say instead: "She asked me to move the chairs, I told her that I was busy, and then she insulted my work ethic."
Cutting back how much you're saying also reduces the filler "likes," as having less to say means there's less urgency to get out all the details of what happened very quickly (but with less precision).
If you find yourself still saying "like" outside of quotational situations, I'd go ahead and pick a day to document all of the day's "likes." Then, later, I'd think about what I could have said in its place in each situation, and practice saying those things for when similar situations inevitably happen.
(I did this in my own life with "what?". I don't like how coarse most people sound, myself included, when they respond like this to something they didn't quite hear or don't understand. So I practiced saying "pardon?" in its place [and now, I imagine, sound like a genteel Englishman])
posted by charlemangy at 10:08 PM on August 29, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! These are all very helpful. I'm going to update this question in a few weeks with my progress and what worked for me. I really appreciate your answers.
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 7:16 AM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 7:16 AM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
You could practice eliminating it with your friends and have them make a gesture or say "like" when you do to help draw your attention to it.
Or there's always snapping a rubber band on your wrist when you hear yourself say it.
posted by cecic at 8:27 AM on August 29, 2015