I don't want to be a lady with an angry chihuahua
August 19, 2015 9:33 AM Subscribe
Our dog, Buddy, has just recently gotten possessive/jealous of me around my partner. How can we nip this in the bud?
We've had this dog for around 6 months now, but he has known my boyfriend for his entire life because we adopted him from my BF's mom. He is a chihuahua or possibly a chihuahua mix (he's 18 lbs). He is somewhere between 8-11 years old--there is some family disagreement on the timeline--, fixed, and generally relatively calm for a chihuahua. He is alert to noises or other dogs that walk by the house, but he doesn't usually bark. He is not typically aggressive to other humans besides the scenarios that I'm about to describe. He can be fearful around rambunctious other dogs.
He has always had the potential to be jealous of his owners around people he doesn't know--he's occasionally growled at a friend who sits on the couch next to his people, for instance. This was an issue but not one I had gotten around to addressing.
However, within the last week or so he has started to do this to my boyfriend which is a bigger issue. We let him up on the bed and he has started to insert himself between us and get grouchy when my bf tries to get him to move. He has also barked at my BF when he gets into bed with me and the dog or if BF touches me (so far this has only happened if we're in bed at the time). He doesn't do it all the time, but enough that it is worrying and I want to address it before it gets worse.
If relevant, BF has been working a ton so I have been around the dog a lot more for the past couple of months and have done most of the feeding and walking.
My gut reaction is to scold or to push the dog off the bed, but I'm not sure if that's the right approach. There's a ton of different info and approaches out there and it's hard to know what approach to take. I'm open to the idea of banning him from the bed as part of the strategy if necessary but it will be sad :(
He was just to the vet for a pretty thorough checkup including blood tests about 3 weeks ago. I'm not interested in obedience training at this time.
We've had this dog for around 6 months now, but he has known my boyfriend for his entire life because we adopted him from my BF's mom. He is a chihuahua or possibly a chihuahua mix (he's 18 lbs). He is somewhere between 8-11 years old--there is some family disagreement on the timeline--, fixed, and generally relatively calm for a chihuahua. He is alert to noises or other dogs that walk by the house, but he doesn't usually bark. He is not typically aggressive to other humans besides the scenarios that I'm about to describe. He can be fearful around rambunctious other dogs.
He has always had the potential to be jealous of his owners around people he doesn't know--he's occasionally growled at a friend who sits on the couch next to his people, for instance. This was an issue but not one I had gotten around to addressing.
However, within the last week or so he has started to do this to my boyfriend which is a bigger issue. We let him up on the bed and he has started to insert himself between us and get grouchy when my bf tries to get him to move. He has also barked at my BF when he gets into bed with me and the dog or if BF touches me (so far this has only happened if we're in bed at the time). He doesn't do it all the time, but enough that it is worrying and I want to address it before it gets worse.
If relevant, BF has been working a ton so I have been around the dog a lot more for the past couple of months and have done most of the feeding and walking.
My gut reaction is to scold or to push the dog off the bed, but I'm not sure if that's the right approach. There's a ton of different info and approaches out there and it's hard to know what approach to take. I'm open to the idea of banning him from the bed as part of the strategy if necessary but it will be sad :(
He was just to the vet for a pretty thorough checkup including blood tests about 3 weeks ago. I'm not interested in obedience training at this time.
You have to treat this dog like he is a rottweiler. It's pretty typical of little dogs behavior to get out of control since it's not very threatening when a tiny dog is aggressive. IMagine
That dog thinks he's alpha. The boss of everyone there. You need to teach him he isn't because you've taught him he is.
He needs to be "grounded" because it has gotten so out of hand. When giving affection, food, or a comfy spot in human world (bed, couch, etc) he should have to sit first. Zero exceptions.
If he growls - immediate firm "Uh-uh" or "no" and removal from room. Watch him for his body movement - if he freezes a bit when someone comes near a possession, food or his human a quit "uh-uh". He must not get away from this. This is going to escalate into biting.
You may need a session or two with a trainer to get the hang of it.
posted by ReluctantViking at 9:54 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
That dog thinks he's alpha. The boss of everyone there. You need to teach him he isn't because you've taught him he is.
He needs to be "grounded" because it has gotten so out of hand. When giving affection, food, or a comfy spot in human world (bed, couch, etc) he should have to sit first. Zero exceptions.
If he growls - immediate firm "Uh-uh" or "no" and removal from room. Watch him for his body movement - if he freezes a bit when someone comes near a possession, food or his human a quit "uh-uh". He must not get away from this. This is going to escalate into biting.
You may need a session or two with a trainer to get the hang of it.
posted by ReluctantViking at 9:54 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Dogs don't think they are alphas, it an old POV from the 1970's & disproved by current research as dogs and wolves have family groups except in captivity. All you will do is make the dog hate the bf more because every time he appears the dog gets punished, if it does make your dog shut up, it's not making him like your bf. Small dogs tend to be aggressive out of fear, punishing your dog for being scared can make it worse.
You need treats, lots of & lots of nice treats for your boyfriend to dispense, and be the only bringer of these delicious high value treats. At first get him to sit a safe distance, ie one that doesn't cause a reaction, to not make eye contact & to just casual just throw tiny little bites of the uber delicious treat at the dog. If the dog does anything aggressive, your bf turns his back walks away & all the yummy treats go with him. Do this a few times, then next time he sits a bit closer & does the same thing, slowly working up to next to you, the dog being calm, giving out occasional random high value treat. If you treat the dog at any time during the day, you have lesser value less good treats, only the bf can have the best treats ever.
You also want to switch to your boyfriend to dog feeding duties. Also all three of you need to go to a good positive training method dog trainer. Hell I don't often say this but even a Petsmart class could help here. You both need to work on some basic training with the dog just so he gets the idea that listening to you guys is a good thing. If I do what they say I am a good boy, I like being a good boy, good boys get treats & pats. The class isn't so much to teach your dogs tricks, but a good grounding to teach you & your bf how to teach your dog. Too many people don't think small dogs need this sort of training, but all dogs can really benefit from it.
posted by wwax at 10:10 AM on August 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
You need treats, lots of & lots of nice treats for your boyfriend to dispense, and be the only bringer of these delicious high value treats. At first get him to sit a safe distance, ie one that doesn't cause a reaction, to not make eye contact & to just casual just throw tiny little bites of the uber delicious treat at the dog. If the dog does anything aggressive, your bf turns his back walks away & all the yummy treats go with him. Do this a few times, then next time he sits a bit closer & does the same thing, slowly working up to next to you, the dog being calm, giving out occasional random high value treat. If you treat the dog at any time during the day, you have lesser value less good treats, only the bf can have the best treats ever.
You also want to switch to your boyfriend to dog feeding duties. Also all three of you need to go to a good positive training method dog trainer. Hell I don't often say this but even a Petsmart class could help here. You both need to work on some basic training with the dog just so he gets the idea that listening to you guys is a good thing. If I do what they say I am a good boy, I like being a good boy, good boys get treats & pats. The class isn't so much to teach your dogs tricks, but a good grounding to teach you & your bf how to teach your dog. Too many people don't think small dogs need this sort of training, but all dogs can really benefit from it.
posted by wwax at 10:10 AM on August 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
Best answer: I would train him to understand that being on the bed is a privilege, not a right. He can only come up when invited, and if he growls or acts possessive, he gets placed on the floor and is not allowed back up.
Scolding or pushing are not going to be helpful in this situation.
I'm not sure how much training Buddy has, but he'll need to be trained in sit, and I use "okay" as a release with my dog. So I would start by removing Buddy from the bed repeatedly, and using uh-uh to let him know it's not okay to hop up whenever he wants. Then I would start using a sit and then a specific command, like up, or okay to give him permission to get on the bed when he's sat nicely.
I would continue enforcing this strictly - he only gets on the bed if he's sat and you've given him permission with the specific command. Then, if he behaves badly on the bed, he gets set on the ground and ignored, and not allowed back up until a later time.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:13 AM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Scolding or pushing are not going to be helpful in this situation.
I'm not sure how much training Buddy has, but he'll need to be trained in sit, and I use "okay" as a release with my dog. So I would start by removing Buddy from the bed repeatedly, and using uh-uh to let him know it's not okay to hop up whenever he wants. Then I would start using a sit and then a specific command, like up, or okay to give him permission to get on the bed when he's sat nicely.
I would continue enforcing this strictly - he only gets on the bed if he's sat and you've given him permission with the specific command. Then, if he behaves badly on the bed, he gets set on the ground and ignored, and not allowed back up until a later time.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:13 AM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: A couple details/clarifications.
He is very food motivated.
When I say scold, I mean a firm and low 'no,' not yelling or prolonged scolding. But from reading I've been doing this may not be the best way to deal with aggression (?).
It's not that he dislikes the bf typically or he is always aggressive toward him. It is only in the specific instance of us all being on the bed and then only on occasion, not reliably.
He does sit and come on command.
posted by geegollygosh at 10:27 AM on August 19, 2015
He is very food motivated.
When I say scold, I mean a firm and low 'no,' not yelling or prolonged scolding. But from reading I've been doing this may not be the best way to deal with aggression (?).
It's not that he dislikes the bf typically or he is always aggressive toward him. It is only in the specific instance of us all being on the bed and then only on occasion, not reliably.
He does sit and come on command.
posted by geegollygosh at 10:27 AM on August 19, 2015
A time to nip this in the bud would have been here: he's occasionally growled at a friend who sits on the couch next to his people, for instance. This was an issue but not one I had gotten around to addressing. It makes me wonder how many other times within the dog's 6 month lifespan he received messages that he was above human beings in the hierarchy of your "pack". While we love our dogs immensely, and have very understandable human urges to coddle and cater to them, you have to be cognizant of the fact that dogs operate on much different psychology. They will typically seek to rise to the highest social position that they can under the constraints they are given. In your dog's mind, it is not that it necessarily has any ill will towards these other people, but rather perceives that they are invading it's physical and social space within the household. You, the owner, have to have the mindset that you are the boss and your rules are unwavering. Your boyfriend must start being an owner too; this includes walks, feeding, and playing- all with complete control and appropriate discipline dished out for any crossing of the rules. This will take time and practice for the dog until he learns his new place and what is expected of him. There is nothing wrong with your dog's personality- it is just a dog being a dog.
posted by incolorinred at 10:35 AM on August 19, 2015
posted by incolorinred at 10:35 AM on August 19, 2015
Response by poster: I like the sit before getting up on the bed idea, I will put that into action.
he's occasionally growled at a friend who sits on the couch next to his people, for instance. This was an issue but not one I had gotten around to addressing.
This was something that I observed pretty often with bf's mom. It has not really happened since we got him, though I would say this is primarily because we don't really have people over to our place very often (hence why I hadn't addressed it even though I suspected that it might still be an issue in the right situation.)
I'm not trying to threadsit, but I'm unclear why several people are getting the idea that the dog runs wild and is never corrected? As I said, my response has been to say 'no' and remove him from the bed. If that's not an appropriate response that's fine but I'm looking for feedback on what would be.
posted by geegollygosh at 10:47 AM on August 19, 2015
he's occasionally growled at a friend who sits on the couch next to his people, for instance. This was an issue but not one I had gotten around to addressing.
This was something that I observed pretty often with bf's mom. It has not really happened since we got him, though I would say this is primarily because we don't really have people over to our place very often (hence why I hadn't addressed it even though I suspected that it might still be an issue in the right situation.)
I'm not trying to threadsit, but I'm unclear why several people are getting the idea that the dog runs wild and is never corrected? As I said, my response has been to say 'no' and remove him from the bed. If that's not an appropriate response that's fine but I'm looking for feedback on what would be.
posted by geegollygosh at 10:47 AM on August 19, 2015
Don't let the "dog thinks it's alpha" people confuse you. That's a philosophy about animal psychology, not a valid training system and doesn't provide you with any practical advice.
This is an easily solved problem by letting the dog know what your expectations are and training him to help him meet your expectations. Once he know what the boundaries are, and what you expect of him, he'll be very happy to please you.
Since he's food motivated, I would include giving treats for sit, for jumping in the bed on command, for staying off the bed when put on the floor and so on. If he's pushing boundaries when placed on the floor, you could add removing him from the room, or use a baby-gate to keep him out of the bedroom. If he's jumping on the bed when you're not home, close the bedroom door until he's very clear on the boundaries.
My dogs are trained to not get on the sofa or bed without express permission, but they are very large. Obvs, Buddy is more of a couch buddy, but you can enforce a similar boundary for the couch - he acts possessive on the couch, he goes on the floor and gets told to sit. Then he waits until you tell him he can get up.
posted by Squeak Attack at 11:42 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is an easily solved problem by letting the dog know what your expectations are and training him to help him meet your expectations. Once he know what the boundaries are, and what you expect of him, he'll be very happy to please you.
Since he's food motivated, I would include giving treats for sit, for jumping in the bed on command, for staying off the bed when put on the floor and so on. If he's pushing boundaries when placed on the floor, you could add removing him from the room, or use a baby-gate to keep him out of the bedroom. If he's jumping on the bed when you're not home, close the bedroom door until he's very clear on the boundaries.
My dogs are trained to not get on the sofa or bed without express permission, but they are very large. Obvs, Buddy is more of a couch buddy, but you can enforce a similar boundary for the couch - he acts possessive on the couch, he goes on the floor and gets told to sit. Then he waits until you tell him he can get up.
posted by Squeak Attack at 11:42 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Advice with tiny dogs like chihuahuas a) read up on clicker training. They can even learn as adults. It's awesome and positive behavior and shows them logical results for their behavior. b) no more free feeding. All food must be earned throughout the day. It is so easy to go from 1/2 of his regular food and add in another 1/2 cup of treats and suddenly he's gained 2lbs which is 20% of his body weight if he weighed 10lbs! Use his kibble as low-reward food throughout the day and special treats for bigger behavioral steps. C) we got our chihuahua a heated bed and now he loooooves having his own toasty comfy bed and isn't being senior grouchy dude in our bed. We reinforced him on his own bed and it removed a ton of bed-related anxiety.
You're absolutely right to start addressing this now!
posted by barnone at 4:49 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
You're absolutely right to start addressing this now!
posted by barnone at 4:49 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well dang he's an adorable little fella.
Our chi started bonding tight to me getting stroppy with my husband a couple of weeks after we started fostering her. I simply stopped feeding and treating her completely, and left it all up to Himself. Pretty soon she started sharing her affections a little more equitably, and understood that people other than me were perfectly nice and acceptable to have as friends. Not long after that she became a foster failure and now we are chihuahua people.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 6:52 PM on August 19, 2015
Our chi started bonding tight to me getting stroppy with my husband a couple of weeks after we started fostering her. I simply stopped feeding and treating her completely, and left it all up to Himself. Pretty soon she started sharing her affections a little more equitably, and understood that people other than me were perfectly nice and acceptable to have as friends. Not long after that she became a foster failure and now we are chihuahua people.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 6:52 PM on August 19, 2015
Hi there. One of the most useful things I've learned in training a dog is that it's MUCH easier to teach a positive (to do something) than to teach a negative (to NOT do something or to stop doing something). Which, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense.
So instead of telling a dog "no, stop doing X behavior" you basically want to think of the situation as "hey Buddy, how about instead of doing X, you do Y instead?" What we've done with our dog is trained him on "off" which we define as "please hop off whatever surface you are on and get on the floor" So when our dog is crawling all over us on a sofa/bed, instead of telling him to stop we tell him to get "off", which gets us to the same end goal ie. no dog in our laps.
As an aside on HOW to train, I do recommend reading up on positive reinforcement dog training (of which a subset is clicker training). A few sessions with an actual trainer might be useful to learn correct timing as a trainer which is a key part of positive reinforcement training. Basically, to make sure you are rewarding the right behaviour, you need treat/ click within a few seconds of the dog exhibiting the desired action. So when teaching the 'off' command, you would reward Buddy the second all of his paws hit the floor.
I know you said you're not interested in obedience training but it is an important activity in developing positive dog behaviour AND a relationship of trust and understanding between humans and dogs.
posted by kitkatcathy at 4:20 AM on August 20, 2015
So instead of telling a dog "no, stop doing X behavior" you basically want to think of the situation as "hey Buddy, how about instead of doing X, you do Y instead?" What we've done with our dog is trained him on "off" which we define as "please hop off whatever surface you are on and get on the floor" So when our dog is crawling all over us on a sofa/bed, instead of telling him to stop we tell him to get "off", which gets us to the same end goal ie. no dog in our laps.
As an aside on HOW to train, I do recommend reading up on positive reinforcement dog training (of which a subset is clicker training). A few sessions with an actual trainer might be useful to learn correct timing as a trainer which is a key part of positive reinforcement training. Basically, to make sure you are rewarding the right behaviour, you need treat/ click within a few seconds of the dog exhibiting the desired action. So when teaching the 'off' command, you would reward Buddy the second all of his paws hit the floor.
I know you said you're not interested in obedience training but it is an important activity in developing positive dog behaviour AND a relationship of trust and understanding between humans and dogs.
posted by kitkatcathy at 4:20 AM on August 20, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Buy yourself 2-3 types of high-value treat (hopefully your dog is food-motivated), but make two of them the very small (or portionable to very small) kind so you're not overfeeding him, and have your boyfriend do several very brief (30-90 seconds) perform-for-treat interactions. It could just be a sit, or a "look at me" or "gimme five", as long as the human expects a behavior and gets it and a treat is given. Just do this a couple times a day, very casually, and one of them just before bedtime.
Then, if you don't have a dog zone on the bed (a dog bed or towel or pillowcase), maybe do that, and have one of the interactions be "get in your spot" (this is where the third high-value treat, something that takes longer to eat or chew, or maybe a toy that's only for a few minutes of bedtime chewing/squeaking can come in). The dog is then getting rewarded and having happy feelings about being in their spot. Don't correct any more than a "no" if he tries to cockblock you, just say no and redirect to the Spot with a treat or incentive and praise for being in/going to the Spot. Going to the spot and being in the spot should be a thing that feels fantastic to the dog.
You may also want to organize an attention schedule, since that's obviously high-value to your dog. Your boyfriend can get a trick for a treat, then you have him (dog not boyfriend) get in his spot and you pay undivided attention to him for 5 minutes at bedtime, then give him his distraction and get into bed properly yourself.
Same principle can apply to living room couch, etc, wherever this stuff is going on.
Just take the bad time and try turning into a good time that also reinforces that your boyfriend is The Boyfriend here. It's really not that hard as long as you have options that are high-value to your dog. It's harder when they don't care about food or toys, but hopefully at least one if not both of those are options for you.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:51 AM on August 19, 2015 [4 favorites]