Dating dilemma: Should I text this guy again or is it done?
April 23, 2015 2:45 PM   Subscribe

I've gone out a few times with a friend of a friend. Although initially he texted me a lot, he's stopped and I want to know if I should text him (again). My minimal dating experience and social anxiety are making it difficult for me to decide what to do. Way more detail inside.

Warning: A lot of “texting back and forth” and general dating confusion.

About me: I'm a 25-year-old woman living in a big city. I've had two long term relationships (both about a year and a half long). I've never really dated in the traditional sense. The past few months I've been going on dates with guys I've met through dating apps. I haven't met anyone that I've really wanted to go out with again.

About him: He's 26 and living in the same city. Let's call him Tom. He's friends with two of my friends (John and Jane), who are all in the same friend group. They’ve all been friends for many years and spend a lot of time together. I spend time with the group usually about once a month.

Context: I went out with John and Jane and some of their friends about a month ago. Tom was there and I decided to add him on Facebook later that day. He sent me a message and we began talking for several days before he asked me to grab drinks. It was just before a major holiday and we made tentative plans to meet the week after the beginning of the holiday (which he traveled home for and I spent partially with John and Jane). Our conversation moved to texting and we texted a quite a bit over the weekend.

Tom texted me two days in advance to set our plans and we met for drinks. It was surprisingly fun. He's easy to talk to and we have a lot in common. He asked me to let him know when I made it home and he sent a follow up text about something we talked about the next day. That Friday I texted him and he invited me to go out with some of the friend group. He walked me back and kissed me good night. He texted me Saturday and Sunday and we talked back and forth. He asked me if I’d want to go out again the next week. The day of our plans he texted to cancel because he got caught at work. Later that night he texted me when he was off and we messaged back and forth (very conversational which is how we’d been interacting). I was a little frustrated that he hadn’t asked to reschedule and asked him if he’d like to. He said “definitely” and we did.

The night before our date I hadn’t heard from him and didn’t know a time or place. I sent him a jokey, conversational message and we talked back and forth before I asked if there was any plan. He suggested a time and place and we continued talking. He ended up inviting me to stop by his place (I was out) and I did. We spent several hours talking and he walked me back and kissed me good night.

The next night we met for dinner and had a really great time. He made plans with some friends for after and I was a little disappointed. When we couldn’t find the place that he wanted for dessert I suggested stopping by his place for a drink because I had left something there the night before and could grab it before he needed to meet his friends. In the end, the plans with his friends didn’t work out and we spent several hours talking and kissing and I stayed the night. He seemed a little self conscious/anxious at times, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. In the morning, we cuddled and talked for a few hours in bed, which was really nice, and he drove me home. He seemed reluctant for me to leave. He kissed me goodbye and said “talk to you later.”

I didn’t hear from him for two days so I sent a jokey, casual message. He responded quickly and we talked back and forth off and on for a few hours. When his messages started to get shorter and further apart, I said good night. Since then, it’s been another three days and I haven’t heard anything. I know he’s traveling for work now and will be gone for a week. He does have access to his phone. On Tuesday night I made the mistake of looking at his profile on an online dating site and noticed that he’d switched out his photo.

I’m not sure how to proceed. I really really like this guy but I’m worried that he’s lost interest in me. I’m so sorry for the ridiculous level of detail but I’m really anxious about relationships/dating stuff (not when I’m with the person, but when I’m not and I'm obsessing over what they could be thinking). I’m replaying everything in my head trying to decide if I did something wrong or if I’m just reading too much into things. It really bothered me that he didn’t get in touch after I spent the night. The online dating stuff makes me feel like he’s looking for someone else/better. (We did briefly talk about dating and he said he’s only gone on a few dates in the last year and that he prefers to meet people "naturally" rather than online.)

I figure my options are:
1. Send him a message asking about his trip later tonight or tomorrow. Depending on how he responds, I could ask him to grab drinks/dinner next week. I’m worried about seeming desperate or overeager.
2. Wait until the end of the weekend and do 1.
3. Wait to see if he gets in touch with me. I reached out to him earlier in the week and to clarify our plans last weekend so it’s “his turn" to initiate contact.

Other stuff: I’m actually not a fan of having conversations over text but he seems like a phone call averse guy. I've resolved not to look at his dating profile again because it made me feel bad and creepy. I am looking into seeing a therapist soon because I really need to deal with my anxiety.

TL;DR: Communication from a guy I am (was?) seeing completely dropped off. Should I text him one more time or let it go?
posted by peppermintchaya to Human Relations (28 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
I think 3. You've put yourself out there, your interest is clear. I think if he's interested, he'll let you know. Also, do
4. Busy yourself with your own activities, and stay open to possibilities with other men.
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:53 PM on April 23, 2015 [9 favorites]


You never know what's going on until you ask. He may have lost interest, his dog may have died, he may have broken his phone.

Keep it light, invite him to get together for something casual.
posted by adamrice at 2:53 PM on April 23, 2015


Dude, this is so just the way online dating is. It sucks but pretty much everyone has two or three dates they're juggling at any one time, and it leads to people (both men and women) keeping their options open. Of course I am not psychic but I would bet money that this guy was corresponding with at least one other lady and right now he is deciding if you're #1 or #2 in the running.

Depends on how much you like him. You could accept it and go with it and try to ride it out and just be awesome and hope you pull into the lead. I think that's a fairly normal thing to do in the early stages of online dating, but a little more difficult past the staying over stage and when it's been going on for a few weeks. (Waaaaay less difficult than if you'd slept together though.)

Or you could just pull the plug. Message him or not, it really doesn't matter. You are not anxious and neurotic about this, I hate when people blame themselves for just wanting a call back. But yes, he's not all in.

I would date other people if I were you, and keep him on the backburner as he is doing for you. Could make him get closer, might not. No way to tell.
posted by quincunx at 2:56 PM on April 23, 2015


Best answer: Stop sending "jokey, casual" messages. If you want the guy's attention, ask for it!

Send him a text that says this:

"Hey, Tom! Want to go out this weekend? There's a new [Ethiopian place] I've been wanting to try. Are you free this [Saturday] at [7]? My treat!"

(Adjust time/location accordingly.)

There are two acceptable responses:

1) Yes
2) That time doesn't work, how about Sunday at 6?

If it's anything else other than enthusiasm+concrete plans, then this guy is not that into you and it's not gonna happen.
posted by phunniemee at 2:57 PM on April 23, 2015 [49 favorites]


I would not do any of the above. I suggest trying this really scary thing called Being Honest:

Call or text, but either way, ask the guy straight up if he's interested. Let him know that you think he's great but you're kinda getting odd vibes and would love to know what's up. Try to keep it light, don't be all accusatory, sure, acknowledge he has a lot going on, but still, ask him if he's into you.

I would not invite him to anything else. I'd just ask him what the deal is and let him ask you if he wants to see you again.
posted by Gray Skies at 3:01 PM on April 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


#3 is what I would do. I believe in saying what you want, but I don't think you need to here. I think you've already made it clear. And I think if you stop communicating, either (i) he'll reach out, which is what you want anyway, or (ii) he won't, which tells you about how invested he is/isn't in you. If (i), letting him take the initiative could spark greater interest because it shows him that you've got so much other good stuff going on in your life that you don't even notice when he's quiet for a while. And if you don't already have that much other good stuff going on in your life, I recommend you get more. More good stuff is always better.
posted by janey47 at 3:01 PM on April 23, 2015 [8 favorites]


Best answer: Do no.3. It's the hardest because it makes you sit there with your anxiety, and the uncertainty of not knowing and this is good practice for people with anxiety in general: just sitting there with it, learning its contours, beginning to understand how it makes you feel and what it triggers you to do. Do that rather than rushing for an answer; not only is it more useful for you in the long run as a way of showing compassion to yourself for the parts of you that *might be* needy/hurt/wounded, it's also VERY useful to weed out the guys who aren't truly interested, because those guys won't get back to you.

You want to invest these emotions in someone who repeatedly shows up and is interested in you and your life. No.3 will show you most quickly whether this guy can do that; but as I said, it's the hardest! And you have to be prepared to be strong enough to drop the dude and move on if it's clear he's not showing up repeatedly.

Also, read this (sorry, I can't get the hyperlinks to work on metafilter...)

http://www.theawl.com/2012/11/ask-polly-should-i-make-the-first-move

"I rarely gave anyone a chance to win me over. And sometimes after I started seeing someone, I wasn’t sure if we were together because I happened to be semi-attractive and entertaining and I forced the issue, or because that guy really liked me. I’m not sure the guy in question always knew either."

And then, take a course in Heather Havrilesky's wisdom about indifferent & flinchy dudes (she writes the Ask Polly column, now at The Cut magazine).

http://www.theawl.com/2014/02/ask-polly-should-i-play-it-cool-or-ask-for-more-and-be-that-girl

http://www.theawl.com/2013/10/ask-polly-how-do-i-find-true-love-and-stop-dating-half-assed-men

There are many more. Read 'em. She's spot on.

In the meantime, try your hardest to find other things to do and care about - and for goodness' sake, forgive yourself for being anxious and overly obsessed with this. It's fine. You're allowed to. Forgive yourself for it and make yourself go & do something else to take your mind off him. Good luck.
posted by considerthelilies at 3:20 PM on April 23, 2015 [26 favorites]


Sometimes you need to face reality. He's dropped off the planet because he's not interested. This sucks and I'm sorry, but you need to let it go. Planning out should you text him in one day, in two days, in three days and what should you say, etc. is all a waste of your time.

People who want to be with you find a way to be with you. Period.*

*In the highly unlikely scenario that his dog/cat/auntie died/developed a fever/went missing, you'll find out in a few days. But even then, if he were interested, he'd contact you and say there's an emergency but he's thinking about you.**

** and of course you didn't do anything wrong! He is just looking for something else and that's fine. I'm not saying this is easy and it certainly sucks, but he's not contacting you because he doesn't want to. But many other people out there WILL want to be with you.
posted by kinetic at 3:30 PM on April 23, 2015 [9 favorites]


Definitely sit with this.number 3 is the way to go.

I noticed one thing that hasn't been remarked on. It sounds like he is currently on travel for work for the week? If so, even his evening time might not be his own. But even then you should hear soon if he's still interested.

If you do hear back, move away from the jokey to the asking for what you want.
posted by canine epigram at 3:48 PM on April 23, 2015


I am 100% certain you should not contact him at all right now and understand that he's on a business trip.

I'm pretty sure sooner or later he will pop up again - decide then what's going on. In the meantime, get busy doing other stuff and try to not focus on Mr. Maybe.

I am 100% certain texting him while he's working is a poor idea. No one else here knows what's going on, so just take a step back and try not to invest in a particular outcome at this stage. This is a wise course of action, even if he were texting you constantly.

Get busy doing things that make you happy, then you won't care so much either way.
posted by jbenben at 3:50 PM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I never see this advise on Metafilter I think because people perceive this as playing games. After connecting with someone I feel like people often need some processing time. People often step back a little bit. Often this is at that time where you are DYING to talk to your crush and it's difficult to follow their lead. When the other person gets too smothery at this point and can get to a point of no return.

I would follow their lead, step back and move on with your life a bit. This is the maybe it's going to work out - maybe it wont phase. Choosing a partner is a big decision and knowing what you're feeling takes a little time. When someone gets too "needy" in the beginning, I get a bit scared and crave a little space. If someone wants to have "talks" when we are just feeling things out, I get scared and crave a little space. If I don't get that space I really want to run.

I have also been very often on your shoes. Analyzing each interaction, etc. I call it taking the temperature of a relationship. I am NOT a needy person in a secure relationship so I try to take care not to appear as one in the beginning - even if I am feeling needy. People act like it is "playing games", I feel like it is being a mature adult. I don't expect someone to know whether they would want to be serious with me in the first couple months of a relationship, even though I am SUPER anxious to know. Especially when you have all these feelings.

Maybe he is still into you and maybe he isn't. I have had some wonderful, long term relationships by taking it a bit slower than I felt like it in the beginning. My advise is don't force it but don't wait around.

Don't text and good luck.
posted by beccaj at 4:03 PM on April 23, 2015 [19 favorites]


This may be a cultural thing but ...when you stayed the night, did you actually have sex? I can't tell and I could see this as being a bit too chaste for some people in their twenties, if you didn't have a good ol' go at it.

If you did have sex (or very sexy sex-like activities) and I've missed that, please ignore.
posted by taff at 4:11 PM on April 23, 2015


Response by poster: I really appreciate all of your answers so far. They are all so kind and helpful. I was nervous about posting this question and sounding ridiculous but I'm so glad that I did.

Some clarification:
When I stayed the night we did not have sex. Actually, nothing happened below the belt. I would have been fine with a bit more, but he seemed sort of hesitant and nervous about the physical stuff. When Jane and I talked about going out with him, she told me that she'd heard that he takes things very slow physically.

In general he seems pretty inexperienced with dating. For example, he usually describes going out as "hanging out" (ex. "do you still want to hang out tomorrow?") which seems kind of immature to me. Apparently he texted John about where he should take me on our second date. He seems somewhat unsure of himself.

Also, I went ahead and accepted an invitation to meet a guy from a dating app for drinks on Monday. I definitely agree that I should keep myself open to other options, which is something I've never done before. Thanks for that advice.
posted by peppermintchaya at 4:32 PM on April 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


Best answer: To me it sounds like he might like you and feel insecure. Especially if he moves slowly sexually. It sounds like he genuinely enjoys your company; its not as if he used you for a short term sexual liaison and trying to cut you loose or something. If he's inexperienced he may be hesitant about taking the next step romantically or sexually for reasons unrelated to his degree of interest in you. And, if he really likes you, that might add additional pressure. Ultimately it's not really possible to figure out what's going on inside his mind without asking him, which you could do but it might make more sense to "play it cool" for the time being until a week or so passes and you deserve to know what's up as far as whether there is continued romantic possibility between you.

I think the accepting other dates route is a great approach. Not to say that things won't pan out with the guy you mentioned before, but it might do wonders to take your mind off things and gently push you to consider romantic possibilities with someone else, thereby taking off some of the pressure :-)

Also, in review, he's the one who initiated things with you initially. You said he was beating around the bush a bit, calling it "hanging out." All signs point to INTERESTED BUT POSSIBLY INEXPERIENCED/SHY imo.
posted by mermily at 4:55 PM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


I never see this advise on Metafilter I think because people perceive this as playing games. After connecting with someone I feel like people often need some processing time.

This is completely legitimate. If you're able to take a step back, that's great. It's not playing games as long as your intentions are honest and you're not jerking the person on the other end around. There's nothing nefarious about wanting or appreciating processing time.

The reason you never see it given as advice here on the green is that if someone is at the point where they're asking a bunch of internet strangers to analyze text messages, there is no way taking a step back to allow for processing time is going to work for them. Which is also legitimate!

Some people are more Dude, some people are more Walter Sobchack. Me? I'm pretty direct, I'll cut right to the chase. This is not Nam, there are rules. I don't like being made to feel like a low priority so I don't let things get to that point. People who have a more zenlike, wait-and-see approach to dating probably aren't posting too many questions like this.
posted by phunniemee at 5:13 PM on April 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I don't know.... I'm going to diverge from my compatriots and suggest that you wait until he returns from his business trip and then text something like "Hey, welcome back, get in touch if you want to arrange something!"

The reason I say this is because a) you seem to really like this guy, that's not so common, and you have nothing to lose; and b) not everyone sees their phone the same way. (When I am away for work I am At Work and don't really do non-work communication, even with my spouse!)

But of he does respond with an invitation, I'd be sure to use your words and let him know it would make you happy if he could be consistent with communication.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:15 PM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Business travel is weird and everyone does it differently. I wouldn't read into his lack of communication right now. I would either wait and see, or, when he's back, text and ask if he wants to do xx at yy. I'm more inclined to the latter, especially since this guy is inexperienced. If his response is anything other than "heck yes," then you have your answer.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:30 PM on April 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


He actually sounds a pretty sweet guy who is respectful of boundaries and possibly a bit anxious himself about what to do next. I also agree with others it’s not a good idea to text him while he is on a business trip. These are the kinds of healthy boundaries that are so important to establish early on in any relationships. On the times you have texted him you mention he has responded quickly, do you think that he is waiting for you to take the lead? Maybe think of some fun thing to arrange to do with him when he returns and text him within a day or two of that date. In the meantime just keep doing all the things you usually love to do by yourself. It’s early days, don’t get too caught up in his online dating profile. Just be yourself & be confident and everything will fall into the right place.
posted by Under the Sea at 7:19 PM on April 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I would not do any of the above. I suggest trying this really scary thing called Being Honest:

Call or text, but either way, ask the guy straight up if he's interested. Let him know that you think he's great but you're kinda getting odd vibes and would love to know what's up. Try to keep it light, don't be all accusatory, sure, acknowledge he has a lot going on, but still, ask him if he's into you.


Seconded. Please, please please actually confront him--even if you've given up on him. Please do not do number three. "Ghosting" is disgusting, and it makes me physically sick that this is an acceptable way to treat people. People that do it are cowards and they're getting away with it because woman are conditioned to be nonconfrontational.
posted by Violet Hour at 7:23 PM on April 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Best answer: It's best to go with the information you already have (we like each other, we have fun, he seems like a decent person) and be very flexible (he dropped of the face of the earth? he must have his reasons and that's cool with me) and very busy (another date, friends, party, another cute guy... ).

This is very hard to really learn but: YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

Dating is not a game you win if you play right - if he likes you and wants to keep seeing you, it doesn't matter if you contact him or he contacts you. If he just decided he's not interested after all not contacting him isn't gonna make him change his mind.

Besides, you have mutual friends, so one way or another you'll see him more. Just be cool about it.
posted by Locochona at 8:28 PM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I think it's OK to say "Hey, I enjoy spending time with you and I want to do it more" or something to that effect. Do not ask him "Do you like me?" or whatever.

Sometimes people are weird. Well, a lot of times people are weird. This has nothing to do with you as a person (even if it feels like it does). If he's not into you, that's more his problem than yours (seriously!).

If he is traveling for a week, just be cool. Contact him if you come across something he's into or whatever. Don't push it, though. If he fades out, that's you're answer. Oh, it sucks, but you did nothing wrong.

I guess at a certain point in my life I decided I was a) awesome and b) didn't care about getting hurt. Did I like getting hurt? No, it sucked! But I also knew I was awesome. It let me take chances. It would be great if it works out for you with this guy, but if it doesn't, there are other guys. Trust me. If he likes you and is just reserved about it for whatever reason, you can get past that. If he doesn't like you, you deserve better.

Some people are terrible. Some people don't know how to not be terrible when they don't mean to be. I think you're already ahead of everyone since you seem self-aware. You can do this.
posted by darksong at 8:56 PM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Please don't feel bad about reaching out for advice we've all been there! One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that by pursuing him , which it seems to have turned into a bit, you are potentially setting up a pattern where you are doing most of the work of the relationship. After many years of falling into this trap I can say that I now make sure someone is meeting me half-way at least in terms of initiating plans
If you re a sensitive person and it sounds like you are. You may ultimately decide you need someone who behaves in a way that doesn't make you feel anxious. Someone mature enough to say, "I just want to let you know I am traveling and would love to get together when I'm back but I probably will be too busy to text while I gone". Or "I'm really enjoying getting to know you but I want to go slow so I'll call you in a few weeks" or whatever.
Regardless, even if you decide to ask him directly if he's still interested, it sounds too soon. My suggestion is to fill up your life with people who love you, things that make you feel strong and happy . and know that if it's not him, there is someone wonderful out there for you. See if you can take the pressure off yourself and him. Meet other people. Best of luck. And no matter what, issues of the heart make us feel vulnerable, nervous and that's what makes us excited too!! But trust me, if you are feeling tortured, he is not the one. You want to find someone whose dating style is the right combination of safety/excitement and contact/verses space apart that works for you and who you are. If you think you're feeling needy or insecure. Work on that independently. Maybe you want to find someone who doesn't mind talking on the phone! Texting , as useful as it can be, doesn't give nuances of voice and vulnerability in the moment. All helpful in evaluating what the other person may be feeling. You are young. My suggestion is to figure out what works for YOU and if he is right for YOU vs what he is feeling about you and if you are right for him. How does he make you Feel? Does he call you? Does he offer to pay? Does he make you feel special? Does he get you? I hope this is helpful And please please know we have all been there!
posted by karma108 at 9:52 PM on April 23, 2015 [7 favorites]


I'm actually adamantly against conversations about "Where is this going?" and "Are you into me?" I feel that the need to have either of those conversations is a red flag. Keep dating. Eventually you will meet a guy who will never leave you in doubt about his intentions and interest level. He will pursue you. Don't chase this guy because he's clearly just not that into you. And don't go to the next guy's home so quickly! I'm rooting for you.
posted by Guinevere at 4:48 AM on April 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


Anecdata: This will be the opposite of what Guinevere says above. I think these open and honest conversations are awesome. They are very rare, though. But here's what happened with me recently. I was on OKCupid and I messaged two guys (I'm female). Both responded. One of them messaged more often, but the quality of communication was low. He seemed interested in talking about himself but not learning about me. The other was more hesitant but seemed very into me, but the quantity of communication was lower.

I really liked the shyer guy, so when a few days went by and I hadn't heard from him, I messaged him. I straight up asked him if he wanted to keep communicating. And he did. Things have progressed very, very well with us so far. Turns out he's inexperienced and needs straightforward communication (as do I). Me taking this risk has turned into a deepening and authentic connection.

I'm assertive, and have always taken this approach with men. It doesn't always work, just like for guys, approaching women doesn't always work. But I've had some wonderful relationships, and I'm still friends with most of these people. There is no guarantee that a man will always pursue, especially if he's not sure of a woman's interest. (It's not really fair to either gender to make the guy do the heavy lifting of pursuit and make the woman do the heavy lifting of emotions, even though that's the cultural default).

The guy I'm seeing now had been rejected a lot and had given up on finding someone. And guys do get rejected a lot, even smart and attractive ones. It can really wear you out. So I think that a majority of men will appreciate being pursued and knowing a woman is interested. You have nothing to lose by being honest. It sucks if you get rejected, but at least you tried.

It also depends on the kind of guy you want. If you want someone traditional, who will pursue you, you will have to trade off knowing where you stand with him while you wait for him to call. Is it worth it?

Also, you might want to look at Ask vs. Guess culture. There are a few MeFi threads about it. Some people are more comfortable getting things out in the open and others aren't. Personally I'm an Asker. I'd rather rip the Band-Aid right off. YMMV.
posted by Beethoven's Sith at 5:10 AM on April 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


Meh, I don't know. What, are you going to school this guy for "ghosting"? Are you going to make him some sort of example? Men aren't going to sit up and take notice, and neither is this guy. It's a recipe for emotional distress (for you).

Better uses of your time: changing your own online dating profile pic, reading a book, practicing a hobby. This isn't meant to sound flip. Honestly, it sounds like this guy needs to earn the right to spend time with you.

If a man is interested in you, truly interested, I do believe he'll let you know one way or another. He'll make an effort. You've made yours. Perhaps this guy will come around, perhaps not. In the meantime, the best distraction from this would be to do something fun and engaging and totally about your life and interests.
posted by Miss T.Horn at 2:26 PM on April 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


In my experience with online dating, if a guy is interested he WILL find a way to contact you. No matter how busy someone is, it takes 30 seconds to send a text, even a how are you? If he is shy and inexperienced well, he needs to get over it because a girl can only be so patient. I agree that putting yourself out there/keeping busy is the best plan!
posted by bluehermit at 4:46 PM on April 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Response by poster: I went ahead and marked a few best answers. All of the answers were really helpful and gave me something to think about, but I just picked a few that particularly resonated.

As an update, he did text me last night, apologizing for being MIA. He said his trip has been really busy, etc. I have a feeling that I'll hear from him again today.

Just reading through all of your responses made me feel so much more calm about the situation. It helped me take a step back. I'll definitely come back and reread these if I start to feel that anxious about a dating situation again.

I'll see what happens with this guy, and in the meantime will continue to see other people and focus on other things. Thank you all again for the help!
posted by peppermintchaya at 1:47 PM on April 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


I tell you a million times he's on a business trip and that is serious. He has to be professional and concentrate in unfamiliar surroundings with probably unfamiliar people to work with. That's a huge effort to put out. Usually out of town work trips are densely packed, schedule-wise. Even the "socializing" parts are still work and you have to be "on" all of the time you are away. He's not on vacation, yo.

I wouldn't be able to call anyone non-work and trip task related, myself, so I'm pretty sure it's all going to be just fine. Really.
posted by jbenben at 10:54 PM on April 25, 2015


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