college transfer regrets
July 4, 2015 7:02 AM Subscribe
I attend Tiny Liberal Arts College. I applied to transfer to Awesome State University and was accepted and ended up deciding to stay at TLAC and now I feel fucking sick about it.
TLAC is fine in a lot of ways; it's a very nurturing environment, and I've found exceptional mentorship and friends here (I'm an upcoming junior). These relationships and my ability to study abroad affordably are why I decided to stay here, despite being accepted to my very exceptional state flagship. State Flagship is a phenomenal place - it is in one of the very best college towns and has fantastic resources in my area of interest. TLAC doesn't even offer the "right" major, let alone these other resources in the field.
That I'm staying at TLAC and not attending my wonderful state university in the fall makes me want to sob and vomit and then wallow in my sad fluids on a daily basis. I would not be able to study abroad at State Flagship because of credits; I'm set to go somewhere SUPER COOL in the fall semester through TLAC. TLAC is much more expensive than State Flagship, and my family is poor. But I'm in the very fortunate position of having a mother who is endlessly supportive and really recognizes and values the community I've found at TLAC, and so she encouraged me to stay at TLAC despite expenses (and will be helping me pay back loans).
Part of my sadness stems from the fact that State Flagship is a Very Big Deal and a super renowned institution; TLAC is very niche. Part of it stems from how TLAC doesn't challenge me or really meet my intellectual needs; I find myself bored in a lot of my classes, and it's very small, so I've already mined its offerings to locate an intellectual community and not really found anything that fits. (I haven't found anyone interested in forming this community.) I feel horrible voicing this complaint because it reads, even to me, as gross and snobby. I have wonderful friends at TLAC. But the discussions I want to have are not happening on this campus.
My decision to stay at TLAC was perhaps the hardest I've ever made. Ultimately, it came down to studying abroad, the great support of my mentor, the grants I've gotten, and, if I'm being honest, my lack of faith in my ability to transition smoothly. Transferring to Flagship scared me because it seemed likely to derail my progress with my ongoing depression/anxiety struggles; I worried that I wouldn't make friends, that I'd be depressed and lonely, and that I'd forfeit the resources I've found at TLAC only to flounder in the big pond. In terms of my mental health, I do very well at TLAC. Throwing myself into an unknown situation at Flagship after only being on my feet for a year and a half seemed infinitely scary and bad.
Now, I just feel like I squandered the opportunity to immerse myself in work that really engages me and to stretch myself to find new communities. I want to go to grad school for my area of interest, and because TLAC doesn't have anything on campus for me to do with interest, I'm worried grad school admissions will be impacted by my choice of institution (with the added factor that TLAC is very niche, and therefore not well-known). My mentor is going to work with me to figure out how I can do work on Interest at TLAC, but I'm worried my (still forming) plans won't ever actually come to fruition, a recurring problem at TLAC.
How do I deal? I know part of why I feel this way is that it's summer and I'm unhappy in my current summer situation. I'm away from my friends and my therapist and I'm bored and I'm doing a thing that has been very valuable in that I know that I have no interest in continuing to do this thing. I want to call up Flagship and beg them to let me register for classes and attend in the fall. I'm not sure I'm rational, you know? Sorry for any incoherence.
Thanks for any advice.
TLAC is fine in a lot of ways; it's a very nurturing environment, and I've found exceptional mentorship and friends here (I'm an upcoming junior). These relationships and my ability to study abroad affordably are why I decided to stay here, despite being accepted to my very exceptional state flagship. State Flagship is a phenomenal place - it is in one of the very best college towns and has fantastic resources in my area of interest. TLAC doesn't even offer the "right" major, let alone these other resources in the field.
That I'm staying at TLAC and not attending my wonderful state university in the fall makes me want to sob and vomit and then wallow in my sad fluids on a daily basis. I would not be able to study abroad at State Flagship because of credits; I'm set to go somewhere SUPER COOL in the fall semester through TLAC. TLAC is much more expensive than State Flagship, and my family is poor. But I'm in the very fortunate position of having a mother who is endlessly supportive and really recognizes and values the community I've found at TLAC, and so she encouraged me to stay at TLAC despite expenses (and will be helping me pay back loans).
Part of my sadness stems from the fact that State Flagship is a Very Big Deal and a super renowned institution; TLAC is very niche. Part of it stems from how TLAC doesn't challenge me or really meet my intellectual needs; I find myself bored in a lot of my classes, and it's very small, so I've already mined its offerings to locate an intellectual community and not really found anything that fits. (I haven't found anyone interested in forming this community.) I feel horrible voicing this complaint because it reads, even to me, as gross and snobby. I have wonderful friends at TLAC. But the discussions I want to have are not happening on this campus.
My decision to stay at TLAC was perhaps the hardest I've ever made. Ultimately, it came down to studying abroad, the great support of my mentor, the grants I've gotten, and, if I'm being honest, my lack of faith in my ability to transition smoothly. Transferring to Flagship scared me because it seemed likely to derail my progress with my ongoing depression/anxiety struggles; I worried that I wouldn't make friends, that I'd be depressed and lonely, and that I'd forfeit the resources I've found at TLAC only to flounder in the big pond. In terms of my mental health, I do very well at TLAC. Throwing myself into an unknown situation at Flagship after only being on my feet for a year and a half seemed infinitely scary and bad.
Now, I just feel like I squandered the opportunity to immerse myself in work that really engages me and to stretch myself to find new communities. I want to go to grad school for my area of interest, and because TLAC doesn't have anything on campus for me to do with interest, I'm worried grad school admissions will be impacted by my choice of institution (with the added factor that TLAC is very niche, and therefore not well-known). My mentor is going to work with me to figure out how I can do work on Interest at TLAC, but I'm worried my (still forming) plans won't ever actually come to fruition, a recurring problem at TLAC.
How do I deal? I know part of why I feel this way is that it's summer and I'm unhappy in my current summer situation. I'm away from my friends and my therapist and I'm bored and I'm doing a thing that has been very valuable in that I know that I have no interest in continuing to do this thing. I want to call up Flagship and beg them to let me register for classes and attend in the fall. I'm not sure I'm rational, you know? Sorry for any incoherence.
Thanks for any advice.
Re-reading, I'd also say that for a young person working on anxiety and depression issues (I have some experience of this also! Anxiety was a major driver of my decision to transfer—I essentially applied in the middle of a big freak-out about the status of my friendships) stability is a really valuable thing. If you have to delay intellectual stimulation in favor of cementing your mental health, and your skills at dealing with your challenges, that's not a bad thing at all. I'm sorry you're bored in your classes, and I hope you are able to find some of the intellectual stimulation you're looking for, but travel, friends, and supportive community can be good things.
posted by not that girl at 7:26 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by not that girl at 7:26 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
I went to a small liberal arts college as an undergraduate and did my graduate work at a big, prestigious university. I am really glad I did it that way -- the undergrads I saw (and taught as a TA) at the big school had a much less rigorous and focused experience than I received, whereas as a graduate student I was lavished with professorial attention and time that the undergrads had no access to.
The grass is always greener, but honestly I doubt that twenty years from now either choice will turn out to have been totally transformative or totally awful. I think you are making the right choice because of the travel opportunity alone, plus the advantage of having an engaged adviser who will work with you to shape your course of study.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:33 AM on July 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
The grass is always greener, but honestly I doubt that twenty years from now either choice will turn out to have been totally transformative or totally awful. I think you are making the right choice because of the travel opportunity alone, plus the advantage of having an engaged adviser who will work with you to shape your course of study.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:33 AM on July 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
To be honest, I would call State Flagship on Monday and do everything I could to get there in the fall. Life is short. Don't walk around with regret and unhappiness like that.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:43 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:43 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I went to Awesome State University in the 80s and 90s. You are for sure romanticizing its intellectual qualities. The best intellectual experiences it supplied institutionally are all online now: interesting reading lists, interesting lectures, etc. And the best intellectual experiences it supplied through social engagement had little to do with my own interests: what was cool about it was hearing what other people were interested in, which you may be able to do at TLAC and/or online (you're in a decent place for that, IMO).
It's true I was able to major in what I was interested in, but the department's specialties weren't really those that I pursued in grad school, and the grad school I went to was accustomed to accepting folks who'd majored in related disciplines--our department actually had relatively few people who'd majored in the field as undergrads. What really counted most for grad school was the independent reading I'd done, usually based on following syllabuses for classes I hadn't taken.
I'm not trying to tell you Awesome State U. is all bad but rather that my experience of it didn't include much of what you're imagining. Where it actually shined was in supplying a vast social network of people my age for hobbies and dating. And for some fields (especially STEM fields), it might be easier to get research experience at Awesome State U. Those don't sound like problems you're having with TLAC, but if they are, then I think that's more realistic stuff to hope for.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 7:46 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's true I was able to major in what I was interested in, but the department's specialties weren't really those that I pursued in grad school, and the grad school I went to was accustomed to accepting folks who'd majored in related disciplines--our department actually had relatively few people who'd majored in the field as undergrads. What really counted most for grad school was the independent reading I'd done, usually based on following syllabuses for classes I hadn't taken.
I'm not trying to tell you Awesome State U. is all bad but rather that my experience of it didn't include much of what you're imagining. Where it actually shined was in supplying a vast social network of people my age for hobbies and dating. And for some fields (especially STEM fields), it might be easier to get research experience at Awesome State U. Those don't sound like problems you're having with TLAC, but if they are, then I think that's more realistic stuff to hope for.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 7:46 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
My rule of thumb: Whenever you list out all the pros and cons and TLDRs and whataboutthisorthats, the thing you say last is what you really want, and you're really just looking for permission.
I want to call up Flagship and beg them to let me register for classes and attend in the fall.
Do it. They'll understand.
More specific advice: You've got what you want out of TLAC, so don't just leave that behind. Tell your friends and your contacts and your mentor "I really want to do X, and State Flagship is the right place for me to start doing that. But I loved being here at TLAC so much, and I really hope we won't fall out of contact." And mean it. Because here's the thing about college: it's not about the classes. It's not about the internships or the study abroad or the football stadium or any of that stuff. It's about building a network. Whether that's the formal alumni association or the professor who knows everybody in field X and can call them up and say "Give OP a job, because OP is pretty damn smart" or that guy you met that one time who you see in USA Today running a charity in Bangladesh that you really want to work with.
So keep your TLAC network strong, and build a new one at State Flagship.
posted by Etrigan at 7:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
I want to call up Flagship and beg them to let me register for classes and attend in the fall.
Do it. They'll understand.
More specific advice: You've got what you want out of TLAC, so don't just leave that behind. Tell your friends and your contacts and your mentor "I really want to do X, and State Flagship is the right place for me to start doing that. But I loved being here at TLAC so much, and I really hope we won't fall out of contact." And mean it. Because here's the thing about college: it's not about the classes. It's not about the internships or the study abroad or the football stadium or any of that stuff. It's about building a network. Whether that's the formal alumni association or the professor who knows everybody in field X and can call them up and say "Give OP a job, because OP is pretty damn smart" or that guy you met that one time who you see in USA Today running a charity in Bangladesh that you really want to work with.
So keep your TLAC network strong, and build a new one at State Flagship.
posted by Etrigan at 7:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
How far along are you? Maybe you could transfer next year, after your study abroad ends.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:55 AM on July 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:55 AM on July 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
The good and bad news is that there are likely no objectively right decisions here.
I stayed at TLAC and, eight years later, still wonder whether it was the right choice. On darker days, I sometimes feel like it left me unprepared for the career I wanted. But I get to complain about this to my TLAC friends who remain the best, smartest, closest, most passionate, most loved people in my life. And, after a few years of wandering in the desert, it turns out that my particular flavor of liberal arts background has gotten me in the door at the best jobs I've ever had.
While I continue to wrestle with that decision, here's what I've learned about finding the right education over the years (and I'm nearing completion on my second graduate degree, so I should at least kinda know what I'm talking about):
- Are you certain that Flagship is actually the bee's knees? Have you sat in on classes? Have you spoken to professors? Have you spoken to students? Do it now, whether or not you can change your decision or reapply in the future. The heart-wrenching feeling you have is often based on a lack of information. Fill in the gaps and you may find that you know what you have to do.
- Doors are seldom shut. You should make a phone call on Monday and find out if they still have a place for you. I recently turned down a job offer, tossed and turned all night, and called back in the morning to sheepishly accept. Life can be more flexible than you'd think.
Long before I agonized about staying at TLAC, I agonized about moving from a Small Private Elementary School to a Gigantic NYC Public High School. When I later went on to TLAC, it turned out that many of my old friends from SPES had wound up there as well. We were able to compare notes and were all bettered for our varied life experiences.
My point is, life finds a way. Your choices today do not define you. You may make a different choice tomorrow — a grad school, an internship, a job — and over time the larger structure of these choices will matter far more than today's decision.
Best of luck to you.
posted by thejoshu at 8:09 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I stayed at TLAC and, eight years later, still wonder whether it was the right choice. On darker days, I sometimes feel like it left me unprepared for the career I wanted. But I get to complain about this to my TLAC friends who remain the best, smartest, closest, most passionate, most loved people in my life. And, after a few years of wandering in the desert, it turns out that my particular flavor of liberal arts background has gotten me in the door at the best jobs I've ever had.
While I continue to wrestle with that decision, here's what I've learned about finding the right education over the years (and I'm nearing completion on my second graduate degree, so I should at least kinda know what I'm talking about):
- Are you certain that Flagship is actually the bee's knees? Have you sat in on classes? Have you spoken to professors? Have you spoken to students? Do it now, whether or not you can change your decision or reapply in the future. The heart-wrenching feeling you have is often based on a lack of information. Fill in the gaps and you may find that you know what you have to do.
- Doors are seldom shut. You should make a phone call on Monday and find out if they still have a place for you. I recently turned down a job offer, tossed and turned all night, and called back in the morning to sheepishly accept. Life can be more flexible than you'd think.
Long before I agonized about staying at TLAC, I agonized about moving from a Small Private Elementary School to a Gigantic NYC Public High School. When I later went on to TLAC, it turned out that many of my old friends from SPES had wound up there as well. We were able to compare notes and were all bettered for our varied life experiences.
My point is, life finds a way. Your choices today do not define you. You may make a different choice tomorrow — a grad school, an internship, a job — and over time the larger structure of these choices will matter far more than today's decision.
Best of luck to you.
posted by thejoshu at 8:09 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
My concern is...going from a place where you have social support to starting all over is going to be really rough on your mental health. It is much, much harder to meet friends at Big State U than Small Liberal Arts College, period but even harder as a transfer student. It's harder to just...fall into friendships.
The grass is always greener on the other side. My friends who went to liberal arts colleges had an easier time making friends, had better relationships with their professors (important for recs), and if something happened, people noticed. I could have fallen off the face of the Earth and no one would know at big state u. Not great for someone with mental illness.
And about that intellectualism you seek? Not sure you're going to magically find that at state u. Even when I went to an elite college, you had to search for it, same as all the other colleges I went to. I had some great professors, some terrible, and everything in between but I think the best way to find intellectual challenge is through research honestly, at the undergraduate level. Or just dive into it yourself.
Also in my experience, big state colleges have tons of red tape - it may not be possible to start this semester. Financial aid could be an issue, and take it from me, don't extend your college experience any more than you have to.
My experience: I attended 3 colleges as an undergrad, a medium-sized elite school, a large but felt small community college and a huge state u
posted by Aranquis at 8:12 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
The grass is always greener on the other side. My friends who went to liberal arts colleges had an easier time making friends, had better relationships with their professors (important for recs), and if something happened, people noticed. I could have fallen off the face of the Earth and no one would know at big state u. Not great for someone with mental illness.
And about that intellectualism you seek? Not sure you're going to magically find that at state u. Even when I went to an elite college, you had to search for it, same as all the other colleges I went to. I had some great professors, some terrible, and everything in between but I think the best way to find intellectual challenge is through research honestly, at the undergraduate level. Or just dive into it yourself.
Also in my experience, big state colleges have tons of red tape - it may not be possible to start this semester. Financial aid could be an issue, and take it from me, don't extend your college experience any more than you have to.
My experience: I attended 3 colleges as an undergrad, a medium-sized elite school, a large but felt small community college and a huge state u
posted by Aranquis at 8:12 AM on July 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
I could have written this question myself five years ago (well, I never actually applied to transfer but it was always this big decision-stay or go). Stayed at TLAC for the fin aid, the study aboard semester, and because I was comfortable, but TLAC was never really the right fit.
Five years later, when I look back, I have no idea what would have been the right decision, but I'm not tortured by the question. Maybe the state school would have been incredible, maybe it would have been isolating and terrible. At TLAC, I had a fantastic study abroad experience, and I had some good times and had the opportunity to dig more deeply into my field of study in the last two years. Maybe my college experience was not All That It Could Be, but it was fine and it was only a few years of my life, and I doubt that I'd be anywhere different now if I'd transferred.
posted by geegollygosh at 8:16 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Five years later, when I look back, I have no idea what would have been the right decision, but I'm not tortured by the question. Maybe the state school would have been incredible, maybe it would have been isolating and terrible. At TLAC, I had a fantastic study abroad experience, and I had some good times and had the opportunity to dig more deeply into my field of study in the last two years. Maybe my college experience was not All That It Could Be, but it was fine and it was only a few years of my life, and I doubt that I'd be anywhere different now if I'd transferred.
posted by geegollygosh at 8:16 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
(Oh, one more important note. That job I rejected, tossed and turned over and then accepted? Wasn't that great.)
posted by thejoshu at 8:22 AM on July 4, 2015
posted by thejoshu at 8:22 AM on July 4, 2015
My answer depends on exactly how much debt you are taking on. It sounds like your small college could really pay off professionally because you will get great recommendations and access to opportunities you might miss at the big university.
But if you are going to graduate from the small college with massive private student loan or parent PLUS debt - that might not be worth it.
posted by yarly at 8:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
But if you are going to graduate from the small college with massive private student loan or parent PLUS debt - that might not be worth it.
posted by yarly at 8:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Have you actually withdrawn your acceptance to BigU? Because if not, you probably can defer going for a year---which would let you go on your study abroad trip.
(Although, I attended a SLAC, went to graduate school at AwesomeBigFlagshipU, and I currently teach at MediumFlagshipU, and no question, I would rather my daughter go to a SLAC than BigU. I think the opportunities you have at a SLAC for close relationships with professors and peers often is more valuable than the variety of courses available at BigU. Depends on your major, of course, and the quality of the SLAC.)
posted by leahwrenn at 9:16 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
(Although, I attended a SLAC, went to graduate school at AwesomeBigFlagshipU, and I currently teach at MediumFlagshipU, and no question, I would rather my daughter go to a SLAC than BigU. I think the opportunities you have at a SLAC for close relationships with professors and peers often is more valuable than the variety of courses available at BigU. Depends on your major, of course, and the quality of the SLAC.)
posted by leahwrenn at 9:16 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
If you are running up debt to attend TLAC and not getting a great education out of it, I would absolutely recommend pursuing switching to the better, cheaper school. Not having an immense debt hanging over your head is huge. It's sometimes worth it these days if you're getting a killer education, but it doesn't sound like you are.
posted by Candleman at 9:25 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Candleman at 9:25 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can't speak to the debt portion of the question, but as far as grad school goes: I went to a TLAC for undergraduate in a particular discipline. I'm now in a PhD program in a big public university (quite a respected one, I think) for a related field that isn't the discipline I originally studied.
I took two years off between my undergrad and grad school to pursue some interests in related discipline, and sort of find my feet on my own. I'm really glad I did. The combination of my very strong academic record from my TLAC, the wonderful letters of recommendation I got because my faculty really knew me (as they wouldn't be able to at a larger school), the social networks I built up at my TLAC (which will probably be very helpful to you when considering grad schools), and the time I took to work hands-on in my related discipline made me a very strong candidate (as in, I got secured funding in a program that doesn't usually do that.)
I think if you're careful and you take every opportunity to pursue your interest in formal or informal capacities, you can do the same. You're very smart to be thinking about this in advance and that puts you ahead of 85% of undergrads already.
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:46 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I took two years off between my undergrad and grad school to pursue some interests in related discipline, and sort of find my feet on my own. I'm really glad I did. The combination of my very strong academic record from my TLAC, the wonderful letters of recommendation I got because my faculty really knew me (as they wouldn't be able to at a larger school), the social networks I built up at my TLAC (which will probably be very helpful to you when considering grad schools), and the time I took to work hands-on in my related discipline made me a very strong candidate (as in, I got secured funding in a program that doesn't usually do that.)
I think if you're careful and you take every opportunity to pursue your interest in formal or informal capacities, you can do the same. You're very smart to be thinking about this in advance and that puts you ahead of 85% of undergrads already.
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:46 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm going to hazard a guess that you're either in Ohio or Michigan. (The combo of teeny liberal arts schools and massive, hero-worshipped state schools pops up there more than anywhere else, I feel like.)
I went to a TLAC in Ohio (memail me if you want to know which one!) and later got a masters not just at Flagship State School, but at Globally Renowned University. I expected so much from GRU because I only had TLAC to base my expectations on -- and, I thought to myself, if TLAC can do this much for me, GRU should be mindblowing!
Except it wasn't. It was big, bureaucratic, and up its own arse. I'm so lucky to have had my time at TLAC, even though I didn't have the "right" major or the "right" experiences. I had an amazing study abroad trip, learned more than I've ever learned anywhere else, and built up a pedigree of experiences that have served me in every job I've had since.
Graduate schools will have a million pre-med majors to choose from. They won't have a ton of biomedical humanities majors or bioethics majors or -- hell -- English majors, and those people will stand out. Being one of those people is a good thing. I promise.
posted by harperpitt at 10:02 AM on July 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
I went to a TLAC in Ohio (memail me if you want to know which one!) and later got a masters not just at Flagship State School, but at Globally Renowned University. I expected so much from GRU because I only had TLAC to base my expectations on -- and, I thought to myself, if TLAC can do this much for me, GRU should be mindblowing!
Except it wasn't. It was big, bureaucratic, and up its own arse. I'm so lucky to have had my time at TLAC, even though I didn't have the "right" major or the "right" experiences. I had an amazing study abroad trip, learned more than I've ever learned anywhere else, and built up a pedigree of experiences that have served me in every job I've had since.
Graduate schools will have a million pre-med majors to choose from. They won't have a ton of biomedical humanities majors or bioethics majors or -- hell -- English majors, and those people will stand out. Being one of those people is a good thing. I promise.
posted by harperpitt at 10:02 AM on July 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
My experience with anxiety is that I make a very well thought out smart decision and then the anxiety comes out in the form of "oh no, I made the wrong decision." I do think you could call back BFU if you want. But imagine that you just got accepted by BFU and turned down TLAC; would you be feeling happy and calm or feeling a different version of the same worry? I'll try to justify the decision to you, because I suspect you might be able to relax and trust you made the right decision.
For some people, going abroad IS awesome and a life-changing experience. If you can't, no biggie, but if you're excited about it, I think it's a good reason to stay.
I also think your point about the adjustment time period is an important one. It can take a year or more to get used to a new place and to start to make good friends, and if that might destabilize your mental health, all the more reason to stay. Enormous universities can be lonely places, especially joining at a time when others already have their established friend groups. It's not that you couldn't do it -- if you threw yourself into it, you probably could -- but you're right, it is a little risky and won't be instantaneous.
I highly doubt grad schools will care that you didn't major in your interest. In fact, knowing that you did XYZ to pursue that interest with your mentor might speak just as highly, if not more. You can always reach beyond your current institution for more educational resources, if you stayed at TLAC. And since you want to go to grad school, not studying your topic as intensively now will probably be fine career-wise.
In short, enjoy your amazing adventure abroad and then finish out the short three semesters at a place where you feel loved and at home, using that mental health to study your interest via online courses or self guided special study. Also, know that you can always reconsider this after your trip abroad.
Good luck! Anxiety sucks. Either way, this won't make or break your life. You will do great and go on to a new phase of life where you'll have new decisions to make.
posted by salvia at 12:40 PM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
For some people, going abroad IS awesome and a life-changing experience. If you can't, no biggie, but if you're excited about it, I think it's a good reason to stay.
I also think your point about the adjustment time period is an important one. It can take a year or more to get used to a new place and to start to make good friends, and if that might destabilize your mental health, all the more reason to stay. Enormous universities can be lonely places, especially joining at a time when others already have their established friend groups. It's not that you couldn't do it -- if you threw yourself into it, you probably could -- but you're right, it is a little risky and won't be instantaneous.
I highly doubt grad schools will care that you didn't major in your interest. In fact, knowing that you did XYZ to pursue that interest with your mentor might speak just as highly, if not more. You can always reach beyond your current institution for more educational resources, if you stayed at TLAC. And since you want to go to grad school, not studying your topic as intensively now will probably be fine career-wise.
In short, enjoy your amazing adventure abroad and then finish out the short three semesters at a place where you feel loved and at home, using that mental health to study your interest via online courses or self guided special study. Also, know that you can always reconsider this after your trip abroad.
Good luck! Anxiety sucks. Either way, this won't make or break your life. You will do great and go on to a new phase of life where you'll have new decisions to make.
posted by salvia at 12:40 PM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, is there a way you could test your assumptions? It's only July. Could you go to BFU's town and see if you'd enjoy living there? Sounds like your current situation is no good.
I considered transferring but went on a long visit and got somewhat over my enchantment, allowing me to finish out at my original university without wondering what I missed out on. The funny thing is that I then moved to Transfer U's state and have a ton of friends who themselves ended up transferring into Transfer U, so I feel like the two possible life paths already converged. I'm sure transferring would've brought cool things into my life. But by staying, I got to really deepen my friendships with Original U friends in the fun, nostalgia-soaked senior year.
posted by salvia at 12:49 PM on July 4, 2015
I considered transferring but went on a long visit and got somewhat over my enchantment, allowing me to finish out at my original university without wondering what I missed out on. The funny thing is that I then moved to Transfer U's state and have a ton of friends who themselves ended up transferring into Transfer U, so I feel like the two possible life paths already converged. I'm sure transferring would've brought cool things into my life. But by staying, I got to really deepen my friendships with Original U friends in the fun, nostalgia-soaked senior year.
posted by salvia at 12:49 PM on July 4, 2015
My study abroad experiences were such a major game-changer for me, I wouldn't have given them up for the world. I would go on your study abroad and then transfer to the state school if you still want to do that afterward. You may not at that point! But it seems like a big thing to give up, all things considered. School is about learning how to learn and living experiences, not about what you major in.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:48 AM on July 5, 2015
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:48 AM on July 5, 2015
Speaking as someone who has been out of school for years and years, you will never stop wondering if you: 1. Went to the right school, 2. Had the right major, 3. Took the right classes, 4. Had the best possible friend-circle, 5. Attended the best extracurriculars... And you know what? If I had done everything differently? I'd *still* be asking the exact same questions. The grass, comparative colors, boundaries between meadows etc etc.
Perfection is impossible. It is a counter-productive concept if it hurts you from trying to grow and achieve.
My gut reaction to what you wrote is for you to stay at your tiny school. You're doing great there! If you're intellectually understimulated, get the reading lists and syllabuses for classes you'd be taking at Big U. Seriously. Class discussion is huge in humanities-education yes, but if you're going to be a junior, you know what kind of questions are discussed and how those things operate; what I'm saying is, you can totally DIY a great deal of intellectual satisfaction just by reading the right things and engaging with them however you can.
The old saw is that you get out what you put in. If you're bored in your classes, talk to your professors about what stuff they wanted to include in the class but cut for time reasons. Learn that in addition to the scheduled material, and chat with them in office hours about it (this is how you get spoiled for letters-of-recommendation options).
Start a study group with the kids that have the biggest, most ravenous brains you can find. Create a zine with them, or by yourself. Take the time to learn to code and put up a website about an extremely niche topic that you're extremely passionate about (or just set up a WordPress site on free hosting, or start a Tumblr). I mean, there's blogs specializing in screengrabs of corridors in sci-fi movies and on the eight million different ways one can lace their sneakers. There's something super cool that you can turn lots of other people on to.
Another fantastic use of your time? Interview people whom you admire. I had crazy success cold emailing people in the field I wanted to go into and saying I wanted to do an informational interview. Or, again with the zine or web-presence, write up an actual interview and post it. Knock it out of the park.
You might not be intellectually interested in any of the stuff that I wrote about above, but you know what makes you impassioned. You do you, kid.
A word of caution: there is an endless amount of things to do. Don't burn yourself out. It's ok to just be, to hang out with friends and play flippy cup and whatever. If you're getting good grades, building up your publications list or CV or resume or whatever the heck, you're on track. There's no "winning" in life because it's not a game to be won. I'm mentioning this because I suspect you buy into external definitions of success... like pretty much 100% of the rest of everyone. It's not practical to excise all of that, especially not at once, so my only practical point is to fulfill yourself however you feel is best, but don't hurt yourself along the way.
Best luck, whatever you end up choosing.
posted by wires at 11:49 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Perfection is impossible. It is a counter-productive concept if it hurts you from trying to grow and achieve.
My gut reaction to what you wrote is for you to stay at your tiny school. You're doing great there! If you're intellectually understimulated, get the reading lists and syllabuses for classes you'd be taking at Big U. Seriously. Class discussion is huge in humanities-education yes, but if you're going to be a junior, you know what kind of questions are discussed and how those things operate; what I'm saying is, you can totally DIY a great deal of intellectual satisfaction just by reading the right things and engaging with them however you can.
The old saw is that you get out what you put in. If you're bored in your classes, talk to your professors about what stuff they wanted to include in the class but cut for time reasons. Learn that in addition to the scheduled material, and chat with them in office hours about it (this is how you get spoiled for letters-of-recommendation options).
Start a study group with the kids that have the biggest, most ravenous brains you can find. Create a zine with them, or by yourself. Take the time to learn to code and put up a website about an extremely niche topic that you're extremely passionate about (or just set up a WordPress site on free hosting, or start a Tumblr). I mean, there's blogs specializing in screengrabs of corridors in sci-fi movies and on the eight million different ways one can lace their sneakers. There's something super cool that you can turn lots of other people on to.
Another fantastic use of your time? Interview people whom you admire. I had crazy success cold emailing people in the field I wanted to go into and saying I wanted to do an informational interview. Or, again with the zine or web-presence, write up an actual interview and post it. Knock it out of the park.
You might not be intellectually interested in any of the stuff that I wrote about above, but you know what makes you impassioned. You do you, kid.
A word of caution: there is an endless amount of things to do. Don't burn yourself out. It's ok to just be, to hang out with friends and play flippy cup and whatever. If you're getting good grades, building up your publications list or CV or resume or whatever the heck, you're on track. There's no "winning" in life because it's not a game to be won. I'm mentioning this because I suspect you buy into external definitions of success... like pretty much 100% of the rest of everyone. It's not practical to excise all of that, especially not at once, so my only practical point is to fulfill yourself however you feel is best, but don't hurt yourself along the way.
Best luck, whatever you end up choosing.
posted by wires at 11:49 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
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Here's the thing: I graduated from college in 1987. And nearly 30 years later, I still have a mix of happiness and regret about transferring. I don't think I made the wrong decision; but I don't think staying at SSU would have been the wrong decision either. It would have been a very different experience, and sometimes I feel sorry I missed out on that; but if I'd stayed, I think I'd be sorry I missed out on the experience of BFU.
I also eventually did an MFA at a TLAC (Goddard College), and my educational experience there was great, and not like anything I'd experienced at any of the state universities I'd attended (four by then, for undergraduate and an MA). My Goddard degree didn't pay a financial return, but it is an experience I wouldn't have missed for the world.
One thing I know as a middle-aged person is that you have more time than you think. If you're not just having an anxiety attack as you second-guess your decision to stay, and think you really do want to transfer to ASU, call them up. It's unlikely you can get into the fall session, but you might be able to get into the spring semester. Or you might have to wait a year; you could spend that year living in a crappy house with a bunch of people in the vicinity of either TLAC or ASU, working food service for money.
A lot of my friends (me included) majored in unmarketable fields like Women's Studies and Liberation Studies and Comparative Religion. College, for us, was definitely about the intellectual and social experience, rather than being career and finance oriented. Many of us graduated and worked in marginal jobs for awhile: produce manager at a food co-op; minion at an alternative magazine; canvassing for PIRG. And then, in our late 20s, many of us went back to school to become social workers, computer programmers, physician assistants, and so on. It's not necessarily a great plan if you're going to come out of school with student loans, but it's also not the end of the world if a great college experience doesn't lead directly to a lucrative career.
The most important thing I would say to you is that, whatever you decide, it will be OK. If you stay at TLAC, you're going to have a great experience in the way that TLAC provides that, and if you end up at ASU, you'll have a different great experience. And, if you're like me, you may always be a bit wistful about the experience you didn't get to have even as you're happy about the one you did.
posted by not that girl at 7:21 AM on July 4, 2015 [13 favorites]