Depression takes no bedfellows

July 15, 2015 8:06 PM

I have depression. I won't go into very many details, only because my Ask history is revealing enough. It's pretty bad though. I'm trying to change medication and get into decent, affordable therapy ( tips on doing the latter in NYC appreciated). The thing is, I know that chipping away at some of the crushing isolation that has defined a large part of the last two years of my life would go a long way toward moving me forward.

I've always wanted- needed- to be close to people, but depression tends to make you a moody, wet blanket. It's no surprise I either alienate or distance myself from everyone I might have been close to in a former life. How, then, does one connect to people, when all they can think or talk about are the consequences of their depression? Therapy is one answer, as is maybe volunteering, but what are some other ways to make myself less-than-completely-insufferable to anyone that maybe doesn't struggle to leave their bed every day? Oh, and I have a pretty severe stutter ( helped by Klonopin, but still). So that's fun.
Any ideas, green?
BONUS: Anything that helped you with emotional numbness and anhedonia when Prozac didn't?
Thanks, lovelies!

posted by marsbar77 to Human Relations (19 answers total)

Gyms or cafes? During depressive periods, being able to be around people without having to talk to people was helpful.

Sports, games, hobbies, or volunteering? I have no idea which one might be right for you, but "which yarn did you use for that pattern" or "pass me the hammer" might fill the conversational gaps left by depression.
posted by salvia at 8:53 PM on July 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Not to threadsit, but I think that's my core issue: I can't and don't want to think about anything other than how depressed I am. It's quite the gnarly, vicious cycle.
posted by marsbar77 at 9:04 PM on July 15, 2015

Perhaps Meetups.com where the membership tend towards older ladies who are interested in socializing? I've also done volunteer work at hospitals; Geriatric Ambulation always need kind and sturdy people.

It was a way to practice letting go of my shit and try to learn how to pay attention to other people's.

There were non-old people, too, but learning how to soak up other people's pain was instructive for dealing with my own.
posted by porpoise at 9:10 PM on July 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

... and no, I can't say that "things will get better." It's something that you're going to have to work towards - manic dream pixies are so exceedingly rare as to be apocryphal.
posted by porpoise at 9:14 PM on July 15, 2015

Absolutely order or buy yourself a copy of "Feeling Good" by David Burns, as well as a notebook. With those, you can take a stab at doing cognitive-behavioral therapy on yourself. When I was super depressed, I found it helpful to fill in a chart like the one in the book...something about how you anticipate it will be doing x activity, and then how it actually was when you did it (usually much more pleasurable). He also has 10 different cognitive distortions by which depression often affects the brain, and has you identify them and then replace whichever one (s) you're feeling with a thought that is more truthful and less harmful. I found it immeasurably helpful when I was really depressed.
posted by bookworm4125 at 9:32 PM on July 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

In terms of finding an affordable therapist, I'm going to cut and paste something I said in a comment a while back:

Call local therapists and ask if they can hook you up with anybody who will see you on a sliding scale. If you live near a large university, call and ask if they have any program where a psychology intern can see you. (Don't get scared off by them being interns, it doesn't mean they're just the kids who get coffee for the real shrinks. They've had plenty of training and they can be great. That's how I met my longtime shrink, and I would take a bullet for that lady.)

In terms of bringing a little joy and companionship into your life, have you considered getting a pet? No, pets aren't people, but their love is real. If nothing else, instead of having nothing to talk about other than your depression you might get a lot of funny cat stories to tell. (I see now that kantana also suggested animals. Well, that's two votes for it.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 10:12 PM on July 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks for all the answers so far, everyone. I do love animals to death, and have an adorable older Westie pup, but he's fairly independent and has a mind of his own. He's not all that social with me because my parents and brother tend to take on most of the responsibility with him. They have to, since I'm disabled. So we don't really connect. I'll look into shelters and the like for sure, but for now let's focus on the human side of things and how to problem solve that dark obsessiveness. I know there's got to be a way...
posted by marsbar77 at 10:29 PM on July 15, 2015

Looking at your old questions, I noticed that positive visualizations have helped? Have you tried visualizing being able to set aside the pain and depression long enough to make conversation during, say, an one hour volunteer shift? (Easier said than done, I'm sure!)
posted by salvia at 10:35 PM on July 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm thinking that you may enjoy situations where you are surrounded by people who are friendly but mostly self-contained, like spending the afternoon somewhat busy-yet-low key coffee shop frequented by people of all ages and from all walks of life, including kids with families and groups. Ideally, one with ample outdoor seating and/or in a pedestrian zone would be ideal.

You could sit and work on your computer (like by reading Metafilter!), with or without headphones, but be surrounded by people who are in a relatively good mood. If a curious kid walks by, you can briefly look up from your work, smile, and then go back to work. If someone asks if they can borrow an extra seat from your table, you can just smile and nod, etc. You get a small sense of community or general togetherness without needing to talk or do much other than be there. And if it looks like you're engrossed in something, you'll seem "normal"/safe enough to be harmless/neutral but also busy enough so people don't try to pester you. And if they do, you can always offer an apologetic smile and a "Sorry but I need to work on finishing this!"
posted by smorgasbord at 11:43 PM on July 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Bellevue hospital has a walk in mental health clinic. You get evaluated and then assigned to a resident for talk therapy. An uninsured friend of mine did it prior to the affordable care act and paid a small amt per session. I'm not sure how it works now but a quick Google shows the clinic still exists.

I've also seen ads on the subway for text therapy services. For a monthly rate you get to text a therapist!

Good luck.
posted by charlielxxv at 11:47 PM on July 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I am somewhat depressed and isolated. It's been helpful to me to try different cafes and become a regular at one, where soup (which comes with bread) plus a lot of tea is something affordable that helps me get my veggies and I can be around others. There is a non-profit wellness centre I will try some stress reduction activities like tai chi at soon. And based on my experience as a student who didn't study well in their dorm room due to distractions, but did better in the library, maybe taking your own copy of "Feeling Good" and a reporter's notebook to the library would make it easier to complete the earlier suggestion re:that book ( assuming you are like me w/ distractions) Some find the print size and presentation to be a bit easier and more modern in "The Feeling Good Handbook" rather than the older "Feeling Good". Good luck!
posted by AuroraSky at 12:22 AM on July 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Some people have found clomipramine and paroxetine useful for stuttering. Also atypical antipsychotics like risperidone and olanzapine. Clomipramine also is an amazing antidepressant. It has tons of side effects, but it has rescued me from the depths a couple times.
posted by persona au gratin at 2:47 AM on July 16, 2015

Maybe a volunteering situation where your interactions with others are scripted, so you don't have the opportunity to get into the kind of conversation you don't want to have, while still getting to be around people and making a positive contribution. Ticket taker at community theater, parking lot attendant at your county fair, server at a soup kitchen, Meals on Wheels deliverer, that kind of thing.
posted by lakeroon at 6:46 AM on July 16, 2015

This is your umpteenth question over the last three years about getting your life on track. It makes me sad, you are obviously a really bright and sensitive person who writes really well. You have not been given easy breaks in life, that much is clear, but you really need to get out of your own head and start taking some action, ANY action!

You are wasting a lot of time fretting over how to become employable, beat your depression and create an adult life for yourself. Clinical depression is a beast, and other people here can speak to dealing with that better than I can, but I really strongly urge you to try to volunteer somewhere, anywhere. This will give you a reason to get out of mom and dad's house from time to time, it could potentially help you with the career path you have been hoping for since college, and it will definitely help you gain perspective and realize there are other people who have been given even less advantages than you.
posted by cakelite at 7:13 AM on July 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Any self-help groups you could join?
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:55 AM on July 16, 2015

BONUS: Anything that helped you with emotional numbness and anhedonia when Prozac didn't?

(I am not a doctor but): Honestly, Wellbutrin. With my depression Prozac helped make the lows a lot less low, but Wellbutrin actually helped me feel.. uh, more well. Again I'm obviously not a position to recommend a specific medication for you, but I think it could be worth it to find someone who could help you add/adjust your meds (unfortunately I don't have any low-cost NYC recommendations for that).
posted by Asparagus at 9:16 AM on July 16, 2015

What cakelite said. I think you should do something, anything, anything at all, that gets out of what seems to be a long cycle of introspection/reflection on yourself and takes you towards interacting with other people outside your home. If you can't/don't want to do that, focus your energy on treating your depression with a therapist or psychiatrist. There isn't going to be much advice on this thread that you haven't already heard in one of your earlier threads.
posted by bimbam at 9:29 AM on July 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've recommended this place to so many people. IPTAR. signing up is really easy. Just call the number and leave your name and number and they'll call you back the next day to schedule an intake, which is just talking to a therapist for an hour. The intake costs 75 dollars. then they'll meet and decide who to match you with. It's really easy. they ask your income and bills and debt then when they match you with someone that person will give you a price. mine is 40 dollars a session but my friend pays 20 because of her student loans.
posted by [tk] at 11:23 AM on July 16, 2015

Have you ever looked into a psychosocial clubhouse? They're community organizations for people with mental health conditions that focus on decreasing stigma, and providing members with opportunities for socializing, volunteering, and assistance with employment. I've never used one myself (since I work full time I don't have the time to fit it in), but I met people when I was hospitalized who were members that were really happy with going to a clubhouse. It allowed them to structure their day and provided socialization opportunities where you're already with people with depression or other mental health conditions, so there was already a baseline of understanding where no one is going to judge you for being a moody wet blanket. It might also provide a good entry point to finding affordable mental health treatment. (There's even a LBGT clubhouse in Brooklyn, which from your question history seems like it might be helpful.)

In addition, NAMI-NYC has social groups for people with mental health conditions where they provide movie nights, pet therapy, gaming, and art. (I have not yet had the time to check them out either, but the pet therapy group sounds so fun!)

I know that it can seem counterintuitive to suggest socializing with other depressed people, but it can be a real relief to be in a social setting where you don't feel like the odd-one out, and especially with people who've been in your shoes and can have really good concrete suggestions for how to handle the same challenges.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 12:44 PM on July 16, 2015 [1 favorite]