Need care-package ideas for loved one with severe joint pain
August 23, 2015 11:23 AM Subscribe
A loved one who lives across the USA is undergoing medical testing to find out what is causing her joint pain. It may be arthritis, but signs also point to an underlying autoimmune disorder or possibly Lyme Disease. In the meantime, she's has to quit a physically demanding job which is causing her financial stress and brought her spirits down. Needless to say, she's stressed out over her health and finds herself in pain much of the day. What can I send her to help her feel better physically and/or emotionally?
I could send flowers, but they wilt and for the money, I'd rather send her something longer lasting. If I lived close, I'd cook dinner and send it over for her to freeze. Unfortunately this isn't an option. Ideas I have so far: Nice soaps. A scented heating pad, a mud mask, possibly glucosamine tablets. Possibly this acupressure mat. Possibly a book, but I'm hesitant to a.) jump to conclusions before she's diagnosed and b.) send her bad medical advice.
I was going to send a few small things, or one bigger thing, but not everything I'm suggesting. I have a lot of ideas and was looking for more, especially from those who may suffer from symptoms like hers.
What am I missing?
I could send flowers, but they wilt and for the money, I'd rather send her something longer lasting. If I lived close, I'd cook dinner and send it over for her to freeze. Unfortunately this isn't an option. Ideas I have so far: Nice soaps. A scented heating pad, a mud mask, possibly glucosamine tablets. Possibly this acupressure mat. Possibly a book, but I'm hesitant to a.) jump to conclusions before she's diagnosed and b.) send her bad medical advice.
I was going to send a few small things, or one bigger thing, but not everything I'm suggesting. I have a lot of ideas and was looking for more, especially from those who may suffer from symptoms like hers.
What am I missing?
Best answer: Nothing scented. Autoimmune disorders can come with or be worsened by allergies. A cozy, 100% cotton blanket is always nice. Fresh fruit baskets are a win. It can be almost impossible for someone who is ill to go shopping regularly so perishable things aren't always purchased but are always needed.
If you can afford it, offer to pay for a cleaning service to clean her home. I'm sure that it needs it by now and she will feel so much better in a clean home. Check groupons in her area for discounts.
posted by myselfasme at 11:40 AM on August 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you can afford it, offer to pay for a cleaning service to clean her home. I'm sure that it needs it by now and she will feel so much better in a clean home. Check groupons in her area for discounts.
posted by myselfasme at 11:40 AM on August 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
I have chronic joint problems which cause financial stress. I would want the above-mentioned cleaning service.
Definitely none of the medical-ish things you have listed. It is a kind thought, but once word is out that you are unwell, you are inundated with ideas for "help," all of which you are familiar with, most of which are lousy. Meanwhile, one is generally just wishing for a way to get through the laundry while hoping the medical system would hurry up so you can get a diagnosis and actual medical treatment. I would be particularly bummed if somebody blew money on a book or unproven (and they are) supplements etc when I had serious financial worries. That mat thing wouldn't be useful for joint issues. The author of the book "serves on the Medical Advisory Board for The Dr. Oz Show," which would be enough for me to send it to the recycle bin. Unless your friend is desperately and obviously seeking woo placebo therapies to tide her over, they are in most circumstances an insulting and depressing thing to receive. If you are busy stressing over disability it is hard to deal with the idea that your loved ones suspect you might be okay if only you'd eat a bit differently or try this pillow or whatever.
The other alternative here would be cash or a grocery help as suggested. If you can afford to put together a box of little fripperies and throw down some $ on practical help, I would make even the fripperies relatively practical: luxury foodstuffs, not personal care items she hasn't chosen herself.
posted by kmennie at 12:10 PM on August 23, 2015 [14 favorites]
Definitely none of the medical-ish things you have listed. It is a kind thought, but once word is out that you are unwell, you are inundated with ideas for "help," all of which you are familiar with, most of which are lousy. Meanwhile, one is generally just wishing for a way to get through the laundry while hoping the medical system would hurry up so you can get a diagnosis and actual medical treatment. I would be particularly bummed if somebody blew money on a book or unproven (and they are) supplements etc when I had serious financial worries. That mat thing wouldn't be useful for joint issues. The author of the book "serves on the Medical Advisory Board for The Dr. Oz Show," which would be enough for me to send it to the recycle bin. Unless your friend is desperately and obviously seeking woo placebo therapies to tide her over, they are in most circumstances an insulting and depressing thing to receive. If you are busy stressing over disability it is hard to deal with the idea that your loved ones suspect you might be okay if only you'd eat a bit differently or try this pillow or whatever.
The other alternative here would be cash or a grocery help as suggested. If you can afford to put together a box of little fripperies and throw down some $ on practical help, I would make even the fripperies relatively practical: luxury foodstuffs, not personal care items she hasn't chosen herself.
posted by kmennie at 12:10 PM on August 23, 2015 [14 favorites]
Best answer: A soft scarf in a color she likes, a package of fancy herbal teas if it's the sort of thing she's into. Depending on how much you want to spend, maybe a NatureBox subscription?
(The cleaning service does sound like the option most likely to be appreciated, if you can afford it).
posted by bunderful at 12:13 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
(The cleaning service does sound like the option most likely to be appreciated, if you can afford it).
posted by bunderful at 12:13 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
If she likes to read, an amazon gift card. If she likes to play games and has an iPhone, then an iTunes gift card. A netflix subscription if she doesn't already have one.
posted by bunderful at 12:17 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by bunderful at 12:17 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: "Unless your friend is desperately and obviously seeking woo placebo therapies to tide her over, they are in most circumstances an insulting and depressing thing to receive. If you are busy stressing over disability it is hard to deal with the idea that your loved ones suspect you might be okay if only you'd eat a bit differently or try this pillow or whatever.
Thank you for your response, and I'm sorry if you've dealt with the invalidating experience that you describe. My question specifically stated that 1.) I don't want to jump to conclusions before she's diagnosed or 2.) send her bad medical advice. To clarify, I didn't realize that book was affiliated with "Dr." Oz, and I wasn't going to send her that specific book. It was an example of sending her information because quite frankly, she doesn't have the cash to spend on anything besides her co-pays and doctor visits are notoriously short. My bad for not reading closer before I posted the link. I thought it might be thoughtful to send her something relevant to her situation from a reputable specialist, but clearly it can be taken the wrong way. Thanks for showing the other side - I can see how it may be upsetting for some folks in a similar situation.
OK, no more thread-sitting.
posted by onecircleaday at 12:39 PM on August 23, 2015
Thank you for your response, and I'm sorry if you've dealt with the invalidating experience that you describe. My question specifically stated that 1.) I don't want to jump to conclusions before she's diagnosed or 2.) send her bad medical advice. To clarify, I didn't realize that book was affiliated with "Dr." Oz, and I wasn't going to send her that specific book. It was an example of sending her information because quite frankly, she doesn't have the cash to spend on anything besides her co-pays and doctor visits are notoriously short. My bad for not reading closer before I posted the link. I thought it might be thoughtful to send her something relevant to her situation from a reputable specialist, but clearly it can be taken the wrong way. Thanks for showing the other side - I can see how it may be upsetting for some folks in a similar situation.
OK, no more thread-sitting.
posted by onecircleaday at 12:39 PM on August 23, 2015
Best answer: I have rheumatoid arthritis and shortly after I was diagnosed, a friend sent me a care package with a jar opening device, a mandoline, and an avocado device. It was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me and I use these things all the time.
posted by bile and syntax at 1:16 PM on August 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 1:16 PM on August 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
If she doesn't have it, a Netflix subscription is a treat.
posted by theora55 at 1:59 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 1:59 PM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: 2nd cookware that makes life easier - lightweight pots and pans, a food processor (also lightweight) that's easy to clean, even a really sharp cook's knife could help. (My bff once gifted me with an amazing set of knives that reduced my wrist strain by a ton - I'd had no idea how hard I'd been hacking away at my onions!)
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:09 PM on August 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:09 PM on August 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have Ankylosing Spondylitis with peripheral joint involvement. Before I became ill, I had always used a cleaning service, but that was to compensate for a very active work life. A luxury.
After the abrupt onset of my condition, the cleaning service quickly became a necessity. If you can swing it alone, or with a group of you, setting her up with a regular service for the next several months would be an awesome gift.
Another couple of observations. I was always an avid reader, but it became surprisingly difficult afterwards. Firstly, it hurt to hold anything for any length of time. Secondly, it hurt to be too static. And thirdly, I just couldn't concentrate. Netflix addresses the first point and to a certain extent, the third. But depending on the nature of her joint issues, being totally static might be just as bothersome as too much activity.
Another idea along personal hygiene. It was surprisingly difficult to wash and dry my hair. Getting my arms above my shoulders, moving my neck around, handling the dryer, etc. I was lucky that I had friends that ran a hair salon within walking distance, that took care of me. Getting her a series of wash and blow dries at a local salon is something that's both practical and comforting.
posted by michswiss at 2:52 PM on August 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
After the abrupt onset of my condition, the cleaning service quickly became a necessity. If you can swing it alone, or with a group of you, setting her up with a regular service for the next several months would be an awesome gift.
Another couple of observations. I was always an avid reader, but it became surprisingly difficult afterwards. Firstly, it hurt to hold anything for any length of time. Secondly, it hurt to be too static. And thirdly, I just couldn't concentrate. Netflix addresses the first point and to a certain extent, the third. But depending on the nature of her joint issues, being totally static might be just as bothersome as too much activity.
Another idea along personal hygiene. It was surprisingly difficult to wash and dry my hair. Getting my arms above my shoulders, moving my neck around, handling the dryer, etc. I was lucky that I had friends that ran a hair salon within walking distance, that took care of me. Getting her a series of wash and blow dries at a local salon is something that's both practical and comforting.
posted by michswiss at 2:52 PM on August 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
A heated mattress pad. Mine helps so much with my joint pain that I even use it in the summer.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:31 PM on August 23, 2015
posted by Jacqueline at 9:31 PM on August 23, 2015
I have a peripheral neuropathy that has weakened my hands considerably. Getting a Kindle has been fantastic. Yes, I prefer paper too, but the Kindle is just so much easier to hold. So, depending on your budget, how about a Kindle and Amazon gift card? Also, I recently bought myself an electric can opener and wish I hadn't waited so long.
I think the idea for cleaning services is a great one!
You're a good friend and best of luck to her.
posted by Gusaroo at 10:38 AM on August 24, 2015
I think the idea for cleaning services is a great one!
You're a good friend and best of luck to her.
posted by Gusaroo at 10:38 AM on August 24, 2015
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posted by metahawk at 11:38 AM on August 23, 2015 [1 favorite]