Might be about to burn some bridges. How to deal?
July 7, 2015 11:26 AM Subscribe
Currently waiting for a contract for an internship that would start later this year. But I've been waiting so long for it to be official, that I've only now realised that maybe it isn't the right thing to do. Help?
I've been trying to organise an internship in Germany for months now through a consultant recommended by a friend of mine. The internship was actually supposed to start in April but that didn't work out, so I made alternative arrangements instead and have spent the past few months studying at a German university. It now looks like the internship could actually happen in a couple of months, but I'm still waiting for the contract. The contract would be for one year and would pay a little bit more than my current average monthly wage from my part-time job.
The bureaucratic side of things has been so slow and cumbersome and completely out of my control, that I haven't been willing or able to make official plans for the cross-country move yet. In case it falls through yet again, I haven't given notice at my current part-time job, nor have I made any attempts to find someone to take over my lease. The worst case scenario for the lease is that I end up paying rent here until the end of September while paying rent somewhere else from mid-August/early-September. I currently have a return flight booked back to Australia in October, though the ticket would be valid for any date until April. If I decide to do this internship, I will have to buy a new return ticket.
The issue is that over the past few days and with a bit of thinking, I have realised that this would be expensive for me:
x. placement fee for the consultant
x. double rent for 4-6 weeks
x. moving costs
x. new return ticket
It could easily set me back 2 or 3 months worth of living costs.
To top it all off, my partner has recently said that he most likely will not be coming to stay with my in the new city while I'm doing the internship, even though he could legally work there if he wanted to. This is a huge disappointment for me.
I'm having serious second thoughts about this whole thing. On the one hand, I'd love to be able to extend my trip for a year and be gaining some work experience and earning a little bit of money while doing that. On the other hand, I could just stay in the city I am in until October, keep working part-time, and then go back home and try to find a full-time job (even if it's just in a restaurant or something).
How do I work out what to do? If I decide not to go ahead with the internship, how do I minimize the amount of grief I get from the company and the consultant?
I've been trying to organise an internship in Germany for months now through a consultant recommended by a friend of mine. The internship was actually supposed to start in April but that didn't work out, so I made alternative arrangements instead and have spent the past few months studying at a German university. It now looks like the internship could actually happen in a couple of months, but I'm still waiting for the contract. The contract would be for one year and would pay a little bit more than my current average monthly wage from my part-time job.
The bureaucratic side of things has been so slow and cumbersome and completely out of my control, that I haven't been willing or able to make official plans for the cross-country move yet. In case it falls through yet again, I haven't given notice at my current part-time job, nor have I made any attempts to find someone to take over my lease. The worst case scenario for the lease is that I end up paying rent here until the end of September while paying rent somewhere else from mid-August/early-September. I currently have a return flight booked back to Australia in October, though the ticket would be valid for any date until April. If I decide to do this internship, I will have to buy a new return ticket.
The issue is that over the past few days and with a bit of thinking, I have realised that this would be expensive for me:
x. placement fee for the consultant
x. double rent for 4-6 weeks
x. moving costs
x. new return ticket
It could easily set me back 2 or 3 months worth of living costs.
To top it all off, my partner has recently said that he most likely will not be coming to stay with my in the new city while I'm doing the internship, even though he could legally work there if he wanted to. This is a huge disappointment for me.
I'm having serious second thoughts about this whole thing. On the one hand, I'd love to be able to extend my trip for a year and be gaining some work experience and earning a little bit of money while doing that. On the other hand, I could just stay in the city I am in until October, keep working part-time, and then go back home and try to find a full-time job (even if it's just in a restaurant or something).
How do I work out what to do? If I decide not to go ahead with the internship, how do I minimize the amount of grief I get from the company and the consultant?
how do I minimize the amount of grief I get from the company and the consultant?
People regularly drop out of these things if it takes too long. Neither the company nor the consultant should be particularly surprised if someone drops out after half a year. I work for a multinational and we regularly would like to bring people into the country. But not infrequently it takes so long to get the work permit that they have come up with plan B, C, …P and can't be asked to wait any longer. Work out what your theoretical options are, cost them out financially (costs incurred, income earned, less immediately tangible aspects like impact on your CV) and work out the relative merits of the different options. If, and as you've still not got the contract it remains an if, that contract comes through you can make a considered decision. If it doesn't come through you get on that, or another, plane and go with your alternative plans.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:43 AM on July 7, 2015
People regularly drop out of these things if it takes too long. Neither the company nor the consultant should be particularly surprised if someone drops out after half a year. I work for a multinational and we regularly would like to bring people into the country. But not infrequently it takes so long to get the work permit that they have come up with plan B, C, …P and can't be asked to wait any longer. Work out what your theoretical options are, cost them out financially (costs incurred, income earned, less immediately tangible aspects like impact on your CV) and work out the relative merits of the different options. If, and as you've still not got the contract it remains an if, that contract comes through you can make a considered decision. If it doesn't come through you get on that, or another, plane and go with your alternative plans.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:43 AM on July 7, 2015
You're an exceptionally considerate person. I wouldn't fret over telling someone who'd left me dangling for six months that during that time, my plans had changed.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:49 AM on July 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:49 AM on July 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Dear {Coordinator},
Thank you so much for the opportunity to intern at {Company}. Because of the delays in contracting and timing, I've accepted another internship. As a result, I must rescind my candidacy for yours. Thank you for this opportunity. I know you will have many successful interns in the future.
Best wishes,
Kinddieserzeit
posted by juniperesque at 11:53 AM on July 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Thank you so much for the opportunity to intern at {Company}. Because of the delays in contracting and timing, I've accepted another internship. As a result, I must rescind my candidacy for yours. Thank you for this opportunity. I know you will have many successful interns in the future.
Best wishes,
Kinddieserzeit
posted by juniperesque at 11:53 AM on July 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: AskMe is so kind. Thank you.
I'll try not to threadsit, but:
I guess why I feel bad is that only three weeks ago, when I got the "official" email about everything going ahead, I confirmed that I wanted to go ahead with the internship and that they should get the contract written up, which I really thought would only take a few days.
I think that if I had got the contract two and a half weeks ago, I would have felt in a better position to get everything organised for the move and I would be less hesitant. But even just a few days makes a big difference to me, because it pushes back the dates for doing anything that I need to do before the move but can't responsibly do until I have the contract. They know this, because I told them that 10 days ago and they told me that the contract was still in the works.
One example of an annoying thing: I'm only allowed to work 120 full days or 240 half days in a calendar year. Until I get the contract, I can't really be sure how many days I have to save up to do the internship and not violate my residence permit. I want to work as many days as I can at my current job to save money for the move, but I don't know how many I can use. And I have to give one months' notice.
Is it reasonable, though, if this 2.5 weeks (and counting, since I still don't have the contract) is the straw that breaks the camel's back in all these months of waiting?
posted by kinddieserzeit at 12:17 PM on July 7, 2015
I'll try not to threadsit, but:
I guess why I feel bad is that only three weeks ago, when I got the "official" email about everything going ahead, I confirmed that I wanted to go ahead with the internship and that they should get the contract written up, which I really thought would only take a few days.
I think that if I had got the contract two and a half weeks ago, I would have felt in a better position to get everything organised for the move and I would be less hesitant. But even just a few days makes a big difference to me, because it pushes back the dates for doing anything that I need to do before the move but can't responsibly do until I have the contract. They know this, because I told them that 10 days ago and they told me that the contract was still in the works.
One example of an annoying thing: I'm only allowed to work 120 full days or 240 half days in a calendar year. Until I get the contract, I can't really be sure how many days I have to save up to do the internship and not violate my residence permit. I want to work as many days as I can at my current job to save money for the move, but I don't know how many I can use. And I have to give one months' notice.
Is it reasonable, though, if this 2.5 weeks (and counting, since I still don't have the contract) is the straw that breaks the camel's back in all these months of waiting?
posted by kinddieserzeit at 12:17 PM on July 7, 2015
You could email them literally that. "I'm only allowed to work 120 full days or 240 half days in a calendar year. Until I get the contract, I can't really be sure how many days I have to save up to do the internship and not violate my residence permit. I want to work as many days as I can at my current job to save money for the move, but I don't know how many I can use. And I have to give one months' notice." Given those factors, if they don't email you with a complete contract within x amount of time, then you can't do it.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:20 PM on July 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:20 PM on July 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sorry but there is an extent to which this is reading "I can move and take a paid internship relevent to my career, or I can stay here with my boyfriend and waitress." Please consider that very carefully.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:16 PM on July 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 2:16 PM on July 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: My biggest concern is all the money that I will be down by signing on for a year and moving cities, rather than just staying in the current city a little bit longer and then returning home with a little bit of savings. Instead I could possibly end up in debt. This might sound horrible, but I think that part of the disappointment about my partner not coming here is that together we could have cut down on expenses a lot. We would have been able to live comfortably but also save a bit of money.
The money that I would lose in staying longer is not small - I'm talking 800 Euro for a new plane ticket, probably around 500 Euro in extra rent because rental contracts will overlap, at least 100 Euro just to get me to the new city. Plus commission for the consultant, which he raised because he negotiated for a slightly higher wage for me.
All this for an internship that I'm not sure is the best career move. It's only tangentially related to my studies and it's a complete unknown whether I'll be able to use the experience to find a permanent position afterwards. Obviously waitressing wouldn't be my first choice, it's a back-up plan. I'd try to find office work first.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:44 PM on July 7, 2015
The money that I would lose in staying longer is not small - I'm talking 800 Euro for a new plane ticket, probably around 500 Euro in extra rent because rental contracts will overlap, at least 100 Euro just to get me to the new city. Plus commission for the consultant, which he raised because he negotiated for a slightly higher wage for me.
All this for an internship that I'm not sure is the best career move. It's only tangentially related to my studies and it's a complete unknown whether I'll be able to use the experience to find a permanent position afterwards. Obviously waitressing wouldn't be my first choice, it's a back-up plan. I'd try to find office work first.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:44 PM on July 7, 2015
Best answer: The bureaucratic side of things has been so slow and cumbersome and completely out of my control
Yeah, welcome to Germany. Everything you've described is completely normal here. Things do work though, once you've had that official letter you can assume the contract etc is coming. That letter is actually fairly binding. At my University it's totally normal to sign your contract on your first day of work, including after moving internationally or whatever to get here. I can imagine the consultant will be a little surprised that you're not already putting things in motion to move, although I can also understand why you're not.
The benefit is that the bureaucracy is totally impersonal and expected. So no one will take it personally or be upset if you decide to pull put because it all took too long. They'll just move on to processing the next person. So you really don't need to worry about anyone's feelings here. Just be straight forward with them, tell them the facts they need ('I've decided not to do this internship after all') and not the stuff they don't need (complaints about bureaucracy that they can't change anyway, emotional stuff like apologies), then move on.
As for still taking the job (which I think you should at least fight for): there may be options to make it less expensive. For example, it's normal to find someone to take over your lease before the notice period is up so you don't pay the full amount. That probably depends on the rental market where you live but August/September is generally a good time if there are students around. Also, it's legally required to get at least five weeks holiday per year so you may still be able to go to Australia when you planned anyway. Sure the timing isn't great, but it's a long standing commitment you had going in to this so you can at least ask. The moving and consultant costs were there already, they just seem less palatable now you're feeling screwed over (understandably!). But those and the bureaucracy are the costs of doing this kind of thing in Germany so maybe you can reframe them in your mind to be less annoying. At the very least you'll get kick-arse health insurance in return.
Moving back home and being unemployed and/or taking a low paid job also has costs, including long term career costs that may be less obvious up front. Make sure you're making a considered decision and try not to be swayed by annoyance at paperwork problems.
posted by shelleycat at 12:06 AM on July 8, 2015
Yeah, welcome to Germany. Everything you've described is completely normal here. Things do work though, once you've had that official letter you can assume the contract etc is coming. That letter is actually fairly binding. At my University it's totally normal to sign your contract on your first day of work, including after moving internationally or whatever to get here. I can imagine the consultant will be a little surprised that you're not already putting things in motion to move, although I can also understand why you're not.
The benefit is that the bureaucracy is totally impersonal and expected. So no one will take it personally or be upset if you decide to pull put because it all took too long. They'll just move on to processing the next person. So you really don't need to worry about anyone's feelings here. Just be straight forward with them, tell them the facts they need ('I've decided not to do this internship after all') and not the stuff they don't need (complaints about bureaucracy that they can't change anyway, emotional stuff like apologies), then move on.
As for still taking the job (which I think you should at least fight for): there may be options to make it less expensive. For example, it's normal to find someone to take over your lease before the notice period is up so you don't pay the full amount. That probably depends on the rental market where you live but August/September is generally a good time if there are students around. Also, it's legally required to get at least five weeks holiday per year so you may still be able to go to Australia when you planned anyway. Sure the timing isn't great, but it's a long standing commitment you had going in to this so you can at least ask. The moving and consultant costs were there already, they just seem less palatable now you're feeling screwed over (understandably!). But those and the bureaucracy are the costs of doing this kind of thing in Germany so maybe you can reframe them in your mind to be less annoying. At the very least you'll get kick-arse health insurance in return.
Moving back home and being unemployed and/or taking a low paid job also has costs, including long term career costs that may be less obvious up front. Make sure you're making a considered decision and try not to be swayed by annoyance at paperwork problems.
posted by shelleycat at 12:06 AM on July 8, 2015
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You mean the people who've strung you along and kept you in limbo for months and months and months? They should be the ones worried about grief from YOU.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:32 AM on July 7, 2015 [13 favorites]