She's slow but not stupid
August 2, 2015 10:24 AM Subscribe
How does a young adult with a mild intellectual disability navigate the world? Is there a way to let people understand that she just needs simpler and clearer words but otherwise her IQ is average?
The young woman is out of school now and meeting people. The psychology tests showed that she needs extra steps to understand matters but otherwise her IQ is average. She has no physical disability and so gets no compassion from others when she's slow to follow along to the right conclusions. The disability might be from birth trauma. Basically she understands clear and concrete terms and may have poor judgement.
Is there any way that she can let others know she's disabled somewhat and to give her some slack? She had work but even there, customers would get annoyed thinking she's inept and stupid. Had she had some type of physical issue, they would shown patience, I'm sure.
The young woman is out of school now and meeting people. The psychology tests showed that she needs extra steps to understand matters but otherwise her IQ is average. She has no physical disability and so gets no compassion from others when she's slow to follow along to the right conclusions. The disability might be from birth trauma. Basically she understands clear and concrete terms and may have poor judgement.
Is there any way that she can let others know she's disabled somewhat and to give her some slack? She had work but even there, customers would get annoyed thinking she's inept and stupid. Had she had some type of physical issue, they would shown patience, I'm sure.
"I have a little difficulty understanding sometimes. Can you help me out by ....."
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:57 AM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:57 AM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Perhaps... "I have a processing disorder. Could you explain that again, please?"
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:08 AM on August 2, 2015 [19 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:08 AM on August 2, 2015 [19 favorites]
It might be worth looking to see what services there are in your area that work with her particular condition (if she has something diagnosable). There are life coaches that work specifically with people on the autism spectrum, for example. (No idea how reputable that site is, just found through googling.)
posted by MsMolly at 11:51 AM on August 2, 2015
posted by MsMolly at 11:51 AM on August 2, 2015
This is far more trivial, but I don't process physical/motor skills learning as well as an average person, at all, to the point where I've had instructors or partners get quite frustrated with me or tell me, "of course you can do this, just focus harder etc." I've absolutely had to say, "I have a learning difference" or "I have a neurological issue with..." to some folks in order to encourage patience (and set boundaries for how much frustration or impatience or badgering I'm willing to be the target of). So I absolutely recommend mentioning the "processing disorder" very matter of factly as Hermoine Granger suggested.
If there's something specifically helpful to try, I'd also teach her to ask for that, as I do in my situation. For her it might be something like, "Can you break it down into one step at a time so we make sure I understand how to help you?" or, "What's the simplest way you can explain the first step of what you want, and we'll start from there together," etc.
posted by blue suede stockings at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
If there's something specifically helpful to try, I'd also teach her to ask for that, as I do in my situation. For her it might be something like, "Can you break it down into one step at a time so we make sure I understand how to help you?" or, "What's the simplest way you can explain the first step of what you want, and we'll start from there together," etc.
posted by blue suede stockings at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
if she feels the need to explain it, she could phrase it as "I'm sorry, I can't hear that well, could you say that again please?"
posted by nickggully at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015
posted by nickggully at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015
Best answer: From that website, "self advocacy" coaching seems to be a phrase that yields some useful results.
posted by MsMolly at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015
posted by MsMolly at 11:54 AM on August 2, 2015
Please don't advise couching in it terms of a non-existent issue (hearing). That can easily make things much worse.
posted by canine epigram at 12:16 PM on August 2, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by canine epigram at 12:16 PM on August 2, 2015 [12 favorites]
She might do better in a job where she primarily interacts with co-workers, rather than customers / the public. Co-workers would (hopefully) learn over time how to explain things to her in a way she understands and (hopefully) realize that even if she seems slow at first, she is of normal intelligence .
posted by insectosaurus at 12:22 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by insectosaurus at 12:22 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Self-advocacy is important, but customer-facing low-level sorts of jobs are generally known to involve a lot of people being horrible to you even when you don't have special needs of some variety. I don't think there's a way to arrange it so that customers won't be frustrated by having to repeat themselves and that kind of thing, because people are impatient jerks a lot of the time. Self-advocacy combined with getting her into a line of work that doesn't require her to be customer-facing, however, could go a long way. Both socially and in employment, focus on things that'd involve being a part of a more stable group instead of having to constantly deal with strangers who are functionally on their worst behavior. Like, I don't know if she's from a religious background and it's fine if she doesn't, but getting involved in church groups can be a way to make a meaningful contribution to an activity and still have people be more patient with you; other volunteer things like animal rescue groups might work, too. Work-wise, would she be capable of things like filing and data entry? I'd aim for that sort of work, things that have a lot of routine.
posted by Sequence at 12:28 PM on August 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 12:28 PM on August 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
This is tough. Even people with highly visible physical disabilities encounter problems and a lack of compassion. Trying to find a way to gain understanding for a mostly invisible disabilities from the general population will be near impossible. People with below average IQ also shouldn't be getting a negative reaction from people, but that is an entirely different question.
The suggestions above seem good - find a job which does not make the disability visible to people who do not have an understanding of the situation....and explain to friends and coworkers the situation.
It's also very difficult to suggest beyond this given the description. But perhaps a set of coping mechanisms could be learned. Finding ways for her to feel good about her interactions with people will go a long way to offsetting the negative experiences. On first read, I thought this sounded very much like the problems a non-native speaker might have...they effectively have the "extra" step of translation which can sometimes be perceived as a lack of intelligence - but in their native language they are just as fast as anyone else. So perhaps techniques used in that space might help (i.e. repeat back what was asked giving yourself a second chance at understanding it correctly)
posted by NoDef at 12:45 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
The suggestions above seem good - find a job which does not make the disability visible to people who do not have an understanding of the situation....and explain to friends and coworkers the situation.
It's also very difficult to suggest beyond this given the description. But perhaps a set of coping mechanisms could be learned. Finding ways for her to feel good about her interactions with people will go a long way to offsetting the negative experiences. On first read, I thought this sounded very much like the problems a non-native speaker might have...they effectively have the "extra" step of translation which can sometimes be perceived as a lack of intelligence - but in their native language they are just as fast as anyone else. So perhaps techniques used in that space might help (i.e. repeat back what was asked giving yourself a second chance at understanding it correctly)
posted by NoDef at 12:45 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Practice scenarios with her at home and help her develop coping skills while in a safe environment that she can memorize and use when she is under stress. Call them acting lessons, because that is what they are. Let her know that we all have to fake it sometimes and not everyone gets things on the first try. Also let her know that many of the general public are just jerks, and they would be rude to her even if she were the most advanced human in the world. She shouldn't take it personally.
posted by myselfasme at 1:01 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by myselfasme at 1:01 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is really tough. I have a non-obvious disability, and even after I explain myself to someone, I'm rarely met with any sort of compassion. At most, it's tolerance. However, I know I don't handle myself the best way, as I can come off a bit dour and tired of explaining myself. I've met others with this disability, and relaxing into an easy grin and cracking a few jokes seems to go a long way for putting "normals" at ease. If this works for her, then great. If she's like me, I've just adopted the mindset that I can't change other peoples' reactions, so I just mentally prepare myself for whatever might happen. This way, if someone is nice, I am pleasantly surprised, and if someone is not nice, I saw it coming.
I'm sorry if that's not much help. It's going to be tough, but it gets easier not because people get nicer, but because you inevitably grow a thicker skin.
posted by madonna of the unloved at 11:39 PM on August 2, 2015
I'm sorry if that's not much help. It's going to be tough, but it gets easier not because people get nicer, but because you inevitably grow a thicker skin.
posted by madonna of the unloved at 11:39 PM on August 2, 2015
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