How Does One Thank A Lawyer Who Works For Free?
July 22, 2015 7:53 PM   Subscribe

A family acquaintance (he and my parents belong to the same hobby group but are not particularly close) is a lawyer who is negotiating down debt for me after an extremely expensive medical issue was not covered by insurance. He has been exceedingly generous with his time, and refuses any payment. But just saying 'hey thanks' and going on my way feels awful.

As he is only a family acquaintance, I do not know much about him, though I do know he is mostly retired, has extended family, and he likes golf and equines. I want to express my genuine thanks for all his effort. Do I write him a check anyway, though he’s refusing to bill me? For how much? Or do I make some sort of donation and let him know? Do I send him nice golf balls? Or might it be insulting to do anything except write a heartfelt note?

Any guidance would be appreciated.
posted by Ink-stained wretch to Human Relations (21 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Absolutely not money of any kind. Not to him, not a donation. Keep it pro bono.
posted by feral_goldfish at 7:59 PM on July 22, 2015 [6 favorites]


I thank mine with fancy cupcakes delivered by the fancy cupcake bakery.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:00 PM on July 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


Write him that heartfelt note and recommend him to anyone you ever meet who needs a lawyer in his specialty.
posted by phunniemee at 8:00 PM on July 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Heartfelt letter. Not just a notecard with "Thanks" on the outside of it, but a real letter that explains what his help has meant to you emotionally and how it has changed your life.

(not to tie everything into the amazing Emotional Labor thread that we've been having on the Blue, but he's performing an amazing act of Emotional Labor for you, and he has been explicit that he doesn't want to monetize it. So the way to appropriately respond is by performing Emotional Labor of your own.)
posted by decathecting at 8:03 PM on July 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


As part of the note, you might (if this is true) express an intention to pay it forward - to make such a generous gift of your time and expertise to someone else. Then, the absolute best gift is to send him a card someday in the future saying "I had this chance to do something really nice of someone. I remember what a difference you made in my life and I feel honored to be able to do same for someone else today.

Also, homebaked goods can be a very nice thank you although it is really good if you can find out if he has any food limitations. Nothing like being on a vegan or low-cholesteral diet and being given food that you can't eat. Buying something is less good unless you know that it is spot on - you want to put time, thought and care into the gift rather than money.
posted by metahawk at 8:09 PM on July 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


A letter would be great. You could also do a gift, like a cake, or a bottle of wine, or some golf balls, or something. But definitely not a check.
posted by J. Wilson at 8:19 PM on July 22, 2015


Best answer: I'm a lawyer who does work for friends for free. I would be extremely touched by a heartfelt letter.

I've also been thanked with a bottle of wine, a massage session (client was a massage therapist), dinner...etc.

It's the sincerity that counts, not the gift. Whatever you do, be sincere, and you can't go wrong.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:20 PM on July 22, 2015 [13 favorites]


Heartfelt letter with a small thoughtful gift. I would advise something that isn't perishable (i.e., not cupcakes) unless you know the receiver will like them. (That way they can always re-gift the present if it doesn't suit.) Wine, dining or culture gift certificates, chocolates, nice golf balls-- something visibly nice, but not too costly.
posted by frumiousb at 8:50 PM on July 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have been very moved by the thank you cards I've received in my legal aid and pro bono work. One thing to keep in mind is that it can be very meaningful to leverage the privilege of being an attorney on behalf of someone with an overwhelming legal issue, and actually make a real difference. In my experience, the thanks is in being able to support a good outcome for the client.
posted by Little Dawn at 9:25 PM on July 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I had cause to do this once. I got them a bottle of very fine 35yo single malt. It was greatly appreciated.
posted by doctor tough love at 11:04 PM on July 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Some sort of food delivery with a note. I know it's a guy, but I think flowers or a plant with a note would work too. Just a small token that he can enjoy, but is not equivalent to cash, like a gift certificate.
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:33 AM on July 23, 2015


Lawyer does NOT always care about money. PLENTY of lawyer do things pro bono.

Write thank you cards and/or letters of appreciation that's suitable for framing. Even handwritten ones are good.
posted by kschang at 2:03 AM on July 23, 2015


Nthing the heartfelt letter. A bottle of wine or something similar would be a nice gesture, but the letter is the important part.

And keep in mind that not only does he not want the money, he does not want you to feel guilty or embarrassed about not paying him!
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:28 AM on July 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


cook him a very nice dinner in your home
posted by Jacqueline at 3:36 AM on July 23, 2015


If he negotiated down debt for you, I think it would be awkward to thank him with anything that costs money, especially something fancy like a bottle of nice alcohol. A heartfelt letter is perfect in every way.
posted by tk at 4:16 AM on July 23, 2015


Do I write him a check anyway, though he’s refusing to bill me?

Absolutely not. You don't tip a lawyer. That would be inappropriate and could needlessly complicate things for him. If he wanted to bill you, he should have billed you himself. He is doing pro bono work because he wants to do pro bono work, not because he's hoping for a tip. It could be professionally advantageous to him to be able to say he's done a certain amount or type of pro bono work. You would be putting him in a worse situation if you pay him.
posted by John Cohen at 4:42 AM on July 23, 2015


Going to pile on with a heartfelt letter or, if you're the type, adding him to a recurring Christmas card list or something similar. Also, if he's still got an office, a plate of homemade cookies or something for the staff. I was moved to tears by the thank-you note I received from my first court-appointed defendant and will be keeping it forever.
posted by mibo at 5:28 AM on July 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Lawyer here who does pro bono work as a regular part of my life, please please please please no token gift. Really. No bottle of wine, no flowers, no edibles. It's not really standard practice in the industry or community, in part because of ethics rules and in part because when there is not a huge income disparity between client and attorney, both are in income brackets where token gifts in lieu or or in addition to fees are not a thing.

You can write a thank you letter if you like and definitely refer the lawyer to anyone who asks about a similar problem but make sure when you refer the lawyer you don't say "This guy took care of my case FOR FREE", refer him by saying "This lawyer did a really great job negotiating down my medical debt."
posted by crush-onastick at 6:53 AM on July 23, 2015 [8 favorites]


Lawyer married to a lawyer. I work for the government and can't really accept gifts. My husband is in private practice and has no such restrictions, but his favorite "gift" he's ever received is a client who sends him a Christmas card every year thanking him for believing in him and helping him get sober. He saves every single card.
posted by notjustthefish at 12:09 PM on July 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Nthing a card or letter, plus a small thoughtful gift. I've had monogrammed golf balls go over very well with golfers.
posted by bluloo at 12:19 PM on July 23, 2015


Sort of to the side: please do not get this nice person anything horse-related. So many people seize on "s/he likes equids" for all their regular gift-giving. Anyone who visibly is fond of equids gets all kinds of books or figurines or other random stuff that looked "horsey" to the extended family/acquaintance, but generally is way outside of the equestrian's area of interest.

Think: "I know you like vegetable gardens, so I got you this model of an invasive exotic decorative plant that is a real problem for vegetable gardeners, and this book on how to grow an obscure variety of orchid." I suspect that kind-hearted but effectively unpleasant gifting is a hazard of any hobby/sport (like golf, as well).
posted by galadriel at 5:22 AM on July 24, 2015


« Older Escaping the Ivory Tower -- as a middle-aged...   |   a few nights in Paris...family vacation edition Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.