Tight hips a problem in the bedroom.
March 27, 2015 8:21 AM   Subscribe

Please help me loosen up my hips so that I can lie on my back in peace.

Ever since I was a young lass, I have had issues with cramping in the muscles in front of my hip while having sex in the missionary position. Typically, I could go for a couple of minutes before having to straighten out my leg for a minute (that is, extend it completely in line with my body) and/or push my partner off of me before resuming. After a long fallow period, I (now in my mid-30s) have started a new relationship, but now the discomfort is near constant and and unpleasant enough to significantly diminish my enjoyment.

Otherwise, my hips don't bother me, though I am aware that they are tight, as the yoga poses (like these) that people typically do for hips can be fairly challenging for me. In the interest of providing any information that might help, I will also note that I do spend a lot of time sitting at the computer for work, but that I make it to the gym on most days of the week (yoga, bodyweight exercises, body pump, weights, cardio machines) and am in pretty good shape. If it's relevant, my hamstrings are very flexible, while my quads are overdeveloped.

If not for this issue, missionary would be my favorite position, so I would appreciate suggestions from those who have overcome similar issues. I have looked at the other threads on hip flexors and hip tightness, but my question is specifically about the muscles on the top of the leg, just below the hipbone, and the often repeated recommendation to do yoga is not doing it for me, since this already part of my routine. What can I do to chill these muscles out enough that I can have the sex the way that I like to? Please hope me etc.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (12 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
 
Do you practice yoga every day? There is a huge difference in effectiveness of those kinds of poses if practiced every day as compared to a few times per week. It doesn't have to be a 90 minute yoga class every day. Just pick a few hip openers and practice for 10 minutes at home, any free time you have when you haven't just eaten a meal.

Flexible hamstrings and overdeveloped quads suggests to me that you are probably dealing with the incredibly common anterior pelvic tilt. Instead of reproducing the plethora of information that is already available about diagnosing and fixing APT, I will refer you here.

Good luck!
posted by telegraph at 8:39 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


You will probably benefit from going to a professional physical therapist. They can explore the reasons for your muscle pain, and train you in a series of specific stretches to do to alleviate and prevent your pain. There are a lot of different muscles in the hip area, and you need to talk to someone who knows how they work.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 8:39 AM on March 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


frog pose everyday, while watching tv, while messing around on your phone, while patting a cat, whatever. just lots and lots of accumulated minutes in frog pose. i feel your pain, and this has helped me significantly. i started doing it to improve my squats, but quickly noticed the other... transferable benefits. good luck!
posted by crawfo at 8:51 AM on March 27, 2015


Well--warming up (a five minute light jog or a really hot shower) followed by a quick stretch before sex would probably help, but that might be too much planning...

My other thought is experimenting with leg position. What angle are your feet pointing at (toes pointing straight up vs toes out to the side?). What angle are your knees bent at, and what about your hips? Are your legs fully resting on the bed or are they wrapped around your partner?

Try putting a small pillow under your rear to lift you up (so your legs don't have to do any work), bending both your knees and your hips quite a bit, and then trying to get your rotation evenly split between opening your hips outward like Goddess Pose and moving your legs outward like side splits (moves some of the stretch into the insides of your thighs, instead of the top/front of your thighs).
posted by anaelith at 8:58 AM on March 27, 2015


as someone who's had hip pain for many, many years (for a long time I had to sleep flat on my back with my legs out straight) there are two things which I've found to help tremendously:

1) foam roller on the IT band. I'm no physical therapist, so I can't tell you WHY it might help, just that it went a long way to eliminating pain that I've been having for 15+ years

2) this stretch.
posted by ghostiger at 8:59 AM on March 27, 2015


Yep, the Hip flexor stuff is my own issue too. One stretch that really, really worked well for me, though, was:

Start in the "reclining goddess" pose on this page. Then, bring your right leg up and cross it over your body, as if you're trying to roll over; but keep your shoulders down flat on the floor. Cross your left leg over your right leg to pull your right leg even further across your body. Hold that for 30 seconds (or as long as you can). Then switch and do the other leg.

This helped with a lot of the problems with my hip flexors, and also my lower back.

(amusing anecdote - one of my friends also has the same back troubles as I do, and he was the one who showed me this stretch. However, he showed me this stretch in our theater company's office, about fifteen minutes before the first rehearsal of a play I was stage managing and he was producing. He walked me through a few other stretches too, and we were both lying on the floor and doing them - and that is the exact moment that the director first showed up for the day, to find his producer and stage manager both lying on the floor looking like they were trying to stuff their own feet up their noses. Fortunately the director was easily amused.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:08 AM on March 27, 2015


This might respond well to the right supplements.

Gelatin or glucosamine chondroitin might help if the issue is in the cartilage or tendons/ligaments.

If it truly is in the muscle, it is possible you need more minerals, like potassium, calcium and/or magnesium.
posted by Michele in California at 9:17 AM on March 27, 2015


I'd also add daily butterfly pose and pigeon pose to your yoga regimen. Magnesium supplementation helps me a lot when it comes to muscle issues that involve cramping.
posted by quince at 9:46 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Seconding what anaelith said. I have the same problem as you occasionally, but varying my leg position prevents it. It's worth experimenting with until/ unless exercises allow you to use the position that's most natural for you.
posted by metasarah at 9:57 AM on March 27, 2015


Came here to suggest the two things ghostiger recommended. (You don't necessarily need to lean as far forward as the model is in their second link; just contracting your glute in the leg with its knee on the ground will stretch your hip flexor plenty.) You might also get a lacrosse ball and roll around on that -- this link has some decent tips. The lacrosse ball in particular will probably be painful to start, but it does get better if you keep doing it over time!
posted by asterix at 2:12 PM on March 27, 2015


Definitely try a lacrosse/tennis ball on the TFL. It will be extremely tender at first. Here's a link.
posted by bimbam at 5:58 AM on March 28, 2015


I also have a very hard time with hip-opening yoga poses, and it's frustrating not be able to get into poses that, theoretically, should help. I found that taking private pilates classes that specifically focused on hip flexibility improved this to no end. With pilates, I progressed faster by using the machines and having someone coach me through exactly how to do the moves. After a month of weekly classes, I was suddenly able to get into a lot of the hip-opening yoga poses I had been struggling with. I still do a short pilates routine before I even attempt yoga, and it really makes such a difference.

Also, try getting a deep-tissue massage once a week as well to support you while you are working on your flexibility. Making sure your muscles and tendons are relaxed goes a long way to helping you progress. Good luck!
posted by ananci at 8:23 AM on March 29, 2015


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