Dreading the negative review I have been asked to write about coworker.
April 8, 2015 3:04 PM Subscribe
I have to write an honest but negative review of a co-worker I have shared a room with for nearly five years. We are friendly and she considers me an ally in the office and she is going to feel betrayed and I feel terrible about it.
I have shared a room with this woman at a small construction company for almost five years. We are not friends, exactly, though she has often invited me to things outside work (most of which I decline), and has come to gigs for my boyfriend's band. We are both women and very close in age, and she is a very nice person, with three kids, in a not very happy marriage. We talk about our personal lives and joke a lot and are mostly quite friendly. We have complained to each other about other employees, though often I will gently take the other person's side or err on the side of everyone getting along because it's a job and we're lucky to have one.
I am not exactly her manager, but I am the office manager, so a lot of what she does is overseen by me. She is not doing well these days but doesn't seem to realize it, and I have been asked to write this honest review of her work. I am having a really hard time with this, particularly because we are friendly, and though I have tried to help her through some of her work issues, I prefer to avoid conflict so have not been blunt when perhaps I should have been.
Many times I have tried to gently suggest ways in which she might improve her performance, but she is very defensive. As an example, I have asked her why she isn't tracking a large and complicated customer better, even offering to help set up a spreadsheet (in fact I have offered several times), but she says it would take too long - despite the fact that recently she has also said she doesn't have enough to do. She is part of the reason my workday is not pleasant recently, because she complains almost all day long. The owner and general manager have had several talks with her about how important it is to get a handle on accounts receivable, so this is not coming out of the blue.
The company has grown quite a bit and she does not seem well-equipped to handle the increase in job complexity and more complex accounting. Her current role is supposed to be AR/collections but here it is 3 months since every other task was taken from her (and given to a new, younger woman who is doing them better than she did them - which also caused a lot of problems, though most of that has died down), and today in answer to a question about collections she said (as she has been for months), "I am not an AR person". And I basically asked, how long are you going to say that? I have been trying to help you with it, but the fact is you ARE the AR person and you should have more of it in hand by now. She said she is trying.
She is very good on the phone but the new girl was hired to answer phones (and then started taking over some of her other tasks because we needed a full-time person on collections, and also because she wasn't doing those tasks very well. She felt very insulted by this but did not seem to understand she was not doing those tasks well). She felt only doing collections was a demotion, but her pay remains the same. She will take it very badly if asked to answer phones again, but the consensus is that phones are her strength.
tldr; I have to provide an honest, mostly negative critique of a co-worker I have shared a room with for almost five years. I said I would like to have a serious and blunt talk with her, and give her 30 days to improve, but the problems have been ongoing, and I have been asked not to discuss this with her. I feel terrible about it even though I understand the necessity. She will have terribly hurt feelings and I hate the thought of upsetting someone or giving the appearance of ganging up on her.
All suggestions welcome. I plan to add in as many positive things as I can but have been asked not to sugar coat anything.
I have shared a room with this woman at a small construction company for almost five years. We are not friends, exactly, though she has often invited me to things outside work (most of which I decline), and has come to gigs for my boyfriend's band. We are both women and very close in age, and she is a very nice person, with three kids, in a not very happy marriage. We talk about our personal lives and joke a lot and are mostly quite friendly. We have complained to each other about other employees, though often I will gently take the other person's side or err on the side of everyone getting along because it's a job and we're lucky to have one.
I am not exactly her manager, but I am the office manager, so a lot of what she does is overseen by me. She is not doing well these days but doesn't seem to realize it, and I have been asked to write this honest review of her work. I am having a really hard time with this, particularly because we are friendly, and though I have tried to help her through some of her work issues, I prefer to avoid conflict so have not been blunt when perhaps I should have been.
Many times I have tried to gently suggest ways in which she might improve her performance, but she is very defensive. As an example, I have asked her why she isn't tracking a large and complicated customer better, even offering to help set up a spreadsheet (in fact I have offered several times), but she says it would take too long - despite the fact that recently she has also said she doesn't have enough to do. She is part of the reason my workday is not pleasant recently, because she complains almost all day long. The owner and general manager have had several talks with her about how important it is to get a handle on accounts receivable, so this is not coming out of the blue.
The company has grown quite a bit and she does not seem well-equipped to handle the increase in job complexity and more complex accounting. Her current role is supposed to be AR/collections but here it is 3 months since every other task was taken from her (and given to a new, younger woman who is doing them better than she did them - which also caused a lot of problems, though most of that has died down), and today in answer to a question about collections she said (as she has been for months), "I am not an AR person". And I basically asked, how long are you going to say that? I have been trying to help you with it, but the fact is you ARE the AR person and you should have more of it in hand by now. She said she is trying.
She is very good on the phone but the new girl was hired to answer phones (and then started taking over some of her other tasks because we needed a full-time person on collections, and also because she wasn't doing those tasks very well. She felt very insulted by this but did not seem to understand she was not doing those tasks well). She felt only doing collections was a demotion, but her pay remains the same. She will take it very badly if asked to answer phones again, but the consensus is that phones are her strength.
tldr; I have to provide an honest, mostly negative critique of a co-worker I have shared a room with for almost five years. I said I would like to have a serious and blunt talk with her, and give her 30 days to improve, but the problems have been ongoing, and I have been asked not to discuss this with her. I feel terrible about it even though I understand the necessity. She will have terribly hurt feelings and I hate the thought of upsetting someone or giving the appearance of ganging up on her.
All suggestions welcome. I plan to add in as many positive things as I can but have been asked not to sugar coat anything.
Best answer: The good news is that you won't have to deal with her much longer. They want this "honest" review so that they can fire her. This is also the bad news, I guess?
It doesn't sound like this is going to be coming out of the blue for her, so even if she does feel "betrayed," you won't be being dishonest.
I would focus on giving the review in a STAR format. List specific, concrete Situations or Tasks that she was given, describe the Actions she took, and what the Results were. Don't make overall judgments (co-worker is bad a collections, co-worker is best at phones), let management make the decisions about how to proceed based on the examples that you've given.
Good luck, sounds like you're in a sucky position.
posted by sparklemotion at 3:19 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
It doesn't sound like this is going to be coming out of the blue for her, so even if she does feel "betrayed," you won't be being dishonest.
I would focus on giving the review in a STAR format. List specific, concrete Situations or Tasks that she was given, describe the Actions she took, and what the Results were. Don't make overall judgments (co-worker is bad a collections, co-worker is best at phones), let management make the decisions about how to proceed based on the examples that you've given.
Good luck, sounds like you're in a sucky position.
posted by sparklemotion at 3:19 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
Best answer: To all concerned: "You've brought this upon yourself, Anakin!"
You might have been a bit more direct and a bit more "You need to get your sh*t straight here, girl." and she should have done her dang job. This was made more difficult because you're kinda/kinda not her supervisor.
I think that you need to make sure that everything you put in the review is something that you have discussed with her. If you have a paper trail, with dates, notes, that's even better, but the ability to say to her, "Remember when we talked about X, you were doing Y?" will go a long way toward making this discussion much more Spock and much less Kirk.
Trying to keep this as fact based as possible is best.
I do like A Terrible Llama's suggestion that there be some sort of discussion about who is who's boss and what exactly that job description entails. If you work for a small company, and it sounds like you do, this can be pushed by the wayside sometimes, but in this instance it needs to happen and be adhered to at all times.
If they put her back on the phones, it may discourage her, but perhaps, after a period of time of Phones Only, she be given additional tasks and responsibilities to work her way back up to something else might be appropriate.
Or, she may just quit in a huff; you never know.
Best of luck and remember: More Spock. Less Kirk.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 3:22 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
You might have been a bit more direct and a bit more "You need to get your sh*t straight here, girl." and she should have done her dang job. This was made more difficult because you're kinda/kinda not her supervisor.
I think that you need to make sure that everything you put in the review is something that you have discussed with her. If you have a paper trail, with dates, notes, that's even better, but the ability to say to her, "Remember when we talked about X, you were doing Y?" will go a long way toward making this discussion much more Spock and much less Kirk.
Trying to keep this as fact based as possible is best.
I do like A Terrible Llama's suggestion that there be some sort of discussion about who is who's boss and what exactly that job description entails. If you work for a small company, and it sounds like you do, this can be pushed by the wayside sometimes, but in this instance it needs to happen and be adhered to at all times.
If they put her back on the phones, it may discourage her, but perhaps, after a period of time of Phones Only, she be given additional tasks and responsibilities to work her way back up to something else might be appropriate.
Or, she may just quit in a huff; you never know.
Best of luck and remember: More Spock. Less Kirk.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 3:22 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I agree with A Terrible Llama's advice. But if it isn't possible for you to clarify your position and work with her more conversationally, and you are indeed tasked with this review, I would start by changing your paradigm for thinking about how to write it.
Rather than thinking about balancing "positive" and "negative," think instead about simply giving the most specific, actionable feedback possible. Avoid adjectives as much as possible and use nouns and verbs. Say things like, "when managing accounts receivable for client X, Co-Worker did or did not do X, Y, or Z and the result was W." If they want you to additional suggestions, phrase them very concretely. Rather than, "be more organized," say something like, "keep track of the details about client X's account in a spreadsheet including A, B and C."
She may still feel sad to get feedback like this, but she can choose to use it to do her job better, and it won't be personal.
posted by mai at 3:23 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
Rather than thinking about balancing "positive" and "negative," think instead about simply giving the most specific, actionable feedback possible. Avoid adjectives as much as possible and use nouns and verbs. Say things like, "when managing accounts receivable for client X, Co-Worker did or did not do X, Y, or Z and the result was W." If they want you to additional suggestions, phrase them very concretely. Rather than, "be more organized," say something like, "keep track of the details about client X's account in a spreadsheet including A, B and C."
She may still feel sad to get feedback like this, but she can choose to use it to do her job better, and it won't be personal.
posted by mai at 3:23 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
I'm not sure what management's intended outcome of this review is. Are they looking for justification to fire her? Are they looking to get her to focus on more complex work? Are they looking to have her focus more on phones? Who, exactly, is asking you to give her a terrible review?
If the objective is to fire her, then her manager needs to be doing this report. You can answer questions, but it's unfair for you to have to do a writeup of someone not under your direct management.
If the objective is to shift her position into something else, then the report needs to focus on how her current skills match or should develop to match her new role. This should all be positive and constructive and as objective as possible. For example, if the idea is to move her to the phones, you should offer a goal related to that or comment on how she might help manage phone-related processes to improve the company's customer service.
posted by mochapickle at 3:25 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
If the objective is to fire her, then her manager needs to be doing this report. You can answer questions, but it's unfair for you to have to do a writeup of someone not under your direct management.
If the objective is to shift her position into something else, then the report needs to focus on how her current skills match or should develop to match her new role. This should all be positive and constructive and as objective as possible. For example, if the idea is to move her to the phones, you should offer a goal related to that or comment on how she might help manage phone-related processes to improve the company's customer service.
posted by mochapickle at 3:25 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I am afraid that your efforts to be gentle with feedback and the lack of clear boundaries around your role as her manager (and you are her manager if you are responsible for evaluating her performance, and shame on your managers if they are making you do this and they don't consider her your direct report) have left you in this position.
Betrayal and hurt come from being surprised by what the person is hearing. Gentleness, while it feels better to deliver feedback in that manner, doesn't help the person on the receiving end. It makes the performance issue feel less of a problem than it is. I'm not suggesting being harsh, but had she gotten clear and specific expectations and frank feedback at regular intervals reflecting the seriousness of her issues, where she is falling short and how she is expected to improve, your job right now would have been so much easier! The serious blunt talk you mention, had it happened months ago, would have set you up well now and would have given her a clue that her employment is in jeopardy.
All you can do is be clear and honest now and carry that forward as long as you are in a position to review her. Be prepared for her anger, but remember that her performance is her own. It isn't your fault, but you know now going forward you have the power to save yourself from this pain by making sure that nothing a person hears in a review should ever come as a surprise to them again.
posted by cecic at 3:26 PM on April 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Betrayal and hurt come from being surprised by what the person is hearing. Gentleness, while it feels better to deliver feedback in that manner, doesn't help the person on the receiving end. It makes the performance issue feel less of a problem than it is. I'm not suggesting being harsh, but had she gotten clear and specific expectations and frank feedback at regular intervals reflecting the seriousness of her issues, where she is falling short and how she is expected to improve, your job right now would have been so much easier! The serious blunt talk you mention, had it happened months ago, would have set you up well now and would have given her a clue that her employment is in jeopardy.
All you can do is be clear and honest now and carry that forward as long as you are in a position to review her. Be prepared for her anger, but remember that her performance is her own. It isn't your fault, but you know now going forward you have the power to save yourself from this pain by making sure that nothing a person hears in a review should ever come as a surprise to them again.
posted by cecic at 3:26 PM on April 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I work in a supervisory position and have to give people reviews every few months at work. Speaking of not sugarcoating things, I will put this bluntly: if your employee is surprised in any regard by a negative review, that is your failing as a manager and it means you have done your job poorly. It is on YOU, not them, to improve in the future.
I don't want to rag on you too much because it is not clear how much this applies to your situation, but I fear you have been a little shy and indirect in your criticisms relative to what your employee is willing and able to hear. As a manager it is your job to not only go through the motions, but actually deliver advice and criticism in ways that your employees can understand, accept, and act on. Just saying something that she "should" have gotten isn't enough - you need to follow through, rephrase, restate, and make sure she actually understands.
At this point it may be too late. Her poor performance may have festered for too long and affected too many people, but I would say the right thing to do is sit down with her and go through the real core issues one by one and come up with some ways to improve her performance going forward. If she gets defensive or makes excuses, address those head-on and help her understand that, regardless of explanations or excuses X, Y, and Z, the performance needs to improve and we'll initially try approaches A, B, and C to get there. If it is indeed too late to pursue this approach with her, please internalize this and be more proactive with the next person and try some of these things earlier in the process. It's only fair.
One final thing: "I said I would like to have a serious and blunt talk with her...[but] I have been asked not to discuss this with her" - whoever your boss is who made this decision is a Bad Person and should Feel Bad. That is deliberately setting an ambush and it is a bullshit thing to do to someone. Just so you know, they want to fire her and they are making you swing the axe in order to cover their asses. I strongly suspect there is no point to having a "review" at this point other than to justify a predetermined termination - and if they have already made that decision they should just do it already instead of making you pretend it is something else.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 3:30 PM on April 8, 2015 [26 favorites]
I don't want to rag on you too much because it is not clear how much this applies to your situation, but I fear you have been a little shy and indirect in your criticisms relative to what your employee is willing and able to hear. As a manager it is your job to not only go through the motions, but actually deliver advice and criticism in ways that your employees can understand, accept, and act on. Just saying something that she "should" have gotten isn't enough - you need to follow through, rephrase, restate, and make sure she actually understands.
At this point it may be too late. Her poor performance may have festered for too long and affected too many people, but I would say the right thing to do is sit down with her and go through the real core issues one by one and come up with some ways to improve her performance going forward. If she gets defensive or makes excuses, address those head-on and help her understand that, regardless of explanations or excuses X, Y, and Z, the performance needs to improve and we'll initially try approaches A, B, and C to get there. If it is indeed too late to pursue this approach with her, please internalize this and be more proactive with the next person and try some of these things earlier in the process. It's only fair.
One final thing: "I said I would like to have a serious and blunt talk with her...[but] I have been asked not to discuss this with her" - whoever your boss is who made this decision is a Bad Person and should Feel Bad. That is deliberately setting an ambush and it is a bullshit thing to do to someone. Just so you know, they want to fire her and they are making you swing the axe in order to cover their asses. I strongly suspect there is no point to having a "review" at this point other than to justify a predetermined termination - and if they have already made that decision they should just do it already instead of making you pretend it is something else.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 3:30 PM on April 8, 2015 [26 favorites]
Whoever is asking you to do this is her real boss. They have identified that she is working sub par and they appear to have made the decision to fire her. They have the power in this situation but clearly not the balls. They should be doing this, not you. Put the review back on this person and tell them you don't feel qualified to do this, as you've never acted in this capacity as her boss. If they'd like you to start being management, well, I assume this comes with a promotion and a pay rise as well as this downside. Congratulations! Then you can have the conversation. Unless this happens, handball this whole drama right back. Politely.
posted by Jubey at 4:02 PM on April 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 4:02 PM on April 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
Joey Buttafoucault - the OP is not her manager. She is the Office Manager. The employee is not her direct report.
posted by gt2 at 4:10 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by gt2 at 4:10 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
Nthing that the OP isn't her manager; some businesses ask workers to get reviews from peers as well as managers, and it sounds like this is part of what's going on here.
OP - I've never been in that position (yay temp work), but I've had to write reviews for plays that were disasters, and also recently reviewed a total shit-show of an AirBnB room. And in both cases, they were seeking honest but CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, which I think is a good way to handle this.
For example: instead of starting my review of the AirBnB place by saying "it was IMPOSSIBLE to get in the DAMN ROOM because the key was trapped in this STUPID BOX THING and I was outside in the FUCKING COLD for TEN MINUTES because I had no clue how to MAKE THE THING WORK", I said "I did get the passcode for the lockbox to retrieve the key, but I hadn't ever seen that kind of lockbox before and didn't really understand what to do; a more clear set of instructions about how to open the box after I entered the key - i.e., 'push this button on the left and a hatch will pop open' - would have been a big help." Instead of starting a review "I had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on", I said this.
In your case, for instance, I'd couch the thing about the spreadsheet as her preferring to stick to "older and more cumbersome" ways of keeping records, possibly out of familiarity. And I wouldn't mention ANYTHING about her complaining that she doesn't have anything to do or complaining that she's "not an AR" person - stick to pointing out ways she can improve, only. Like my editor at the review site said when he was training us - she's not doing what she's doing specifically to annoy you. Detaching your own relationship from the situation and kind of putting yourself in an outside observer's perspective will help a lot.
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:18 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
OP - I've never been in that position (yay temp work), but I've had to write reviews for plays that were disasters, and also recently reviewed a total shit-show of an AirBnB room. And in both cases, they were seeking honest but CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, which I think is a good way to handle this.
For example: instead of starting my review of the AirBnB place by saying "it was IMPOSSIBLE to get in the DAMN ROOM because the key was trapped in this STUPID BOX THING and I was outside in the FUCKING COLD for TEN MINUTES because I had no clue how to MAKE THE THING WORK", I said "I did get the passcode for the lockbox to retrieve the key, but I hadn't ever seen that kind of lockbox before and didn't really understand what to do; a more clear set of instructions about how to open the box after I entered the key - i.e., 'push this button on the left and a hatch will pop open' - would have been a big help." Instead of starting a review "I had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on", I said this.
In your case, for instance, I'd couch the thing about the spreadsheet as her preferring to stick to "older and more cumbersome" ways of keeping records, possibly out of familiarity. And I wouldn't mention ANYTHING about her complaining that she doesn't have anything to do or complaining that she's "not an AR" person - stick to pointing out ways she can improve, only. Like my editor at the review site said when he was training us - she's not doing what she's doing specifically to annoy you. Detaching your own relationship from the situation and kind of putting yourself in an outside observer's perspective will help a lot.
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:18 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Of you do it, focus on behaviours and outcomes. Discuss things she was asked to do, how long she did it, and what the outcome was. Facts only, stay away from attitudes or reasons why behaviours may have happened. Only things that cannot be refuted, and use very specific cases, no impressions or typicals. Try to call out a couple of positive things.
Nthing they will use this to fire her one way or another. Maybe demote her if she is really lucky.
It sucks to be put in this position.
posted by smoke at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Nthing they will use this to fire her one way or another. Maybe demote her if she is really lucky.
It sucks to be put in this position.
posted by smoke at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Another thing I've tried when something REALLY sucked and I didn't know how to not do nothing but complain is to write the WORST AND MOST ANGRY REVIEW I COULD as a first draft, to get it all out of my system, and then I'd throw that out and write the REAL review, which always ended up being much more fair and balanced and honest and even-tempered as a result. Some of the theater reviews I've written were second-drafts to an earlier draft when I was in full-out Dorothy Parker mode.
That may also be worth a try - write a draft where you do nothing but bitch about how poopy she is, and then throw it away, have a cup of tea or a donut or something to chill, and then start over.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
That may also be worth a try - write a draft where you do nothing but bitch about how poopy she is, and then throw it away, have a cup of tea or a donut or something to chill, and then start over.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
If you can't push this back to the, for want of a better term, 'official' supervisor you should at least get them to be directly involved, including signing off on the review. If I was the official supervisor but you are de facto supervising this woman I'd want you to be heavily involved in the review process as only you can provide the specific details and would have to work with her on any improvement plan. But I'd also be directly involved to back you up and make it official. And having been the 'official' supervisor in three reviews in the last two weeks including two where the reviewees got quite upset you do need somebody to back you up. Even the last of my reviews, which should have been really positive, resulted in my rewriting the review completely because that inofficial supervisor wrote an at best average, boiler plate review, not the glowing one we had talked about. If we'd given that as our official review the reviewee may well have resigned.
You also need to understand what the objective is - put her back on the phones, improve her performance in the current role, fire her?
Finally, her reluctance to accept help and to implement alternative procedures that the firm is adopting would be part of the review for me. It's ok to find something difficult or to be scared of changes but to refuse help repeatedly perpetuates a bad situation and her methods are clearly not working.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:14 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
You also need to understand what the objective is - put her back on the phones, improve her performance in the current role, fire her?
Finally, her reluctance to accept help and to implement alternative procedures that the firm is adopting would be part of the review for me. It's ok to find something difficult or to be scared of changes but to refuse help repeatedly perpetuates a bad situation and her methods are clearly not working.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:14 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you decide to go ahead, Whatever you write, look back on it and ask yourself if you would be comfortable defending it in court. I agree you are being set up as a fall guy here and if things get nasty your boss will probably throw you under the bus too. You aren't her manager so asking you to write a review is improper (and wtf with not giving her a heads up and an opportunity to improve?) and if it was a peer review you would have had mentoring in how to tactfully write a productive review while limiting your's, and the company's, liability.
Keep in mind too, that if they are willing to blindside her with a negative review (and then potentially fire her), they may have a similar plan for you - especially if this plan of theirs goes array.
posted by saucysault at 6:42 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Keep in mind too, that if they are willing to blindside her with a negative review (and then potentially fire her), they may have a similar plan for you - especially if this plan of theirs goes array.
posted by saucysault at 6:42 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
So basically, the things she was hired to do and were good at were taken away from her, and instead she's been handed things she's not good at and doesn't want to do. I know the feeling. However, if getting to do things she'd be good at doing isn't an option and it's "shape up or be shipped out," she probably needs to be gently but firmly informed that she needs to improve or expect to be fired. That it's "be an AR person" or be unemployed. You've already offered several times to help her spreadsheet--emphasize that you'll do whatever you can to help her, but she needs to start accepting that help and stop defending herself (which never works anyway at work). The stakes are higher for her than she knows.
I don't think it's fair that they are doing this to you, but...I think you're stuck. Maybe try to present yourself as an ally who wants to help, especially since (a) you've tried before, and (b) you don't have the power to fire her anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:54 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
I don't think it's fair that they are doing this to you, but...I think you're stuck. Maybe try to present yourself as an ally who wants to help, especially since (a) you've tried before, and (b) you don't have the power to fire her anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:54 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
You need to find out if she reports to you or not. If she doesn't report to you, you really can't do a performance review with her. Why? Because you don't have the authority to say things like "if you live up to X standard, you won't be fired," or "if you continue doing Y thing, you may be fired." You also can't reassure her, sternly warn her, give her 30 days, change her workload, or anything else. How could you? You're not her boss, and so honestly your opinions aren't determinative, and to a certain extent her performance is none of your business.
If you are not her boss, then you can only act as a proxy for her boss. That means her boss needs to spell out for you, ideally in writing, exactly what your colleague needs to do to succeed. In that case you are acting as the boss's proxy or messenger, and it's perfectly okay for you to take a collegial, supportive tone with your colleague. (Like, saying things like "here's what I think Boss means when he/she says blah" or "personally I think it makes sense for X thing to be handled in blah way.") That'd be reasonable if your boss is just too busy to deal with her. But it doesn't make you her boss, and your authority would be limited to doing what your boss says. You would neither be the person deciding to fire her, nor the person firing her when/if the decision was made. Both are above your pay grade, if you're not her boss.
If you *are* her supervisor then you can handle this however you want. But in that case you need to be much more direct. Being nice is not in fact nice, if it ends up with her risking getting fired.
But please be very careful here. It is not fair for your colleague to have to have a stern performance management conversation with a person who is not their boss. That's just shitty. If you don't have the power to hire and fire her position, it is not fair to, in effect, pretend that you do.
posted by Susan PG at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
If you are not her boss, then you can only act as a proxy for her boss. That means her boss needs to spell out for you, ideally in writing, exactly what your colleague needs to do to succeed. In that case you are acting as the boss's proxy or messenger, and it's perfectly okay for you to take a collegial, supportive tone with your colleague. (Like, saying things like "here's what I think Boss means when he/she says blah" or "personally I think it makes sense for X thing to be handled in blah way.") That'd be reasonable if your boss is just too busy to deal with her. But it doesn't make you her boss, and your authority would be limited to doing what your boss says. You would neither be the person deciding to fire her, nor the person firing her when/if the decision was made. Both are above your pay grade, if you're not her boss.
If you *are* her supervisor then you can handle this however you want. But in that case you need to be much more direct. Being nice is not in fact nice, if it ends up with her risking getting fired.
But please be very careful here. It is not fair for your colleague to have to have a stern performance management conversation with a person who is not their boss. That's just shitty. If you don't have the power to hire and fire her position, it is not fair to, in effect, pretend that you do.
posted by Susan PG at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
Stop framing as "negatives" and start framing as "areas to improve". You deliver these professionally and you let her exercise her right as an adult to react in manner she chooses. You are not responsible for her inability to take constructive feedback.
posted by HMSSM at 8:00 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by HMSSM at 8:00 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Is there any way to go back to the person who asked you to write a review of your roommate who is not your direct report and ask them to find someone else, because conflict of interest?
Note: I'm unclear from your description if she's currently your roommate, but I'd be financially disincented to get my roommate fired, personally.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:02 PM on April 8, 2015
Note: I'm unclear from your description if she's currently your roommate, but I'd be financially disincented to get my roommate fired, personally.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:02 PM on April 8, 2015
Another approach is to bury the bad news amidst a whole lot of good stuff. They want you to be honest, so be honest. Padding the pieces that aren't working with "Janet arrives promptly every day" and stories about her strengths could be a way of presenting the negative info in a context that is comprehensive enough to be fair.
posted by salvia at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2015
posted by salvia at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2015
Not a roommate (the coworker is married with three children and the OP has a boyfriend). By sharing a "room" I believe the OP meant they shared an office space and worked in close quarters with each other everyday.
posted by saucysault at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by saucysault at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Susan PG's answer 100%. If you are expected to give her review, it's too late. They needed to tell you way before now that you are responsible for her and give you the authority (and let her know you have the authority) to be that.
So, I guess now you need to know the score. Is this a "why we are firing you" or is this an honest "we need you to be better" review? If the latter, I would minimize the dwelling on the past and focus on what you DO want. "I need you to BE and OWN accounts receivable. I understand you don't like it, but that's the situation we're in. Here is what I'm going to expect to be happening, these are the updates I need and how often, here's the part you can use your own discretion to do whatever works for you as long as I get what I need. I'm going to tell you honestly that so far, this is not happening, but I don't want to give examples unless you need them." And constant help/checking in. No fair just leaving her to figure out what you want (or not.) She really needs to understand that this is not "friendly advice" from a co-worker, it's real direction from a real supervisor.
She might want one or two examples, but she will most likely not want a point-by-point "review" of past performance. She'll get the point.
If it's just a justification for firing, it's just the facts. X deliverable was due on [date], she knew/should have known it was her responsibility, wasn't done on [date]. Over and over as necessary. It's her ACTUAL supervisor's job to speculate about conduct vs. ability, likelihood of improvement, etc., not yours.
posted by ctmf at 8:29 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
So, I guess now you need to know the score. Is this a "why we are firing you" or is this an honest "we need you to be better" review? If the latter, I would minimize the dwelling on the past and focus on what you DO want. "I need you to BE and OWN accounts receivable. I understand you don't like it, but that's the situation we're in. Here is what I'm going to expect to be happening, these are the updates I need and how often, here's the part you can use your own discretion to do whatever works for you as long as I get what I need. I'm going to tell you honestly that so far, this is not happening, but I don't want to give examples unless you need them." And constant help/checking in. No fair just leaving her to figure out what you want (or not.) She really needs to understand that this is not "friendly advice" from a co-worker, it's real direction from a real supervisor.
She might want one or two examples, but she will most likely not want a point-by-point "review" of past performance. She'll get the point.
If it's just a justification for firing, it's just the facts. X deliverable was due on [date], she knew/should have known it was her responsibility, wasn't done on [date]. Over and over as necessary. It's her ACTUAL supervisor's job to speculate about conduct vs. ability, likelihood of improvement, etc., not yours.
posted by ctmf at 8:29 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
"I would like to have a serious and blunt talk with her, and give her 30 days to improve, but the problems have been ongoing, and I have been asked not to discuss this with her. I feel terrible about it"
OF COURSE you feel terrible about your higher ups' shitty idea to throw this poor woman under the bus -- because your bosses are asking you to behave borderline unethically by actively hiding some pretty crucial information from her, this nice mother of three. But you know what? You don't have to 'just follow orders' here - you get to choose how this plays out.
Resist the urge to do whatever you're told at work. Yes, have the "serious and blunt talk with her" that you want to have, including you giving her 30 days to improve. Do what a real leader would do here: actually TALK to her in person and warn her about the proverbial bus coming, under which she is about to be thrown: "This is awkward, Mary, but unfortunately Bill and John have asked me to write a negative performance review of you and I really don't want to."
During this talk, let her know straight up that you are in a terrible bind right now because of her specific work behaviors a, b, and c, and because she did not take your specific advice to do x, y, and z: and now you have to write that negative review of her. And you don't want to do that at all because you really do like her and want to see her succeed here and for you both to keep working together. And you're not even supposed to be telling her any of this in the first place and you're going to need her help to turn this thing around ASAP.
Then offer her the chance to write the negative review of herself for you, which you then edit and hand in to your bosses. She may or may not do it, and that probably does not matter. But it will force her to confront the cold hard facts, and you will feel better about this whole situation by just being open and honest with her -- which is exactly what your cowardly bosses should be doing. Even if your conversation with her goes terribly wrong and awkward, and the words don't come out right, at least she will be on notice in a clear, fair way and she can plan her life accordingly. And you won't have her gunning for you if the shit hits the fan.
If the bosses ever find out you told her and get irked with you, you have plausible deniability because you have to share an office with her -- of course she is going to see whatever you happen to be writing and overhear your conversations. But if you had your own office then you'd be able to keep things private...
posted by hush at 9:33 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
OF COURSE you feel terrible about your higher ups' shitty idea to throw this poor woman under the bus -- because your bosses are asking you to behave borderline unethically by actively hiding some pretty crucial information from her, this nice mother of three. But you know what? You don't have to 'just follow orders' here - you get to choose how this plays out.
Resist the urge to do whatever you're told at work. Yes, have the "serious and blunt talk with her" that you want to have, including you giving her 30 days to improve. Do what a real leader would do here: actually TALK to her in person and warn her about the proverbial bus coming, under which she is about to be thrown: "This is awkward, Mary, but unfortunately Bill and John have asked me to write a negative performance review of you and I really don't want to."
During this talk, let her know straight up that you are in a terrible bind right now because of her specific work behaviors a, b, and c, and because she did not take your specific advice to do x, y, and z: and now you have to write that negative review of her. And you don't want to do that at all because you really do like her and want to see her succeed here and for you both to keep working together. And you're not even supposed to be telling her any of this in the first place and you're going to need her help to turn this thing around ASAP.
Then offer her the chance to write the negative review of herself for you, which you then edit and hand in to your bosses. She may or may not do it, and that probably does not matter. But it will force her to confront the cold hard facts, and you will feel better about this whole situation by just being open and honest with her -- which is exactly what your cowardly bosses should be doing. Even if your conversation with her goes terribly wrong and awkward, and the words don't come out right, at least she will be on notice in a clear, fair way and she can plan her life accordingly. And you won't have her gunning for you if the shit hits the fan.
If the bosses ever find out you told her and get irked with you, you have plausible deniability because you have to share an office with her -- of course she is going to see whatever you happen to be writing and overhear your conversations. But if you had your own office then you'd be able to keep things private...
posted by hush at 9:33 PM on April 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Here's the dangerous part about this: to whatever extent you are her supervisor, her performance problems reflect on you. If you need her to make a spreadsheet, you need her to make a spreadsheet, and you need the authority (and the guts) to tell her so.
On the other hand, this could be just a collection of all the ways she's failing her colleagues so it can be pointed out to her. In that case, it would be way inappropriate for them to ask you to deliver the review TO her. It should be from you to her boss, her boss to her in private as part of the actual overall review, in which your comments are only a part. Hopefully those comments would be "anonymized" as much as that is possible in a small company (not at all possible, but at least the gesture should be made.)
posted by ctmf at 10:12 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, this could be just a collection of all the ways she's failing her colleagues so it can be pointed out to her. In that case, it would be way inappropriate for them to ask you to deliver the review TO her. It should be from you to her boss, her boss to her in private as part of the actual overall review, in which your comments are only a part. Hopefully those comments would be "anonymized" as much as that is possible in a small company (not at all possible, but at least the gesture should be made.)
posted by ctmf at 10:12 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I think a lot of the advice you're getting here is good, but doesn't apply to your situation. Reading your question carefully, it sounds like you are not this person's supervisor. That means all the advice about how to do a good performance review is irrelevant.
Here's my guess about what's going on. Your colleague reports to the owner/GM. The organisation has grown, and your colleague hasn't adapted. Her boss has gotten increasingly frustrated. Now, he/she is planning to fire her, and is creating a paper trail so she doesn't sue the company. The boss now wants you to essentially provide the paper trail, probably because he/she doesn't have time, isn't close enough to her work to be able to do it well, and maybe also because you have bitched a little to him/her about your colleague's performance. Your boss asked you to write up her deficiencies, and now you are panicking because you don't want your friend to lose her job, and you feel guilty that if she does it'll be partly your fault, either because you didn't performance-manage her correctly, or because of the write-up you've been asked to provide.
So here's what I think.
1) Your company is not very well-managed. If the boss doesn't have time to properly manage your colleague, he/she should have designated you as her supervisor. Having someone be basically unsupervised is not good, and often leads to situations exactly like this. Also creating a surprise unpleasant paper trail is only done by bad managers and cowards. It's kinder to just fire someone, if you've gotten to that point, rather than hassle them for a while prior to firing them. And people rarely sue, so that's not actually a risk normally worth much mitigation.
2) None of this is your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about. If you are not her supervisor it isn't your job to performance-manage her. I'm guessing the boss has encouraged you to trash-talk your colleague, in order to trap you into writing a review he/she can use to fire her. Doesn't matter if you trash-talked her. This is not your fault.
3) Sounds like they are going to fire her. In that case, the most appropriate thing for you to do is to comply with your boss's request, but understand that you are not writing (or delivering) her performance review. What you're doing is providing coworker input into her performance review, at the request of her boss.
In practice this means that instead of saying things like "X has been asked to do Y, but despite several warnings she has not done it" you would write things like "My observation of X is that she handles the phones well, seems capable at Y other thing, and seems to be struggling with Z other thing," or whatever. Do you see the difference? You frame yourself as an observer with imperfect knowledge, rather than someone whose job it is to be fully on top of this. Be neutral in your language, don't editorialize, don't speculate about her motives or feelings or anything related to her personal life. Don't say anything sweepingly evaluative, like "cannot do the job." Don't make recommendations about what should happen next
Probably she will get fired, and probably she will be mad at you. But she shouldn't be. This is between her and her boss, not you.
Then when her replacement is hired, have a conversation with your boss, maybe, asking if the position should report to you. The outcome doesn't matter so much: what matters is that you two are clear on roles and responsibilities, so that this doesn't happen again. Good luck.
posted by Susan PG at 6:46 AM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Here's my guess about what's going on. Your colleague reports to the owner/GM. The organisation has grown, and your colleague hasn't adapted. Her boss has gotten increasingly frustrated. Now, he/she is planning to fire her, and is creating a paper trail so she doesn't sue the company. The boss now wants you to essentially provide the paper trail, probably because he/she doesn't have time, isn't close enough to her work to be able to do it well, and maybe also because you have bitched a little to him/her about your colleague's performance. Your boss asked you to write up her deficiencies, and now you are panicking because you don't want your friend to lose her job, and you feel guilty that if she does it'll be partly your fault, either because you didn't performance-manage her correctly, or because of the write-up you've been asked to provide.
So here's what I think.
1) Your company is not very well-managed. If the boss doesn't have time to properly manage your colleague, he/she should have designated you as her supervisor. Having someone be basically unsupervised is not good, and often leads to situations exactly like this. Also creating a surprise unpleasant paper trail is only done by bad managers and cowards. It's kinder to just fire someone, if you've gotten to that point, rather than hassle them for a while prior to firing them. And people rarely sue, so that's not actually a risk normally worth much mitigation.
2) None of this is your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about. If you are not her supervisor it isn't your job to performance-manage her. I'm guessing the boss has encouraged you to trash-talk your colleague, in order to trap you into writing a review he/she can use to fire her. Doesn't matter if you trash-talked her. This is not your fault.
3) Sounds like they are going to fire her. In that case, the most appropriate thing for you to do is to comply with your boss's request, but understand that you are not writing (or delivering) her performance review. What you're doing is providing coworker input into her performance review, at the request of her boss.
In practice this means that instead of saying things like "X has been asked to do Y, but despite several warnings she has not done it" you would write things like "My observation of X is that she handles the phones well, seems capable at Y other thing, and seems to be struggling with Z other thing," or whatever. Do you see the difference? You frame yourself as an observer with imperfect knowledge, rather than someone whose job it is to be fully on top of this. Be neutral in your language, don't editorialize, don't speculate about her motives or feelings or anything related to her personal life. Don't say anything sweepingly evaluative, like "cannot do the job." Don't make recommendations about what should happen next
Probably she will get fired, and probably she will be mad at you. But she shouldn't be. This is between her and her boss, not you.
Then when her replacement is hired, have a conversation with your boss, maybe, asking if the position should report to you. The outcome doesn't matter so much: what matters is that you two are clear on roles and responsibilities, so that this doesn't happen again. Good luck.
posted by Susan PG at 6:46 AM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
The higher-ups have started manoeuvring behind a worker's back to give them the sack, so they can do their own fucking dirty work. They want a review from you? Lie. That review should glow. If they want honest reviews from you, they can put you in charge of the people you're reviewing. No power? No responsibility.
posted by flabdablet at 10:05 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 10:05 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
First, you're either someone's manager or you're not, and both of you should know about it. Second, nobody should hear about negative performance for the first time in a review and it doesn't sound like what's been offered so far is really formal -- just gentle nudging from your informal position.
I would push back and ask that your supervisory position be made clear to her and to you and you be given thirty days to work with her.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:15 PM on April 8, 2015 [49 favorites]